October 2011 Archives

When You Have Nothing More Left to Give...

The alarm rings and you awake
Realizing that even though you just slept the night
Your body is exhausted
Your soul is tired
And while you try to fire your engine
To zoom out of bed to meet the day
You roll out, slowly, puttering instead of zooming

Your mind feels a little cloudy
So you attempt a few of your tried and true go-tos to slough off the tired blanket that has wrapped itself around your entire being

A shower, some yoga, caffeine, the internet ... those should get you going
But yet even if they do provide a small jolt of wake up
Underneath, the tired and empty place remains
For while there is work to be done,
and people who are tugging at you for attention
The truth is...
If you took a moment out of your busy life, to look in the mirror into your eyes,
the window to your heart and soul
What you would see and hear back in response is ...
"You have nothing more left to give today."

The question is - with a busy life and many responsibilities - what do you do with that?

I'll give you a hint,
The answer is not push through
(although let's be honest that is what most of us do)

The answer is not ignore what you can feel in your bones is true
(although we've been taught to doubt our most trusted ally, our Inner Wisdom).

The answer is not to fall in a heap of despair onto the bathroom floor either because you just can't find a way to handle everything that needs handling and take care of yourself (although we have all been pushed to tears from overwhelm.)

The answer is... to open to RECEIVE.

After you stop, open and receive your self-love actions from your Inner Wisdom about what you need to RECEIVE now, post them here for us all to be inspired and for you to make the commitment and keep it!

Three weeks into dating my current husband, Noah, he looked at me and said, 'Christine, I don't know what is going to happen between the two of us, but you have to raise your standards for men.

"You can't like a guy because he's nice to you. He's supposed to be nice to you."

"Whaaaaaat???" My head cocked to the side and I looked at Noah like he had just told me my parents were really aliens from Mars. How did I - super smart and successful woman - not know this? Of course, my logical brain was aware that people should be nice to you, but deep down, I had no clue.

Based on my experience of men, I had come to expect men to be hypercritical, verbally abusive, angry for no good reason, self-centered, and controlling. Deep down, I didn't believe that men cared about 'relationships,' intimacy and being loved. And so, I, and most of my girlfriends, dated what we expected, and ended up unhappy. Or if a "good guy" did come along, we tried to get rid of him for 'being too nice." We say we want one thing, but then we attract and hang onto something quite different.

That day, I made myself a promise that I would follow these three "Happy Rules" when it came to my love life, that way I'd never forget again that my relationships are supposed to make me happy, not stressed out, crazy or sad.

THE 3 HAPPY LOVE LIFE RULES:

1. If your guy or gal isn't nice to you, then they don't deserve you. You deserve unconditional love and respect, and you must demand it in your relationships, or the relationship has to end (friendships included!) The catch is that you can't get what you don't give yourself, which means you have to give unconditional love and respect to yourself and others if you want it in return.

2. Don't settle for less than your heart and soul desire for your life, even if it means ending a relationship. Pick a partner who helps you reach your dreams and be the best you possible. When looking for a relationship or deciding if the one you have is right for you, ask yourself first, "What are my dreams for my life?" Then ask, "What kind of partnership do I want to support me in that life?" and then you can ask, "So who would that person be?" ME. WE. HE. In that order. Choose ME before WE. This is your ticket to life, live it for yourself first, and you'll be more likely to find and keep a mate that is happy to be on the ride with you. Better to go solo than to have someone dragging your life ship down.

3. Take a vow to Be Honest With Yourself - NO MATTER WHAT! And engage the help of friends when you can't get to honesty on your own. Take this self-love dare: Hold an "Honesty Hearing." Say to them, "I need your help on getting honest with myself. You can be totally honest and I won't get mad. How do you see me lying to myself about XX relationship?" Just listen. You can ask questions, but you cannot comment back or engage in a debate. After they are done, say "Thank You." Ask yourself, "What is the consequence of admitting the truth?" Let that sink in and then make a commitment to take at least one action that addresses this truth.

About Christine Arylo

Christine Arylo, an m.b.a. turned writer, speaker and teacher, is an inspirational catalyst who teaches people how to put their most important partnership first, the one with themselves, so that they can create the love and life their hearts and souls crave. The popular author of Choosing ME before WE, Every Woman's Guide to Life and Love www.mebeforewe.com, Arylo is known as the "Queen of Self-Love." She created Madly in Love with ME, the international day of self-love (Feb 13), dedicated to making self-love a tangible reality for women and girls around the world. Check out her free Self-Love Kit at www.ChooseSelfLove.com

What is it that you really want right now?

Not from your head or your ego, or what you think you should have to make you happy.

Go deeper.

To the place where real dreams,

dreams worth having and dreams that actually have the power to manifest in reality come from.

Go in to your heart.

Who already knows exactly what dream is raising its hand screaming, "Ooh! Ooh! Pick me!!"

Who already knows the first few steps you could take right now to turn it from dream to reality.

What does your heart have to say?

Can you hear her or him?

Okay, let's do this together.

Close your eyes right now.
Take a breath and put your hand on your heart and ask,

"What is the one dream I have for myself that right now is most important to me?"

What does your heart say?

And if you were to ask

"What is the one or two steps that I can take in the next three days to move towards that dream?"

What does your heart say?

And wait, one more question...

"What is the one thing that will stop me from this dream becoming real?"

What does your heart say?

Okay, just one more...

"If I didn't listen to fear but instead to the truth in my heart, what do I know?"

Whew! Great work moving past your fear into love... if you were really listening to your heart when you did this exercise, then when you asked yourself what would stop my dream from becoming real, you would have felt your heart contracting, fluttering or some kind of feeling that was BLAH! That's because fear had the microphone!

And as an ambassador of Team Love, I'm just not going to let fear win over you and smash your dream. All you have to do is take the love dare!

SELF-LOVE DARE...
Take one giant step toward your dream!

1. Write down the guidance you received in your journal, on a piece of paper, heck even a sticky note. Just somewhere you can see it.

2. Then write down, say out loud or share with a friend the one or two actions you are going to take in the next 3 days to take a giant leap toward

If you need some extra support connecting to your Inner Wisdom and her Team Love message about your dreams - you can download the video meditation I created.

For those of you that are looking to kick fear out of your love life, and haven't yet taken the self-love stand to choose ME before WE... take a swing by my book page for Choosing ME before WE, check her out, and if you are ready to really truly put the love back in your love life, starting with the love you have for you, pick yourself up a copy.

Wherever this finds you today, read this knowing that fear only has the power you provide it and at any time you have a choice ... To choose to have faith in LOVE or to choose to have faith in FEAR. I really encourage you to try on having faith in LOVE. And of course, that love starts with the love you have for yourself. Love yourself well today. You deserve it.

About Christine Arylo

Popular author of Choosing ME before WE, Every Woman's Guide to Life and Love, Christine has been called the Queen of Self-Love. Her insights, fresh perspectives and daring take on love, in all its forms, have been featured on TV and radio stations across the country, in the world's top spas and retreat centers, and in colleges and corporations. She is the founder of Madly in Love with ME, an international movement of self-love, which includes a free self-love kit downloadable at www.ChooseSelfLove.com. She is also the co-founder of Inner Mean Girl Reform School, a virtual school where women go to transform their self-sabotaging voices into self-empowering ones.