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Holidays: December 2009 Archives
TWIGGLY DANGLERi couldn't find a picture of one, so I will just have to define it here for you right now. the word comes from the imagination of my teacher Ariel Spilsbury. I think it's fairy language for any kind of bad ju ju or undealt with energy that you would rather sweep under the carpet but no matter how hard you sweep, or how hard you try to ignore it, you know that 'thing' is still there. TWIGGLY DANGLER EXAMPLESso maybe if i give you a few samples, that will help? - that unpaid bill you haven't dealt with, 401k you haven't transferred, bank account with $5 in it you haven't closed... $$ twiggly danglers cut off your flow in 2010.
- that friendship, relative, co-work relationship that hit a bump sometime this year and that you haven't really straightened out. You haven't totally severed the relationship, but you are either not being straight, or you are avoiding them or the issue, or you are harboring negative energy. Let the bump between you go. Twiggly danglers in relationships stop love from coming in.
- that romantic relationship that ended but that you are still hanging onto. if you have this twiggly dangler in your heart, you can kiss great love from another goodbye in 2010. Let go of as much of that person you can - old clothes, letters, and dreams.
- that unsaid sentiment or feeling. whether its love or hurt, if you have unsaid words between you and another person in your life, say them. Directly, or indirectly. You can write a letter and never mail it. These unsaid words fester and keep truth and peace out of your life.
the truth about twiggly danglers is that there is NO self love present.... the energy feels yucky... and you feel lousy, guilty or drained. You'll have plenty of chances to create more in 2010, so starting the year clear and free can avoid the twiggly dangler pile up! TWIGGLY DANGLER REMEDIES
i think that many people go from one year to the next with this twigglies because let's be honest, dealing with them is uncomfortable. Dealing with twiggly danglers head on can bring up all kinds of icky feelings none of us like - shame, rejection, loneliness, disappointment. Talk about not feeling self-love! But the truth is that self-love is on the other side, if we are willing to untangle the twigglies. So this year, before 2009 ends, meet your twiggly danglers head on, just don't do it in a super public way. No one said you had to splay your twigglies out there for all to see. If it's a bill you've been neglecting, pick it up and send them $10. If it's a friend you've had a falling out with, write them a letter telling them how you feel including how much you love them and are mad at them. You don't have to ever send it. If it's a relationship that has become like an addiction, make the vow to fall in love with yourself this coming year. You deserve your best year yet this 2010! So take PAUSE and let those twiggly danglers go. To learn more about the super power of PAUSE visit http://www.daretoliveyou.com/superpowerofpause/
Take a Pause:
If winter is a time for slowing down, but we are feeling the pressure to speed up, how can we fuel our bodies from something other than a caffeinated paper cup?
I was sitting in a cafe the other day thinking about my adrenal glands. Yes, I know, it's not a topic that flies through most peoples heads at 10am in the morning on a Wednesday. But I was preparing for a conversation later that evening on my show Self Love Studio with a woman who had told me that she had almost burned her adrenals out at the age of 38. Not having a clue as to what an adrenal actually was or why I should care, I asked her what that meant. She told me that she had been feeling tired, so she went to her doctor to find out why. What she heard was not what she expected. He told her that she was headed for adrenal burnout. That if she kept pushing herself to do do do, if she kept living on the energy of her adreneline, if she kept fueling her body with 'stop gaps' like coffee and sugar, she was headed for a complete breakdown of her nervous system and other systems by the time she was 50.
Wow! I wonder how tired my adrenals are I thought. I've certainly done all those things as well. I think I have had actually had moments where I felt myself hear my adrenal glands scream, "Christine stop working. We need to rest now!" In my 20s I never listened. In my 30s I learned how. At age 38 I am still learning how ;)
So it got me to thinking as I sat there with my paper cup drinking some energy that I told myself was just for the taste, but in fact I know was for an energy boost... It got me thinking about why during the holidays do we give ourselves more permission to rely on the short-lived energy boosts that are SO easily attainable - cookies, cakes, pies, parties, cinnamon Starbuck lattes. Why do we rely on these boosts to get us through this crazy time of year where nature is telling us to slow down and we are doing the opposite, and then using fake fuel to get us through it.
My husband Noah says I ask "Why?" a lot. He says that the better question is "So What Do I Want to Do About It?" He says that his question actually leads to change, while mine he says leads to more Whys? So for this one time, I decided to try it his way. I took a PAUSE ... being that we are praciting the self-love dare of PAUSE this month, and here is the wisdom the PAUSE brought me. I now share it with you...
The Issue:
December is a time for slowing down. We are all feeling pressure to speed up. So we turn to 'fake fuel' like coffee and sugar to keep us going.
So What Do I Want to Do About It?
Use the power of the Season vs. the power of Starbucks to keep my energy high and my calorie intake low!
The Wisdom from the PAUSE?
3 ways to fuel yourself from nature vs. a paper cup.
- Do what the Native Americans used to do: RETAIN your energy. They survived without Starbucks and they had to survive through some pretty harsh and long winters. So unlike us they weren't running around like crazy people spending all their energy. They conserved their energy and spent it wisely, knowing that they wanted to always have more in reserve. So this December, notice how you spend your energy. Literally feel your body putting it out as you do your day, give to others and take part in the holiday fun. Be consious about how you spend your energy and always make sure you are retaining more than you are giving.
- Take a lesson from those smart bears: STOCKPILE your energy. The bears are preparing to hibernate so I imagine Momma Bear getting all her shelves filled with the staples she will need for the winter. Jars of honey, crackers, and the like and then napping in between. Find time in your days, every day when you can stockpile your energy, like jars of honey on a shelf you can use later. Today, I took a 30 minute nap. Set my Iphone alarm and recharged. Power Yoga and SPIN class doesn't count. Winter stockpiling should have a nesting and a replenishing quality to it. Yin yoga good. Naps, reading, taking a bath, chanting, a walk in nature.
- If you need an Energy pick me up, use the closest thing you have to you - your breath. If you've done yoga or meditation you've probably learned breath techniques like deep breathing, breath of fire and alternate nostril breathing. Use them. If you do any one of these practices for 5 minutes, you will instantly increase your energy, no calories taken in, in fact you'll burn some off. If you haven't done these breathing techniques you can check out this video for Pranayama breathing which is alternate nostril breathing or search you tube on your own. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MCK1jBfRVsE&feature=SeriesPlayList&p=DCD427CFFB5AA38A
I am giving my adrenal glands the gifts of retaining, stockpiling and breathing my energy this holiday season. What are you going to give yours? For more information on how you can use the power of PAUSE http://www.daretoliveyou.com/superpowerofpause
Bears never feel guilty about staying home for the holidays, so why should we?
I was thinking again about those self-loving bears and how they spend the holidays. At home, in their cave, probably with a nice fire and some honey. And definitely without the guilt, obligation or pressure so many of us feel laden with at this holiday time. In our day to day life, we do feel pressure to take care of everyone and everything else and at the holidays this feeling doesn't go away, it usually gets stronger. Whether it's making sure the holiday dinner is cooked perfectly, the holiday party is a smash success, cards are sent out on time, or we've bought presents for everyone so no one feels left out. As women we are naturally giving, and that is a feminine super power that we want to hold onto, for sure. But, sometimes we give so much to others, that we forget to give to ourselves. We put our self-love on hold, especially during the holidays. Guilt. Stress. Obligation. Our lack of self love and over giving nature can show up in a million ways. Like maybe you don't really want to go visit Aunt Sally or spend the entire day with your husband's family or pack up everything and travel during this crazy holiday time. Maybe you just want to stay home and cook dinner for your close friends and family. Or maybe you want to go skiing in Tahoe or even spend the day doing absolutely nothing. Or maybe something totally different. But you don't feel like you can just say, "NO, I don't want to do 'that' I want to do 'this' instead. Or maybe you don't even feel like you know why you want, you just know it's not that. We are usually so busy doing the holidays, that we never even pause to "How do I really want to spend the holidays?" Give Yourself the gift of PAUSEIt's Dec 4th, what is the holiday you really want to have?
What is going to make YOU happy?
1. What are the activities that make you really really really happy during the holidays? List out your top 5. This is your list of Holiday Happys. And then answer the question, 'Why do these make me happy?" 2. What are the activities that you really really really DON'T like, but that you do because you feel like you should, or because you don't want to let down someone else? This is your list of Holiday Obligations. List out your top 5. Answer the question for each, "Why do I do these if they don't make me happy?" 3. Compare your Holiday Happys to your Holiday Obligations. What's the self-love AHA for you? What can you learn about yourself? Now for the Self-Love Dare
Self Love Dare #12
Give Up the Guilt.
This Holiday, Only Do What Makes You Happy
Look at your list of Holiday Obligations, the things you do out of obligation, guilt or some other downer of a reason during the holidays. One by one, either change this into a Holiday Happy, or stop doing it. Changing Holiday Obligations into Holiday Happys:1. Get to the core of the reason this is important to YOU. Not to anyone else, but to you. 2. Determine what piece of it you do out of guilt or obligation, which is usually tied to a person or fear. 3. How can you do what is important to you, and do it from your heart with love for yourself and this other person/people? If you have an answer, great, do that. If you have no answer, stop doing it. My personal self-love dare #12 story:
I took this dare about six years ago when I moved to California and my grandmother, for the first two years, would say, "I wish you would come home for Christmas." I loved my grandmother, she and I were very close, AND I also knew that I wanted to spend my holidays in California in my home. So when she asked me to come, I would have this internal conflict of not wanting to let her down, and also not wanting to let me down. So on the second year when she again asked me to come home, I took a Pause. What I learned in that Pause was that I really did want to see my grandmother, I loved spending time with her, but I didn't like traveling in December to only get to see her for a few hours at Christmas when the rest of the family was around. So after my Pause, I said to her, "Grandma I love you very much and I know it's important to you for me to come home for the holidays. I really want to spend time with you and during the holidays we just don't get enough one on one time, so how about I come in January for your birthday for a few days." It took her a few minutes to warm up to the idea (she was stubborn like me or me like her I guess), but her heart lit up and like that mine did too, and in January, I arrived in the frozen tundra of Chicago into the warm embrace of my grandmother, who I loved very much. We hung out, ate at our favorite restaurant and watched Dancing with the Stars together. She passed away last year, and I will always have that memory of her and I.
TAKE A PAUSE
3 things self-loving bears can teach us about conserving our energy & money this holiday season, using the Feminine Super Power of PAUSE. It's December, so what do us crazy humans do? Run around like energizer bunnies gone mad, running from party to party, store to store, gift wrapping to cooking baking. Bright lights, big sales and big pressure to see and be everywhere. It is a season that we spend DOING.  \Now compare that to the animals that live in the forest, that live lock and step with nature, following the natural cycle of living on earth. Take the bear for instance, what is he or she up to in December? Is she out canvassing all the holiday sales hoping to get that DVD player on sale? Is he running around from grocery store to grocery store worrying that he won't have enough food to feed the guests for the party he's planned? No way! This smart four legged creature is getting her house (or cave as the case may be) in order, stocking up on all the goods she will need to get her through the frozen winter. She's not spending her stock, she's savoring and saving it, using it slowly. This wise animal has tuned into a station we too often ignore: nature. And for the entire month of December this station is broadcasting one message: SLOW DOWN! So what do we humans do? We speed up! The opposite of what the energy of the season is asking for. No wonder we are dead tired come Dec 28th, and then we pep up for one last go around on New Year's and then spend the next two months trying to work off all the excess we sped up to create. Now to be fair, bears don't face the pressure you do. They aren't bombarded with Christmas advertising campaigns. Or relatives and friends that all want to share in the holiday cheer. Self love comes easier to them. But they do have some behaviors you can use this holiday season that can help you SLOW DOWN and at the same time still enjoy all the love and fun that abounds. I know you may not believe me, but it is actually in your nature to SLOW DOWN... when you tap into your Feminine Super Power of PAUSE. You've just got to slow down long enough to listen. Try these bear-proven tactics: 1. DON'T GIVE ALL YOUR HONEY AWAY, SAVE SOME FOR YOURSELFThe self-loving, smart bear loves to share her gifts, time and energy, with those she loves, especially her prized honey, but she never empties her shelves. And she never feels guilty for keeping honey for herself. So for you... yes, give to the people and things that you love this holiday season, and RETAIN energy for yourself too. Remember to GIVE to yourself. And do it before you run yourself into a cold or a sore neck. When you start feeling that run down sensation or the stress kick in, ask yourself, "Am I giving all my honey away?" And then do something to replenish. 2. SPEND EXTRA TIME IN YOUR CAVE
The self-loving, smart bear isn't romping around the forest in December using up all her energy, she is spending extra time loving being in her cave. After all, she's worked hard all year to make it cozy. December is a time of going inward and it's more natural to want to cozy up at home than to flit from party to party every night. Pick your social outings wisely, doing the ones that fill you up the most. Don't be afraid to pass on social obligations that don't totally light you up. Decline politely, wish them holiday cheer, and then create a cozy, warm space inside your home full of self love, magic and holiday beauty. Use that energy to fill you up. 3. DON"T APOLOGIZE FOR DOING WHAT YOU WANT
The self-loving smart bear knows that she knows what is best for her and she doesn't waste her vital energy carrying around feelings of guilt or obligation. She does what she needs to do and wants to do, without apologizing to the other bears. She's never rude, always full of love, and she has no qualms about setting healthy boundaries. Make this a holiday that you do your way. Set the intention that you will fill yourself up with energy, love and happiness this holiday, and anything that doesn't ftl those three bills, you can pass on, without guilt or obligation. For more ideas on how to fall more in love with you, every day this winter, download the free madly in love with me kit at http://www.madlyinlovewithme.com
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