April 2010 Archives

Only a week into the My Body is My Temple self-love practice I've come upon the most disturbing realization.... I've been scheduling my body out of my life for years. No wonder I don't ever feel like I have 'time' to do the things I need to take care of my body... it's only when she acts up or doesn't perform that I pay any attention to her at all.

WOW! Sitting here with this realization of my self-created self-love sabotage, how I wish that I could blame the fact that I never have time for my body on some all-powerful Calendar God who has taken control of my calendar, making it impossible for me to find me time... and making it inconvenient at best to find time to take care of this thing called a body. But the fact is that it is I, me, Christine, who over and over again seems to schedule myself right out of my own life.

That became crystal clear to me last weekend when I found myself at my acupuncturist office on a Saturday morning. I really needed to be in that office four days prior, on Wednesday when the immense pressure and tight stress that had been sitting in my shoulders for days, suddenly moved its way into the entire right side of my body, from my finger to my toe, causing my arm and leg to feel like dead weights vs. healthy active limbs. But when I looked at my schedule and compared it to the open office hours, there was no space for me. My calendar was full of commitments to other people... all great stuff, and all things I love, but all things that meant there would be no time for my body until Saturday.

So my temple and I did the best we could, asking my generous guy Noah to give us spontaneous massages before bedtime, just to do something with the stuck energy sitting in our body. And on Saturday, I made it to see Dr. Feng, After many needles, he said what he often says to me, wise man that he is, "Christine, you must take care of yourself too. When you give and give to everyone else you will have nothing left for yourself.' "Yes, Dr. Feng," I thought, "I have heard that before." But this time I went on to think, "Well, why is it that those words never make it past the Taoist zen of his office?"

And then the Calendar God spoke... or maybe it was my Inner Wisdom that responded, "Uh, because you never schedule yourself into your life. You schedule yourself out of your life, by scheduling everyone and everything else in first." Ahhh! Ancient Chinese Secret! Yes, I get it.

Seeing my life through this new self love lens of "My Body As My Temple" suddenly I got something that I had been missing about this sage advice from Dr Feng.  While I was vastly improved on taking me time to do something I enjoyed, I hardly ever took time explicitly for my temple.


The 40-day self love practice of "Taking Care of ME" that I did from January through Feb 13th had made an impact: I improved at taking ME TIME when it came to 'doing' something I want to do. I could read a book, or start work a little later without guilt.

So much so that on Friday, I went on ABC-TV to share how I take and find ME-TIME. From Tiara time, to Narnia time, to The World Is MY Oyster time, we shared a lot... check out the clip here, and see the real results of what I got from that previous self-love practice.


Scheduling time to take care of my body, to do the things SHE wants and needs, hmmm, that hardly ever makes the list. In fact it only seems to make the list when my body and her needs have reached the place of dire straights. Like, my toenail polish is currently half missing... my dentist appointment rescheduled twice.... my refrigerator on it's way to barren... and don't get me started on the underwear again...

And wait, the self-sabotage becomes even more clear... when I walked out of the treatment room at Dr. Fengs on Saturday... I approached the receptionist and said with pride, "I would like to schedule my next appointment with Dr. Feng" (thinking to myself, okay Calendar God, we are going to schedule this temple first!)...

"In fact," I went on to say with pride, "I would like to schedule my WEEKLY appointments for the next month to support My Body as My Temple self love practice."

Her face smiled, my face smiled, both full of happy at the thought of my body receiving such love. And then... my Iphone emerged with news that announced, "You can't do Tuesday, you can't do Thursday, you can't even do next Saturday... you have no body time availability to see Dr. Feng for a week and a half!"

How can that be I thought as I looked again and again at the days and times, asking that poor receptionist at least 10 times, so when again are your office hours? Again and again I searched, and there was nothing. And that is when it struck me...

Christine, you have scheduled yourself right out of your life!

And you know, as much as I hate to admit it, that statement is true. If I am honest, then I have to admit that I have never made my body a priority. It has always been a "thing" I needed to take care of.... And usually only after it acted up in some way. You think I would have gotten to see Dr. Feng if she hadn't started acting up this week. Honestly, no.

And that makes me sad.
1. That I would think of my body as a thing vs a temple.
2. That I would call her an 'it'. And
3. That I haven't made her ME TIME a priority.

Well thank goodness for this 40-day self-love practice, My Body is My Temple!!! Because now I am actually aware of a pattern I didn't really understand. Yes, I am much better at taking ME TIME, but wow, I still have some shifts to make in ME TEMPLE TIME.

So you know what my first action was after I sat their frantically trying to find 'time' on my Iphone calendar while the very very kind receptionist watched me, "I surrendered. I said, okay, next week is what it is. And, the week after I start my ME TEMPLE TIME with Dr. Feng weekly. And I scheduled my body right into my calendar for the entire month of April! And then, wait, I went one step further, I came home and instead of picking up my computer and going right to work, I laid in bed and let the magic of Dr. Feng Temple Time soak in. I am shifting... more self-love on the scene!

I love this 40-day practice, and I invite each of you to find your own epiphanies and share them on our Madly in Love with ME Facebook Fan Page. We are in this together!

Here is to each one of us knowing that our temples need ME TIME that isn't about "doing" anything but taking care of her...

And may we always remember to take care of her, before she has to get ornery and draw our attention to the fact she's been neglected.

GUEST BLOG - Welcome
Christine Hassler

Romance. We are all suckers for it (yes even you guys--you know what it leads to!) Images of romance surround us: the couple holding hands at Starbucks, the gazillions of bridal magazines you breeze past on the way to buy toilet paper, or the frolicking couples on billboard perfume ads. Newsflash: real people don't do this.

Since most twenty-somethings are entering their first serious romantic relationship, expectations of what it's supposed to be like are fueled by advertisements and Hollywood rather than real-life experience. And this is where the guys have my utmost sympathy. Unless you have a screenwriter following you around, it is nearly impossible to live up to the moves of the latest Hollywood Heartthrob. Let's examine one of the most popular aaahh-inducing lines in a movie: "You complete me" from Jerry McGuire. He even says it in front of a room of the woman's closest friends! After that, the two embrace in a "you-are-my-soulmate" hug.

I bring this line up because I see so many twenty-somethings craving a relationship in the hopes that it will complete them in some way -- make them happier, relieve some kind of stress, keep them on par with their peers, or please their parents. The most dangerous thing you can expect or do in a relationship is to hold onto the expectation that the person you are with is there to do something for you. That is not the point of a relationship. A healthy relationship is defined by two independent people who share a love for each other but are not dependant on each other.

Whether you are currently swaying to your own beat, sashaying between different partners, or waltzing with one person in particular, it's important that you take the time to dance alone, to understand your personal rhythm, before matching yours to another. Take some single time, especially in your twenties, to learn who you are sans a plus one. You have the rest of your life to share a tube of toothpaste with someone else so enjoy these years of being on your own -- savor it. Living your own life, making your own decisions about your future, and dealing with the "real world" is a plate-full. Serious relationships can make it more difficult for you to figure yourself out, and not knowing who you are can do damage to future relationships. You will probably change more in your twenties than during any other decade in your life. The person you are at thirty may have a vastly different opinion about what you value in a partner than who you are at twenty-three. So date yourself. Fall in love with yourself.

Okay, so if you are still aching to register at Crate & Barrel, will some statistics make you feel better about staying single and feeling "complete" on your own first? Know that Americans are getting married later and later in life. A USA Today analysis of the new census figures shows that just 23.5% of men and 31.5% of women ages 20-29 were married in 2006. In 1970, 19% of births were to women 25 and up. Now, over 50 percent of births are to women 25 and up. Think of it this way: ideally you'll get married and have a long life together. You'll be with this other person for decades, maybe even over half a century, so what's the rush?

And if you're bummed because you are receiving more wedding invites than junk mail these days? Just go and enjoy the chicken dish at your friends' weddings. I know it can be stifling, frightening. It may even make you want to bash your head in with the complimentary champagne flute. To make matters worse, your family starts dropping hints about settling down. Or maybe they say you have plenty of time, but you feel like time's running short. Just take a deep breath, swallow the last bite of wedding cake, and know that when the time and person is right, it'll happen. Don't compare yourself to other people, even if they are your friends. It's your life and your schedule.

And if you are in a relationship, just be sure that you are conscious of continuing to develop your own sense of identity. Sure, a relationship takes compromise, but maintaining your own sense of individuality and independence is important. Do things alone, enjoy time with friends or on hobbies without your mate, and continue to invest in your own personal growth. The best relationship is when two people that complete themselves come together to enjoy each other. Look for your "soul-match," not a fantasy "soulmate" who will complete you in some way -- that's your job!

Confused about whether or not you complete yourself?

Here are some signs of personal completion:

• Whether you are single or in a relationship, you cherish your alone time. You don't feel lonely. You actually enjoy doing things on your own. A movie or dinner alone does not scare you.
• You can be around other couples by yourself without feeling jealous or sad about not having a significant other (or not having your significant other with you).
• The idea of being in a relationship sounds wonderful, but it is not something you obsess about everyday. If you are in a relationship, it does not consume your daily thoughts or activities.
• You have a clear sense of who you are and what your values are -- another person would not be able to sway you to sacrifice or change the things that matter to you the most.
• You realize you are responsible for your own happiness and do not look to anyone else to make you feel a certain way. You have no expectations of what a relationship is supposed to do for you.

I realize these signs are not exactly the making of a greeting card or Blockbuster Romantic Comedy; but I guarantee you, if you learn how to complete yourself in your twenties, you will eventually attract your "soul-match." Remember, we attract a reflection of ourselves, so consider working on completing yourself as an investment into upping the quality of your lifetime companion.

Based on the book 20 Something Manifesto. 
Copyright  2008 by Christine Hassler. 
Reprinted with permission of New World Library, Novato, CA. 
www.newworldlibrary.com or 800/972-6657 ext. 52.


Christine Hassler left her successful job as a Hollywood agent at twenty-five to pursue a life she could be passionate about. In 2005, she wrote the first guide book exclusively for young women, entitled Twenty-Something, Twenty-Everything: A Quarter-life Woman's Guide to Balance and Direction. As a life coach, she specializes in relationships, career, and self-identity with a counseling emphasis. As a professional speaker, Christine leads seminars and workshops for audiences around the country. She has appeared on The Today Show, CNN, and PBS. She lives in Los Angeles. Her website is www.christinehassler.com.

I have always been a big believer that how you feel on the inside is how you feel on the outside. And when it when it comes to my spirit and soul - I get an A+. 9 years of personal exploration, a daily practice and a lifetime commitment to being connected to and serving a source much bigger than I. The core of my being, my spirit and soul feel pretty good.

However, when I go from the spirit/soul level to the inside of my physical and very human body, my grade slips because I do really love red wine and cheese. But I still give myself a solid B... and getting better every day as my body becomes my temple over these next 40 days.

But now let's go two layers out -past the epidermal layer to the layer that sits on top of it... my underwear, and Houston we currently have a problem!

I have always believed that feeling good from the inside out included how the clothes under my clothes felt. Old and comfy grandma-like underwear... feel old, comfy and tired. Mismatched or uncomfortable bras and panties... not operating or looking my best on the outside. And we won't even mention the ones who've become faded, holey, or a relic from history.

Think about it... when you put on your best underwear or your super fun panties don't you feel fabulous?


And when you put those, let's just call them 'other' underwear, do you feel any kind of good at all?

Yesterday, I found myself looking through my underwear drawer noticing that my supply had dwindled to two pairs of 'feel good and sexy,' three pairs of 'fun and free' and many pairs of 'other.' Which I might not have noticed, had I not been getting dressed to go to an appointment with my personal stylist at Nordstrom's. I thought that I had chose a cross between feel good and fun undergarment, up until I found myself in the Nordstrom's dressing room removing my jeans and shirt to slip on a designer dress, and to my complete horror... I discover I have a hole in my panties! Ahh!!!

Not big, not even that noticeable, but a hole in my panties. The panties on my temple! And my temple says to me, in the most loving voice (quietly so no one else could hear thank goodness), "Really Christine, this is an unacceptable adornment for a temple... and for you. Where is the self-love? I am calling for an Underwear Revolution!

 

After successfully finding and buying the cutest black and white spring dress, I beelined myself to the lingerie department. What I quickly realized is that I had just walked into a huge jungle of underwear! Trees and tress of panties, bushes of bras, and the occasional tiger striped slip lurking in the distance. I was overwhelmed!

Nylon. Cotton. Rayon blend. G-string. Boy short. Full panty. Lace. Bows. Seamless. White. Bright Pink. Multi-colored. And I won't even get into the bushels of bras! All I wanted was some fun, super-powered panties and now I found myself feeling like I used to feel when I would go to buy wine... staring at the rows and rows of bottles, feeling rather uneducated, not wanting to make a mistake, and ultimately just closing my eyes, trusting my intuition and hoping for the best!

Something in my intuition said not to approach buying my fun super-powered panties this way... that it would pay to take some time to make choices that would make MY temple happy, which may or may not be the same for another woman.

I didn't buy a single pair of panties that day... but I did come up with some rules about what my temple wants from the fabric that sits between her skin and the clothing the world sees. I am going to sit with these proclamations... do a little more research... and then when I am ready, wave the flag to start the Underwear Revolution.

1. My temple wants to breathe - she doesn't want to be suffocated.
2. My temple wants to feel super-powerful - not like she is wearing a diaper.
3. My temple wants to be fun and free - not dowdy and constricted
4. My temple doesn't like things crawling into crevices they don't belong - she likes things in their right place, that feel good.
5. My temple wants to have choices about how she wants to feel on any given day - sassy, super powered, fun, sensitive, sexy, sporty, free.
6. My temple wants to be adorned with beauty, always, and appreciates the care and self-love I put into every piece of fabric I put on her, as much as she appreciates every morsel of food I put in her.

I am SO enjoying the conversation I am having with my temple about our Underwear Revolution. And it feels so much better than the way I would have approached this before: Picked a few underwear from the rack, not paid attention to the $$, hoped for the best when I got home, and probably been half happy and half disappointed... ultimately creating guilt for spending too much money, stress from not knowing the right decision to make, and judgment about how I should know better to repeat this not self-loving pattern.

It's only Day 4 of the My Body is My Temple Self-Love practice, and all ready I have more self love! Who would have thought you could get that from a pair of underwear!!