So you know how you have those moments when you feel in your heart it's time for a change? Time to change jobs, relationships, where you live.
Or those times when you can feel your soul calling you forth to take a big step forward to stop dreaming or talking about your dream or heart's desires, and start actually living it? But fear has got you procrastinating, complaining, or reeling? Fear is telling you all the reasons it will never work. Especially when it comes to money (it loves to use money to freak you out and keep you doing what you don't love, vs what you do!)
But the truth ... which in the end will win over that fear... is that You WANT more than anything to be living what your heart feels inside... to be living the vision your soul knows is your destiny... You are just currently stuck or blinded by that crazy fear.
I get it - I've been there.
I've had to face my fears and make big changes again and again - especially when it comes to money. Leaving Chicago without a job to move to San Francisco to pursue my dream of working in fashion.
Leaving a cushy six figure corporate job to pursue my calling to write a book and teach the world self-love (that was not highlighted as a lucrative job option when I was getting my m.b.a.!)
And recently my heart and my soul calling me to go on the road for six months to meet and be with many of you in person - TEAM LOVE TOUR 2013, which means selling my house and going nomad!
It can be really scary to pick up the phone when the universe calls, get the assignment and then follow through - like WHAT???? You want me to do what???
But I know for myself, when I haven't listened - the suffering i bring to myself is a whole lot more painful than feeling the fear that gets stirred up when I take a leap of faith.
Put into action the three tools I share with you - I use these myself - and then join me later this month for a full transformational session in Wine and Divine all about Stepping Forward In Faith... moving fear out and letting your dreams and visions be alive now.
And then be BOLD and write down your dream, vision or heart's desire here - where it can be witnessed -- spray it with some FEAR BE GONE.. apply some FAITH DUST... and then join us at Wine and the Divine... lets get you going for it!
I have noticed that while we all say we want to be happy, most of us spend more time pursuing happiness than we actually do living in it.
And when we see the actions we'd actually have to take for our
happiness, we back down, chicken out, and let fear and false security
take over our lives. (which is why I am on a tractor! we've got to MOVE that fear O-U-T!)
Whenever I get into a place where I my life is out of alignment with my
joy, I stop and look around, see where the misalignment is and then dare
myself to do whatever it takes to realign to joy - because if I'm not willing to do whatever it takes for my own happiness, who could be?
And if you aren't willing to do whatever it takes to re-align your life
with your happiness - even if its scary, even if you don't know how the
money will work, even it if means disappointing another - then who will?
As our own b.f.f's, we count on ourselves to make the choices that create happiness now, not someday in the future.
The goal is not to pursue happiness... it is to LIVE happiness. Watch the transformation video I taped for you where I take you through a three stage process (that I've used myself) to bust through the 'rules' you've created for yourself based on fear - your own and others - that stops you from being able to take the acts that lead to your happiness.
Then do the three steps - which are going to challenge you to break out of the box you and society has put you in and bring you back to the middle path where you can claim your happiness today.
Then here, on this blog, be bold and POST what you are willing to do for your happiness.
ME? I am selling my house and going out on the road to travel for 6 months to speak, teach and hold events that are all about self love - no more computer 7 hours a day... get ready for the love, I am bound to come your way in 2013!
That is the very question -- Is it possible to live stress free? --
I found myself asking myself as I sat in Costa Rica looking out at the
jungle, feeling for the first time in a long time, completely free of
stress.
And while in Costa Rica I have to say the answer was yes.
And i have to tell you stress-free felt really good!
So good that I found myself sitting there getting a little mad about how much stress I knew was waiting for me back home...
I didn't want to lose that feeling of freedom, inner peace, ease... I wanted to take it with me.
Maybe you can relate? After going on vacation, taking a long weekend, a
day off? Feeling the stress melt away, and not wanting to take it back
on but feeling almost powerless to do anything else.
What I realized in Costa Rica and I am going to share with you now in
this love letter, is that the only way that I was going to NOT pick up
all the stress when I got back home, was for me to get honest about all
the ways in which i was making it okay for stress to take over my life.
And instead of being a victim to the stress... be empowered to make a different choice when it showed up.
And instead of being surprised or mad when stress emerged... taking pre-emptive action so stress couldn't come creeping in.
The process and meditation I went through on the deck in that jungle was
transformative... it burned up a few stress creators on the spot... and
while stress is still knocking on my door, I can say that after a month
of being home, the stress gremlins have not taken back over control!
Although they keep trying!
HAVE FUN!
Lots of it.
Spontaneous fun... unplanned... magical... the kind you used to have before there was so much 'work' to do!
Yes, I know you have tons to do... lots of people and projects depending on you, that's true.
But what is also true is that YOU are depending on you - not just to
take those 'planned vacations and trips' you've got jotted down for the
summer...
But to LIVE YOUR SUMMER like the SUMMER OF LOVE... free, happy, and full
of self-love (you can skip the bell bottoms and psychedlics and just go
for the simple F-U-N)
Watch this weeks love letter video
where I share 3 of the biggest threats to your summer of FREEDOM and
HAPPY and LOVE... and 3 simple things you can do every day so you don't
have to wait for vacation to have a great summer... I'll be doing them
right along with you, in fact, I've already started (notice the
scenery!)
1. Tell your Inner Mean Girl or Inner Mean Dude to head to summer camp next time they tell you that you can't play because you better keep working! Need help, come to one of my Inner Mean Girl Reform School tele-jams http://www.innermeangirl.com
2. No keeping your heart closed to magical spontaneous invitations! Say YES!!!!
3. Receive the assistance of the Divine -- forget trying to do it all on your own - you'll never have time for fun doing life that way... ask the Divine for help and then let it help you! Need some help opening up those channels? Join me for Wine and the Divine http://www.wineandthedivine.com
This summer... have FUN - lots of it.... you are depending on you to give it to yourself.
How often do we, do you, try to do it all on your own? Struggle to
'figure' it out? Feel like there is no way to create what you really
want?
And then feel defeated, feel like you are a failure, and feel all alone.
Too often.
Your mind loves to convince you that it should be the one in control, and then it goes out into the world to seek out all kinds of evidence to prove this to be true.
This love letter offers a different way... It's an invitation and instruction on how to REMEMBER to place a service call to God for assistance...
before
you need to dial 9-1-1... place a call to say "I need your help
universe, divine, God, whatever name you like to use... please show me
the way."
And then use the steps I share with you in this love letter to find your way.
What do you really desire in your life today? Where do you need some divine assistance?
Plug in to your 24/7 downline to the divine, press the button and ask
for divine assistance- because if you don't press the service button,
its' hard for all that light to come in! (notice the words ALL-LIGHT on
the button!) Yep, you are going to put in a service call and ILLUMINATE the path of least resistance by dialing in for some divine assistance!
Call Up the Divine and Ask for Some Assistance!
DARING ACT OF LOVE Dial Up Divine Assistance ... everyday
Everyday for the next 7 days, dial up the divine and ask for it's help.
Just like you would make a phone call to a friend, you will place a call
to God. And you will ask for help - whatever that assistance is that
you need to find your way. Use the four steps as I shared in the video:
Ask for Assistance - literally ask God/divine/universe for what you need - not "want" - but need and truly desire, from your heart! And say, "I need your help... please show me the way"
Surrender - now you have to give over the control to the divine. Take it away from your mind and let the divine drive. Surrender to the possibility that more magical things can happen than your tiny mind could imagine.
Acknowledge It -- when the divine shows up to give you the guidance, most likely in a form that you don't expect or maybe even recognize right away, say Thank you, I see you divine. Thank you for answering! And listen.
Act on it - whatever piece of popcorn shows up to illuminate your path, that says, go this way... go this way... go that way. Take ONE step towards your lit up life and then ask again.
If you meditate in the mornings, make the phone call then. Add this step
to your meditation. If you don't meditate set your phone alarm to a
specific time of day and when the alarm goes off, stop, drop and dial
in. Be open to what you receive in return, it won't often look like what
you expect!
You can't do this alone, you don't have to, but you do have to ask and receive the help!
KNOW that... you deserve the love of the divine. All you have to do is open up to
receive it. May the love flow to you and may you receive the guidance,
wisdom and magic you need.
And for extra divine assistance, feel free to post your "ask" here too - we'd love to witness you as you dial up the divine!
Here I am sitting in the middle of a coffee plantation in Costa Rica, having just spent a week in the jungle... and before that a week co-leading a self-love retreat with my sister of self-love, Christine Hassler.
And I realize that today I am living the life I set the intention to live 3 years ago.
It's funny - or sad - how we can go years without ever stopping to intentionally set out to create the lives we want... we just kind of go with the flow (and then wonder why we aren't happy.)
Or how we can forget how far we have come in making our dreams a reality, because there is always something more to achieve. And we miss the fact that we are actually living our dreams right now.
This self love blog from my heart to yours, is an invitation to self-empowerment: be the Queen or King of your own domain and start taking steps today to create the lifestyle YOU DESIRE - intentionally DECIDE to chart the course of your own life... be the monarch of your dreams.
and
self-appreciation: have you stopped lately to acknowledge yourself the ways in which you ARE living the dreams you set for yourself?
Be the Queen or King of Your Life... chart the course of your life & enjoy the ride!
Your HEART knows exactly the kind of life you want to live... and there will be lots of reasons or people that will tell you that you can't. But when you take the reigns of your life into your hands, and proclaim yourself the queen or king of your domain, you become empowered to live the life YOU decide.
TAKE THIS SELF LOVE DARE: Take your 'dream life' public
If you want your 'dream life' to go from a dream you wish for to a reality you live in, you've gotta spread the good word. Don't be bashful. This is no time to keep a secret. It's time to SHARE the truth about what you are intending to create for yourself.
One, write down on paper what you are proclaiming for your life just like a queen or king would - what course are you setting out to create in your queen/king-dom? Write it out in paragraph form like a story - how you live your days, your weeks, your year, what you do and who you are.
Two, TELL SOMEONE... be it a friend, your partner, your dog. And keep telling people. "My dream for my life is..." Speak it, believe it, and witness how your life begins to come into alignment with it.
Three, SEE HOW IT's ALREADY HAPPENING... find
at least one or two ways you are already living the life your heart
desires and really own how you have created that. Tell someone how happy
you are about this. Happiness breeds more happiness!
AND use this space right here on this blog to post your dream life - I'd LOVE to witness it!!!
Not from your head or your ego, or what
you think you should have to make you happy.
Go deeper.
To the place where real dreams,
dreams worth having and dreams that
actually have the power to manifest in reality come from.
Go in to your heart.
Who already knows exactly what dream is
raising its hand screaming, "Ooh! Ooh! Pick me!!"
Who already knows the first few steps
you could take right now to turn it from dream to reality.
What does your heart have to say?
Can you hear her or him?
Okay, let's do this together.
Close your eyes right now. Take a
breath and put your hand on your heart and ask,
"What is the one dream I have for
myself that right now is most important to me?"
What does your heart say?
And if you were to ask
"What is the one or two steps that I
can take in the next three days to move towards that dream?"
What does your heart say?
And wait, one more question...
"What is the one thing that will stop
me from this dream becoming real?"
What does your heart say?
Okay, just one more...
"If I didn't listen to fear but
instead to the truth in my heart, what do I know?"
Whew! Great work moving past your fear
into love... if you were really listening to your heart when you did
this exercise, then when you asked yourself what would stop my dream
from becoming real, you would have felt your heart contracting,
fluttering or some kind of feeling that was BLAH! That's because
fear had the microphone!
And as an ambassador of Team Love, I'm
just not going to let fear win over you and smash your dream. All you
have to do is take the love dare!
SELF-LOVE DARE... Take one giant
step toward your dream!
Write down the guidance you
received in your journal, on a piece of paper, heck even a sticky
note. Just somewhere you can see it.
Then write down, say out loud or
share with a friend the one or two actions you are going to take in
the next 3 days to take a giant leap toward
For those of you that are looking to kick fear out of your love life, and haven't yet taken the self-love stand to choose ME before WE... take a swing by my book page for Choosing ME before WE, check her out, and if you are ready to really truly put the love back in your love life, starting with the love you have for you, pick yourself up a copy.
Wherever this finds you today, read
this knowing that fear only has the power you provide it and at any
time you have a choice ... To choose to have faith in LOVE or to
choose to have faith in FEAR. I really encourage you to try on having
faith in LOVE. And of course, that love starts with the love you have
for yourself. Love yourself well today. You deserve it.
About Christine
Arylo
Popular author of
Choosing
ME before WE, Every Woman's Guide to Life and Love,
Christine has been called the Queen of Self-Love. Her insights, fresh
perspectives and daring take on love, in all its forms, have been
featured on TV and radio stations across the country, in the world's
top spas and retreat centers, and in colleges and corporations. She
is the founder of Madly in Love with ME, an international movement of
self-love, which includes a free self-love kit downloadable at
www.ChooseSelfLove.com.
She is also the co-founder of Inner
Mean Girl Reform School, a virtual school where women go
to transform their self-sabotaging voices into self-empowering ones.
How
to be honest with your partner and come out alive ... and more loved.
By
Christine Arylo & Noah Martin, love intelligence experts
When
you get down to what separates great, long-lasting partnerships from
ones that start with the best intentions but fizzle out over time,
there are a few very basic rules and behaviors that while seemingly
common sense, most people don't have a clue about. The truth is
that we can all use a boost in our E.L.Q. ... our emotional
intelligence when it comes to navigating the waves of our most
intimate love relationships (a.k.a. your Emotional Love Quotient.)
One
of the most vital components of keeping and growing a POWERFUL,
LOVING, and FUN partnership is HONESTY. When life is smooth, honesty
is easy. It's when the bumps come up that the temptation to fib, to
disguise or avoid the truth seem like the simplest path. But over
time, little lies build to bigger lies and resentment - neither of
which you want hanging around your relationship.
One
of the most fertile grounds for secrecy between two people is money.
We call these 'sticky situations' and we've listed a few of the
most common. We've also included the most dangerous but often used
'emotionally-stunted' responses... DO NOT try these at home! On
the flip side, we've outlined for you the high E.L.Q. response, one
we've used in our own partnership to transform financially sticky
situations into deeper connection, a better understanding of
ourselves, and more love.
Sticky
Situation:
You've
spent a chunk of change without consulting your partner
You've
blown the budget you both agreed to
You've
put something on credit when you've agreed you are paying off your
debt
Emotionally
Stunted Responses:
Hide
the bill and pray he/she never finds out.
Feel
guilty, wait for them to figure it out and beg for forgiveness.
Sneak
your misdemeanor into another conversation or get to them while they
are busy or distracted.
Fess
up but slough it off as not a big deal, you'll find the money
somewhere.
High
E.L.Q. Response:
Admit
to yourself that you acted outside of the agreements you had with
your partner. You have to accept responsibility with yourself
that your action was outside of either a stated or implied agreement
(we always recommend having explicit agreements about money
choices.) But even if you didn't have an explicit agreement, you
knew what your partner expected. So face the music. Say out loud to
yourself, "I chose to XX and I know that my action was outside of
our agreements / expectations of each other." And then take a deep
breath (don't skip the breath, it's important to releasing your
own emotions!) Coming clean with yourself will feel good and erase
some of the guilt or apprehension. You can't be honest with your
partner if you aren't first honest with yourself.
Plainly
and succinctly take responsibility with your partner and then tell
them the facts. This is not the time to go into some long story
to justify your actions. Just own what you did, not with guilt but
with honesty. First, ask for his/her attention to talk about
something important. Second, state that you broke an agreement. And
third, tell them the specifics. "Joe, I broke our agreement about
making big purchases without talking to you about it. I bought XX
today for $XX." Then shut up.
Let
your partner react. Before you get to the "Why" (which in
your mind may either have been a good or bad reason) your partner
will need to have their emotional response. Seriously, it's the
least you can do. Your job is just to listen. Let them have whatever
feeling they have. Don't try and defend yourself, unless you want
to create a fight. This is also not the time to explain why. Just
listen. If in your partner's reaction, they ask why, include your
response as part of step four, after you own it. (Note to
Partner... you are responsible for your own E.L.Q. too. You are
allowed to honestly react but not to bludgeon, scream, attack, tear
apart or try and make your partner - who is trying to be honest
with you -- feel guilty or ashamed. You can be angry but you still
owe this person your respect and unconditional love. Be angry at the
action, not the person... and DON'T take it personally, their
action was not a personal attack on you.)
Own
your action again, apologize for breaking the agreement and then,
finally, you can share... not your defense but your heart. Your
simple response is, "You are right. I acted outside of our
agreement. I am sorry." Let that apology land. Then take a breath
and say, "I'd like to share why I made this decision..." and
then share with them, from your heart what motivated you to make the
choice to spend money this way. Be vulnerable. Do not get defensive.
Do not bring up any of their actions from the past to throw in their
face. Remember, the two of you are on the same side, and have
committed to helping each other be the best people you can be.
Create
Conscious Next Steps.
Discuss
the "Now what?" Come to agreement on how you manage any
financial stress this may cause, and work together to make it
work.
Create
an agreement or modify the previous one. Converse about what
really works for you both and talk about it until you both feel
really good.
State
your agreed to expectations out loud. This will make sure
there is no confusion, and will eliminate the need for any
secrets.
And
our favorite last step to this whole process...
Pinky
Swear on your agreement and then seal it with a smooch!
Christine
Arylo and Noah Martin met
in Chicago, married in San Francisco, and after 10-years of hanging
out building lives, a business and a loving partnership together,
still have the kind of relationship most people only dream about.
Their simple, fun and practical approaches to love and relationships
have been featured on ABC-TV and on stages across the country with
audiences of all ages. Arylo is the popular author of Choosing
ME before WE, The Every Woman's Guide to Life and Love
and Noah is a trained hypnotherapist and relationship coach. Visit
www.mebeforewe.com.
When I first met my husband Noah ten years ago, if you had met me, you would have thought to yourself, "Now here is a smart woman. She's getting her m.b.a., great job, confident. Here is a woman with tons of self esteem." And you would have been right. That was all true. Which is why what I am about to tell you is even more shocking.
By our third date, Noah was so taken aback by my big reactions towards his small acts of kindness, that he felt compelled to take me by the hands and say to me, "Christine, I don't know what is going to happen between the two of us, but regardless, you have to raise your standards for men. You can't like a man because he is nice to you. He is SUPPOSED to be nice to you!"
What??? My M.B.A. brain reeled in total confusion as if Noah had just proven to me that the world was actually flat. In all my 30+ years I had never considered the fact that the minimum bar of acceptance was a man who was nice to me. And like a time-stamped rolodex, my brain reeled back to all the not-so-nice behavior I had endured, experienced, and come to expect.
So yes, it was true, I was a mentally intelligent woman, but I was emotionally retarded. And as I looked around at many of my friends, I noticed a definite trend. Beautiful and well-liked women with successful careers who constantly chose men that didn't treat them with the unconditional respect and love they craved and deserved. Which, of course, just like me, made them chase them, want them, and change for them more.
Yes, we all had smarts. What we were missing was self-love.
What we didn't know was:
Unconditional Love and Respect in Your Relationships is NOT an Upgrade.
It's a Must.
While we all knew that we could do the job, get the grades and build the career, what we had failed to see was that unconditional love and respect was where our expectation bar for men should be sitting, and that in order to do that, we had to be able to give that same unconditional love and respect to ourselves.
Fortunately for me when I had this epiphany, I was three months into my now ten year journey of self-love, so I really took a step back and asked myself, 'How did I get to the age of 30 before I realized that men were supposed to be nice to me?' and 'What can I do to make sure I never sell myself short again?'
From one smart woman to another, who finally did learn to love herself, here is what I discovered:
3 reasons why we expect men to not be nice:
Bad training. If you were lucky, your mother told you to expect men to be nice to you, or you were out of there. My mother, like most, never made it around to that talk. Not because she had some sick desire for me to suffer, she just didn't know this fact herself. Ignorance and tolerance are like bad family heirlooms passed down generation to generation. The good news is that you have the power to break the cycle whenever you choose.
Set points were set with immature boys not good men. Our first experiences with the opposite sex in regards to the whole boyfriend/girlfriend dynamic are set on the playground, playing out adult dramas in totally childlike ways. One minute he's your boyfriend. Next, he's spitting spitballs at you. This continues through high school and college, so your brain creates set points that say this is the normal state to allow. Problem is, "spit balls" don't feel any better at the age of 27 or 37 than they did when you were 8
Bad examples, everywhere. From the movies, tv shows, music and internet, it's a constant barrage of men being jackasses. This is bad rap for men, and bad input for you. Subconsciously your brain stores bad as normal (92% of the images you see go right around your conscious thoughts into your subconscious). Add your own personal experience of men - from family, friends and strangers - and you could see how your subconscious brain could form all kinds of thoughts you had no idea were there.
So What Do You Do? Choose Self-Love.
All of the bad programmings and low expectations can be reversed and avoided by changing one thing - your relationship to yourself. The truth is that every relationship you have is a direct reflection of the relationship you have with yourself. If you don't have unconditional love and respect for yourself, there is no way that you can expect it from someone else, which is quite often why you will settle for less.
In my book Choosing ME before WE, I talk about the 5-vows of self-love every woman must make with herself first, before she can have a loving relationship with another. Here are two of those vows. I invite you to take it and keep it, and honor the most important relationship you'll ever have - the one with you.
Self Love Promises:
I honor myself.
I never settle for less than my heart and soul desire.
All of my relationships support me to be my best me and to live my dreams, or I don't have them.
I give unconditional love and respect, and I expect it in return.
This doesn't mean that all of your relationships are perfect, void of difficulty, or that you are absolved of giving the same respect and love you desire. Unconditional love and respect go both ways. It also doesn't mean that you go cutting people out of your life without taking a good deep look at what you want from your relationships, what part you play in creating that relationship dynamic, and then taking steps to transform, let go or grow the relationships you currently have so that EVERY SINGLE ONE reflects that same unconditional love and respect you have for yourself.
Self-love requires that you choose me before we in every relationship, which is not about being a self-centered, narcissistic, its-all-about-me kind of person. What choosing me before we means is that because you have made a commitment to create what your heart and soul desire, you don't have space in your life for relationships that drag you down, hold you back, create negative ju ju feelings (like shame, guilt, self doubt) or take more energy than they give.
You are a beautiful woman. Be nice to yourself. And believe you are worth being nice to.
About Christine Arylo Christine Arylo, an m.b.a. turned writer, speaker and teacher, is an inspirational catalyst who teaches women how to love themselves. A recovering achievement junkie and doing addict, Arylo is the co-founder of Inner Mean Girl Reform School and the popular author of Choosing ME before WE, Every Woman's Guide to Life and Love www.mebeforewe.com. Known as the "Queen of Self-Love," Arylo created Madly in Love with ME, the international day of self-love (Feb 13), dedicated to making self-love a tangible reality for women and girls around the world. www.madlyinlovewithme.com
We live in a time when we are constantly bombarded with images, ideas and sound bytes that tell us who we should be, could be and ought to be. Unless you live in a cave, you can't escape their massive barrage, and let's face it, even from a cave you could probably still get text messages.
Think of all you see in a day... images and words of what you should look like, should have and ought to measure up to, all pointing to one main message, 'You are not enough.' It's enough to make your head spin, and throw even the most self-assured person off center. Add in a few difficult life events - a breakup, a job loss, a pay cut -- and you could end up with a Hiroshima to your self-confidence.
Unless that is, you have built up your self-confidence muscles. Just like training for a marathon and building physical muscles, to be a successful, happy and confident person you must work out your mental and emotional muscles regularly.
You wouldn't go to the gym to start training your physical muscles the day before a marathon, would you? No way! You'd peril on the pavement. So why would the marathon of your life be any different? It's not.
Put these 7 tips into practice daily and you will develop the confidence and conviction that you can do anything... no matter what the outside world is telling you:
1. Stop Worrying About What Others Think. Trust Yourself
You can't be responsible for how everyone else thinks about how you live your life, so stop worrying about how your family, partner and friends will react to your choices and start getting real about how you feel about your life. Act from what you think is right for you. We always know what the best action is to take for ourselves, when we slow down enough to listen to our inner wisdom. It's just not always easy to slow down or to trust our intuition. Be committed to trusting yourself, even when it's scary, and even when others disagree.
2. Become Best Buds with Your Intuition
Inside of you is the best life and decision making compass ever - your intuition. It always communicates what is best for you, but you have to be listening, and you have to trust its advice. Just like a best friend, if you're not calling, it will stop trying to contact you. If you keep asking for advice but don't take it, it will stop trying to help. Start listening for the communication cues of your intuition - through words you hear, images you see, feelings you have, and things you just know. Act based on what your intuition tells you and you will start to trust yourself more, and build more self-confidence in the process.
3. Know What Makes You Unique
Every person, including you, was born with a set of unique gifts, talents and inclinations that they are naturally good at, more so than the average person. When you find these gifts and use them, your confidence, success and happiness increases. Think Tiger Woods. Born to golf. No matter how much you practiced, you'd never be as great as him; he has a gift. You have gifts too. Ask the people that know you the best, "What are my gifts?" Take notice of the compliments you receive, especially ones you find hard to accept. Make a list of your gifts and start putting time, energy and money there.
4. Know What Makes You Happy
Stop trying to fit into the expectations and ideals that outside forces - society, family, work, friends -- have said you 'should' be in order to be successful, happy and accepted, and start asking yourself, "What really makes ME happy?" Think about the times that you've been happiest. Who were you being? What did you have? What were you doing? Do the same for your most unhappy times. Compare the two to your life today and notice the gaps. Happiness breeds confidence.
5. Have an Opinion and Express It
Know what you believe and don't be afraid to express it. Confident people have convictions that come from inside their souls, minds and hearts. They know their truth and are willing to stand in it, even when what they have to say makes others uncomfortable. Know your truth in all situations and share it with pride and conviction, knowing that your unique voice deserves to be heard just because you're you.
6. Never Apologize For Being You
Unfortunately the world is full of people, including our inner mean girls and inner bullies, that want to keep us small, playing along and being 'good' girls and boys. When you listen to them by apologizing for who you are, or by discounting your contributions, thoughts and feelings, you squash your self-confidence. Be brilliant. Be you. And never apologize for it.
7. Spend Less Time in the Basement, More Time in the Penthouse
We all have emotional triggers, things that evoke an overly strong feeling and reaction--anxiety, anger, worry, shame, despair, fear--especially during times of stress. Your job is to notice when you have one of these 'basement' emotions that erode your confidence, and then to get yourself back up into the 'penthouse' where emotions like trust, peace, love, joy and happiness live. Have your hard emotions, just have them and move back on up to the penthouse, where the view of your life is much better!
