Recently in Inner Mean Girl Category

BE FREE TO BE HAPPY!! 
That's what happens when you fly 5000 feet above the jungle floor on a wire :)
You get big AHA's from the Divine about your life.

I got TWO BIG EPHANINIES in TWO MINUTES that you can take and use in your life to see what's holding you down from the happiness and joy your heart and soul crave.

Watch the video and then make the promise to ask your Inner Wisdom what to do using the two questions I wrote below...

1. What do I need to drop, release, get rid of, transform, to have more freedom and happiness? What's dragging me down and how do I do something differently?
2. Who or what do I not have faith will be there to support me if I jump, fly, trust? What's the truth? 

State what's been dragging you down here on the blog ... and then make a promise to take one action to jump, fly, trust.... we'll witness you! You can do it!

And if you need some  help moving through that fear - join me and hundreds of people around the world as we give our inner critics new jobs and get way better at listening to and acting from our Inner Wisdom - lets zipline through life with our Inner Wisdoms not our inner critics!

Check it all out at www.innermeangirlreformschool.com

Every day since you could watch a TV or hear a radio or read a magazine, you were told a message. A harmful message, that made you believe things about yourself that weren't true. What my sister of self love and co-founder of Inner Mean Girl Reform School Amy Ahlers calls a Big Fat Lie.

This message which came from all kinds of places, made the little you, believe "You are not enough" ... so you spent years and years, trying to do and be and have all the things that would finally make you enough... and still today, as an adult, the truth is, you don't really believe you are, not really. Not at the deepest levels where it counts.

You see the message of "YOU are NOT enough" became food for your inner critic - or your Inner Mean Girl or Dude" as I like to call it... and ever since it's been feasting on this big fat lie, fueled by a media and culture that thrives on YOU believing it. 

So over the years, your Inner Mean Girl or Dude has become very strong and big... self-sabotaging your dreams, your love life, you life really... filling you up with self-doubt, self-criticism, self-neglect and even self-hate.

Until NOW that is!! See inside of you you also have two WAY more powerful forces -- the arch nemesis twins of your inner critic... Your Inner Muse and your Inner Wisdom.

And today in this blog I am going to share with you two short but mighty ways to feed these pieces of you instead of that inner critic that's been tormenting the little you and the big you for way too long.

One: Watch the love letter video I taped with one of my B.F.F.'s the transformational artist and poet, Shiloh Sophia McCloud...  she is master at activating the muse with just the right messages that erase those crazy inner mean girl/dude thoughts. Go here to watch.

Two: Attend an Inner Mean Girl Reform School tele-jam -- and get 3 super power tools for turning the self sabotaging voice in your head into a self empowering self loving ally instead. Go here to register, it's gratis on me. 

And if you dare, go ahead and leave a comment here taking a stand for giving up negative self-talk for good and taking on the belief I AM ENOUGH... I CHOOSE TO GIVE UP NEGATIVE SELF TALK... I CHOOSE TO BELIEVE I AM ENOUGH....

think of this blog like a wall of self-love... I see you!

An excerpt from the upcoming book, Madly in Love with ME by Christine Arylo

"So here I was,
The queen of self-love
SO not loving herself.
Asking myself questions that led me down the road of self-hate, not self-love.
(the irony didn't escape me!)

And so I did the only thing I know how to do
When I come to that place of self-doubt and confusion
I knelt in front of the self-love altar.
Plugged into my 24/7 downline to divine love and asked it

"How can I find my way back to love?"

I was led right back to the book I was writing.
To ask myself, " What branch of my self-love tree is starving for nourishment?"
No surprise - as an recovering over-achiever -
My branch of Self-Compassion was as brittle as could be.

And so you know what I did? I followed my own advice -
Or more aptly, the words of wisdom that spirit had given me for the book.
I went deeper into myself...
And led myself through a series of transformative questions I call a ME MOMENT (like having a honest talk with your b.f.f.)

Which I have now cut and paste into this blog for you... New material that I haven't yet shared with anyone, until now, with you. And I share them now with you because this is the transformation that occurred for me when I sat and asked myself questions that were actually helpful, not hurtful.

As I knelt and got quiet with myself, and took myself through these questions,
I started to see how harshly and unfairly I was judging myself.
And then I began to apply compassion.
And then the comparison and unrealistic expectations started to loosen.
And I started remembering who I am.

Finally, I got the message loud and clear that I needed to hear,
and perhaps you do too - the core message of this love letter --

You are doing the best that you can, and that is enough.
You are enough.

Does your heart need to hear this message too?
To feel love instead of comparison and judgment towards yourself
To know love and happiness instead of stress and self-hate

Then give yourself the gift of love today (or in the next 48 hours)
Answer the 3 questions, take the daring act of love I included, and rub some compassion onto yourself.

Lead yourself back to the land of love, where you can remember that...
YOU ARE DOING THE BEST YOU CAN.

AND YOU ARE ENOUGH.

ME MOMENT:

Tell Your The Truth About Just How Hard You're Being On You...

The way to free yourself from comparison and judgment is to first tell the truth to yourself - the truth will set you free. Then apply compassion to the wounds and love yourself back to the truth - YOU ARE ENOUGH.

Use the three truth starters below, get a piece of paper, and as if you were sitting down with your most trusted best friend (even if that is your dog or cat), someone you can trust to give you unconditional love without judgment, and write the truth.

 

1.     I am unhappy with myself about...  Write down all the areas of your life in which you are upset that things are not going the way you want, including all the ways in which you aren't acting or doing what you really want.  List at least 3 no more than 5.

Example: I am unhappy or upset with myself about....
     

• My love life, and lack of a romantic, loving relationship
• How my body is super out of shape right now
• Not having enough money and spending money that I don't have

 

2.     I judge that I should...  Fill in the blank after this phrase for each of the "unhappy with me" areas you identified.

For example: I judge that I should....

• Be able to find a man to like me enough to want to be with me
• Be thinner and be able to control what I eat better
• Be more financially secure and stable
  
  

3.  What I am really thinking is...  Now here's the juice, the juicy energetically charged judgments. Your mission is to let them rip, full force so you can release them out of your mind and body and replace them with some good love. For each response to question #2, write in the most harsh, real words a statement that reflects what you are really saying to yourself when you make this judgment. Don't hold back, really let yourself give it to you - the more you can tap into the mean, critical, 'what the hell is wrong with you' energy, the more you will succeed in getting to the compassionate energy in the next part of our adventure. Let yourself free flow write until every judgment comes out.

• You are not pretty enough. You are too old. No one wants you. You are damaged goods.
• You are fat, ugly and an out of control eating machine. You are a sugar addict who can't deal with her feelings so you stuff yourself full of food.
• You are not disciplined enough. You are not smart enough. You are not worth more.

 

Pause here and look at this list of judgments that you have just written about yourself. Let the energy from these statements impact you. What does your body and heart feel like when you look at and feel these words that you've been directed at you? Not good.

            At the top of the paper, write the words, I CHOOSE SELF-HATE. Whenever you choose to think these thoughts to yourself - whether you are conscious of them or not - you are hating on yourself. This is nothing to be ashamed about, that's double self-hate, because the truth is that we all do this. Now is the time to choose love by first choosing to admit the ways in which you haven't been compassionate  with yourself .

 

Now... Choose Self-Compassion Instead!                     

            Just like you would instinctively give compassion for a child learning to walk, a young girl trying to find herself, or a friend who was completely overwhelmed, you need you to be there to put a hand on your shoulder to say to yourself, "You are doing the best that you can." Not "You'll do better next time," as if what you've just done isn't good enough. As if you have to strive for a next time in order to be okay. But "You are doing the best you can right now, period." And if you are not doing this for yourself now, then you are not loving yourself enough.

            Today you make the choice to be there for yourself always, ready to deliver compassion, and act as a best friend or fabulous mother would. From this day forwards, every time you judge yourself, hold yourself to unrealistic expectations or perfections, fail, fall short, or fall behind, or don't feel well, are tired, or are just having a bad day - you promise to be there, ready and able to deliver compassion. And when you fail to be compassionate, you are compassionate about your inability to be compassionate - lol!

            How do you know if you are giving compassion vs criticism? They are both energies that you can feel in your body. Self-compassion feels kind, understanding and a gentle. It feels like a warm and loving energy is being offered instead of harsh and hard being blasted. Compassion feels rooted in love. It makes your mind feel at peace, because it believes that regardless of what you achieve or don't, what you do or don't, if you fail or succeed, act poorly or magnificently, you are enough, and you deserve love. When compassion is present, you feel as if you're being embraced by the sweetest, most unconditionally loving mother in the world - and you are, because you are mothering you.

 

TAKE THIS Daring Act of Love: Smother and Mother Yourself with Compassion 

             Close your eyes, take a breath and think of something that you are being really hard on yourself about right now. Something that you are frustrated by, that you've been judging yourself for. Something that no matter what you try just isn't working the way you want, or something you really want but haven't received yet. Allow yourself to fully feel the frustration, and beneath that the judgment, and beneath that the emotion of sadness/despair/exhaustion. Then, from a place of compassion, witness your struggle and also of your inherent perfection, and place your hand on your shoulder. And just as a mother would, with love say these words at least three times out loud,

 

"You are doing the best that you can."

"You are doing the best that you can."

 "You are doing the best that you can." 

 

Say them until you can feel the compassion sink into your heart and bring you back into a state of love for yourself. 

Welcome back to love!

If any part of this helped you or if you have an aha or insight you'd like to share - post it here on the blog so we can see the LOVE TRANSFORMATION you generated for yourself.  That is the power of love directed at yourself.

If you'd like a song to help you lock this all in, go to www.MadlyinlovewithME.com and download the free Self-Love Kit where you will find the official 2012 self-love song, I am Enough by Karen Drucker.

3 super powered tools for turning your inner critic into your best business partner

by Christine Arylo and Amy Ahlers, co-founders of Inner Mean Girl Reform School

When you made the decision to start your own business, you probably got lots of advice on how to be successful, right? Solid advice like keep an eye on your expenses, create a marketing plan, put yourself out there as much as possible, etc.

But did anyone warn you that the biggest and most likely threat your business faces is not out there in the marketplace, but instead living and breathing inside of you?

Let us introduce you to your Inner Critic or Inner Mean Girl as we like to call it (or Inner Bully for all you guys out there). That negative, self-sabotaging, self-critical voice in your head tells you big fat lies like "You're not good enough," "If you try, you'll probably fail," or "You've got to work harder if you're ever going to make this business fly."

Your Inner Mean Girl / Inner Bully is the slave driver, achievement junkie, doing addict, perfectionist and wishful thinker that keeps you working like a dog, doing all the work yourself, and spending money, time, and energy in the wrong places. It's the voice that makes you feel less happy and successful than ever.

Here's the truth; you can have the best strategies, the most stellar product, but if you don't have the right mindset you will fail, and you'll exhaust yourself in the process! Or maybe you'll get lucky and reach your goals but be unable to feel successful or enjoy everything you worked so hard for. Your Inner Mean / Bully just loves to rob you of celebrating!

The best way to keep your mindset healthy, and your Inner Mean Girls / Bullies off your back is to know their toxic tricks and have an antidote in your back pocket to use when you find yourself in their grips.

After coaching entrepreneurs from all walks of life for over 17 years combined, we've developed processes that put your Inner Mean Girl and Inner Bully in their place.

Here are 3 of our favorites for shifting your mind and securing your success!

#1 Toxic Trick. Comparison

You find yourself going crazy, comparing yourself to every one else who is more successful, farther along, or more together than you. Your Comparison Queen / King is using the Inferiority Complex on you! Antidote: Compliment the person you are comparing yourself to. Dig deep and find the inspiration. Yes, that's right, reach out and tell that person how inspired you are by who they are and what they are doing. You'll be amazed at the new connections you'll create!

#2 Toxic Trick. Future Tripping

You achievement junkie is filling your head with lies like "When I hit that goal, then I'll be happy!" or "When I hit 6 figures (or 7 figures or more!), I can finally relax." Your Inner Mean Girl/Inner Bully has you running so fast to the future that you're too exhausted to enjoy today. Antidote: Get grateful for what you do have and get happy in the present. When you find your mind future tripping, stop, drop and do 10 gratitude statements. Write or say aloud what you appreciate about today. Notice how you can enjoy the moment!

#3 Toxic Trick. Unrealistic Expectations

You've just started your day and you already have a To-Do List a mile long that you are counting on getting done today. Deep down you know it's humanly impossible to accomplish them all. But your doing addict has got you convinced that you can get through the list. So you work like an energizer bunny gone mad all day, and come 8pm you've not accomplished half of what you set out to. You set yourself up to fail, and now you beat yourself up with the "I'm a loser" lie. Antidote: Take a pause and get real. When you feel yourself moving into overdrive to get it all done, pause, take a deep breath and decide on the 3 things that are most important for you to complete today. In your mind, move the rest to another day. Get real and honest with how much is reasonable for you to do today. With only those 3 things on your mind, you're guaranteed to set yourself up for success, and find time to have a personal life too!

Here's the truth - you have a one-of-a-kind gift to give the world through your great work. And if you don't take care of yourself, if you try to do it all alone, and if you don't enjoy the process along the way, you will never be able to reach your full potential.

We invite you to try these antidotes PLUS get started on transforming your own Inner Mean Girl.

Join us on September 24^th for our Inner Mean Girl Reform School free open house call we're hosting called Stop the Critical Voice in Your Head from Being So Hard On You... & Start Feeling Truly Successful & Happy, Now! You'll learn the three secrets to reforming your Inner Mean Girl or Inner Bully!

CLICK here to register www.InnerMeanGirl.com

About Christine Arylo and Amy Ahlers

Christine Arylo, popular author of Choosing ME before WE, and Amy Ahlers, celebrated author of Big Fat Lies Women Tell Themselves, have taken a stand for people, especially women, everywhere to say NO! to being so hard on themselves. They are co-founders of Inner Mean Girl Reform School, a series of programs that give people tools to transform their self-sabotaging patterns into new self-empowering habits. They've successfully coached thousands of people around the world - including themselves - to take charge of their inner critics once and for all.

Visit http://www.innermeangirl.com start reforming your Inner Mean Girl / Bully now!

If you had asked me if I was a gossip and if I gossiped before yesterday, when I kicked off the Inner Mean Girl 40-day cleanse with about 6500 women, I would have given you an emphatic "NO!" I don't talk bad about people. I don't watch snarky reality TV and I (except for the occasional glance at People magazine at the airport) don't read tabloid magazines. I gave that all up along my spiritual path these last 10 years... or so I thought.

And then yesterday, on Day One of our 40-Day Cleanse, gossip tried to sneak up on me. It was like I could feel it coming on like a cold, you know when you first get that itchy throat and then all of the sudden before you know it, you have full blown snot coming out of your nose.

During an evening phone conversation with a good friend of mine, Catherine, a person who I also consider to be impeccable with her word, I relayed to her an experience I kept having that involved another woman. I asked her a question with total integrity... to try and figure out what my block was, nothing to do with the other woman. "What am I doing to create this situation?" I asked. She answered with the truth, "Nothing, the two of you just aren't supposed to be connected."

And that's when I started to feel the energy of my Inner Mean Girl looming in the background, sitting in the darkness getting ready to pounce, like an energy that wanted to jump in, take charge and "Go Rouge."  I felt this urge to ask Catherine, "Well why do you think that?" and I could feel that urge coming from this longing place inside of me... like some dark recess that wanted to be filled.

And then on the other end of me was my Inner Wisdom screaming, "Don't do it! Don't ask that question! You will just invite the Inner Mean Girl in and she'll take us down the Rabbit Hole!" Now I wish I could tell you that in all my great will power, I resisted the urge of my Inner Mean Girl and followed my Inner Wisdom... but that's not how the story goes.

The words, "Catherine, why do you think that we aren't supposed to connect?" came blurting out of my lips but in slow motion, like my Inner Mean Girl was yanking toxic taffy out of me...

UGH!

Like a rock hitting the pit of my stomach I felt the toxin of those words and it was like I could see this big movie marquee in lights flashing "GOSSIP! GOSSIP! READ ALL ABOUT IT!!"

Now here is where I did turn things around and tap into the power of this 40-day Inner Mean Girl Cleanse.  I had AWARENESS that what I was about to engage in, what I honestly started to engage in, was toxic self-sabotaging Gossip!  It what I am now dubbing "Sneaky Gossip." This variety of gossip didn't look like blantantly talking poorly about someone or putting someone down, but make no mistake about it, in some way I was trying to make myself feel better by talking about someone else, and that IS gossip.

So I used the self-love tool of Awareness that I learned, and that we teach in Inner Mean Girl Reform School, and that SARK taught us about on our launch call, to take back the power of my words from my Inner Mean Girl - ripped the steering wheel of the conversation right out of her hands - and said to Catherine, 'You know, you are right. It's okay we aren't connecting. I think what she is doing is great. And I am on the right path for me."

And in that instant you know what happened??? That hole that had been trying to be filled by my IMG with gossip, instantly filled with self-love from the Good Talk, and I felt GREAT about me and totally unattached to everything else. Way better than I would have felt if I had gone down the toxic rabbit hole and continued spewing ick from my lips.

This experience of Sneaky Gossip caused me to write a Facebook Post asking people this question:

If gossip was a color or a substance coming out of your mouth, what do you suppose it would look, feel, or taste like?

The answers made me smile and cracked me up - and I've included a few of them here so that you can get a better handle on when Sneaky Gossip is sneaking up on you!  Even when the gossip is super subtle, you can still feel the toxin leaking from your lips...

• Like eating too much cotton candy, looks like it might be tasty buts feels yucky and sick.
• Boogers
• When I was a kid (in the 80s) they had a toy called "slime" and it was green and came in a little plastic garbage can and it's sole purpose was that you took it out of the can and held it and it was cold and wet and slimy. That's gossip!

I invite you to join me and over 6000 women and growing as we give up Gossip and 5 other of the most self-sabotaging habits of our Inner Mean Girls! Imagine the impact we can have on our lives and on the world.

To join us for the FREE! cleanse, go to http://www.meangirlcleanse.com

And to get more scoop on this SNEAKY GOSSIP check out our Video Blog about what Gossip really is...