| |
Recently in Self Exploration Category
SELF LOVEFew of us would deny that self-love is a bad idea, right? And I would wager that none of us would tell our daughters, nieces, godchildren or any other woman or girl for that matter, 'Hey you, don't love yourself, that's selfish.' And if asked by another human being, 'Do you love yourself?' most of us would want to say yes, some of us would, and yet my experience tells me that the majority of women - unless we've been actively engaged in falling in love with ourselves - don't really have a clue what being in love with ME means. Heck, it's been 8 years since the night I found myself lying in my friends apartment on a blow up mattress just having moved out of the house my ex-person and I built 'together' while she happily sat in her comfy bed making wedding plans. That was the night that I made the life changing vow to fall in love with myself... and here I am some 2,920 days later, and I am still learning about what it really means to truly, without question love me. It has become my life mission to understand, embrace and embody self-love, share what I learn along the way, and pave a path for all women and girls to fall madly in love with themselves for the rest of their lives. So while I haven't got it all figured out - I am after all on this 40-day self-love practice right along with all of you - I have come across some of the realities and milestones that indicate that you are in fact, loving you. I like to think of them as the Madly in Love with ME Factors. When they are present in your life, girl you can shout from the rooftops, I LOVE ME! Or at least dance in your living room in your own private party, knowing that you do have self-love. And while I firmly believe that self-love is a daily practice and something that we will get to do every day for the rest of our lives -- as in it's a great gift to fall in love with yourself -- I know that love breeds love. So if you have any one of these factors present in your life, Celebrate! your love of you... and when you do, more Madly in Love with ME factors will show up in your life. 
The Madly in Love with ME factors
- I know who I am and what I want from this life. This is the first factor to loving yourself, because if you don't know who you are, how can you love that person? It seems kind of ridiculous to think of not knowing who oneself is, but the fact is that most people don't. Most of us go through life doing all the things we think we are supposed to do and be, influenced by the society in which we grew up. These experiences and people become what forms our beliefs, attitudes, and perceptions on realities, until the day we realize that how we really feel and think is potentially much different than everyone around us, and that's when we go out and seek... seek deeper understanding of ourselves, who we are, what makes us happy and unique... what motivates us... how is our fear and limited thinking driving our life?? While you will continue to learn about yourself forever, self-love requires that a. You make the choice to continue to learn about you everyday, b. You can answer at least these four basic questions about yourself "What are my dreams? What are my gifts? What are my values? and What are my beliefs?" c. You know who you are not, i.e., you have met your ego, you understand your fear patterns and you see how society and your upbringing has influenced you.
- I can and do take care of me without letting the guilt or burden creep in. Can you actually put yourself first, before your work, family and responsibilities to do what it takes to take care of you? And while your taking care of you, can you do it without feeling guilty or like you should be doing something else? Can you take a walk for an hour without feeling like you are wasting time? Can you meditate for 15 minutes and see it as productive time vs as a time you should be 'doing' something. Can you take a day off for you without having to be prodded by your friends or partner, and then can you accept it and bask in it's glory without saying or thinking anything that stems from guilt? Can you tell your family that you are taking ME time and not feel guilty about doing it? I'm still working on this one myself. I too often feel like I should be working, doing something, even when I can feel in my bones that I need to sit in the sun for 30 minutes and recharge. Hence the 40 day practice.
- I love my cellulite. Look it's there, and no matter what those stupid internet ads say, no matter how much cream you lather on your legs, you're still going to have some. It's part of you, and you can either love it or hate it. And i have to tell you from personal experience that when I was hating mine, it grew and got more noticeable, like everytime I sat down wearing shorts it was screaming at me, "Here I am! Look at me!!" After being tortured by it for years, I decided to do a one-year practice of loving my cellulite. Every day for a year, I would tell it, I love you. I would do meditations where I saw those cellulite pockets being filled up with love. And one year later, I don't know if I have any less of it, but I do know that I very rarely notice it. And when I do notice it, while I may still not like it, and it may motivate me to walk a little more and get more exercise, I no longer hate my body for having it.
- My relationships --from friendships to romantic - support me to be my best me and to live the life I want or I don't have them. This one can be one of the hardest for people, because it means putting a big stake in the ground for yourself... but it's one of the biggest milestones of self-love. It requires honoring yourself SO much that you only have relationships in your life - friendships, romantic partners, even relatives - that offer you respect, trust, unconditional love and truth. You love you so much that you only have energy in your life that supports you and nourishes you -- and people are energy (just think of someone in your life that sucks your energy or makes it crazy, an energy vampire, and you know what i mean). You love and honor yourself so deeply that all relationships in your life make your life better, help you reach your dreams and help you be a better you. This doesn't mean that the relationships are perfect as in there are never any difficulties, or that you are absolved of giving that same respect you desire. Conflict can be a great growth catalyst, but only when the two people in the relationship 'lean in' and meet each other in trust, love and truth. Not always easy but always possible. Self love requires that you choose me before we in every relationship... being willing to let go of ones that don't serve you, change ones that have the potential to grow, and open up to let new ones come in. This is a big milestone, one for which I wrote an entire book Choosing ME before WE, Every Woman's Guide to Life and Love. If you need help on this factor, I'm here!
Love is a practice.
Start by practicing on you!
And wow what a practice it is!!
it's day 3 of this particular 40 day self love practice for me... i'm focused on the taking care of myself without the burden factor.
Which factor will your 40-day practice focus on?
Don't be an OX in 2010!
Just in case you didn't get the memo last January, Chinese astrology told us that 2009 was going to be the year of the OX. I remember reading about the OX, about how it meant hard, hard work, and I thought to myself, well how hard could hard really be? I don't know about you, but this year was FULL of hard work in every way, even for a recovering achievement junkie, professional do-er like me.  Like most achievers, each year is like a mountain for me. One that I set my sites on, imagine what the top will look like, and then go about doing whatever it takes to get to the top. And for the most part this serves me well. I accomplish a lot. I've reached some fantastic milestones. And most of you achievers I know can relate... most people are probably astounded by what you get done. BUT, before we pat ourselves on the backs too long, I have to share with you a realization I had 6 years ago that brought me face to face with the importance of taking PAUSE. Before which I gave little value to being, and was quite addicted to doing. So here is the AHA i had ... if every year is a mountain, and I spend the year climbing and climbing it, eventually reaching the top, when do I ever get to enjoy all the hard work I just did to get to the top? If I am always onto the next mountain, when do I get to relax? And hey, don't I deserve to set up camp for a while a take in the view... wouldn't that be the wise thing to do? If the Dali Lama climbed a mountain do you think he would just keep going, or would he pause, meditate, contemplate and become even more enlightened? I am sure he wouldn't do what I had been doing which was stopping for a moment, getting a quick breath in and then get moving again up the next mountain! What I learned when that AHA smacked me in the face was this... - The wise achiever stops to take in the view, to get the lessons learned from busting our butt to get up this mountain, traveling through the crevices, plunging over ravines, and moving through gnarly rocks.
- The smart achiever notices what failures happened so she can avoid them the next year.
- The happy achiever stops and celebrates all of their successes, and even does a little mountain top dance. Knowing that it is this JOY that will fuel her forward into 2010.
This wise, smart, happy achiever also looks in her backpack, knowing that she has a long journey ahead of her come 2010, and looks at what she wants to leave behind and what she wants to take with her onto her new mountain journey. Think back over your In the past year, she -- you and I -- have become different, hopefully better people. We've learned to love ourselves more. We've become more patient, nurturing, confident, sovereign, focused, happy, open, insert your particular brand of growth... In the past year, you have become stronger as a person and a spirit, and that strength is something that you get to carry with you, or that actually now gets to carry you, for the rest of your life. Achievers are notorious for thinking they have to be the ones that carry all the weight... wise achievers let momentum carry them! Too often, we don't stop on the mountain top to recognize the parts of ourselves that have strengthened... the weaknesses that have diminished or transformed... the strengths that have become stronger. And so we don't get to use the momentum we've created to help us fuel are new year. It's way easier to measure our 'success' by $$, accolades or material things. And while these things are fantastic and to be celebrated they are things that get used up. And then you have to replenish them. But the inner parts of ourselves... when you build those, they are with you forever, and you can use them to propel yourself vs. having to be like an OX doing all the hard work! This year take a PAUSE on your mountain top... look back on 2009 and notice who you have become, acknowledge those parts of you that have grown and shifted, and make a conscious choice about bringing those parts into the new year with you. Use this PAUSE exercise for a guide:
- Close your eyes and take yourself back to the beginning of this year. See the person that you were then. What were you doing, how were you feeling, what were your beliefs, who were the people surrounding you?
- Fast forward yourself month by month - Feb, March, April... all the way to today and notice what changes in you as you go through the challenges and triumphs of this past year. Notice your character, your connection, your strengths, your perspectives and understandings, your wisdom
- Write down the words, sentences, feelings of what you have amassed inside of you in 2009, qualities, strengths, wisdom, etc. that you want to take with you into 2010.
- Acknowledge yourself for your growth. Give yourself a HIGH FIVE! And feel these pieces of you strongly in place, with you now for all of your life.
For more information on the super power of PAUSE, visit www.daretoliveyou.com/superpowerofpause
 
Self-Love Adventure:
learn more about you by traveling back through your life and remembering what FUN was for you at different times and ages. One thing that I have learned about fun is that it changes as we age and it also stays the same. Both are true. There are things that were fun for you when you were 7 that would still be fun if you gave yourself the permission to just let go and be your little girl again. And there are things that you thought were fun as a teenager and in your early twenties that would so not be fun today. And that information - about what fun used to be and about how your definition of fun has changed as you have are great ways to get to know the woman you are today even better. So many of us 'adults' have come to think of play as something we have to buy or save for when in fact if we just take a look back through time, we can find all kinds of ways to have fun that don't require a credit card or a down payment. And so many of us think back to the times when we were more 'free' and think they were full of such fun, but what we realize when we go back in time is that those things weren't really as fun as we thought. And that realization brings even more freedom!
So today I invite you to take a self-love adventure to learn more about your personal definition of fun by taking a trip back in time ... it's called Fun-Time Travel and this is how you do it:Step One: Create some space in your life to take a couple of hours for this journey. Pack the materials you'll need: a journal or some paper, writing or drawing utensils, and your memory. If it helps, bring some pictures of you from different ages.
Step Two: Take your materials to a place where you can just be with you. It can be a public place like a coffee shop, out in nature or a personal space in your home. Just make it somewhere you can really sink into this adventure. Step Three: Once you are all settled in, first on the top of one page write, "When I was 5 and 7, fun was..." Turn to the next page and write "When I was 13 and 15 fun was... " Turn to the next page and write "When I was 17 and 19 fun was", then "21 fun was..." and so on using whatever ages make sense for you, up to and including the age you are today. Step Four: Starting with your youngest age, answer the question, "When I was 5 and 7, fun was...." Imagine yourself at that age. See yourself as you were then. Remember what it was that you did that made you laugh, smile or just have a good time. Write in really great detail what fun was for you. Describe what you did. Write down how you felt. Notice what you think about that today. Repeat the same for each year that you wrote down. Step Five: Go back and look at all your wrote. What do you notice? Use these questions as a way to find the nuggets of wisdom that you can apply to your life today: • What surprises you? • What makes you happy? What makes you sad? • How has your idea of fun changed over the years? • What are common themes throughout the years? • What can you take from the past to bring more fun into your life today? • What do you need to let go over to bring more fun into your life today? Step Six: Pick three actions based on what you learned from your time travel that you can take immediately to start bringing more fun into your life. Write down what you will do and by when. And then tell someone what you've decided to do. Ask them to be your Play Partner and help you stay accountable to having fun and doing your three fun actions!
To get more self-love adventures, download a free copy of the Madly in Love with ME Kit at http://www.madlyinlovewithme.com
 When someone asks you how you are, do you ever say "I am so busy! Or good but busy." Try it now. Stop and say that word, "busy" over and over. Busy. Busy. Busy. Busy. Busy. How do you feel when you say busy? It makes me feel all wound up. No wonder since some of the definitions of busy Include "not at leisure; otherwise engaged" and "officious; meddlesome; prying."
When you say the word busy and busy over again, you can actually feel the vibration of the word, it's is like a bee buzzing all over the place. Remember bees are always busy buzzing. No time for play. They just work and work and work until the queen bee kills them. Not a good deal! Love Fact:
Words matter. Words are sound and sound is vibration and vibration is energy. It's like sonar that you send out into the universe from your voice box. The words we speak send out a vibration that tells the universe who we are and what we want. If you use the word 'busy' you in effect, telling the universe you have too much to deal with and you don't want any more. So if you don't like what you are doing and what is filling your time, use the word busy. It has a negative vibration that will tell the universe, "I am doing lots of things that are keeping me from what I really want to be doing." And the universe will help you take those things away. But, if you like what you are doing yet sometimes feel like it's a lot, say something more like, "My life is really full right now, and I love everything that I am doing... and I could use some playtime!" Then the universe will gift you with that playtime instead of taking away what you love. It's more words to say, but it's worth every syllable.
What you need:1. clarity on how you really love to spend your time 2. a willingness to be your own word police... listening for when you use the word 'busy' 3. a willingness to try different words and notice their impact on how you feel and what you create Actions- Make the commitment. Say out loud, "I give up the word busy."
- Go on word police alert. Notice when you use the word 'busy' to describe your current life state.
- When you say 'busy' notice how you feel and the energy it creates ... does it make you feel good or does it close you down?
- Experiment with other words. When someone asks you, "How's life?" Instead of saying "Busy." Say, "It's really full right now. I am loving what I am doing and I could use some playtime." Notice the difference in how that feels.
- Keep experimenting.
- After a week of experimenting, notice what you've learned. And take the vow again, "I give up the word busy." This time stick to it.
To get more self-love tips, download a free copy of the Madly in Love with ME Kit at http://www.madlyinlovewithme.com
 It's crazy how often we spend way more effort and emotion than we need in order to reach our goals, organize our lives or 'do' all the things we have set out to do in a day, a week or a year. We 'work' at it vs. 'creating' it. We 'make it happen' vs. 'let it happen.' We force our will and our agendas vs. listening to and using the energy of the moment, letting the universe do the heavy lifting for us. It's like choosing to walk up a mountain with 200lbs on our back vs. taking the sky cap up, giving us the ability to enjoy the view when we arrive as well as all the way up. While you might build some great calves and quadriceps from the heavy lifting approach, living your life this way means missing out on lots of the beauty, views and magic because you'll be too darn tired from working and pushing to enjoy what you've created.
Love Fact:
When we force and push ourselves, our agendas and others, we work harder not because of some valiant ideal that hard work makes us a better person. We force because we are afraid to trust. We push because we believe that once we attain that status, material thing, accomplishment, task, whatever, we will be happy, successful and enough. The truth is that you are enough right now, that you have nothing to prove, and that if you can stop pushing, you will actually create and draw to you what really makes you happy. Stop working so darn hard at your life, and start loving yourself for who you are today and what you've already created.
What you need:
1. a commitment to find your personal push
2. a physical awareness of how you feel when you push and when you let it happen
3. a willingness to trust
How to Find Your Personal Push & Let it Go
To succeed at this tip, you are going to amp up your awareness big time to the difference in how you feel when you are pushing vs. when you are working with the natural flow of things. We all have different types of pushes, but they all stem from a basic lack of belief that we are not enough right now or from a basic fear of being rejected, abandoned, or hurt.
Common personal pushes include:
- The Do It All Myself: as long I am busting my butt I am okay.
- The Grab For Whatever I Can Get: as long as I am busy I am okay.
- I Can Do More! I Can Do More!: as long as I get acknowledgement I am okay.
- Once I Get There I'll Be Good: as long as I keep working hard towards my goal, I am okay.
- And a whole lot more. What's your Personal Push?
Actions
- Make a commitment to find the Personal Push that's running your life right now.
- Remind yourself each morning that you are on the look out for your Personal Push.
- Throughout the day, as you find yourself feeling stressed, overwhelmed or pressured, notice how your body feels. If it feels tense, overwhelmed, full of anxiety, or really sluggish you are pushing. This is the first step of awareness.
- Ask yourself the question, "What am I forcing? What am I trying to push?"
- Listen to the answer. You have found your current Personal Push.
- Ask yourself, "Why am I pushing this? What happens if I stop pushing?" What about that scares me, or makes me uncomfortable?"
- Listen to the answer. You have found the fear behind the Push.
- Release the fear using any one of these:
- Give Yourself Love On the Spot. Tell yourself, "I am enough right now." Say it til you believe it.
- Get Grateful. Make a list out loud of all that you have created already in your life and
- Change the Negative to Positive. Say out loud the exact opposite of the fear. For example, if your fear is that if you don't do this one thing, you won't make the money you want, say out loud, "I have all that I need right now. I am totally taken care of." Say it til you feel it.
To get more love dares, download a free copy of the Madly in Love with ME Kit at www.madlyinlovewithme.com
If you want to learn more about the power of being in the flow vs. pushing through your life, read the book Power vs. Force by David Hawkins.
If you want to learn more about your fears and what causes you to push, read the book The Wisdom of the Enneagram by Don Riso.
It all came to me at a café on Friday when I decided to sit down with my notebook and journal my own journey of falling in love with Christine. I wanted to know, How did I do it? At what point did I know? And where am I at on this journey? I totally expected to start the documentation of my self-love journey at the age of 30. After al  l that was the age at which I realized, due to the life changing events that followed my broken engagement, that I didn't really love me at all. But instead when I put pen to paper, I found myself traveling back in time to when I was a really little girl, like being five, then being 7, and then 10. It was like seeing myself through a looking glass, observing me, this little girl. What I saw through the piles of stuffed animals, love of drawing and penchant for collecting everything, was her innocence, her happiness and her wonder of the magic of the world. I could literally see and feel what she felt and saw in her, in my, experience of the world. That's when the revelation hit me. OMG, I was born in love with myself, and in love with the world. I had it, I felt it, I was it. It was totally something that I came in with... but then something shifted. I began to see myself somewhere around the age of 11 when that beautiful love was cracked and shattered... it began to be stolen away by people and situations that hurt me, chunks of love taken away, leaving these gaping holes inside me that I wouldn't go back to fill until the age of 30.
So first, I was mad! I had it, the self-love, totally and 100%. I really did love me. I really did love the world and everything in it. And then people hurt me... and with their actions, they stole my love. And if that was true for me, it was true for every person. We were all stealing each others self-love!
And then I was sad! Wow, 19 years of living without that complete love of ME. I still was hugely successful without it - college, career, material stuff, so I lived totally oblivious to the fact that I was missing anything. It was like my own personal version of the Dark Ages. I saw clearly the events that had taken place, which had caused me to start building a force field around my heart... that layer upon layer had created an armor that not even I could penetrate. I saw how because I had felt unprotected, I had learned to protect myself. And I saw clearly that protection had kept me from having the unconditional love I craved... for myself, and with someone else for a long, long time. And then I was excited! If this was all true, which I knew it to be, than what this all really meant was... I didn't have to learn to be in love with myself, I had to remember how to be in love with ME. And I started to see that how the choice at the age of 30 to put massive amounts of time and energy into healing those holes created by the love stealers and into taking down the armor and learning to let myself be loved, had in fact been the exact path that had gotten me to the first time in my life in which I could honestly say, I do really love me, and I did. And if it was possible for me... it is possible for everyone. If you want to fall even more in love with YOU, you can visit the self-love site I started called Madly in Love with ME. You can download for free the Madly in Love with ME Guide, full of zany, yet proven, Love Tips, Love Adventures and Love Inspirations. www.madlyinlovewithme.com
Love Dare #3:
Make A ME-Love Map
know your personal journey of self-love
TRUTHDid you know that you were born totally and 100% in love with yourself? That's right, love was oozing out of you, everywhere. You were walking, talking love. And you lived this way for some period of time - how long differs for all of us. But the thing that is the same for all of us unfortunately, is that at some point that love time ended. And it ended because a love stealer found you and put a crack in your self-love. That initial crack opened the space for more love stealers to come in and before you knew it, the spaces inside you that used to be pure love were full of gaping holes. Love stealers come in all forms - parents, siblings, kids on the playground, friends, boyfriends, girlfriends - and unfortunately they attack every one of us. Which means that the love stealers who caused your wounds had wounds of their own caused by other love stealers - and it's those wounds that cause them to hurt us. It's a crazy love stealing circle! The only way out of this circle is to go back and fill in all those holes with love, your love for you. Most of us don't figure this out until we are older - fortunately it's never too late to fill yourself back up with love. DARE: Make A ME-Love Map. Take a trip back through your entire life and map out your real self-love journey.To make a ME-Love Map take an adventure back throughout your entire life - from when you were the littlest person full of innocence and love... to the moments when the love stealers showed up... to the protection and armor you built in response... to the journeys you've taken to heal and fill up your wounds with love... to the person you are today. Journal that adventure - write it, draw it, paint it, do a combination of any of this just make sure you document it. And then go back and find your own personal revelations. What do you see? ME LOVE MAP starter tips:
- Set some time aside to take this journey. Bring supplies with you like pens, pencils, computers, paper, notebook. Make it only you time. Give yourself at least 1-2 hours.
- The Beginning. Start with who you were as a little ME. Write or draw who you were, what you loved, what you saw. Tap into the magic that was you when you could still feel the innocence.
- The Love Stealers. Start to let the love stealers back in, remembering the events that caused the holes to form. Actually draw these events as holes on your map.
- Building the armor. How did those events make you feel - write down those emotions. What did you do in response to these love stealers and holes? Sketch out the armor that you built around yourself and your heart.
- The Dark Ages. How long of a period did you spend between the time your armor was in tact and before you started letting real love in again?
- The Awakening. When did you start to crack open the armor to let love it? What did you do to crack it open.
- The Healing. What did you do to heal the holes? Pour love in?
- Today. Where are you today?
Once you've finished your ME Love Map, ask yourself these questions?
1. What parts of you are you remembering to love again? 2. What parts of the little ME do I want to bring forward into the now ME? 3. What is the AHA for me here? If you are ready to fall even more in love with YOU, then visit the #1 self-love site this side of the internet and get your free Madly in Love with ME Guide, full of zany, yet proven, Love Tips, Love Adventures and Love Inspirations. http://www.madlyinlovewithme.com
Zany, yet proven
Love Tip #18: The Self-Love Serenade
Inspired by Amy from California
"On the way home from work, I started
discussing (with myself) all the reasons I love Amy. It was not
exactly the same as the repetition, but saying all the reasons out loud
felt great. By the end of my drive I was in tears. I realized that no
other person I encounter in this life will ever be able to know or love
all of me, not all of my years or stories or scars. Not one other
person will be able to appreciate everything it's taken to become
exactly who I am right now. I found hundreds of reasons to love myself,
and the only person who really could know them all or even NEEDS to
know them all - is me. It was a very powerful and pivotal moment,
completely shifting my beliefs about loving myself - I realized I was
just scratching the surface." -- Amy
The Self-Love Serenade:
It may sound a little crazy, but it's guaranteed to bring you love...
Love Fact: You've gotta know and own what you love about you!
What you need:
1. 30 minutes free from all other distractions
2. 30 minutes alone
The action:
1. Turn off all electronic devices - that means for real off.
2. Tell everyone else to go away - so take a walk, a drive, a bath, just do it alone
3. Start a conversation with yourself by saying, "Hi <insert name>. I am dying to know what you love about me. Can we talk?"
4. Begin saying out loud all the reasons you love you. "I love me because..." or "What I love about me is..." Say it, proclaim it, even sing it.
5. Keep saying what you love about you until you feel some kind of breakthrough - you cry, your heart opens up, you laugh, something that indicates you are letting the love in.
6. Stop and let the love in. Feel how much you really do love you, and feel how much that love has to start with you.
If you are ready to fall even more in love with YOU, then visit the #1 self-love site this side of the internet and get your free Madly in Love with ME Guide, full of zany, yet proven, Love Tips, Love Adventures and Love Inspirations. www.madlyinlovewithme.com
TRUTH
Okay, let's face it ladies, we have all lied to ourselves at one time or another... to hang on to a relationship way longer than we should have... to avoid having to admit our weaknesses and failures and insecurities... to avoid being present with the truth of our reality so we wouldn't have to admit to our part in creating a mess or a stress out of our lives.
I'll admit it... I am a former Queen of Illusion. If there was a lie to be told about relationships and love, I told it to myself just so I could stay in a 15-year relationship 14 years too long. I have on ocassion, let myself feel like a victim to what was happening around me, and I have at times so wanted to make something the other person's fault, completely. But about 5 years ago I took a vow that changed my life ... that I would be 100% honest with myself always, uncompromising, unwavering self-honestly. I took that promise because I learned one really important LIFE TRUTH...
How honest we choose - and it is a choice - to be with ME
affects everything in our lives
If we want the lives we say we really want... then we have no choice but to be honest - all the time.
What Stops Us from Being Honest... Why Do We Want to Lie To ME?
What I learned was that it wasn't the truth that I was afraid of, it was the consequences to admitting or sharing that truth that scared the daylights out of me. I lied to myself about my relationship because if I was honest, that meant I would have to leave him. And the hard truth was, I was afraid to be alone. The woman from Oregon who said she never ever wanted to get married, told herself that lie, because she was afraid of being vulnerable and being hurt again. I listen to my clients tell themselves lies like "I'm not good enough to be a published author. I don't have this degree so I will never be successful."
Those are lies too! And we cannot afford to tell ourselves lies any longer! If you really want the life you say you do then you MUST get downright real with yourself about everything in your life! And that is my challenge to us all this week on our adventure to self-love.
DARE: Find at least one lie that you are telling yourself about who you are, about your life situation, or about your current life choices and CHANGE IT from a lie to the TRUTH!
Now since you are lying to yourself it might be hard to discover this lie, so be bold and ask someone who knows you really well, "In what ways do you think I am lying to myself - about me, about my relationships, my career, my finances, etc." Pick someone you trust and give them permission to be 100% honest with you, promising them that you won't get mad at them and that you really do want to know. When you have convinced them that it is safe (and if you aren't doing any promising here, you probably aren't going to get a very deep answer), shut up and listen. Take in what they say, don't make excuses, don't defend yourself, just listen. After they finish simply say "Thank You for being so honest." And then if you can share from your heart about how their insight is affecting what you see in yourself, share. Like "Wow, you know, I am feeling really scared, vulnerable, etc. because .... " If you can't share from your heart, just stick with the THANK YOU and mull over what they had to say on your own, using it to find your truth.
TRUTH:
The first step in loving ME is knowing ME... and while it sounds crazy that it's possible to not know ourselves, most of us really don't.
Yes, most of us have some idea of who we are. We've taken a personality test at work... we've done some soul searching... we know our astrological sun sign... and we've been working long enough to know our strengths and 'weaknesses', but truly knowing ME beyond the image, the fears and the societal pressures takes more than that. It takes a conscious choice to actually say, "You know what, I am going to get off this crazy treadmill called life, where everyone is running around trying to get to the next job, house, etc. and I am going to find out what I really want from my life... and to do that I need to first understand who I really am!" And it takes help from people who can help you peel away of the layers of images, masks and yuck that aren't you. I have worked with lots of women to help them find their REAL ME ... I've spent years finding my own REAL ME... and what I can tell you is that knowing ME happens on at least three levels, probably more. But let's start with two this week, and next week we will cover the third: LEVEL ONE: Who are you NOT? The gremlins or the mean girl in your head.
 Before we wake up and live on what I call 'self awareness mode' vs. autopilot, we are driven by our fears, defense patterns and belief systems -- all yucked up stuff that has nothing to do with who we really are, in fact they keep us from the REAL ME. They are the voices in your head that tell you that you can't, the defenses that push people and good situations away, and if you don't know what yours are, they will silently run your life. How do you find them? Check out the Dare #1 below to get started identifying and redeploying your Gremlin Crew. LEVEL TWO: Who are you NOT? The baggage you were handed but that you don't have to keep carrying.
 Obligations, shoulds, musts... all those hard, heavy bags that we pick up from society, relatives and the media. They tell us what we should do, who we should be, how we have to act and they are full of heavy emotions like guilt, self doubt, and overwhelm. But you know what? Yes, we've all been handed these bags along the path of our life, AND no one is making us continue to carry them. We choose to carry them and the are H-E-A-V-Y! So heavy, that they keep us from seeing the real me. Women have been carrying these bags for centuries, so it's no wonder we have things like guilt programmed into our DNA... but we can no longer afford to carry these heavy bags around. How do you start kicking them to the curb (or to the recylcing bin?) Read Dare #2 and get started! DARES: take one, take two-- what do you have to lose?
Dare #1: Have a Face Off With Your Inner Mean GirlYou know that voice in your head that loves to tell you what you did wrong, what you should have done or how you will never be good enough? Some call it the inner critic. I call her your inner mean girl, and as my friend and host of the Women's Master Series Amy Ahlers says, this girl loves to tell Big Fat Lies! My mean girl is named Mean Patty and she has red pigtails and freckles. What does your mean girl look like? What is her name? What are the lies she tells you? Write that all down. Draw a picture. And then have a Mean Girl Face Off. I want you to literally talk to her and tell her that she needs to knock it off! Give her a new job. Ask her to say the opposite of the mean big lie. And tell her to give you a break! Dare #2: Give up Guilt.
Guilt is a totally useless emotion
- as least as far as we use it as women to beat ourselves up. I dare
you to give up guilt... and to do it by stopping the obligations, the
shoulds and the could haves. Don't take the guilt from other people -
if they try to guilt you, name it and call them on it. If you find
yourself wallowing in the guilt, notice how it makes you feel and what
it is actually helping you accomplish. And then ask yourself in that
moment - what do i WANT to do right now? And then do it. Have a great week getting to know YOU even better by getting rid of all the junk that's not you -
remember this self love stuff is a fun adventure you get to take, not
that you have to take. Enjoy loving you more and more every day!
|
|
