Since the day I decided to fall in love with myself and stop trying to live a life that wasn't mine, I have been one of the happiest people i know - not happy all the time, but happy most of the time, or not very unhappy for very long. But several weeks ago i found myself on the tail end of a several week "I am not feeling so happy" spin. I'd wake up unhappy, be cranky, feel stressed most of the day, eat way too many brownies, work ALOT, stay up too late, pass out and start the whole thing over again.

Finally one day when my assistant Mary walked in for a fresh day of work and her first tentative words were, "How are you feeling today Christine???" I knew something was amiss and I had to fix it. This wonderful being who helps and supports me was having to stick a dipstick into my temperament just to gauge how close she should get  - now that wasn't any way to live! And if she was feeling that way, how was my partner, friends feeling? Or even more importantly, how was I feeling??? And had I even stopped to take that into consideration before plunging myself into overwhelm and overwork?

I decided to hold an honesty hearing with myself, a deep conversation that included 5 super powerful questions that led me to the startling truth that my SOUL was starving for JOY - all the success, $$, drive and hard work were not feeding my soul, because as it turns out my heart derives joy from play, rest AND doing great work - and the first two were sorely missing!

And that is when I realized, I hadn't asked myself in a very long time 'What makes you happy?" I hadn't considered my joy factor when making decisions. And I wasn't quite sure I could name 10 things that even made me happy, really happy Can you? And are you living them - making sure YOUR soul gets what it needs?

Just like your lungs need air to live, your  SOUL needs MORE JOY ... The question is, are you willing to do WHATEVER it takes to create it for yourself. If you don't, who will?

I taped in the video in this blog for you - a Mediation on Location taped on the eve of Lunar Beltane, a day that is about expanding into JOY! This video meditation and the self love adventure that follows will take you on the same adventure I took that led me back to joy - as I remembered what really made me happy and promised myself to get it!

ME ART: CREATE YOUR JOY PORTRAIT

Supplies: Piece of paper and color-infused writing utensils - Get ready to claim your bliss!

 

Step 1: Get the Joy Started. In the middle of the paper write the word JOY. Underneath the word JOY write, "What brings me joy?"

 

Step 2: Tap into Your Joy. To get your joy motor moving (it may have been sitting quite awhile) close your eyes, put your hand on your heart and take a few deep breaths with yourself. As you take each breath feel yourself going back in time to different points in your life when you can remember experiencing great joy, bliss, and happiness. Almost as if a movie is playing in your head, see yourself in these moments, feel yourself in these moments and remember what joy felt like for you. If you need help accessing your joy center, go to www.selflovemeditations.com and get the Self Pleasure meditation.

 

Step 3: Fill Up with Joy.  Taking what you've seen about your joy moments, and what your soul already knows about following your bliss, your mission is to fill your entire page - your personal Joy Portrait --with everything that brings you Joy - words, phrases, and symbols. Make this page Joy-FULL. Use the following joy starters to find your bliss...

·      I am happiest when...

·      I feel most alive when...

·      I feel most free when...

·      I can't help but smile and laugh when I ...

·      When I was a little girl I loved to....

·      My soul gets nourished when...

·      I feel most cared for when...

·      I just love...

·      I find great joy in...

 

Step 4:  Ask Your Soul What it Needs... and make sure it receives it.  Once the page is full, completely full, pause for a ME MOMENT.

·      What do I see?

·      How is my life in alignment with my joy? How is it not?

·      What's one re-direct I can make now to attune my life to joy and get my soul what it needs to thrive? 

 

As a completion ritual, write the words "I Attune to Joy" on your ME ART and make a self-love promise to attune your life and timing to what brings you joy.

And i'd love to hear 5 JOY-FULL things you found from this self-love adventure - post them here!

And, For more fabulous self-love adventures, go to www.MadlyinLovewithME.com and get the free Self-Love Kit - full of all kinds of daring acts of love and inspiration guaranteed to bring  more joy and love into your life!

 

An excerpt from the upcoming book, Madly in Love with ME by Christine Arylo

"So here I was,
The queen of self-love
SO not loving herself.
Asking myself questions that led me down the road of self-hate, not self-love.
(the irony didn't escape me!)

And so I did the only thing I know how to do
When I come to that place of self-doubt and confusion
I knelt in front of the self-love altar.
Plugged into my 24/7 downline to divine love and asked it

"How can I find my way back to love?"

I was led right back to the book I was writing.
To ask myself, " What branch of my self-love tree is starving for nourishment?"
No surprise - as an recovering over-achiever -
My branch of Self-Compassion was as brittle as could be.

And so you know what I did? I followed my own advice -
Or more aptly, the words of wisdom that spirit had given me for the book.
I went deeper into myself...
And led myself through a series of transformative questions I call a ME MOMENT (like having a honest talk with your b.f.f.)

Which I have now cut and paste into this blog for you... New material that I haven't yet shared with anyone, until now, with you. And I share them now with you because this is the transformation that occurred for me when I sat and asked myself questions that were actually helpful, not hurtful.

As I knelt and got quiet with myself, and took myself through these questions,
I started to see how harshly and unfairly I was judging myself.
And then I began to apply compassion.
And then the comparison and unrealistic expectations started to loosen.
And I started remembering who I am.

Finally, I got the message loud and clear that I needed to hear,
and perhaps you do too - the core message of this love letter --

You are doing the best that you can, and that is enough.
You are enough.

Does your heart need to hear this message too?
To feel love instead of comparison and judgment towards yourself
To know love and happiness instead of stress and self-hate

Then give yourself the gift of love today (or in the next 48 hours)
Answer the 3 questions, take the daring act of love I included, and rub some compassion onto yourself.

Lead yourself back to the land of love, where you can remember that...
YOU ARE DOING THE BEST YOU CAN.

AND YOU ARE ENOUGH.

ME MOMENT:

Tell Your The Truth About Just How Hard You're Being On You...

The way to free yourself from comparison and judgment is to first tell the truth to yourself - the truth will set you free. Then apply compassion to the wounds and love yourself back to the truth - YOU ARE ENOUGH.

Use the three truth starters below, get a piece of paper, and as if you were sitting down with your most trusted best friend (even if that is your dog or cat), someone you can trust to give you unconditional love without judgment, and write the truth.

 

1.     I am unhappy with myself about...  Write down all the areas of your life in which you are upset that things are not going the way you want, including all the ways in which you aren't acting or doing what you really want.  List at least 3 no more than 5.

Example: I am unhappy or upset with myself about....
     

• My love life, and lack of a romantic, loving relationship
• How my body is super out of shape right now
• Not having enough money and spending money that I don't have

 

2.     I judge that I should...  Fill in the blank after this phrase for each of the "unhappy with me" areas you identified.

For example: I judge that I should....

• Be able to find a man to like me enough to want to be with me
• Be thinner and be able to control what I eat better
• Be more financially secure and stable
  
  

3.  What I am really thinking is...  Now here's the juice, the juicy energetically charged judgments. Your mission is to let them rip, full force so you can release them out of your mind and body and replace them with some good love. For each response to question #2, write in the most harsh, real words a statement that reflects what you are really saying to yourself when you make this judgment. Don't hold back, really let yourself give it to you - the more you can tap into the mean, critical, 'what the hell is wrong with you' energy, the more you will succeed in getting to the compassionate energy in the next part of our adventure. Let yourself free flow write until every judgment comes out.

• You are not pretty enough. You are too old. No one wants you. You are damaged goods.
• You are fat, ugly and an out of control eating machine. You are a sugar addict who can't deal with her feelings so you stuff yourself full of food.
• You are not disciplined enough. You are not smart enough. You are not worth more.

 

Pause here and look at this list of judgments that you have just written about yourself. Let the energy from these statements impact you. What does your body and heart feel like when you look at and feel these words that you've been directed at you? Not good.

            At the top of the paper, write the words, I CHOOSE SELF-HATE. Whenever you choose to think these thoughts to yourself - whether you are conscious of them or not - you are hating on yourself. This is nothing to be ashamed about, that's double self-hate, because the truth is that we all do this. Now is the time to choose love by first choosing to admit the ways in which you haven't been compassionate  with yourself .

 

Now... Choose Self-Compassion Instead!                     

            Just like you would instinctively give compassion for a child learning to walk, a young girl trying to find herself, or a friend who was completely overwhelmed, you need you to be there to put a hand on your shoulder to say to yourself, "You are doing the best that you can." Not "You'll do better next time," as if what you've just done isn't good enough. As if you have to strive for a next time in order to be okay. But "You are doing the best you can right now, period." And if you are not doing this for yourself now, then you are not loving yourself enough.

            Today you make the choice to be there for yourself always, ready to deliver compassion, and act as a best friend or fabulous mother would. From this day forwards, every time you judge yourself, hold yourself to unrealistic expectations or perfections, fail, fall short, or fall behind, or don't feel well, are tired, or are just having a bad day - you promise to be there, ready and able to deliver compassion. And when you fail to be compassionate, you are compassionate about your inability to be compassionate - lol!

            How do you know if you are giving compassion vs criticism? They are both energies that you can feel in your body. Self-compassion feels kind, understanding and a gentle. It feels like a warm and loving energy is being offered instead of harsh and hard being blasted. Compassion feels rooted in love. It makes your mind feel at peace, because it believes that regardless of what you achieve or don't, what you do or don't, if you fail or succeed, act poorly or magnificently, you are enough, and you deserve love. When compassion is present, you feel as if you're being embraced by the sweetest, most unconditionally loving mother in the world - and you are, because you are mothering you.

 

TAKE THIS Daring Act of Love: Smother and Mother Yourself with Compassion 

             Close your eyes, take a breath and think of something that you are being really hard on yourself about right now. Something that you are frustrated by, that you've been judging yourself for. Something that no matter what you try just isn't working the way you want, or something you really want but haven't received yet. Allow yourself to fully feel the frustration, and beneath that the judgment, and beneath that the emotion of sadness/despair/exhaustion. Then, from a place of compassion, witness your struggle and also of your inherent perfection, and place your hand on your shoulder. And just as a mother would, with love say these words at least three times out loud,

 

"You are doing the best that you can."

"You are doing the best that you can."

 "You are doing the best that you can." 

 

Say them until you can feel the compassion sink into your heart and bring you back into a state of love for yourself. 

Welcome back to love!

If any part of this helped you or if you have an aha or insight you'd like to share - post it here on the blog so we can see the LOVE TRANSFORMATION you generated for yourself.  That is the power of love directed at yourself.

If you'd like a song to help you lock this all in, go to www.MadlyinlovewithME.com and download the free Self-Love Kit where you will find the official 2012 self-love song, I am Enough by Karen Drucker.

I had a question that had been BURNING In my heart and mind for months - well years really - but for MONTHS Gloria Steinem would just pop up in my psyche as if trying to talk to me, until finally I met her and got to ask her the question for real

The question was

Why do we as women today feel the pressure to do, be and have it all - where did this memo come from?

Her answer, shocking but not surprising -- After you watch the video, I invite you to join me for my response to Gloria's answer. For the past six years I have dedicated my life to women and girls and creating the world I know we deserve. My conversation with Gloria fired me up about a gazillion notches - to take even more action.

And you my friend are invited... to join me and my friends and some really spectacular women to....

Begin a revolution
By gathering the women
For real, honest and deepening conversations
Each month, once a month
On a matter that affects us all as women, mothers, and daughters
One that could make real shift - if we all knew about it, and had one simple action to take

What if...
We harnessed the power of our collective voices
Used the power of technology and the feminine web
If Tele-calls, Facebook, Twitter can be used to share our lives and great works
Certainly they can be used to band women together,
And create real shift in ways that really matter
Just by taking one small but mighty action at a time.
Because we know when women come together, shift happens.


To join us for these revolutionary call and actions - go here -- see you in the revolution!

Watch the video above to get inspired on how to become wealthy in love and then take the 3 love dares that are all about you increasing your love wealth today!

And then if you are ready to really create loving relationships in all parts of your life, join me for this super powered, fear-busting, love-creating conversation:

LOVE YOUR LOVE LIFE
How to be happy in love no matter who is or isn't sleeping next to you.

Raw, real conversation about the truth about love and what it takes to create relationships you love and that love you back - no matter what!

www.MyHappyLoveLife.com

3 ways to increase your love quotient and receive more love





When I first met my now husband Noah, who I affectionately refer to as "Walking Love" for his great ability to give love fully and freely, my love quotient - my capacity for receiving love -- was the size of a pea. Which meant that although I had finally manifested a man into my life that could offer the love that I had yearned for in other relationships, I was unable to let all the love in. At times, he and his love were so much to take in, that my stunted capacity to receive love would become completely overloaded.

Sure, I could allow bursts of love in - hand holding, PDAs (public displays of affection), and his unconditional kindness and consideration felt so good to my love-starved heart. But there would always come a point where the love Noah gave reached a threshold that was way too much for me to receive and my internal system went haywire.

In these moments, even though my heart knew I had hit the jackpot of love, I did what any scared-to-death-of-real-vulnerability girl would do in this situation of love overload... find reasons NOT to like this man! Too bald, too many holes in his socks, not ambitious enough (by my over-achiever standards), whatever excuses my self-sabotaging subconscious could find to eject this love out of my life, and it found plenty to obsess about.

While I couldn't see it at the time, the truth is that I was pushing out and blocking the very love my heart and soul craved. Why?

Because I was scared to death.

It was like there was an emergency RED ALERT system that when Noah got too close, would trip a wire that activated a warning system that blasted, 'Intruder on the premises! Security about to be breached!" Noah, because of his ability to offer love freely was about to get through walls that for many years, no man (or woman) had ever breached. He was becoming dangerously close to penetrating the deep layers of protection I had spent years building up around my heart to keep away any chance of being hurt. Until this point, however, I had no idea that these walls were there. A loving, smart, outgoing person with lots of friends and family, you never would have known either. My pea-sized love quotient at the time, unfortunately is about average in size.

We all build walls of protection - you, me, your sisters, friends, mother - because we've all been hurt.

Our beautiful, loving, open hearts have at one time or another been tromped on, broken or betrayed and so our normal, and probably necessary action at the time, was to build walls, force fields, layers of protection around our hearts... resulting in the miniature, shrunken love quotients most of us walk around with. But there comes a time in each of our lives, when, if we truly want to experience love to the capacity we all yearn for deep inside, that we have to be willing to melt away the force fields, take down the walls, and slowly step forward to reveal ourselves, our hearts, our vulnerabilities, and our innocence to others...

opening up ourselves to RECEIVE more love,
which in turn allows us to FEEL more loved,
which then allows us to GIVE more love,
resulting in love quotients that grow to be as wide and vast and deep as the Grand Canyon.

Over the past 10 years, I have made a conscious effort to increase my ability to receive love. It has been my intention to create a life in which I am surrounded by love. This past month I celebrated my birthday, marking a decade of a commitment to self-love I made to myself, which I know is where all love starts.  As I looked around my life and as I received ALL the love that came my way - from Facebooks, to phone calls, to celebrations - I felt like a Rockefeller of Love. Wealthy beyond wealthy in love. Talk about a gift that keeps on giving!

You too have the ability to increasing your capacity to receive love, to expand your love quotient, and like building any muscle, I recommend starting with smaller emotional practices and risks and building up over time, so that when the big kahuna of love walks in, you are ready to Receive baby!

Build You Capacity To Receive Love - Your Love Quotient

1.    Practice receiving small bursts of love, like compliments or random acts of kindness. We've all done the dance when someone gives us a compliment to push the energy somewhere else. At our best we say 'Thank you' without fully receiving the love, and at our worst we discount the compliment, 'Oh, this old thing? Had it for years.' Or said, "No thank you" to a stranger who offered to do some small favor for us - like lift our luggage, let us go ahead in line, carry a bag, etc. These are all instances of blocking love. Reject love in small ways, and you block it in big ways. My friend Marci Shimoff, author of Love for No Reason, says it takes 20 seconds to fully receive a compliment. To increase your love quotient, when someone gives you a compliment, say "Thank you" and add on to it with what you love about what they've complimented you on. And next time someone offers to help you, say YES! Thank you. And receive the love.

2.    Start with Self-Love. When you love yourself, no one can take love away from you. And the more you love yourself, the more love you will naturally attract in your life. These are facts. So take a vow, or several, of self-love. A good one to start with is, "I promise to give myself unconditional love and respect, always." In my first book, Choosing ME before WE, I included the 5 vows of self love I originally took with myself - there is a chapter on each. You can also download the free Self-love Kit I created at www.ChooseSelfLove.com  
 

3.    Identify your form of protection & let it go. What is your form of heart protection? Have you hidden your heart away in some obscure location for safe keeping, built walls like Fort Knox to keep out intruders, or even let her shrivel up to seemingly fake death. When you can identify your mode of protection, you can start working on letting them go. Take a journaling or visualization adventure to find what is holding your heart hostage. Ask yourself questions like, "What is keeping my heart protected?" "What have been the incidents in my life that have caused me to protect my heart?" "What is my heart afraid of?" I've worked with clients who have rescued their hearts from refrigerators in the forest, uncovered them through layers of death shrouds, unlocked layers of steel walls, all kinds of wild adventures. Once you find what's keeping your heart protected, thank the protection for it's service and imagine taking your heart back by putting it in a safe place inside of you. As you work to increase your love quotient using some of the suggestions listed above, come back and check in on your heart protection and see the progress you are making in letting your heart, and yourself, out of captivity to be free to receive love fully!

If you find this article helpful, share it with a friend.

If you'd really like to open to love, break open your blocks to love and have relationships you love and that love you back, join me for this super powerful LOVE CONVERSATION:
http://www.MyHappyLoveLife.com


  


About Christine Arylo

Popular author of Choosing ME before WE, Every Woman's Guide to Life and Love Christine has been called the Queen of Self Love. Her insights, fresh perspectives and daring take on love, in all its forms, have been featured on TV and radio stations across the country, in the top spas and retreat centers in the world, and in colleges and corporations throughout America. She is the founder of Madly in Love with ME, an international movement of self-love, which includes a free self-love kit downloadable at www.ChooseSelfLove.com. She is also the co-founder of Inner Mean Girl Reform School, a virtual school where women go to transform their self-sabotaging voices into self-empowering ones. 



 

It's day 5 of the New Year and I don't know about you, but I can just feel all the pressure, obligations, and have to's trying to creep in to this beautiful month of January which is meant to be all about dreaming in your year to come.

A year that you, me, everyone wants to be full of happiness and love.
That's always how we start each New Year isn't it? With those hopes?
And then we think if we are lucky, we'll live and end the year that way.

But what I've learned over the years is that hope doesn't really cut it.
Just hoping is like a crap shoot, and life's too precious for that.

And being over controlling, or over goal oriented doesn't work either.
Cuts off the miracles and the magic that your brain can't even think of yet.

What does work is clarity...
Clarity that only comes from asking your heart & soul what THEY really want.
Because they're the ones with the answers that lead you to happiness and love, always.

As my 2012 New Year gift to you, I taped this video...
It includes 3 questions that I believe every person should ask themselves in these first few weeks of 2012... and then make your choices from there.
I'm using these questions myself!

They are simple questions, and they will make you clear on what really brings you happiness and love... and lead you down the path of making decisions that lead you to where you want to go... not just keep you busy.

AND I'D LOVE TO SEE YOUR ANSWERS to the QUESTIONS... just like I shared mine. Post them below and I will bless them with LOVE!

It's natural to want a companion to walk this earth with. To face the big stuff and the small stuff with...A witness to your life, as you are a witness and cheerleader for theirs. We all want to feel loved.

But what if you haven't found that soul partner yet? Are you destined to feel lonely until you do? Or what if your relationship isn't quite where you'd like it to be. Are you just supposed to feel unloved until it is?

No! Whatever your relationship status, you deserve to feel LOVED right now. No matter who or what your partner is or isn't, you deserve to have a FABULOUS LOVE LIFE today. One in which you feel loved, super loved, every day.

Most of us never got the memo "You are loved, regardless of who is or isn't sleeping next to you," so we don't even know how to get the love we crave. I myself stayed in a 15-year relationship where love was like a yo-yo - one day my ex-person was giving it, the next taking it away. When that relationship ended, I promised myself that I would take my Love Power back (the power I had to feel loved no matter what)... fast forward 10 years and I have kept that promise, and have since grown wealthy in love.

These 5 love actions helped me and can help you too feel loved no matter what!  

1.  Reframe Your Love Life.  Your love life isn't just about the romantic partner you have or don't. Your Love Life includes ALL of the relationships that provide love, companionship, support, witnessing, and more. Draw a picture with a big heart and a small heart in the center. Put you in the small heart and then put all the relationships you have that bring you love into the big heart. Feel how wealthy you really are in love.

2.  Take Your Love Power Back.  Who in your life are you allowing to mess with you feeling loved no matter what? Do you have any love yo-yo relationships, where the person gives love and takes it away, where you find yourself chasing after their love. Stop. Examine the Love Crack that you're trying to fill with their love. And fill that crack with your love for you.

3. Take a Self-Love Soak.  Candles. Bath. Bath Salts. Music. Lip Liner. Beautiful Bar of Soap. Undress. Write words and sonnets of love all over your body with the lip liner.  Get into the bath. Gently rub the soap over the love words and feel them soaking into your cells.

4.  Collect Evidence of Love.  Go out for a love field trip with the sole purpose being to collect evidence of love. See love everywhere and let it come to you. Check out this video for more.

5.  Ask for Love. Often we don't get the love we want because we don't ask for it. Feeling love starved or love hungry? Call up someone you know that has love to give and ask for it. Ask for a hug, for snuggles, for a walk, for them to reflect back to you all the things they love about you. If you can't ask the people in your life now for this, it won't be any easier if and when you meet your soul partner.


My Love Dare is for you to take at least ONE of those actions today... remember love is a daring act AND one that reaps so much in return. If you want love, you have to be willing to open yourself up to receive it AND you have to be committed to loving yourself first.

When you get down to what separates great, long-lasting partnerships from ones that start with the best intentions but fizzle out over time, there are a few very basic rules and behaviors that while seemingly common sense, most people don't have a clue how to go about.

One of the most vital is HONESTY. When life is smooth, honesty is easy. It's when the bumps come up that the temptation to fib, to disguise or avoid the truth seem like the simplest path. But over time, little lies  build to bigger lies and resentment - neither of which you want hanging around your relationship.

Especially with the holiday's coming up, you could find yourself in all kinds of sticky situations that take your peace on earth and turn it into a whopping fight.

Here are some simple ways to make sure you keep Money Peace flowing in your relationships this holiday season:

Say You...
•    Spend a chunk of change without consulting your partner
•    Blow the budget you both agreed to
•    Put something on credit when you've agreed you are paying off your debt

What NOT to Do...
1.    Hide the bill and pray he/she never finds out.  
2.    Feel guilty, wait for them to figure it out and beg for forgiveness.
3.    Sneak your misdemeanor into another conversation or get to them while they are busy or distracted.
4.    Fess up but slough it off as not a big deal, you'll find the money somewhere, after the holidays!

To Create Money Peace...

1.    Admit to yourself that you acted outside of the agreements you had with your partner. You have to accept responsibility with yourself that your action was outside of either a stated or implied agreement (we always recommend having explicit agreements about money choices.) Face the music. Say out loud to yourself, "I chose to XX and I know that my action was outside of our agreements / expectations of each other." And then take a deep breath (don't skip the breath, it's important to releasing your own emotions!) Coming clean with yourself will feel good and erase some of the guilt or apprehension. You can't be honest with your partner if you aren't first honest with yourself.  

2.    Plainly and succinctly take responsibility with your partner and then tell them the facts.  This is not the time to go into some long story to justify your actions. Just own what you did, not with guilt but with honesty. First, ask for his/her attention to talk about something important. Second, state that you broke an agreement. And third, tell them the specifics. "Joe, I broke our agreement about making big purchases without talking to you about it. I bought XX today for $XX." Then shut up.

3.    Let your partner react. Before you get to the "Why" (which in your mind may either have been a good or bad reason) your partner will need to have their emotional response. Seriously, it's the least you can do. Your job is just to listen. Let them have whatever feeling they have. Don't try and defend yourself, unless you want to create a fight. This is also not the time to explain why. Just listen. If in your partner's reaction, they ask why, include your response as part of step four, after you own it. (Note to Partner... You are allowed to honestly react but not to bludgeon, scream, attack, tear apart or try and make your partner - who is trying to be honest with you -- feel guilty or ashamed. You can be angry but you still owe this person your respect and unconditional love. Be angry at the action, not the person... and DON'T take it personally, their action was not a personal attack on you.)

4.    Own your action again, apologize for breaking the agreement and then, finally, you can share... not your defense but your heart.  Your simple response is, "You are right. I acted outside of our agreement. I am sorry." Let that apology land. Then take a breath and say, "I'd like to share why I made this decision..." and then share with them, from your heart what motivated you to make the choice to spend money this way. Be vulnerable. Do not get defensive. Do not bring up any of their actions from the past to throw in their face. Remember, the two of you are on the same side, and have committed to helping each other be the best people you can be.

5.    Create Conscious Next Steps.
i.    Discuss the "Now what?" Come to agreement on how you manage any financial stress this may cause, and work together to make it work.
ii.    Create an agreement or modify the previous one. Converse about what really works for you both and talk about it until you both feel really good.
iii.    State your agreed to expectations out loud. This will make sure there is no confusion, and will eliminate the need for any secrets.

And my favorite last step to this whole process...

Pinky Swear on your agreement and then seal it with a smooch!


SPECIAL WAY TO AMP UP YOUR MONEY PEACE...
Keeping the Money Peace isn't always easy, but it is doable when you have the right mindset and some simple Money Zen skills of your own. To amp up your Money Zen skills, check out a MONEY PEACE POW WOW between Christine Arylo and her Money Dream Team - a spiritual minister, a Harvard PhD Economist, a serial entrepreneur and a MBA former financial analyst.  Anyone can listen and discover how to kick money fear out of your relationship and your life.  GO HERE TO ACCESS THE CALL 

When You Have Nothing More Left to Give...

The alarm rings and you awake
Realizing that even though you just slept the night
Your body is exhausted
Your soul is tired
And while you try to fire your engine
To zoom out of bed to meet the day
You roll out, slowly, puttering instead of zooming

Your mind feels a little cloudy
So you attempt a few of your tried and true go-tos to slough off the tired blanket that has wrapped itself around your entire being

A shower, some yoga, caffeine, the internet ... those should get you going
But yet even if they do provide a small jolt of wake up
Underneath, the tired and empty place remains
For while there is work to be done,
and people who are tugging at you for attention
The truth is...
If you took a moment out of your busy life, to look in the mirror into your eyes,
the window to your heart and soul
What you would see and hear back in response is ...
"You have nothing more left to give today."

The question is - with a busy life and many responsibilities - what do you do with that?

I'll give you a hint,
The answer is not push through
(although let's be honest that is what most of us do)

The answer is not ignore what you can feel in your bones is true
(although we've been taught to doubt our most trusted ally, our Inner Wisdom).

The answer is not to fall in a heap of despair onto the bathroom floor either because you just can't find a way to handle everything that needs handling and take care of yourself (although we have all been pushed to tears from overwhelm.)

The answer is... to open to RECEIVE.

After you stop, open and receive your self-love actions from your Inner Wisdom about what you need to RECEIVE now, post them here for us all to be inspired and for you to make the commitment and keep it!

Three weeks into dating my current husband, Noah, he looked at me and said, 'Christine, I don't know what is going to happen between the two of us, but you have to raise your standards for men.

"You can't like a guy because he's nice to you. He's supposed to be nice to you."

"Whaaaaaat???" My head cocked to the side and I looked at Noah like he had just told me my parents were really aliens from Mars. How did I - super smart and successful woman - not know this? Of course, my logical brain was aware that people should be nice to you, but deep down, I had no clue.

Based on my experience of men, I had come to expect men to be hypercritical, verbally abusive, angry for no good reason, self-centered, and controlling. Deep down, I didn't believe that men cared about 'relationships,' intimacy and being loved. And so, I, and most of my girlfriends, dated what we expected, and ended up unhappy. Or if a "good guy" did come along, we tried to get rid of him for 'being too nice." We say we want one thing, but then we attract and hang onto something quite different.

That day, I made myself a promise that I would follow these three "Happy Rules" when it came to my love life, that way I'd never forget again that my relationships are supposed to make me happy, not stressed out, crazy or sad.

THE 3 HAPPY LOVE LIFE RULES:

1. If your guy or gal isn't nice to you, then they don't deserve you. You deserve unconditional love and respect, and you must demand it in your relationships, or the relationship has to end (friendships included!) The catch is that you can't get what you don't give yourself, which means you have to give unconditional love and respect to yourself and others if you want it in return.

2. Don't settle for less than your heart and soul desire for your life, even if it means ending a relationship. Pick a partner who helps you reach your dreams and be the best you possible. When looking for a relationship or deciding if the one you have is right for you, ask yourself first, "What are my dreams for my life?" Then ask, "What kind of partnership do I want to support me in that life?" and then you can ask, "So who would that person be?" ME. WE. HE. In that order. Choose ME before WE. This is your ticket to life, live it for yourself first, and you'll be more likely to find and keep a mate that is happy to be on the ride with you. Better to go solo than to have someone dragging your life ship down.

3. Take a vow to Be Honest With Yourself - NO MATTER WHAT! And engage the help of friends when you can't get to honesty on your own. Take this self-love dare: Hold an "Honesty Hearing." Say to them, "I need your help on getting honest with myself. You can be totally honest and I won't get mad. How do you see me lying to myself about XX relationship?" Just listen. You can ask questions, but you cannot comment back or engage in a debate. After they are done, say "Thank You." Ask yourself, "What is the consequence of admitting the truth?" Let that sink in and then make a commitment to take at least one action that addresses this truth.

About Christine Arylo

Christine Arylo, an m.b.a. turned writer, speaker and teacher, is an inspirational catalyst who teaches people how to put their most important partnership first, the one with themselves, so that they can create the love and life their hearts and souls crave. The popular author of Choosing ME before WE, Every Woman's Guide to Life and Love www.mebeforewe.com, Arylo is known as the "Queen of Self-Love." She created Madly in Love with ME, the international day of self-love (Feb 13), dedicated to making self-love a tangible reality for women and girls around the world. Check out her free Self-Love Kit at www.ChooseSelfLove.com