In honor of Women's History Month, I have to out myself. As an educated mba from one of the best educations in the country, I have been ignorant to the truth of our history as women. Sure, I know the facts... but that is not the same as knowing, or feeling, the reality. What I learned in history class didn't come close to telling me the truth of what women have endured just in the last century, let alone the last three hundred, or two thousand years. I got the same scrubbed down version of history that you did -- unless you were a feminine studies major -- straight from the lips of a patriarchal society. Oh, women couldn't vote, so there was this suffrage movement and now they can. Oh, there was this thing called Roe vs Wade that made abortion legal. Oh, women were burned at the stake during this thing called the Inquisition. And yes, there was this other thing called the Feminist Movement that created equal rights. None of those were more than a few pages in any of my history books, how about yours?
And my female relatives growing up didn't make me any wiser about the reality either. They came from the school of "that's just how things were," not the "you need to know these historical realities as a woman because we never want to forget where we come from, and what has been given by the women before us." They didn't make it part of their job as women to pass down the stories of women from generation to generation... and that is a big loss. One that I know after this weekend, I will not repeat.
This weekend -- at the age of 39 -- I finally got WISE! Sitting with 500 women in a hotel ballroom in Los Angeles at the Sister Giant conference, I tapped into and felt in my cells our lineage as women and I felt my heart ache, my eyes well up with tears, and my courage lift as I watched three movies that put me in awe at the bravery and hardships of what generations of women before me have faced.
I say 'tapped into' because as I sat there in that room, it wasn't just
the 500 women that were there, it was also the 500 generations of women that
have lived before invisibly sitting in the seats. While I couldn't see them with my eyes,
I felt them with every fiber of my being. I say 'felt in my cells'
because I experienced the facts that used to sit in my head about women's rights,
witch burnings, transform themselves from ideas to human realities.
When you see a woman being forced fed with the use of a tube up her
nose and a metal device being shoved in her mouth to part her lips and make her eat, suddenly the facts become about a person, they become very human, and your heart receives a message it's not likely to forget -- nor should it.
I let myself be affected this weekend by these films -- something that I am not sure we always do. Our hearts are so closed off in our society, going about our busy busy lives. But to be affected is truly an act of love, both for the self, and for others.
If you are a woman, see these films, and if you know young women watch these with her, tell her this same history. We are visual beings... and I Imagine the world would be much different if we sat and watched movies like this together vs. chatted mindlessly about the problems of the Housewives of Orange County.
Iron Jawed Angels You can vote, you know that. But did you know that women were arrested, beaten, forced fed with tubes up their noses and tortured with the use of iron jaws to open their mouths and force them to eat when they called a hunger strike? Hilary Swank and Angelica Houston rock in this movie that made me cry, cringe and shout with joy.
The Burning Times It's estimated between 1million and 9 million people were burned, tortured and killed during the Inquisition -- 85% of them women -- in an effort to stamp out the goddess and pagan traditions and replace them with the controlling patriarchal structures. You can watch this 20 minute movie on You Tube.
You might have heard the prophecy that it will be women that change the
world. You've most likely heard that the fierceness of a mother
protecting her child is like no other. These women of Liberia prove
them both. They stopped a war torn country from fighting because they
said "ENOUGH! No more war. We want peace." If women with 'no money' can
stop a country from killing each other, what the heck are we capable
of?"
I am on board for educating myself as much as I can. If you have other movies or books or DVDs that you think every woman should see, please post it on our Madly in love with ME facebook page. Understanding our history as women is part of accepting and loving who we are. I know I gained great perspective from these films... it's a lot easier for me to love myself and be compassionate when I consider I've never had a feeding tube forcibly stuck up my nose while being detained in a jail against bogus charges.
If you are like me, you probably grew up knowing nothing about Winter Soltice, except for noticing it on a calendar. As you grew up you probably learned that Dec 21st was in fact the shortest day of the year, the darkest day, the date when the days started to get longer again and the nights shorter, and the official first day of winter. Which, while are all nice tidbits of information to know, so don't even begin to scratch the surface of the power of this day... a day, or actually days, that have the power to change everything about how you live 2010.
In the last 8 years, I've been fortunate to learn first hand about Sotlice from many of my teachers from many different traditions. And over these years I taken their ancient wisdom and translated it into my "Modern Girl's Approach to Winter Soltice," or what is also the first step in the super power of PAUSE. This time, right now, gives you access to super powerful energy that has the power to fuel your 2010... but only if you slow down to tap into it. Slowing down to let yourself be emptied and filled up vs. being out there on constant doing mode is an act of self-love, no doubt about it.
So in service to your self-love, and the self-love of all beings on this planet, I offer you access to powerful wisdom and a few structures to help you use Winter Soltice to its fullest.
The Modern Girl's Approach to Winter Soltice (for boys too)
About Winter Soltice The official day of Winter Soltice is Dec 21st, however the energy of Soltice can be felt and used for the three day period from Dec 20-23, the days leading up to Dec 25th which regardless of your religion is what I call "Restart Day".... the day you get to wake up like a new born baby, jump out of bed, in love with the world, and yourself and start with a fresh clean slate, just like the whitest of white snow.
The days leading up to the 25th, the time of Soltice are the darkest days of the year, because it is a time for reflection, for going inward, deep inside yourself to look back at the year that has been, to celebrate and learn from your surprises, successes and failures. It's a time to decide what you want to leave behind in 2009, and what you want to take with you into 2010. It's a time to be quiet and with yourself. It's a time for being grateful for all that you have created in the past year (because let's face it, it is so easy to forget all that you have accomplished).
There are 7 key times during the year when super duper potent energy is available to us, times when it's important to stop, pause and tap in. Times when the earth and the universe actually open up energy streams that we can tap into. Winter Soltice is one of those times. When you choose to stop and plug yourself in, you can stop having to be the energy stream, and you can tap into an energy stream that is 1000x more powerful than your one body (no matter how buff she is). It's the difference between you being a strand of Christmas tree lights and trying to power them with a foot pump vs. plugging them into the wall with a constant energy source from some mega energy plant. Plugging yourself into Winter Soltice lights you up vs. you having to do all the pumping.
What's A Girl to Do On Soltice? If you are an achiever like me, you've probably been conditioned to believe that if you are not doing something, you are not creating value. I beg you girlfriend to girlfriend to let go of that belief today. I've learned the exhausted way, that this demented achiever mentality only leads to working way harder than necessary. Your task during Solitce is to take some time to BE with yourself, and to literally experience the wisdom, the energy and the happiness that becomes available to you when you take the time to BE. It's like rewiring yourself to be a more energy efficient model of you!
During Winter Soltice I take a least one whole day and evening to process the year that has been, to let go of twiggly danglers and to start getting signs for the next year. If you are just getting started, you can do Winter Soltice in 2009 with a few hours of BEING vs a few days - even two hours will start to give you the feel. We all have two hours to give to ourselves, and if you don't, please stop and ask yourself why not. How you end this year will be exactly how you live 2010, and taking care of you is the best thing you can do for everyone and everything in your life.
Winter Soltice / Power of PAUSE steps to get you started:
Pick a time when it will be just you, your thoughts and a journal by Dec 23. Everyone can do a minimum of 2 hours. If you can do more great, if not, give yourself the gift of 2 hours. No cell phones, computers, kids, texting. Just you. Paper and pen or markers, the old fashioned way is the best way to do this, as it connects things inside your brain and body. Go somewhere in your home that is quiet. Light a candle. And move to step 2.
REFLECT. Play back 2009 in your head like a movie and see all that you have done, all of who you have become and all you have amassed. Literally close your eyes and imagine the last year visualizing in your mind. Then get that paper and pen and do a formal reflection process where you write out all of your surprise, successes, failures and learnings for the year. In the super power of PAUSE, I use a process called the Wheel of Reflection, taught to me by Pele Rouge and Firehawk. You can download it here. Also you can download an audio where I teach you how to use it.
Ask yourself the following questions, and write the answers out:
What do I want to leave behind in 2009?
What do I want want to bring with me into 2010? (learnings, perspectives, wisdom, etc)
What one quality do I have today, inside of me, that I didn't have at the beginning of the year? Acknowledge yourself for it and give yourself a big dose of self love for becoming an even better you.
BONUS: Winter Soltice 2009.... Xtra Energy!!
Every year things change, and the specific energy for Solitce time shifts too. This Soltice according to wise woman Ariel Spilsbury offers every one of us a extra super dooper opportunity to let go of any of the patterns that have been holding us back from being our biggest, brightest selves. We all have patterns, ones that we have created in this lifetime and ones that have been passed down from generation to generation from our ancestors. Yes, like it or not, your mothers, grandmothers, great grandmothers, etc. give you both their best qualities and their 'shadow' qualities.
The great news is that this Soltice there is powerful energy available to burn up and let go of any familial patterns or personal patterns that no longer serve yo u. So if you are into tapping into this mega power here's the three step process... (note: I am up to 8 releases so far, and I feel 1000 lbs lighter even after eating all those holiday cookies!)
Look at what single shadow you have carried in your life that is like a "curse" or "spell" that you have "been under", that you are truly ready to take FULL RESPONSIBILITY FOR ITS CREATION AND FULL RESPONSIBILTY FOR ITS RELEASE! What pattern has come down your family line that you have felt to be completely unable to be changed, so powerful was its "spell"? Say it out loud or close your eyes and see it in your mind and heart. Close your eyes and see all the people in your family that have had that pattern too.
Say out loud "I release the pattern of XXXX." Pause, and feel it releasing.
Take a vow that is the opposite of this negative pattern, a vow that will fill that void with a positive behavior or belief. Say out loud "I vow to .... " Pause and feel the new vow and pattern forming.
Write down both the curse/spell/pattern and the new vow/belief. And give yourself a few minutes to just BE with the feelings of it. This is a critical part of the process. It allows you to INTEGRATE. So don't go right into moving. BE for at least 3-5 minutes.
For more information on the Super Power of PAUSE and how to keep using in to make 2010 a year that you live from self-love, success and happiness, visit http://www.daretoliveyou.com/superpowerofpause/
Just in case you didn't get the memo last January, Chinese astrology told us that 2009 was going to be the year of the OX. I remember reading about the OX, about how it meant hard, hard work, and I thought to myself, well how hard could hard really be? I don't know about you, but this year was FULL of hard work in every way, even for a recovering achievement junkie, professional do-er like me.
Like most achievers, each year is like a mountain for me. One that I set my sites on, imagine what the top will look like, and then go about doing whatever it takes to get to the top. And for the most part this serves me well. I accomplish a lot. I've reached some fantastic milestones. And most of you achievers I know can relate... most people are probably astounded by what you get done. BUT, before we pat ourselves on the backs too long, I have to share with you a realization I had 6 years ago that brought me face to face with the importance of taking PAUSE. Before which I gave little value to being, and was quite addicted to doing.
So here is the AHA i had ... if every year is a mountain, and I spend the year climbing and climbing it, eventually reaching the top, when do I ever get to enjoy all the hard work I just did to get to the top? If I am always onto the next mountain, when do I get to relax? And hey, don't I deserve to set up camp for a while a take in the view... wouldn't that be the wise thing to do? If the Dali Lama climbed a mountain do you think he would just keep going, or would he pause, meditate, contemplate and become even more enlightened? I am sure he wouldn't do what I had been doing which was stopping for a moment, getting a quick breath in and then get moving again up the next mountain! What I learned when that AHA smacked me in the face was this...
The wise achiever stops to take in the view, to get the lessons learned from busting our butt to get up this mountain, traveling through the crevices, plunging over ravines, and moving through gnarly rocks.
The smart achiever notices what failures happened so she can avoid them the next year.
The happy achiever stops and celebrates all of their successes, and even does a little mountain top dance. Knowing that it is this JOY that will fuel her forward into 2010.
This wise, smart, happy achiever also looks in her backpack, knowing that she has a long journey ahead of her come 2010, and looks at what she wants to leave behind and what she wants to take with her onto her new mountain journey.
Think back over your In the past year, she -- you and I -- have become different, hopefully better people. We've learned to love ourselves more. We've become more patient, nurturing, confident, sovereign, focused, happy, open, insert your particular brand of growth... In the past year, you have become stronger as a person and a spirit, and that strength is something that you get to carry with you, or that actually now gets to carry you, for the rest of your life. Achievers are notorious for thinking they have to be the ones that carry all the weight... wise achievers let momentum carry them!
Too often, we don't stop on the mountain top to recognize the parts of ourselves that have strengthened... the weaknesses that have diminished or transformed... the strengths that have become stronger. And so we don't get to use the momentum we've created to help us fuel are new year. It's way easier to measure our 'success' by $$, accolades or material things. And while these things are fantastic and to be celebrated they are things that get used up. And then you have to replenish them. But the inner parts of ourselves... when you build those, they are with you forever, and you can use them to propel yourself vs. having to be like an OX doing all the hard work!
This year take a PAUSE on your mountain top... look back on 2009 and notice who you have become, acknowledge those parts of you that have grown and shifted, and make a conscious choice about bringing those parts into the new year with you.
Use this PAUSE exercise for a guide:
Close your eyes and take yourself back to the beginning of this year. See the person that you were then. What were you doing, how were you feeling, what were your beliefs, who were the people surrounding you?
Fast forward yourself month by month - Feb, March, April... all the way to today and notice what changes in you as you go through the challenges and triumphs of this past year. Notice your character, your connection, your strengths, your perspectives and understandings, your wisdom
Write down the words, sentences, feelings of what you have amassed inside of you in 2009, qualities, strengths, wisdom, etc. that you want to take with you into 2010.
Acknowledge yourself for your growth. Give yourself a HIGH FIVE! And feel these pieces of you strongly in place, with you now for all of your life.
TWIGGLY DANGLER i couldn't find a picture of one, so I will just have to define it here for you right now. the word comes from the imagination of my teacher Ariel Spilsbury. I think it's fairy language for any kind of bad ju ju or undealt with energy that you would rather sweep under the carpet but no matter how hard you sweep, or how hard you try to ignore it, you know that 'thing' is still there.
TWIGGLY DANGLER EXAMPLES so maybe if i give you a few samples, that will help?
that unpaid bill you haven't dealt with, 401k you haven't transferred, bank account with $5 in it you haven't closed... $$ twiggly danglers cut off your flow in 2010.
that friendship, relative, co-work relationship that hit a bump sometime this year and that you haven't really straightened out. You haven't totally severed the relationship, but you are either not being straight, or you are avoiding them or the issue, or you are harboring negative energy. Let the bump between you go. Twiggly danglers in relationships stop love from coming in.
that romantic relationship that ended but that you are still hanging onto. if you have this twiggly dangler in your heart, you can kiss great love from another goodbye in 2010. Let go of as much of that person you can - old clothes, letters, and dreams.
that unsaid sentiment or feeling. whether its love or hurt, if you have unsaid words between you and another person in your life, say them. Directly, or indirectly. You can write a letter and never mail it. These unsaid words fester and keep truth and peace out of your life.
the truth about twiggly danglers is that there is NO self love present.... the energy feels yucky... and you feel lousy, guilty or drained. You'll have plenty of chances to create more in 2010, so starting the year clear and free can avoid the twiggly dangler pile up!
TWIGGLY DANGLER REMEDIES i think that many people go from one year to the next with this twigglies because let's be honest, dealing with them is uncomfortable. Dealing with twiggly danglers head on can bring up all kinds of icky feelings none of us like - shame, rejection, loneliness, disappointment. Talk about not feeling self-love! But the truth is that self-love is on the other side, if we are willing to untangle the twigglies. So this year, before 2009 ends, meet your twiggly danglers head on, just don't do it in a super public way. No one said you had to splay your twigglies out there for all to see. If it's a bill you've been neglecting, pick it up and send them $10. If it's a friend you've had a falling out with, write them a letter telling them how you feel including how much you love them and are mad at them. You don't have to ever send it. If it's a relationship that has become like an addiction, make the vow to fall in love with yourself this coming year.
You deserve your best year yet this 2010! So take PAUSE and let those twiggly danglers go.
Every
year, it's the same old drill isn't it. We start off with the best intentions,
with gusto, resolved to reach our goals and make this 'the' year. But by
February that gusto has been drained down by the overwhelm, pressure and
realities of day-to-day life. Come October, we're wondering where the year
went, and not feeling quite as successful as we had hoped we would when the
year started. And then without warning, it's Thanksgiving, then December and a
flurry of presents and parties. Before we know it Jan 1 has arrived, and with
it the immense pressure to make this 'the' year.
If
you are a Type A person, you likely go into New Year's resolution and goal
setting mode. If you are the Type B variety, you're likely more relaxed and
avoid serious goal setting, stepping into the new year with faith that it will
all work out. The truth is that neither of these strategies work. Type A or
Type B, these approaches are insane. They keep you doing the same thing year
after year expecting different results, which by definition is insanity.
I
lived this way for most of my life. Born as a Type A, I began every year with a
die-hard New Year's Resolution - quit smoking, lose 5 lbs, start jogging - that
I was determined to meet, I never did. By my late 20s I realized that
resolutions don't work, and I turned to another Type A tool - goal-setting. For
the next three years I created elaborate spreadsheets with quarterly S.M.A.R.T.
goals, just like my m.b.a. corporate training had taught me. With specific, measurable, actionable, relevant and timely goals success had
to be imminent, right? Nope. Sure, I met some of my goals, but the only thing I
saw when I looked at my massive spreadsheet was everything I hadn't
accomplished. Another Type A, achiever quality, always more to do. What my
goals did do was make me feel worse about myself.
Finally
around the age of 33, I got smart, and decided to set aside my achievement
junkie tools, and find out what people who were really living successful lives
did. What I realized very quickly was that I had three big flaws in how I
approached each year:
1.I
didn't stop to reflect on the year that had passed. I went right from one
year into the next, without stopping to recognize all that had happened. I was
living my life as if I was a mountain climber, arriving at the mountain top of
each year, but not stopping to take in the view that I worked so hard to
achieve. Instead, I just took a quick breath, and kept pushing up the next
mountain, the next year, without celebrating my successes or learning from my
failures. No wonder I was exhausted. No surprise that I never felt like I
really accomplished what I wanted, all I could see was the next mountain.
·Truth: In order to grow, we
must stop, celebrate, reflect and learn at the end of every cycle
·Action:
Ask
yourself four questions about this last year before Jan 1st, and
journal the answers: What were my Surprises? Successes? Failures? Learnings?
2.I
pressured myself to have my entire year mapped out by the first week of
January. I
had created timelines in my head that had to be met so I could get busy doing
what needed doing. One week at the beginning of the year seemed reasonable.
What I failed to realize was that I was working against nature. December is
meant to be a time of slowing down and going inward, not running around like a
maniac visiting people and shopping for presents. People and presents good,
mania not. I should have started my year-end process way before Jan 1. I also
learned that January is meant to be the 'dreaming time' because everything is
frozen and still. It's a month long for a reason... to give us that long to dream
our new year. And here I was trying to stuff 30 days into a week, such an
over-achiever!
·Truth. December is for
reflecting. January is for dreaming and setting the intentions of what you will
seed and grow in the coming year.
·Action:
Looking
at the year ahead, ask yourself three questions, "What do I want to do? What do
I want to have? And who do I want to become?"
3.My
head wrote my goals.
Trained to think and live from my head, trained to think dreams were fluffy
puffy events that happened when I slept, I wrote goals through the lense of
what would drive my career, bank account and fitness level forward. I focused
on the achievements I believed would bring me success, as I understood success
then. What I failed to realize was that my understanding of success was
extremely limited and that the real goal of it was only one thing: my
happiness. And happiness didn't come from my head, it started in my heart,
which is the place from which I would be better served to write my goals from.
Yes, my mind is extremely valuable but it is only a tool to making my dreams realities.
I had been starting in the wrong place.
·Truth.Goals must start with
the dreams we have for ourselves, which can only be found in our heart.
·Action:
Give
your goals the 'energy litmus test.' Read them aloud to yourself or a friend
and rate the energy and passion you feel behind it. If it's not at least a 9 or
10, rewrite it until it is. Example: It's the difference between "I will go to
yoga three times a week. I will eat food that is good for me. I will lose 5
lbs." and "My Body is my Moving Temple." That is a real example from my 2009
intentions.
Each
of these flaws can be boiled down to one thing: my previous failure to
understand the power of PAUSE. I had been trained to hit the GO GO GO button
all my life and while that made me a very good achiever, it also made me a very
busy and exhausted woman that didn't always spend her energy, time and money on
what was most important, and what truly had the power to accelerate my progress
to my dreams... or bring me happiness on a daily basis.
What
I learned was that PAUSE is like a super power, when we activate it, PAUSE
accelerates our ability to make our dreams realities because it provides us
with something we can't get when we are running through life as a frenzied,
frazzled energizer bunny -- PAUSE gives us wisdom.Alice Walker, Pulitzer prize winning author of the Color
Purple said in a commencement address in 2002 , "Wisdom, however, requires a
pause... it is the pause that gives us clarity...." And, if I look at this woman's
life, witnessing her grace and her success on all accounts, I think to myself,
the Pause has served her well, so I know it can serve me well too.
This
December and January, I will be taking a set of PAUSEs, using a simple but
powerful structure I created based on the wisdom I found during my last five
PAUSE periods. I'm glad to report that there are no spreadsheets and that this
process makes me feel great about ME at the end of the year, instead of
pointing out my shortcomings. Now that doesn't mean that I am going to cut myself
off from the world for two months. I still have plenty to do these months, but
I will slow down and I will take big blocks of time to be with myself, my
dreams and my thoughts. I invite you this December and January to activate your
super power of PAUSE, to find a structure that works for you, one that allows
you to reflect first and then expand, focus and energize your intentions for
2010.
Your
Invited to Pause On December 17th at 12pm PST.
I'm
hosting a free PAUSE tele-call on Dec 17 where I will share and teach the
ancient and super energizing system for RELFLECTING. It's the first step in
creating a fantastic 2010. The time between December 21st and
December 25th is the most powerful time of the month for reflecting,
so set aside at least one day during that time to reflect. Register for the
call by clicking here http://www.daretoliveyou.com/christine_events.htm#prepause
About
Christine Arylo
Inspirational catalyst
and self-love expert, Christine Arylo is a self-admitted, but recovering, achievement junkie and
doing addict. A teacher, writer, coach, speaker, m.b.a., author, and
conversation provocateur,Christine has appeared on E! Entertainment, CBS, FOX and ABC and over
100 radio stations around the country. You can find her online at www.daretoliveyou.com or www.madlyinlovewithme.com, in person teaching her
Feminine Super Powers to women and men, or at home with her partner Noah and
their Husky Nanook.
Take a Pause: If winter is a time for slowing down, but we are feeling the pressure to speed up, how can we fuel our bodies from something other than a caffeinated paper cup?
I was sitting in a cafe the other day thinking about my adrenal glands. Yes, I know, it's not a topic that flies through most peoples heads at 10am in the morning on a Wednesday. But I was preparing for a conversation later that evening on my show Self Love Studio with a woman who had told me that she had almost burned her adrenals out at the age of 38. Not having a clue as to what an adrenal actually was or why I should care, I asked her what that meant. She told me that she had been feeling tired, so she went to her doctor to find out why. What she heard was not what she expected. He told her that she was headed for adrenal burnout. That if she kept pushing herself to do do do, if she kept living on the energy of her adreneline, if she kept fueling her body with 'stop gaps' like coffee and sugar, she was headed for a complete breakdown of her nervous system and other systems by the time she was 50.
Wow! I wonder how tired my adrenals are I thought. I've certainly done all those things as well. I think I have had actually had moments where I felt myself hear my adrenal glands scream, "Christine stop working. We need to rest now!" In my 20s I never listened. In my 30s I learned how. At age 38 I am still learning how ;)
So it got me to thinking as I sat there with my paper cup drinking some energy that I told myself was just for the taste, but in fact I know was for an energy boost... It got me thinking about why during the holidays do we give ourselves more permission to rely on the short-lived energy boosts that are SO easily attainable - cookies, cakes, pies, parties, cinnamon Starbuck lattes. Why do we rely on these boosts to get us through this crazy time of year where nature is telling us to slow down and we are doing the opposite, and then using fake fuel to get us through it.
My husband Noah says I ask "Why?" a lot. He says that the better question is "So What Do I Want to Do About It?" He says that his question actually leads to change, while mine he says leads to more Whys? So for this one time, I decided to try it his way. I took a PAUSE ... being that we are praciting the self-love dare of PAUSE this month, and here is the wisdom the PAUSE brought me. I now share it with you...
The Issue: December is a time for slowing down. We are all feeling pressure to speed up. So we turn to 'fake fuel' like coffee and sugar to keep us going.
So What Do I Want to Do About It? Use the power of the Season vs. the power of Starbucks to keep my energy high and my calorie intake low!
The Wisdom from the PAUSE? 3 ways to fuel yourself from nature vs. a paper cup.
Do what the Native Americans used to do: RETAIN your energy. They survived without Starbucks and they had to survive through some pretty harsh and long winters. So unlike us they weren't running around like crazy people spending all their energy. They conserved their energy and spent it wisely, knowing that they wanted to always have more in reserve. So this December, notice how you spend your energy. Literally feel your body putting it out as you do your day, give to others and take part in the holiday fun. Be consious about how you spend your energy and always make sure you are retaining more than you are giving.
Take a lesson from those smart bears: STOCKPILE your energy. The bears are preparing to hibernate so I imagine Momma Bear getting all her shelves filled with the staples she will need for the winter. Jars of honey, crackers, and the like and then napping in between. Find time in your days, every day when you can stockpile your energy, like jars of honey on a shelf you can use later. Today, I took a 30 minute nap. Set my Iphone alarm and recharged. Power Yoga and SPIN class doesn't count. Winter stockpiling should have a nesting and a replenishing quality to it. Yin yoga good. Naps, reading, taking a bath, chanting, a walk in nature.
If you need an Energy pick me up, use the closest thing you have to you - your breath. If you've done yoga or meditation you've probably learned breath techniques like deep breathing, breath of fire and alternate nostril breathing. Use them. If you do any one of these practices for 5 minutes, you will instantly increase your energy, no calories taken in, in fact you'll burn some off. If you haven't done these breathing techniques you can check out this video for Pranayama breathing which is alternate nostril breathing or search you tube on your own. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MCK1jBfRVsE&feature=SeriesPlayList&p=DCD427CFFB5AA38A
I am giving my adrenal glands the gifts of retaining, stockpiling and breathing my energy this holiday season. What are you going to give yours?
Bears never feel guilty about staying home for the holidays, so why should we?
I was thinking again about those self-loving bears and how they spend the holidays. At home, in their cave, probably with a nice fire and some honey. And definitely without the guilt, obligation or pressure so many of us feel laden with at this holiday time.
In our day to day life, we do feel pressure to take care of everyone and everything else and at the holidays this feeling doesn't go away, it usually gets stronger. Whether it's making sure the holiday dinner is cooked perfectly, the holiday party is a smash success, cards are sent out on time, or we've bought presents for everyone so no one feels left out. As women we are naturally giving, and that is a feminine super power that we want to hold onto, for sure. But, sometimes we give so much to others, that we forget to give to ourselves. We put our self-love on hold, especially during the holidays.
Guilt. Stress. Obligation. Our lack of self love and over giving nature can show up in a million ways. Like maybe you don't really want to go visit Aunt Sally or spend the entire day with your husband's family or pack up everything and travel during this crazy holiday time. Maybe you just want to stay home and cook dinner for your close friends and family. Or maybe you want to go skiing in Tahoe or even spend the day doing absolutely nothing. Or maybe something totally different. But you don't feel like you can just say, "NO, I don't want to do 'that' I want to do 'this' instead. Or maybe you don't even feel like you know why you want, you just know it's not that.
We are usually so busy doing the holidays, that we never even pause to "How do I really want to spend the holidays?"
Give Yourself the gift of PAUSE It's Dec 4th, what is the holiday you really want to have? What is going to make YOU happy?
1. What are the activities that make you really really really happy during the holidays? List out your top 5. This is your list of Holiday Happys. And then answer the question, 'Why do these make me happy?"
2. What are the activities that you really really really DON'T like, but that you do because you feel like you should, or because you don't want to let down someone else? This is your list of Holiday Obligations. List out your top 5. Answer the question for each, "Why do I do these if they don't make me happy?"
3. Compare your Holiday Happys to your Holiday Obligations. What's the self-love AHA for you? What can you learn about yourself?
Now for the Self-Love Dare Self Love Dare #12
Give Up the Guilt. This Holiday, Only Do What Makes You Happy
Look at your list of Holiday Obligations, the things you do out of obligation, guilt or some other downer of a reason during the holidays. One by one, either change this into a Holiday Happy, or stop doing it.
Changing Holiday Obligations into Holiday Happys: 1. Get to the core of the reason this is important to YOU. Not to anyone else, but to you. 2. Determine what piece of it you do out of guilt or obligation, which is usually tied to a person or fear. 3. How can you do what is important to you, and do it from your heart with love for yourself and this other person/people? If you have an answer, great, do that. If you have no answer, stop doing it.
My personal self-love dare #12 story:
I took this dare about six years ago when I moved to California and my grandmother, for the first two years, would say, "I wish you would come home for Christmas." I loved my grandmother, she and I were very close, AND I also knew that I wanted to spend my holidays in California in my home. So when she asked me to come, I would have this internal conflict of not wanting to let her down, and also not wanting to let me down.
So on the second year when she again asked me to come home, I took a Pause. What I learned in that Pause was that I really did want to see my grandmother, I loved spending time with her, but I didn't like traveling in December to only get to see her for a few hours at Christmas when the rest of the family was around. So after my Pause, I said to her, "Grandma I love you very much and I know it's important to you for me to come home for the holidays. I really want to spend time with you and during the holidays we just don't get enough one on one time, so how about I come in January for your birthday for a few days." It took her a few minutes to warm up to the idea (she was stubborn like me or me like her I guess), but her heart lit up and like that mine did too, and in January, I arrived in the frozen tundra of Chicago into the warm embrace of my grandmother, who I loved very much. We hung out, ate at our favorite restaurant and watched Dancing with the Stars together. She passed away last year, and I will always have that memory of her and I.
TAKE A PAUSE 3 things self-loving bears can teach us about conserving our energy & money this holiday season, using the Feminine Super Power of PAUSE.
It's December, so what do us crazy humans do? Run around like energizer bunnies gone mad, running from party to party, store to store, gift wrapping to cooking baking. Bright lights, big sales and big pressure to see and be everywhere. It is a season that we spend DOING.
\Now compare that to the animals that live in the forest, that live lock and step with nature, following the natural cycle of living on earth. Take the bear for instance, what is he or she up to in December? Is she out canvassing all the holiday sales hoping to get that DVD player on sale? Is he running around from grocery store to grocery store worrying that he won't have enough food to feed the guests for the party he's planned? No way! This smart four legged creature is getting her house (or cave as the case may be) in order, stocking up on all the goods she will need to get her through the frozen winter. She's not spending her stock, she's savoring and saving it, using it slowly. This wise animal has tuned into a station we too often ignore: nature. And for the entire month of December this station is broadcasting one message: SLOW DOWN!
So what do we humans do? We speed up! The opposite of what the energy of the season is asking for. No wonder we are dead tired come Dec 28th, and then we pep up for one last go around on New Year's and then spend the next two months trying to work off all the excess we sped up to create.
Now to be fair, bears don't face the pressure you do. They aren't bombarded with Christmas advertising campaigns. Or relatives and friends that all want to share in the holiday cheer. Self love comes easier to them. But they do have some behaviors you can use this holiday season that can help you SLOW DOWN and at the same time still enjoy all the love and fun that abounds. I know you may not believe me, but it is actually in your nature to SLOW DOWN... when you tap into your Feminine Super Power of PAUSE.
You've just got to slow down long enough to listen. Try these bear-proven tactics:
1. DON'T GIVE ALL YOUR HONEY AWAY, SAVE SOME FOR YOURSELF The self-loving, smart bear loves to share her gifts, time and energy, with those she loves, especially her prized honey, but she never empties her shelves. And she never feels guilty for keeping honey for herself. So for you... yes, give to the people and things that you love this holiday season, and RETAIN energy for yourself too. Remember to GIVE to yourself. And do it before you run yourself into a cold or a sore neck. When you start feeling that run down sensation or the stress kick in, ask yourself, "Am I giving all my honey away?" And then do something to replenish.
2. SPEND EXTRA TIME IN YOUR CAVE The self-loving, smart bear isn't romping around the forest in December using up all her energy, she is spending extra time loving being in her cave. After all, she's worked hard all year to make it cozy. December is a time of going inward and it's more natural to want to cozy up at home than to flit from party to party every night. Pick your social outings wisely, doing the ones that fill you up the most. Don't be afraid to pass on social obligations that don't totally light you up. Decline politely, wish them holiday cheer, and then create a cozy, warm space inside your home full of self love, magic and holiday beauty. Use that energy to fill you up.
3. DON"T APOLOGIZE FOR DOING WHAT YOU WANT The self-loving smart bear knows that she knows what is best for her and she doesn't waste her vital energy carrying around feelings of guilt or obligation. She does what she needs to do and wants to do, without apologizing to the other bears. She's never rude, always full of love, and she has no qualms about setting healthy boundaries. Make this a holiday that you do your way. Set the intention that you will fill yourself up with energy, love and happiness this holiday, and anything that doesn't ftl those three bills, you can pass on, without guilt or obligation.
For more ideas on how to fall more in love with you, every day this winter, download the free madly in love with me kit at http://www.madlyinlovewithme.com
I started meditating about 8 years ago when my therapist suggested I try this daily pause thing. I remember trying to empty my mind and do the meditation the 'right' way - so type A of me! Of course I failed miserably, or so I thought. I couldn't keep my mind quiet. I fell asleep and would wake up with drool running down my cheek. I would fidget and feel like I wanted to jump out of my skin. I would think to myself, "This being business is overrated. I've got stuff to do." And then my therapist enlightened me to the fact that 1. There is no right way to meditate. 2. The goal wasn't to have no thoughts, it was to experience the thoughts that came and let them go and 3. That I didn't have to do it like a Buddhist monk, I had options! So he gave me a CD of meditation music. I remember the CD cover, it was blue with a giant sunflower on it. I love sunflowers. So I started listening to the music when I would attempt my meditations and you know what, I loved it! No more falling asleep, no more drool and lots of peace and insight.
Today, 8 years later, I meditate every morning for about 5 minutes, as a check in with me. I never ever leave the house without doing it. Once, about 5 years ago, I was in a hurry to get to work at my corporate job and I skipped the meditation. On the way to work I got a traffic ticket. I had to stop at the drug store because I forgot my tampons at home (ugh!), so I was late to work anyway. Later that afternoon, I turned a Vice President's face red. And I got in a huge fight with my boyfriend. Lesson learned!
Over the years, I have added and subtracted other daily pause practices, some of which I have listed here as ideas for you to create your daily pause practice. It matters less about what you do and much more about how you do it and that you do it EVERYDAY. My daily practices have changed my life. I am able to do more, be more and create more because of them. They are just important to me as putting on my clothes, taking a shower and eating, because they are fuel for my spirit. No, I wasn't taught the importance of these, society didn't honor them, and my doing addict monster often tried to override them, but what those spiritual masters told me was true. I need a daily pause practice. It truly is the difference between my happiness and success and not. We all need a daily pause practice, and I dare you right now, if you don't have one to create and commit to one, and do it everyday!
And if you do have one, I dare you to re-commit to it everyday, or ask yourself if there is a new daily pause practice that you need right now. Two months ago I added an hour a day of chanting to my daily pause practice, and it has elevated my life to a whole new level. Before I made that discovery I would have told you that you were crazy if you thought I was going to chant an hour a day. Today, I crave it like chocolate and can't imagine my life without it.
THE DARE Do A Daily Pause Practice everyday, yes everyday
Potential Daily Pauses... Try them on and find what's best for you!
Meditate. There are about a jillion ways to meditate, and I recommend you try a bunch to see what fits for you. Check out your local Buddhist organization. Get a meditation CD. Try Wayne Dyer's meditation called Into the Gap. Try the tried and true method of closing your eyes, sitting and breathing and when thoughts show up, just see them as clouds passing through your head. Do a visualization meditation where you envision something you would like to happen in your life as if it is a movie playing in your head. Listen to your breath and count up to 8 each time you take inhale and exhale. Pick a time every day to meditate and stick to it. I think morning is the best time, before you do any work. It will center you and connect you to yourself. Also, try meditating in the evening before you go to bed. It's a great way to relax.
Mantra. Also known as affirmations, these are sentences or phrases that positively affirm something you want to call into your life or aspects of yourself that you want to change. They are always in the positive tense, meaning they never include words like 'not,' 'no' or 'don't.' You repeat them at specific times throughout the day, and for a specific number of times. For example, for a period of a year, every morning while walking my dog I would say out loud "I love Christine" 50 times. Today I have an affirmation that is about 7 sentences long that includes the vision for my life and business. I say it every morning and every night.
Journal. Whether you write or draw or both, get a journal and some pens or markers and put yourself on the page. Write out your thoughts, write a letter to yourself or ask a question and write whatever comes in response. Some people do this as soon as they wake up, before even getting out of bed, others every night before they go to sleep. The key is that it's not like a diary where you just tell what you did all day, it is about getting deeper into what you are feeling and experiencing. It's journaling to discover more about you or to get answers to questions you have. When it's really working, it's almost like someone else is writing through you. Some people call it automatic writing. It's really cool!
Chanting. Sound vibration is a powerful way to clear away all the yuck that can get stuck on you throughout the day. It also helps you get aligned to your center so that you can gain clarity about your life. It is also works to draw life opportunities to you, for as you chant, visions and ideas will start to fall into you, and the sound coming out of your mouth acts like a giant sonar machine attracting what you desire to you. There are lots of chanting CDs. Do a search for Kirtan music or Sadhana Mantra music and use your intuition to help you find the chant that is perfect for you.
Walking. You don't have to sit like a Buddha under a Bodhi tree to meditate. You can actually use walking, when you do it consciously, as a meditation. The idea here is to be totally present to the steps that you are taking one by one, literally feeling your feet hit the ground, step by step. As you focus on the steps, your thoughts will start to fade into the background, and often times the surroundings around you will come more alive. You can try this in nature and start to notice things about the trees, birds and sky that you never did before. You can also do it in the midst of a city and you will start to realize all kinds of things that you never saw before. Focus on the steps and your feet hitting the ground, and be aware of what happens inside and outside of you.
Body Movement. Dance, yoga, trance dancing, ecstatic dance, five movements dance... using your body coupled with music or with breath can be a fantastic way to take pause. You can Google any of these types of dance and find events you can participate in your city. Or you can make your own practice like I did. About two years ago, I made my daily pause practice dancing in my driveway to three India Arie songs every morning for 6 months. The melodies would pump through my IPOD and I would sing out loud from the depths of my heart and soul. I am sure my neighbors thought I was nuts, but I didn't care. After that 10 minute pause I felt totally alive and ready to meet the world. Body movement like this opens your heart in a way nothing else can. Find music that opens up your heart and soul, and challenge yourself to move freely and fully to it every morning, without a care in the world to how you look or sound. It's so freeing!
To get more love dares, download a free copy of the Madly in Love with ME Kit at www.madlyinlovewithme.com
So often we go through the daily just going from task to task, totally not present to what's really going on just in that moment. It's like we are already on to the next thing before we have completed or enjoyed what we are doing right now. I think this is how why we have become human doing machines instead of being the human beings we were meant to be.
Love Fact: When you are really present in the exact moment you are in, you can find and feel total happiness and joy. Because there is nowhere else to go and no one better to be, you can just feel the goodness in the moment right now. This is how we start to remember that we are enough right now, in this moment. And that is a big self-love aha!
What you need: 1. a commitment to play the pause game for a specific amount of time, like one week 2. a memory that will turn on and remind you to pause (relax, we all have this covered!)
How the Pause Game Works: At random times throughout the day, you will say the word "Pause" to yourself, and in that moment you will be absolutely present to whatever you are feeling, whoever you are being, and whatever is going on around you in that moment. In this moment, there is nothing to do, nowhere to go... all you have to do is BE.
Actions 1. Make a commitment to how long you will play the game for. At least a week is recommended. 2. Remind yourself each morning that you are playing the Pause Game. 3. Throughout the day, at totally random times remember to call "PAUSE." 4. When you brain remembers to say PAUSE, stop in your tracks. 5. From this place of being, notice exactly how you feel. Stay in this place for a few minutes. 6. Notice what it feels like to be totally present, without anywhere to go and be. 7. Remember the feeling. 8. Go on about your day until the next time you call "PAUSE." 9. Start the PAUSE sequence again from step #5.
d and feel total happiness and joy. Because there is nowhere else to go and no one better to be, you can just feel the goodness in the moment right now. This is how we start to remember that we are enough right now, in this moment. And that is a big self-love aha!
