An excerpt from the upcoming book, Madly in Love with ME by Christine Arylo
"So here I was,
The queen of self-love
SO not loving herself.
Asking myself questions that led me down the road of self-hate, not self-love.
(the irony didn't escape me!)
And so I did the only thing I know how to do
When I come to that place of self-doubt and confusion
I knelt in front of the self-love altar.
Plugged into my 24/7 downline to divine love and asked it
"How can I find my way back to love?"
I was led right back to the book I was writing.
To ask myself, " What branch of my self-love tree is starving for nourishment?"
No surprise - as an recovering over-achiever -
My branch of Self-Compassion was as brittle as could be.
And so you know what I did? I followed my own advice -
Or more aptly, the words of wisdom that spirit had given me for the book.
I went deeper into myself...
And led myself through a series of transformative questions I call a ME MOMENT (like having a honest talk with your b.f.f.)
Which I have now cut and paste into this blog for you... New material that I haven't yet shared with anyone, until now, with you. And I share them now with you because this is the transformation that occurred for me when I sat and asked myself questions that were actually helpful, not hurtful.
As I knelt and got quiet with myself, and took myself through these questions,
I started to see how harshly and unfairly I was judging myself.
And then I began to apply compassion.
And then the comparison and unrealistic expectations started to loosen.
And I started remembering who I am.
Finally, I got the message loud and clear that I needed to hear,
and perhaps you do too - the core message of this love letter --
You are doing the best that you can, and that is enough.
You are enough.
Does your heart need to hear this message too?
To feel love instead of comparison and judgment towards yourself
To know love and happiness instead of stress and self-hate
Then give yourself the gift of love today (or in the next 48 hours)
Answer the 3 questions, take the daring act of love I included, and rub some compassion onto yourself.
Lead yourself back to the land of love, where you can remember that...
YOU ARE DOING THE BEST YOU CAN.
AND YOU ARE ENOUGH.
Tell Your The Truth About Just How Hard You're Being On You...
The way to free yourself from comparison and judgment is to first tell the truth to yourself - the truth will set you free. Then apply compassion to the wounds and love yourself back to the truth - YOU ARE ENOUGH.
Use the three truth
starters below, get a piece of paper, and as if you were sitting down with your
most trusted best friend (even if that is your dog or cat), someone you can
trust to give you unconditional love without judgment, and write the truth.
1. I am unhappy with
myself about... Write down all the areas
of your life in which you are upset that things are not going the way you want,
including all the ways in which you aren't acting or doing what you really
want. List at least 3 no more than
Example: I am unhappy or upset with myself about....
love life, and lack of a romantic, loving relationship
my body is super out of shape right now
having enough money and spending money that I don't have
2. I judge that I
should... Fill in the blank after
this phrase for each of the "unhappy with me" areas you identified.
example: I judge that I should....
able to find a man to like me enough to want to be with me
thinner and be able to control what I eat better
more financially secure and stable
I am really thinking is... Now here's the juice,
the juicy energetically charged judgments. Your mission is to let them rip,
full force so you can release them out of your mind and body and replace them
with some good love. For each response to question #2, write in the most harsh,
real words a statement that reflects what you are really saying to yourself
when you make this judgment. Don't hold back, really let yourself give it to
you - the more you can tap into the mean, critical, 'what the hell is wrong
with you' energy, the more you will succeed in getting to the compassionate
energy in the next part of our adventure. Let yourself free flow write until
every judgment comes out.
are not pretty enough. You are too old. No one wants you. You are damaged
are fat, ugly and an out of control eating machine. You are a sugar addict
who can't deal with her feelings so you stuff yourself full of food.
are not disciplined enough. You are not smart enough. You are not worth
Pause here and look at this list of judgments
that you have just written about yourself. Let the energy from these statements
impact you. What does your body and heart feel like when you look at and feel
these words that you've been directed at you? Not good.
the top of the paper, write the words, I CHOOSE SELF-HATE. Whenever you choose
to think these thoughts to yourself - whether you are conscious of them or not
- you are hating on yourself. This is nothing to be ashamed about, that's
double self-hate, because the truth is that we all do this. Now is the time
to choose love by first choosing to admit the ways in which you haven't been
compassionate with yourself .
Now... Choose Self-Compassion Instead!
like you would instinctively give compassion for a child learning to walk, a
young girl trying to find herself, or a friend who was completely overwhelmed,
you need you to be there to put a hand on your shoulder to say to yourself,
"You are doing the best that you can." Not "You'll do better next time," as if
what you've just done isn't good enough. As if you have to strive for a next
time in order to be okay. But "You are doing the best you can right now,
period." And if you are not doing this for yourself now, then you are not
loving yourself enough.
you make the choice to be there for yourself always, ready to deliver
compassion, and act as a best friend or fabulous mother would. From this day
forwards, every time you judge yourself, hold yourself to unrealistic
expectations or perfections, fail, fall short, or fall behind, or don't feel
well, are tired, or are just having a bad day - you promise to be there, ready
and able to deliver compassion. And when you fail to be compassionate, you are
compassionate about your inability to be compassionate - lol!
do you know if you are giving compassion vs criticism? They are both energies
that you can feel in your body. Self-compassion feels kind, understanding and a
gentle. It feels like a warm and loving energy is being offered instead of
harsh and hard being blasted. Compassion feels rooted in love. It makes your
mind feel at peace, because it believes that regardless of what you achieve or
don't, what you do or don't, if you fail or succeed, act poorly or
magnificently, you are enough, and you deserve love. When compassion is
present, you feel as if you're being embraced by the sweetest, most
unconditionally loving mother in the world - and you are, because you are
TAKE THIS Daring Act of Love: Smother and Mother
Yourself with Compassion
Close your eyes, take a
breath and think of something that you are being really hard on yourself about
right now. Something that you are frustrated by, that you've been judging
yourself for. Something that no matter what you try just isn't working the way
you want, or something you really want but haven't received yet. Allow yourself
to fully feel the frustration, and beneath that the judgment, and beneath that
the emotion of sadness/despair/exhaustion. Then, from a place of compassion,
witness your struggle and also of your inherent perfection, and place your hand
on your shoulder. And just as a mother would, with love say these words at
least three times out loud,
"You are doing the best that you can."
"You are doing the best that you can."
"You are doing the best that you can."
Say them until you can feel the compassion sink
into your heart and bring you back into a state of love for yourself.
Welcome back to love!
If any part of this helped you or if you have an aha or insight you'd like to share - post it here on the blog so we can see the LOVE TRANSFORMATION you generated for yourself. That is the power of love directed at yourself.
If you'd like a song to help you lock this all in, go to www.MadlyinlovewithME.com and download the free Self-Love Kit where you will find the official 2012 self-love song, I am Enough by Karen Drucker.