Self Exploration: July 2009 Archives

It all came to me at a café on Friday when I decided to sit down with my notebook and journal my own journey of falling in love with Christine. I wanted to know, How did I do it? At what point did I know? And where am I at on this journey?

I totally expected to start the documentation of my self-love journey at the age of 30. After all that was the age at which I realized, due to the life changing events that followed my broken engagement, that I didn't really love me at all. But instead when I put pen to paper, I found myself traveling back in time to when I was a really little girl, like being five, then being 7, and then 10. It was like seeing myself through a looking glass, observing me, this little girl.

What I saw through the piles of stuffed animals, love of drawing and penchant for collecting everything, was her innocence, her happiness and her wonder of the magic of the world. I could literally see and feel what she felt and saw in her, in my, experience of the world. That's when the revelation hit me. OMG, I was born in love with myself, and in love with the world. I had it, I felt it, I was it. It was totally something that I came in with... but then something shifted. I began to see myself somewhere around the age of 11 when that beautiful love was cracked and shattered...  it began to be stolen away by people and situations that hurt me, chunks of love taken away, leaving these gaping holes inside me that I wouldn't go back to fill until the age of 30.

So first, I was mad! I had it, the self-love, totally and 100%. I really did love me. I really did love the world and everything in it. And then people hurt me... and with their actions, they stole my love. And if that was true for me, it was true for every person. We were all stealing each others self-love!  

And then I was sad! Wow, 19 years of living without that complete love of ME. I still was hugely successful without it - college, career, material stuff, so I lived totally oblivious to the fact that I was missing anything. It was like my own personal version of the Dark Ages. I saw clearly the events that had taken place, which had caused me to start building a force field around my heart... that layer upon layer had created an armor that not even I could penetrate. I saw how because I had felt unprotected, I had learned to protect myself. And I saw clearly that protection had kept me from having the unconditional love I craved... for myself, and with someone else for a long, long time.

And then I was excited! If this was all true, which I knew it to be, than what this all really meant was... I didn't have to learn to be in love with myself, I had to remember how to be in love with ME. And I started to see that how the choice at the age of 30 to put massive amounts of time and energy into healing those holes created by the love stealers and into taking down the armor and learning to let myself be loved, had in fact been the exact path that had gotten me to the first time in my life in which I could honestly say, I do really love me, and I did.

And if it was possible for me... it is possible for everyone.



If you want to fall even more in love with YOU, you can visit the self-love site I started called Madly in Love with ME.  You can download for free the Madly in Love with ME Guide, full of zany, yet proven, Love Tips, Love Adventures and Love Inspirations.  www.madlyinlovewithme.com

Love Dare #3: 
Make A ME-Love Map
know your personal journey of self-love

TRUTH
Did you know that you were born totally and 100% in love with yourself? That's right, love was oozing out of you, everywhere. You were walking, talking love. And you lived this way for some period of time - how long differs for all of us. But the thing that is the same for all of us unfortunately, is that at some point that love time ended. And it ended because a love stealer found you and put a crack in your self-love. That initial crack opened the space for more love stealers to come in and before you knew it, the spaces inside you that used to be pure love were full of gaping holes.

Love stealers come in all forms - parents, siblings, kids on the playground, friends, boyfriends, girlfriends - and unfortunately they attack every one of us. Which means that the love stealers who caused your wounds had wounds of their own caused by other love stealers - and it's those wounds that cause them to hurt us. It's a crazy love stealing circle!

The only way out of this circle is to go back and fill in all those holes with love, your love for you. Most of us don't figure this out until we are older - fortunately it's never too late to fill yourself back up with love.


DARE:  Make A ME-Love Map. Take a trip back through your entire life and map out your real self-love journey.

To make a ME-Love Map take an adventure back throughout your entire life - from when you were the littlest person full of innocence and love... to the moments when the love stealers showed up... to the protection and armor you built in response... to the journeys you've taken to heal and fill up your wounds with love... to the person you are today. Journal that adventure - write it, draw it, paint it, do a combination of any of this just make sure you document it. And then go back and find your own personal revelations. What do you see?

ME LOVE MAP starter tips:

1. Set some time aside to take this journey. Bring supplies with you like pens, pencils, computers, paper, notebook. Make it only you time. Give yourself at least 1-2 hours.
2. The Beginning. Start with who you were as a little ME. Write or draw who you were, what you loved, what you saw. Tap into the magic that was you when you could still feel the innocence.
3. The Love Stealers. Start to let the love stealers back in, remembering the events that caused the holes to form. Actually draw these events as holes on your map.
4. Building the armor. How did those events make you feel - write down those emotions. What did you do in response to these love stealers and holes? Sketch out the armor that you built around yourself and your heart.
5. The Dark Ages. How long of a period did you spend between the time your armor was in tact and before you started letting real love in again?
6. The Awakening. When did you start to crack open the armor to let love it? What did you do to crack it open.
7. The Healing. What did you do to heal the holes? Pour love in?
8. Today. Where are you today?

Once you've finished your ME Love Map, ask yourself these questions?
1.    What parts of you are you remembering to love again?
2.    What parts of the little ME do I want to bring forward into the now ME?
3.    What is the AHA for me here?



If you are ready to fall even more in love with YOU, then visit the #1 self-love site this side of the internet and get your free Madly in Love with ME Guide, full of zany, yet proven, Love Tips, Love Adventures and Love Inspirations.  http://www.madlyinlovewithme.com

Zany, yet proven
Love Tip #18:  The Self-Love Serenade
Inspired by Amy from California

"On the way home from work, I started discussing (with myself) all the reasons I love Amy.  It was not exactly the same as the repetition, but saying all the reasons out loud felt great. By the end of my drive I was in tears. I realized that no other person I encounter in this life will ever be able to know or love all of me, not all of my years or stories or scars.  Not one other person will be able to appreciate everything it's taken to become exactly who I am right now. I found hundreds of reasons to love myself, and the only person who really could know them all or even NEEDS to know them all - is me.  It was a very powerful and  pivotal moment, completely shifting my beliefs about loving myself - I realized I was just scratching the surface."  -- Amy

The Self-Love Serenade:
It may sound a little crazy, but it's guaranteed to bring you love...


Love Fact: You've gotta know and own what you love about you!

What you need:
1. 30 minutes free from all other distractions
2. 30 minutes alone

The action:
1. Turn off all electronic devices - that means for real off.
2. Tell everyone else to go away - so take a walk, a drive, a bath, just do it alone
3. Start a conversation with yourself by saying, "Hi <insert name>. I am dying to know what you love about me. Can we talk?"
4. Begin saying out loud all the reasons you love you. "I love me because..." or "What I love about me is..." Say it, proclaim it, even sing it. 
5. Keep saying what you love about you until you feel some kind of breakthrough - you cry, your heart opens up, you laugh, something that indicates you are letting the love in.
6. Stop and let the love in. Feel how much you really do love you, and feel how much that love has to start with you.


If you are ready to fall even more in love with YOU, then visit the #1 self-love site this side of the internet and get your free Madly in Love with ME Guide, full of zany, yet proven, Love Tips, Love Adventures and Love Inspirations.  www.madlyinlovewithme.com
 

TRUTH
Okay, let's face it ladies, we have all lied to ourselves at one time or another... to hang on to a relationship way longer than we should have... to avoid having to admit our weaknesses and failures and insecurities... to avoid being present with the truth of our reality so we wouldn't have to admit to our part in creating a mess or a stress out of our lives.

I'll admit it... I am a former Queen of Illusion. If there was a lie to be told about relationships and love, I told it to myself just so I could stay in a 15-year relationship 14 years too long. I have on ocassion, let myself feel like a victim to what was happening around me, and I have at times so wanted to make something the other person's fault, completely. But about 5 years ago I took a vow that changed my life ... that I would be 100% honest with myself always, uncompromising, unwavering self-honestly. I took that promise because I learned one really important LIFE TRUTH...


If we want the lives we say we really want... then we have no choice but to be honest - all the time.

What Stops Us from Being Honest... Why Do We Want to Lie To ME?
What I learned was that it wasn't the truth that I was afraid of, it was the consequences to admitting or sharing that truth that scared the daylights out of me. I lied to myself about my relationship because if I was honest, that meant I would have to leave him. And the hard truth was, I was afraid to be alone. The woman from Oregon who said she never ever wanted to get married, told herself that lie, because she was afraid of being vulnerable and being hurt again. I listen to my clients tell themselves lies like "I'm not good enough to be a published author. I don't have this degree so I will never be successful."

Those are lies too! And we cannot afford to tell ourselves lies any longer! If you really want the life you say you do then you MUST get downright real with yourself about everything in your life! And that is my challenge to us all this week on our adventure to self-love.


DARE:  Find at least one lie that you are telling yourself about who you are, about your life situation, or about your current life choices and CHANGE IT from a lie to the TRUTH!

Now since you are lying to yourself it might be hard to discover this lie, so be bold and ask someone who knows you really well, "In what ways do you think I am lying to myself - about me, about my relationships, my career, my finances, etc."  Pick someone you trust and give them permission to be 100% honest with you, promising them that you won't get mad at them and that you really do want to know. When you have convinced them that it is safe (and if you aren't doing any promising here, you probably aren't going to get a very deep answer), shut up and listen. Take in what they say, don't make excuses, don't defend yourself, just listen. After they finish simply say "Thank You for being so honest." And then if you can share from your heart about how their insight is affecting what you see in yourself, share. Like "Wow, you know, I am feeling really scared, vulnerable, etc. because .... " If you can't share from your heart, just stick with the THANK YOU and mull over what they had to say on your own, using it to find your truth.