It's day 5 of the New Year and I don't know
about you, but I can just feel all the pressure, obligations, and have
to's trying to creep in to this beautiful month of January which is
meant to be all about dreaming in your year to come.
A year that you, me, everyone wants to be full of happiness and love.
That's always how we start each New Year isn't it? With those hopes?
And then we think if we are lucky, we'll live and end the year that way.
But what I've learned over the years is that hope doesn't really cut it.
Just hoping is like a crap shoot, and life's too precious for that.
And being over controlling, or over goal oriented doesn't work either.
Cuts off the miracles and the magic that your brain can't even think of yet.
What does work is clarity...
Clarity that only comes from asking your heart & soul what THEY really want.
Because they're the ones with the answers that lead you to happiness and love, always.
As my 2012 New Year gift to you, I taped this video...
It includes 3 questions that I believe every person should ask
themselves in these first few weeks of 2012... and then make your
choices from there.
I'm using these questions myself!
They are simple questions, and
they will make you clear on what really brings you happiness and love...
and lead you down the path of making decisions that lead you to where
you want to go... not just keep you busy.
AND I'D LOVE TO SEE YOUR ANSWERS to the QUESTIONS... just like I shared mine. Post them below and I will bless them with LOVE!
It's natural to want a companion to walk this earth with. To face the big stuff and the small stuff with...A witness to your life, as you are a witness and cheerleader for theirs. We all want to feel loved.
But what if you haven't found that soul partner yet? Are you destined to feel lonely until you do? Or what if your relationship isn't quite where you'd like it to be. Are you just supposed to feel unloved until it is?
No!
Whatever your relationship status, you deserve to feel LOVED right now.
No matter who or what your partner is or isn't, you deserve to have a
FABULOUS LOVE LIFE today. One in which you feel loved, super loved,
every day.
Most
of us never got the memo "You are loved, regardless of who is or isn't
sleeping next to you," so we don't even know how to get the love we
crave. I myself stayed in a 15-year relationship where love was like a
yo-yo - one day my ex-person was giving it, the next taking it away.
When that relationship ended, I promised myself that I would take my
Love Power back (the power I had to feel loved no matter what)... fast
forward 10 years and I have kept that promise, and have since grown
wealthy in love.
These 5 love actions helped me and can help you too feel loved no matter what!
1. Reframe Your Love Life. Your
love life isn't just about the romantic partner you have or don't. Your
Love Life includes ALL of the relationships that provide love,
companionship, support, witnessing, and more. Draw a picture with a big
heart and a small heart in the center. Put you in the small heart and
then put all the relationships you have that bring you love into the big
heart. Feel how wealthy you really are in love.
2. Take Your Love Power Back. Who
in your life are you allowing to mess with you feeling loved no matter
what? Do you have any love yo-yo relationships, where the person gives
love and takes it away, where you find yourself chasing after their
love. Stop. Examine the Love Crack that you're trying to fill with their
love. And fill that crack with your love for you.
3. Take a Self-Love Soak. Candles.
Bath. Bath Salts. Music. Lip Liner. Beautiful Bar of Soap. Undress.
Write words and sonnets of love all over your body with the lip liner.
Get into the bath. Gently rub the soap over the love words and feel
them soaking into your cells.
4. Collect Evidence of Love. Go
out for a love field trip with the sole purpose being to collect
evidence of love. See love everywhere and let it come to you. Check out
this video for more.
5. Ask for Love. Often
we don't get the love we want because we don't ask for it. Feeling love
starved or love hungry? Call up someone you know that has love to give
and ask for it. Ask for a hug, for snuggles, for a walk, for them to
reflect back to you all the things they love about you. If you can't ask
the people in your life now for this, it won't be any easier if and
when you meet your soul partner.
My
Love Dare is for you to take at least ONE of those actions today...
remember love is a daring act AND one that reaps so much in return. If
you want love, you have to be willing to open yourself up to receive it
AND you have to be committed to loving yourself first.
When you get down to what separates great, long-lasting partnerships from ones that start with the best intentions but fizzle out over time, there are a few very basic rules and behaviors that while seemingly common sense, most people don't have a clue how to go about.
One of the most vital is HONESTY. When life is smooth, honesty is easy. It's when the bumps come up that the temptation to fib, to disguise or avoid the truth seem like the simplest path. But over time, little lies build to bigger lies and resentment - neither of which you want hanging around your relationship.
Especially with the holiday's coming up, you could find yourself in all kinds of sticky situations that take your peace on earth and turn it into a whopping fight.
Here are some simple ways to make sure you keep Money Peace flowing in your relationships this holiday season:
Say You... • Spend a chunk of change without consulting your partner • Blow the budget you both agreed to • Put something on credit when you've agreed you are paying off your debt
What NOT to Do... 1. Hide the bill and pray he/she never finds out. 2. Feel guilty, wait for them to figure it out and beg for forgiveness. 3. Sneak your misdemeanor into another conversation or get to them while they are busy or distracted. 4. Fess up but slough it off as not a big deal, you'll find the money somewhere, after the holidays!
To Create Money Peace...
1. Admit to yourself that you acted outside of the agreements you had with your partner. You have to accept responsibility with yourself that your action was outside of either a stated or implied agreement (we always recommend having explicit agreements about money choices.) Face the music. Say out loud to yourself, "I chose to XX and I know that my action was outside of our agreements / expectations of each other." And then take a deep breath (don't skip the breath, it's important to releasing your own emotions!) Coming clean with yourself will feel good and erase some of the guilt or apprehension. You can't be honest with your partner if you aren't first honest with yourself.
2. Plainly and succinctly take responsibility with your partner and then tell them the facts. This is not the time to go into some long story to justify your actions. Just own what you did, not with guilt but with honesty. First, ask for his/her attention to talk about something important. Second, state that you broke an agreement. And third, tell them the specifics. "Joe, I broke our agreement about making big purchases without talking to you about it. I bought XX today for $XX." Then shut up.
3. Let your partner react. Before you get to the "Why" (which in your mind may either have been a good or bad reason) your partner will need to have their emotional response. Seriously, it's the least you can do. Your job is just to listen. Let them have whatever feeling they have. Don't try and defend yourself, unless you want to create a fight. This is also not the time to explain why. Just listen. If in your partner's reaction, they ask why, include your response as part of step four, after you own it. (Note to Partner... You are allowed to honestly react but not to bludgeon, scream, attack, tear apart or try and make your partner - who is trying to be honest with you -- feel guilty or ashamed. You can be angry but you still owe this person your respect and unconditional love. Be angry at the action, not the person... and DON'T take it personally, their action was not a personal attack on you.)
4. Own your action again, apologize for breaking the agreement and then, finally, you can share... not your defense but your heart. Your simple response is, "You are right. I acted outside of our agreement. I am sorry." Let that apology land. Then take a breath and say, "I'd like to share why I made this decision..." and then share with them, from your heart what motivated you to make the choice to spend money this way. Be vulnerable. Do not get defensive. Do not bring up any of their actions from the past to throw in their face. Remember, the two of you are on the same side, and have committed to helping each other be the best people you can be.
5. Create Conscious Next Steps. i. Discuss the "Now what?" Come to agreement on how you manage any financial stress this may cause, and work together to make it work. ii. Create an agreement or modify the previous one. Converse about what really works for you both and talk about it until you both feel really good. iii. State your agreed to expectations out loud. This will make sure there is no confusion, and will eliminate the need for any secrets.
And my favorite last step to this whole process...
Pinky Swear on your agreement and then seal it with a smooch!
SPECIAL WAY TO AMP UP YOUR MONEY PEACE... Keeping the Money Peace isn't always easy, but it is doable when you have the right mindset and some simple Money Zen skills of your own. To amp up your Money Zen skills, check out a MONEY PEACE POW WOW between Christine Arylo and her Money Dream Team - a spiritual minister, a Harvard PhD Economist, a serial entrepreneur and a MBA former financial analyst. Anyone can listen and discover how to kick money fear out of your relationship and your life. GO HERE TO ACCESS THE CALL
The alarm rings and you awake Realizing that even though you just slept the night Your body is exhausted Your soul is tired And while you try to fire your engine To zoom out of bed to meet the day You roll out, slowly, puttering instead of zooming
Your mind feels a little cloudy So you attempt a few of your tried and true go-tos to slough off the tired blanket that has wrapped itself around your entire being
A shower, some yoga, caffeine, the internet ... those should get you going But yet even if they do provide a small jolt of wake up Underneath, the tired and empty place remains For while there is work to be done, and people who are tugging at you for attention The truth is... If you took a moment out of your busy life, to look in the mirror into your eyes, the window to your heart and soul What you would see and hear back in response is ... "You have nothing more left to give today."
The question is - with a busy life and many responsibilities - what do you do with that?
I'll give you a hint, The answer is not push through (although let's be honest that is what most of us do)
The answer is not ignore what you can feel in your bones is true (although we've been taught to doubt our most trusted ally, our Inner Wisdom).
The answer is not to fall in a heap of despair onto the bathroom floor either because you just can't find a way to handle everything that needs handling and take care of yourself (although we have all been pushed to tears from overwhelm.)
The answer is... to open to RECEIVE.
After you stop, open and receive your self-love actions from your Inner Wisdom about what you need to RECEIVE now, post them here for us all to be inspired and for you to make the commitment and keep it!
Three weeks into dating my current
husband, Noah, he looked at me and said, 'Christine, I don't know
what is going to happen between the two of us, but you have to raise
your standards for men.
"You can't like a guy because
he's nice to you. He's supposed to be nice to you."
"Whaaaaaat???" My head cocked to
the side and I looked at Noah like he had just told me my parents
were really aliens from Mars. How did I - super smart and
successful woman - not know this? Of course, my logical brain was
aware that people should be nice to you, but deep down, I had no
clue.
Based on my experience of men, I had
come to expect men to be hypercritical, verbally abusive, angry for
no good reason, self-centered, and controlling. Deep down, I didn't
believe that men cared about 'relationships,' intimacy and being
loved. And so, I, and most of my girlfriends, dated what we expected,
and ended up unhappy. Or if a "good guy" did come along, we tried
to get rid of him for 'being too nice." We say we want one thing,
but then we attract and hang onto something quite different.
That day, I made myself a promise that
I would follow these three "Happy Rules" when it came to my love
life, that way I'd never forget again that my relationships are
supposed to make me happy, not stressed out, crazy or sad.
THE 3 HAPPY LOVE LIFE
RULES:
If your guy or gal isn't
nice to you, then they don't deserve you.You
deserve unconditional love and respect, and you must demand it in
your relationships, or the relationship has to end (friendships
included!) The catch is that you can't get what you don't give
yourself, which means you have to give unconditional love and
respect to yourself and others if you want it in return.
Don't settle for less than
your heart and soul desire for your life, even if it means ending a
relationship.Pick a partner who helps you reach your
dreams and be the best you possible. When looking for a relationship
or deciding if the one you have is right for you, ask yourself
first, "What are my dreams for my life?" Then ask, "What kind
of partnership do I want to support me in that life?" and then you
can ask, "So who would that person be?" ME. WE. HE. In that
order. Choose ME before WE. This is your ticket to life, live it for
yourself first, and you'll be more likely to find and keep a mate
that is happy to be on the ride with you. Better to go solo than to
have someone dragging your life ship down.
Take a vow to Be Honest With
Yourself - NO MATTER WHAT!And engage the help of
friends when you can't get to honesty on your own. Take this
self-love dare: Hold an "Honesty Hearing." Say to them, "I
need your help on getting honest with myself. You can be totally
honest and I won't get mad. How do you see me lying to myself
about XX relationship?" Just listen. You can ask questions, but
you cannot comment back or engage in a debate. After they are done,
say "Thank You." Ask yourself, "What is the consequence of
admitting the truth?" Let that sink in and then make a commitment
to take at least one action that addresses this truth.
About Christine Arylo
Christine Arylo, an m.b.a. turned
writer, speaker and teacher, is an inspirational catalyst who teaches
people how to put their most important partnership first, the one
with themselves, so that they can create the love and life their
hearts and souls crave. The popular author of Choosing ME
before WE, Every Woman's Guide to Life and Love www.mebeforewe.com,
Arylo is known as the "Queen of Self-Love." She created Madly in
Love with ME, the international day of self-love (Feb 13), dedicated
to making self-love a tangible reality for women and girls around the
world. Check out her free Self-Love Kit at www.ChooseSelfLove.com
Not from your head or your ego, or what
you think you should have to make you happy.
Go deeper.
To the place where real dreams,
dreams worth having and dreams that
actually have the power to manifest in reality come from.
Go in to your heart.
Who already knows exactly what dream is
raising its hand screaming, "Ooh! Ooh! Pick me!!"
Who already knows the first few steps
you could take right now to turn it from dream to reality.
What does your heart have to say?
Can you hear her or him?
Okay, let's do this together.
Close your eyes right now. Take a
breath and put your hand on your heart and ask,
"What is the one dream I have for
myself that right now is most important to me?"
What does your heart say?
And if you were to ask
"What is the one or two steps that I
can take in the next three days to move towards that dream?"
What does your heart say?
And wait, one more question...
"What is the one thing that will stop
me from this dream becoming real?"
What does your heart say?
Okay, just one more...
"If I didn't listen to fear but
instead to the truth in my heart, what do I know?"
Whew! Great work moving past your fear
into love... if you were really listening to your heart when you did
this exercise, then when you asked yourself what would stop my dream
from becoming real, you would have felt your heart contracting,
fluttering or some kind of feeling that was BLAH! That's because
fear had the microphone!
And as an ambassador of Team Love, I'm
just not going to let fear win over you and smash your dream. All you
have to do is take the love dare!
SELF-LOVE DARE... Take one giant
step toward your dream!
Write down the guidance you
received in your journal, on a piece of paper, heck even a sticky
note. Just somewhere you can see it.
Then write down, say out loud or
share with a friend the one or two actions you are going to take in
the next 3 days to take a giant leap toward
For those of you that are looking to kick fear out of your love life, and haven't yet taken the self-love stand to choose ME before WE... take a swing by my book page for Choosing ME before WE, check her out, and if you are ready to really truly put the love back in your love life, starting with the love you have for you, pick yourself up a copy.
Wherever this finds you today, read
this knowing that fear only has the power you provide it and at any
time you have a choice ... To choose to have faith in LOVE or to
choose to have faith in FEAR. I really encourage you to try on having
faith in LOVE. And of course, that love starts with the love you have
for yourself. Love yourself well today. You deserve it.
About Christine
Arylo
Popular author of
Choosing
ME before WE, Every Woman's Guide to Life and Love,
Christine has been called the Queen of Self-Love. Her insights, fresh
perspectives and daring take on love, in all its forms, have been
featured on TV and radio stations across the country, in the world's
top spas and retreat centers, and in colleges and corporations. She
is the founder of Madly in Love with ME, an international movement of
self-love, which includes a free self-love kit downloadable at
www.ChooseSelfLove.com.
She is also the co-founder of Inner
Mean Girl Reform School, a virtual school where women go
to transform their self-sabotaging voices into self-empowering ones.
3 super powered tools for turning your
inner critic into your best business partner
by Christine Arylo and Amy Ahlers,
co-founders of Inner Mean Girl Reform School
When you made the decision to start
your own business, you probably got lots of advice on how to be
successful, right? Solid advice like keep an eye on your expenses,
create a marketing plan, put yourself out there as much as possible,
etc.
But did anyone warn you that the
biggest and most likely threat your business faces is not out there
in the marketplace, but instead living and breathing inside of you?
Let us introduce you to your Inner
Critic or Inner Mean Girl as we like to call it (or Inner Bully for
all you guys out there). That negative, self-sabotaging,
self-critical voice in your head tells you big fat lies like "You're
not good enough," "If you try, you'll probably fail," or
"You've got to work harder if you're ever going to make this
business fly."
Your Inner Mean Girl / Inner Bully is
the slave driver, achievement junkie, doing addict, perfectionist and
wishful thinker that keeps you working like a dog, doing all the work
yourself, and spending money, time, and energy in the wrong places.
It's the voice that makes you feel less happy and successful than
ever.
Here's the truth; you can have the
best strategies, the most stellar product, but if you don't
have the right mindset you will fail, and you'll exhaust yourself
in the process! Or maybe you'll get lucky and reach your goals but
be unable to feel successful or enjoy everything you worked so hard
for. Your Inner Mean / Bully just loves to rob you of celebrating!
The best way to keep your mindset
healthy, and your Inner Mean Girls / Bullies off your back is to know
their toxic tricks and have an antidote in your back pocket to use
when you find yourself in their grips.
After coaching entrepreneurs from all
walks of life for over 17 years combined, we've developed processes
that put your Inner Mean Girl and Inner Bully in their place.
Here are 3 of our favorites for
shifting your mind and securing your success!
#1 Toxic Trick. Comparison
You find yourself going crazy,
comparing yourself to every one else who is more successful, farther
along, or more together than you. Your Comparison Queen / King is
using the Inferiority Complex on you! Antidote: Compliment the
person you are comparing yourself to. Dig deep and find the
inspiration. Yes, that's right, reach out and tell that person how
inspired you are by who they are and what they are doing. You'll be
amazed at the new connections you'll create!
#2 Toxic Trick. Future
Tripping
You achievement junkie is filling your
head with lies like "When I hit that goal, then I'll be happy!"
or "When I hit 6 figures (or 7 figures or more!), I can finally
relax." Your Inner Mean Girl/Inner Bully has you running so fast to
the future that you're too exhausted to enjoy today. Antidote:
Get grateful for what you do have and get happy in the present. When
you find your mind future tripping, stop, drop and do 10 gratitude
statements. Write or say aloud what you appreciate about today.
Notice how you can enjoy the moment!
#3 Toxic Trick. Unrealistic
Expectations
You've just started your day and you
already have a To-Do List a mile long that you are counting on
getting done today. Deep down you know it's humanly impossible to
accomplish them all. But your doing addict has got you convinced that
you can get through the list. So you work like an energizer bunny
gone mad all day, and come 8pm you've not accomplished half of what
you set out to. You set yourself up to fail, and now you beat
yourself up with the "I'm a loser" lie. Antidote: Take a
pause and get real. When you feel yourself moving into overdrive to
get it all done, pause, take a deep breath and decide on the 3 things
that are most important for you to complete today. In your mind, move
the rest to another day. Get real and honest with how much is
reasonable for you to do today. With only those 3 things on your
mind, you're guaranteed to set yourself up for success, and find
time to have a personal life too!
Here's the truth - you have a
one-of-a-kind gift to give the world through your great work. And if
you don't take care of yourself, if you try to do it all alone, and
if you don't enjoy the process along the way, you will never be
able to reach your full potential.
We invite you to try these antidotes
PLUS get started on transforming your own Inner Mean Girl.
Join us on September 24th
for our Inner Mean Girl Reform School free open house call we're
hosting called Stop the Critical Voice in
Your Head from Being So Hard On You... & Start Feeling Truly
Successful & Happy, Now! You'll learn the three
secrets to reforming your Inner Mean Girl or Inner Bully!
Christine Arylo, popular author of
Choosing ME before WE, and Amy Ahlers, celebrated author of
Big Fat Lies Women Tell Themselves, have taken a stand for
people, especially women, everywhere to say NO! to being so hard on
themselves. They are co-founders of Inner Mean Girl Reform School,
a series of programs that give people tools to transform their
self-sabotaging patterns into new self-empowering habits. They've
successfully coached thousands of people around the world -
including themselves - to take charge of their inner critics once
and for all.
A woman who owns her vulnerability understands that to be vulnerable is not weak, but instead is one of the strongest powers she possesses. For it is by being vulnerable that she allows herself to be seen by another as her truest and most innocent self. She can put the epicenter of her own self love on display - and by doing so invites the other to do the same.
Because she can open herself to be seen so deeply, this woman has the ability to receive love from another. When a woman is closed and protected, love cannot get in, no matter how much she wants it. It is only when a woman allows her heart to open that she has the capacity to receive love. How much love depends on how open her heart is, or in other words, how big her love quotient is. As she expands her love quotient, so does the love expand in her life. A woman who stands in the power of her vulnerability has the capacity to accept and give love freely, unafraid that anything can or will be taken away from her. She knows that when she is truly open no one can take love from her. She is unafraid to show the raw, real feelings that live inside her soul. She knows that they may not be received by everyone, however she does not let that stop her from sharing herself. She is smart in who she chooses to be vulnerable with, but she is not shrewd in her selection as that would close off her heart.
She knows that her expression of vulnerability can open up the heart of another, inviting them to show their raw and real self in return. She understands that this is one of the most potent powers of vulnerability - the ability to open up hearts, both hers and everyone her power touches.
Because she is comfortable yielding her vulnerability, she always steps forward in love. She hugs big and freely. She trusts big and freely. She shares truthfully and freely. She is unafraid to cry, to tell the truth, to appear weak, to be wrong. Even if she knows she may get hurt, she believes it worth the risk.
This is a woman who understands that she cannot expect what she cannot give. So if it is intimacy she wants, she must be willing to create it herself. Vulnerability is the key to intimacy. One cannot access intimacy without vulnerability. This woman understands that, as she takes responsibility for creating safe spaces in her relationships.
She is unafraid to ask for or show the way to her partner to create this vulnerability. She is willing to be both student and teacher, as long as they both lean in and experiment together.
She is capable of sharing her raw feelings. Of admitting her weaknesses and fears. Of taking responsibility for her behaviors, no matter how hard they are to admit. And she does so without blaming, criticizing or passing judgment. She does so with an open heart, in spite of the fact that she may be afraid to do so.
What is your powerful definition of Vulnerability?
3 ways to get what you need without
him having to change a thing
Many women love to play
"fix-it"--transforming people, problems, or relationships,
usually in the name of "helping." And one of our favorite targets
is men. Have you ever leapt into a relationship with a man you
thought you could "fix"? Have you ever told yourself that you're
the game-changer--the one woman this man will change for? Chances
are good that you've been there. Maybe you're there now. And it's
time to stop--because this mission only leads you to one place:
misery.
As the former Queen of Fixers, I too
tried to "help," ahem, fix my guy and failed. I watched my
girlfriends do the same--smart, educated women straight-up lie to
themselves about who their men really were, because they couldn't
deal with the consequences of the truth. So they bestowed some false
idea of power on themselves that, over time, they could get their guy
to change. Of course, they didn't possess this power. And no matter
how much they loved him, changed for him, manipulated him or did
whatever game they thought would work, the guy didn't change, and
they inevitably wound up with broken hearts, lonely lives or stuck in
situations that were really difficult to get out of. Sound familiar?
Too familiar, I say.
It's time we used our real power
to take the power of love back! Time to stop giving our power to be
and feel loved away to another, and time to start seeing that every
relationship we have starts with one person: ourselves. The truth is,
spending your time, energy and money on trying to change anyone else
is really an indicator that you are not loving yourself.
Commit the following three truths to
memory, stop the love lies, and use the Good Love Actions to start
making choices that bring more love, not more suffering, into your
life.
The Truth About Fixing Men
Truth 1:
Appointing yourself as a fixer is
not only arrogant but a sign that you're avoiding something in your
own life.
It's way easier to focus your energy
on what's wrong with other people and their lives, rather than turn
the mirror at yourself and get honest about how your life is a mess
or less than what you would have thought. It's easier to hide your
own self-doubt and pain in the guise of "helping" others, because
when you are busy "helping" someone else, you have no time to be
still, and feel and reflect on your own feelings. Not to mention--who
do you think you are that you can take someone on as a "project"?
Did they ask you to change them? Chances are that you have enough
inside of yourself that needs tending that you don't need to go out
looking for more.
The healthiest role we can play in a
relationship is to be a partner, not a parent or a preacher. Yes,
encourage your guy to be the best person he can be, but inspire him
to grow by the choices you make for your own life. Don't push or
drag any man along. You have better things to do than waste your time
and energy on impossible endeavors.
Good Love Action: Inspire your mate
to be his best self by being your best self.
Truth 2: His willingness to change
or not to change has nothing to do with you.
How much a man does
or doesn't love you is irrelevant. It doesn't matter how hard you
try, how much you love, or how many ultimatums you issue. Don't
waste your energy with thoughts like, "If he loved me, he would
change" or "I just need to be patient and he'll come around."
His unwillingness to change has nothing to do with you.
We like to fool
ourselves with statements like, "I love my current partner more
than she did, or he loves me more than her, so our relationship
is different." This too is bull. We don't love some people more
and others less. As we become healthy and self-aware, we learn to
love better, not more, to choose partners who have the ability
to share their love more completely and clearly.
If he's not the
man you want today, he won't be that man tomorrow. A woman who
convinces he'll turn "good" for her, that she'll be the one
woman he stays faithful to, stops doing [destructive behavior] for,
or finally settles down with, is lying to herself, and, even worse,
is not loving herself.
Good Love Action:
Don't date or marry a man's potential. Love yourself enough to be
honest with yourself and not settle for less than a "good man."
Truth 3: Changing
the relationship's level of commitment won't change him, and if
anything what doesn't work will get worse.
How many times have
you heard women say things like, "I know that in time, he'll
change"? How many women convince themselves that after the wedding,
or after they move in together, or once X happens, he'll be
different? And how many times have you watched these women become
stuck with a man who hasn't moved an inch? Maybe you've been that
woman. In truth, changing the level of commitment in a
relationship--marriage, kids, house--won't make any man really
change. In fact, often the increased pressure worsens whatever it is
that doesn't work in the relationship or with him.
Lifelong commitments
like kids and marriage, not to mention financial commitments and the
expectation of deeper levels of emotional intimacy, create stress.
Stress creates fear and fear brings out the worst in people. Unless
you are both committed to self-awareness, self-honesty and
self-growth it will be impossible for the two of you to successfully
navigate all that comes with intimate relationships.
Good Love Action:
Pick a partner who is committed to his own self-growth, who is honest
and self-aware, and who is both willing and able to be a partner on
all levels with you.
About Christine
Arylo
Popular author of
Choosing ME before WE, Every
Woman's Guide to Life and Love, Christine has been
called the Queen of Self-Love. Her insights, fresh perspectives and
daring take on love, in all its forms, have been featured on TV and
radio stations across the country, in the world's top spas and
retreat centers, and in colleges and corporations. She is the founder
of Madly in Love with ME, an international movement of self-love,
which includes a free self-love kit downloadable at
www.ChooseSelfLove.com.
She is also the co-founder of Inner
Mean Girl Reform School, a virtual school where women go
to transform their self-sabotaging voices into self-empowering ones.
