July 2010 Archives

My whole life for as long as I can remember I have had a deep and primal internal drive whose job it has been to propel me forward... into the next job, house, or project. This drive was like a motor with the power and throttle of a speed boat, almost always on, sometimes in neutral (not often) and never completely off to just float in the water. It was constantly moving under the surface to do better, be better and have better.

I received a lot from this motor, for years it had been necessary for my survival. It propelled me out of a small-minded suburb... into college, later graduate school, then up the corporate ladder, out to California and eventually it catapulted me into the courage to leave my six-figure job to pursue my passion to teach, write and speak about self-love (a passion I only found on one of those rare occasions I let myself float with the motor off.)

But somewhere in the past three years, I began to see the cost of the continuously running motor, and I began to see the deeply ingrained patterns that ran me ragged...

COST: I had become the gas station slave to my life (and this motor),,, I worked harder and more than I had to because I had to fuel the motor with MY energy. This meant I had to work almost all the time. Sure I could take short breaks but I had to be ready to go back to fueling because eventually the motor would need more fuel, and as the gas attendant I was the only one to do it, in my mind. My internal psyche was hard wired to believe that I had to put the energy into my book, courses, websites, or whatever wouldn't generate the energy needed to sustain my life and my business. I had tons of faith in the universe to provide me opportunities, to show me the way and to be there when I fell... but I did not trust (or know how to trust) that it would do the majority of the fueling for me.

PATTERN: I have to drive and strive in order to survive. This "Carrot Chasing Pattern", and all Carrot Chasing Patterns keep us always chasing 'tomorrow' for the day 'when' XX will be true. Up until my early 30s, I had chased the carrot of happiness, the belief that a new house, job or anything external would make me 'happy.' At the age of 33, when I finally gave up that carrot and got that happy had to come from inside of me, I started chasing another carrot... I have enough of XX to finally relax, breathe, let go. For me that looked like beliefs - many subconscious, some not -- like "If I got XX book sales, or get on national TV or have XX amount of money then finally I wouldn't feel this massive pressure to strive, drive and make my life, my dreams and my intentions happen.

But the truth is that just like my happiness, the day that I will finally feel like I can relax, let go, breathe and trust that I am indeed taken care of will never come from an external measure like money, time, or achievements. It has to come from inside of me first. If I believe somewhere inside of me that I have to drive and strive to survive, I will continue to push myself until I fall over in exhaustion (which I have.)

We all have these self-sabotaging patterns, beliefs and habits that drive us, that take us away from what our hearts and souls truly want, the problem is that most of us have no idea that they are the one fueling that motor that never seems to shut off. The way I found this striving/driving carrot chasing pattern - and the way I find most of my patterns is through one of my 40-day self-love practices, this one called the Summer of Self-Love, designed to teach women, including ME, how to release the self-sabotaging pattern and pressure off of having to do, be and have it all... and replace it with the self-loving habit of "Receiving"  

 
On Day 7 of our RECEIVING practice, my power boat hit a brick wall. I awoke with an excruciating pain on my left side. I NEVER get sick, but on this day my body said different. I sat up, ouch! I got out of bed and couldn't stand straight... I crawled back into bed, totally confused.

I looked over to my partner Noah's nightstand and his deck of Doreen Virtue's Angel oracle cards lit up as if to get my attention (oracle cards are decks of cards in which each card contains a message, piece of wisdom or inspiration.) Now, I NEVER use his Angel cards. But then again, I was having a NEVER kind of day, so I reached over (ouch), opened the box, held the Angels in my hand and asked, "Angels, what do I need to "do" to RECEIVE today?" The card I pulled was, no kidding, "CLEAR YOURSELF... ask the angels to absorb any toxic energies you have absorbed." Hmmm. that made sense! I clearly had some toxins stuck in my kidneys making the left one hurt like heck.

Over the following 2 days, I visited my acupuncturist, drank weird herbs, slept, got angry that I was sick, blamed myself for being sick (yes, I get mad at myself for being sick), and the evening of third day, at the urging of my girlfriend to just let myself be sick, I finally surrendered and gave myself permission to ENJOY being sick, in bed. Within 24 hours, I realized three things:

1. 1. I had been getting the message to slow down since we started the receiving practice, but I couldn't find the throttle to turn off the motor. I didn't know how to slow down to the speed the universe was asking me to, so I smashed myself into a brick wall (aka ouch side pain.)
2. I have had a pattern for my entire lifetime that I no longer need, and that I am finally ready to release. My pattern, tied to my basic survival, was that if i wasn't striving or driving then I was not surviving. I released that pattern and in it's place, I installed the belief that I am a finely tuned instrument in the universe's orchestra, and I know that as such I am always taken care of. I will play my best, take care of myself so I can play with the most power possible, and that is very different energy than striving.
3. I love floating. I remember as a kid, that I had a hard time learning how to float, I always sank. I think I had a hard time trusting that I could float on my own. So one of my favorite things to do at our summer cottage became to get on one of those big plastic floats, float in the lake in the sun, knowing that I was held by the float and it by the water. Only then could I relax. I was only 7 - patterns start early!
   

We all have patterns that keep us from receiving... that keep that striving, driving, surviving, motor running.

I INVITE you to ask yourself these two questions to uncover and transform your patterns so that you too can learn a deeper level of trust and open yourself up to receive.

1. What is/are the underlying motivation, fear, or belief that keeps you driving, pushing, striving, always doing, or trying to make it happen? Think back through your life and look at the circumstances and experiences. You will find you answer there. Pick one pattern and make the choice to shift it. Once you bring it to awareness, the universe will meet you to help you make the shift.

2. Can you float? And do you? Do you spend ample time floating, and do you trust the universe to hold you up when you do? What beliefs and patterns can you shift or embrace to give you more floating time and more access to the universe fueling your tank?

I will leave you with this thought... a wise, happy and wealthy man once told me that the key to success was to spend your energy getting to a stream that was already running and then allow that stream to carry you. People who work way harder than they have to, and put too much pressure on themselves, he said, those are the people who spend all their energy trying to create their own stream.

So this summer, I invite us all to paddle over the stream that is running fully with the energy of the divine feminine and masculine, and let them be the fuel that powers us as we play as finely tuned instruments in their symphony of life. I'm here on my float, trusting, paddle on over!

www.summerofselflove.com 

On June 22nd, I along with hundreds of women started on a 40-day virtual retreat called the Summer of Self Love... our mission? To take the pressure of having to do, be and have it all off... and to apply instead the power to RECEIVE all the love, happiness and peace we work so hard to attain.

You see, we are achievers... we've been bred to believe that we have to do, do, do, and we do, we are great doers! We get more done than most, and we do it well. We have big hearts and lots of energy so we give a lot - to the people and things we love and care about. BUT the truth is that we are NOT great receivers.

We work harder than we have to.
We are more comfortable doing than being.
We are pros at driving and striving, novices at relaxing and allowing things to unfold.
We believe we have to make it happen.
And we are tired.
Exhausted.

Isn't there a different way?

In the past three years, I have been on my own personal mission to find this way... as a woman dedicated to bringing more and more self love to myself and to the world, I am convinced that we have created lives that are unsustainable (and not self-loving... and while we all want to take care of ourselves, we find it almost impossible.

The truth is that the hippies of the 60s really had something right - all we really want in life is peace, love, happiness and freedom. It's why we all work so darn hard, isn't it. But what I have discovered over the past three years is that we never fully open to receive all that we work so hard for. Why? Cuz we are blocked.

Following are seven blocks I discovered after spending one year and 40 days learning how to receive. As you read each one, notice which you employ the most, and then use the questions at the end of this posting to start transforming your non-receiving pattern into a self-loving Feminine Super Power of RECEVING:


7 WAYS WE BLOCK TO RECEIVING...

1. Chasing the Carrot Syndrome. Always living for the day I will be X. Happy, thin, in love, etc. You are always in the future. You are future focused, not present focused. It's like being at the best 4th of July Fireworks, and thinking about your Christmas presents - you miss the fireworks, and feel unfulfilled.
2. Force vs Power. You rely totally on your man powers to make it happen, instead of your feminine super powers. You control. You are always moving and doing, because you are used to pushing. And when you are always pushing there is no space for anything to come in. This is like the woman who goes out search for a man, instead of putting out the vibration for him to come into her life. She has a plan, a strategy, she's on the dating sites, she uses a lot of her own energy to make it happen. She doesn't listen to her intuition or have any sense that there are things outside of her control. Now compare that to Sophia Loren, who uses her feminine power to the millionth degree. She just stands there, vibrates off energy, and attracts men to her, little effort, no sweat... even at the age she is today! Talk about Aphrodite energy.
3. Energizer Bunny Syndrome. Cannot Turn Yourself Off. You are always going going doing doing so again there is NO space for anything to come in. And you are the one doing it all, till you drop. Ex. You have a mind that always moves. You can't relax. In fact relaxing makes you twitch. You don't know how to "be", and maybe even see the value in 'Being', after all how much can you really get done if you are being? (hint, alot!). You may also be the type of person who thinks they can't meditate. You are addicted to doing.
4. Disconnected from Source. There is an abundant universe that wants to give you many many gifts. When you think you have to do it all on your own, when you don't have a daily practice where you connect to source, when you don't operate on faith, or are over attached to outcomes, you are out of the flow, and you are not receiving all you could. When you cut the flow off you have to work way harder.
5. Atlas Syndrome - Over-responsibility. You take everything on because you can do so much but then you end up with the entire world on your shoulders. You see something that needs to be done, so you do it. You volunteer even though you are already busy. You overcommit and then stress out because you have so much to do (although you always get it done.) Often, you think you are the only one that can do it right. You pride yourself in your maniac multi-tasking abilities. And then you get mad and burnout, because you know what, carrying the weight of the world on your shoulders is too heavy, even for you.
6. Master of the Universe Complex. You try to control it all. Organizing it. Covering all the possibilities. You don't let anything fall through the cracks, and you'll work extra long and hard to make sure everything nothing can go wrong. Trust, Surrender, Accept, are not words you live by. You may be prone to stuffing your feelings... don't have time to fall apart. You would rather know exactly what is going to happen, plan for all possibilities. You really aren't into allowing things to happen. Stepping into the unknown is not your favorite thing to do.
7. Closed Heart - to yourself or to others. Your heart isn't open fully to give or receive love. You've built Fort Knox around your heart. You've learned to protect yourself. Vulnerability is not your strength and you aren't even sure if you would want it to be. No one, not even you, gets totally into the softest parts of you. And when it comes to loving yourself, lets just say that if people could see how mean you are to yourself, they would call the authorities.
   

WHICH BLOCK DO YOU HAVE... then ask yourself the question?

1.     What is the benefit?
2.     What is the cost?
3.     What is the truth?
4.     What is the consequence of admitting the truth?

I invite you to become aware of which of these blocks show up in your life... the entire 40-day practice of the Summer of Self Love is built to open up these blocks. You can learn more about the practice at www.summerofselflove.com