Watch this video and be reminded WHY self-love isn't selfish, but essential and then leads you through a personal boost of love to leave you feeling that self-love promise of "I will never settle for less than my heart and soul desire."
If you were your own best friend, if you never settled for less than you heart and soul desired, what choices would you make differently?
Dare to love yourself and make those choices today - you are depending on you.
There is no question about that. Support is a form of love that we all
deserve, no matter what. And the great news is that support is
everywhere - when you know where to look, what to ask for, and how to
If you are anything like me and most people I know, you love being
supported. You love feeling like you have the support you need to be
taken care of, do your great work, be successful and happy. And most of
all, when you feel supported, you feel loved. (Support is a form of
And like most people, sometimes, maybe even often times, it can feel
like you don't have the support you need. Like everything is on your
shoulders. Like you are all alone. Or like there's just not enough
support at all.
I've felt this way myself on more than one occasion, and one day I got
sick and tired (literally) of running the story line, "I don't have the
support I need." So I made a promise to stop focusing on what I didn't
have and start focusing on what I desired - by really getting clear on
what kind of support I needed.
In this LOVE LETTER VIDEO I share that process with you.
So here's a LOVE DARE for you... give up the story line that you are not
supported and embrace the story that leads to you getting the support you need -
watch this video, ask yourself the 4 questions, take a daring act of
love to find the support, and then open up to receive the support that
This past summer, I took part in a survey that asked women what they were hardest on themselves about, 78% said their body. While sad, probably not a shocker to you. Let's face it, we are all guilty of body hate and what I call 'body slavery' - treating your body like a drive-me-til-I-drop workhorse, ignoring her needs, pushing her hard and paying her little, if any, appreciation.
When you consider the fact that you can't actually accomplish anything without your body - it is literally the vessel that allows you to do everything -- ignoring and hating on it doesn't make much sense. It's totally counter-productive, yet we smart women do it all the time.
I think part of the problem is that most of us don't think about our body until she is making us unhappy. She's not the shape or size we want, or she's not functioning as the machine we expect her to be. Imagine what would happen if you ignored your partner or husband until they made you unhappy! If we treated our lovers or friends like we treat our bodies, they would leave. But our bodies are stuck with us - they can't leave. They can only revolt.
The other issue is that we treat our body like a project or a problem instead of like a sacred relationship. Imagine if you turned this tenuous relationship into a sacred relationship.
One of the most self-loving and smart acts you can take is to realize that you are having a relationship with your body. Just like you have a relationship with a man or woman, a friend or a lover, you are in relationship with this vessel of flesh and bones that your spirit takes rent in for your entire life on this planet.
The question is, what is the relationship you want to have? Slave and owner? Abuser and abusee? Neglector and neglected? I personally prefer temple and person fortunate enough to live in a freaking way beautiful temple!
What about you? Do you dare to treat your body as the temple she is? And if you did, what would change? And more importantly, how can you get started today? Doesn't it sound divine? It is... and here are 4 tips on how to get started transforming your relationship with your body temple now:
See your body as the portal to which you experience everything in life - good food, great love, beautiful places, joy/happiness/smiles/hugs.
When you notice something about your body you don't like you choose love vs hate - it's as simple as changing the channel in your head or the words coming from your mouth. Tell yourself what you "do" love about your body.
Shift your perspective from entitlement to gratitude -- See yourself in servitude to you, this beautiful temple you get to inhabit while on this earth
Treat your body as a temple every day
HOW TO TREAT YOUR BODY AS A TEMPLE adore her dance in her fill her with nourishment beautify her love her for her imperfections, always end your experience with her by seeing her beauty be grateful for her never hate her or yourself within her and always find compassion for you both
And for extra credit, take a double self-love dare... tell your body today how much you love her. Hug her. Tell her how beautiful she is. Thank her for all she does for you. She will appreciate it and in response will be more beautiful, more healthy and more likely to give you back the love you deserve.
I'm devoting this blog to the Lingerie Loves Your Curves Charity Drive that is taking a stand for all women to say, "Stop comparing ourselves and instead love our bodies, embrace our curves and see our own true beauty." Go here http://info.aboutcurves.com/llyc-blogathon/ to see how you can help raise awareness for this great cause that was created by the National Organization of Women.
As a culture and as human beings, we spend just about as
much time talking about and thinking about our relationships, and our
relationship status as we do about how we are going to pay our bills and lose 5
lbs. Millions of dollars, maybe even trillions of dollars, are spent trying to
find the one, make the one we have better, and decide if the one we have is
really the one we want!
In all of these questions about our 'relationships' we often
get mixed up and lose sight of what we are really after - LOVE. So we continue
to live with a craving that never gets satisfied - we are hungry for love, but
we are feeding ourselves the wrong food. It's not your fault, your mind has
gotten all confused because of the misunderstandings about love that run
rampant in our society. Today we take a step towards getting your mind and your
life in alignment with the truth about love by empowering you with three of the
most powerful rules of love and daring acts that will help you employ them -
which when applied will not only give you the relationships you want, but more
importantly the love that you need.
Love Rule #1: Focus on Love not Relationships.
There is a big misunderstanding that love and
relationships are the same thing - while they are related, they are not the
same. Most of us walk around saying or thinking we want a 'relationship' when
in reality what we really need and desire is more love, in one of its many forms
- connection, friendship, intimacy, compassion, companionship, affection,
acknowledgement, and the list goes on. Change your focus to cultivating love
and to generating the energy of that love you desire in your life instead of on
finding or fixing a relationship and you'll find that you have more love and
better relationships as a result.
Daring Act of Love: Ask for what you really want - LOVE. If you are single, stop saying "I
want a relationship." Start being specific about the love energy you want to
pull in, "I am so ready to receive love from an awesome, compassionate, loving
life partner" or "I am so ready to receive love from a sexy, sweet lover and
companion." If you are in relationship and desire more, be specific about what
you desire to receive from this person, and be willing to give it too, "I'd
love to receive more affection and intimacy" or "I'd love to receive more
companionship and closeness." Notice how saying these words invokes the energy
of the L-O-V-E right away! Which leads to #2.
Love Rule #2: Every relationship starts with the
relationship you have with yourself.
so you've probably heard this one but are you really living it? I
haven't met a person yet who couldn't stand to improve the relationship that
they have with themselves. And if something isn't working for you in getting
the love you desire from out there, then you need to find what's first not
working with the love and relationship you have with yourself.
Daring Act of Love:Take Yourself Out On A
Romantic Date, Ask Yourself What You Really Need, And Listen. When's the last time you had a heart to heart with
yourself. How long would you put up with a person you were dating or married to
if they weren't having deep and personal conversations with you - hopefully not
very long! Create intimacy with yourself by spending the evening journaling on
the question "What do I really need right now? To feel loved? To be happy? To
be healthy? To feel safe and secure? To feel seen?" Then after you get all that
information from yourself, make a promise to yourself to make sure you receive
the love you need.
Love Rule #3:Love Always Creates More Love.
getting the love you need? Then BE LOVE. The energy you feel inside and that
you put out there into the world comes back to you - simple Law of
Daring Act of Love:Be a Love Generator and make love for yourself. Don't wait to receive love from someone else - you
have the power to create it right now for yourself. Here's how - do a Self Love
Soak every morning! Before you get out of bed, close your eyes, curl up in a
loving ball, hug yourself, and tell yourself, "Your Name, I love you." Keep
saying these love words until you generate love, until you feel that warm
tingly feeling of love in your body. Even if it's just a little bit at first,
keep generating love this way until it comes naturally and in big waves. Fake
it til you make it - make love that is!
And here's a bonus rule - Be unafraid to admit
you need love - we all do. If you fear
people thinking you are weak for needing love, then you weaken your ability to
receive it. Be daring - desire love, need
And if you're ready to take action to create SUPER LOVING relationships now -- consider yourself invited to join me for this 40-day self love practice ... go here to check it out.
For the past two weeks, I've so wanted to write a love blog post, I've even sat down and started to write them, but the truth
is... I didn't have it to give.
You see I just finished my new book two weeks ago - which up
until that point has been like being in labor for 16 months! And on the
day I was really done, instead of dancing on tables, I was laying
horizontal in my bed ... tired, spent, and needing to R-E-S-T!. It felt
like I had just released something that had been with me, on my mind,
for waking moment for over a year. I needed to seriously replenish. I
needed to unplug from working and plug into resting. You know all that
self-care stuff. But I had a lot of commitments to others I had already
made. Plus this baby book that wanted more attention!
What to do?
Maybe you can relate? You know those times you know you just don't
have it to give, that you need to rest and relax but you feel obligated,
guilty, pressured, like you should just 'push through,' 'buck up and
So there I stood at a crossroads - could I give myself permission to rest, cancel events, keep my output to a minimum. And was I willing to disappoint other people in order to stay true to myself?
It didn't escape me that I had just completed a book on self-love!
And so I knew the answer, I HAD to give myself permission and choose self-care for ME ... but it was hard, and it often is...
Luckily I had three super powered self-love tools to call on - and it
took all 3 to finally give myself permission to relax and replenish
these last two weeks
So today, in solidarity to your self-care and giving ourselves the rest
and replenishment we need, no matter what... I share with you those 3
self-love tools so you can use them too! Watch the video where I share my story and my 3 super power tools:
GET PERMISSION FROM YOURSELF... Ask the super powered self love question, "Am I willing to disappoint another to stay true to myself?" Btw, the answer is always YES!
GET PERMISSION FROM A FRIEND... When you can't do it for yourself, you gotta throw out a love line! Call your friend and tell them "I need you to tell me it's okay that I don't ... And that its okay that I choose to take care of myself first.
GET CONFIRMATION FROM THE DIVINE... Dial into God and ask the universe to take care of whatever needs taking care of in divine timing and in everyone's highest good. And then ask for a divine date when you can come back and revisit this thing you are setting down in a daring act of self love.
the thing I know - We Know HOW to take care of ourselves. We know the
ACTIONS we need to take. It's GIVING YOURSELF PERMISSION that can be
REALLY HARD to give yourself.
Post HERE What you are willing to give yourself permission to do for yourself as an act of self-love!
ENJOY daring to give yourself love, even if that means disappointing another.
Self-Care Belief and Habit #1 Believe: "If I start my day by taking care of me, I will feel better taken care of."
Take A Daily Act of Love: Ask yourself what you need, first thing, every day . . . and then give it to yourself, without question and without fail.
How many times after waking up in the morning have you checked your email, voicemail or electronic device before you peed? Thought about your to-do list before you thought about how you were feeling? Dialed into the Internet before dialing into the Divine? Started your day startled by your buzzing alarm clock? How many times have you inputted and ingested stress-producing thoughts and energies that remind you of how much you have to do, how much you didn't get done yesterday, and how little time there is to get it all done? Or started your day time-deficient, love-starved, and disconnected, feeling like you've already failed and fallen behind, focusing on everything and everyone else except for yourself?
Kristine Carlson, author of Don't Sweat the Small Stuff for Moms and Don't Sweat the Small Stuff for Women, sums the power of this self-care belief and habit up the best: "How you start your day is how you live your day."
Start in stress, live in stress. Start feeling like there's so much to do, live feeling like you never get enough done. Start disconnected from yourself, live the entire day unaware of what you need. But start your day connected to yourself, and you're way more likely to make sure that your needs get taken care of as well as everyone else's. Start your day connected to your breath and your body, and you're likely to stay connected to your body and its needs. Start your day connected to the Divine, and you'll feel supported all day long and be able to hold a stronger sense of inner peace throughout the day.
Have excuses started rolling through your mind? "I don't have time to meditate for thirty minutes; my children need me." Or: "I'm just not a morning person. I don't have time . . . I don't have time . . ." While all these things may be true, they are never the real reason why we can't. We just don't believe that we can.
You don't have to spend thirty minutes on a cushion, teach your kids how to make their own breakfast, or start waking up at 4 am for exercise,. You need to shift your mind-set to one that assigns top priority to your own mental, spiritual, emotional, and physical health. And then watch the miracles occur! When you start to value yourself by spending your time on you, and by choosing how you start your day, your entire day will shift. Try the following simple but mighty Daring Act of Love. One takes less than three minutes, and the other requires no extra time at all. Then notice how they change your self-care pulse.
Daring Act of Love: Start Your Day by Taking Care of Your Needs Upon waking, open your eyes and then close your eyes immediately. Put one hand on your belly and one on your heart. Take three deep breaths and ask yourself this question: "What do I need in order to take care of me today?" Listen for your best friend's answer (that is the voice of your Inner Wisdom). She will tell you. Whatever she says, make sure you get it. Make a commitment every morning to give yourself what your Inner Wisdom says you need. This may be a actual thing, an action to take, or who knows! Do this ritual for seven days and notice the impact. Become aware of which of your unconscious anti-self-care beliefs get revealed and which of your habitual patterns get pushed out of their comfort zone. Challenge yourself to go beyond comfort into radical self-care!
For extra support, keep a journal close to your bed and write down what your Inner Wisdom says and the commitment you make - on behalf of yourself as your own b.f.f - each morning. Use it as a big permission slip that says, "You can <<insert self-care commitment>> today." Rip the page out of the journal and take it with you as you go about your day. When the time comes to take action, read the permission slip to yourself and take the radical act of believing you are worth spending your time on.
The excerpt above was taken from the book "Madly in Love with ME: The Daring Adventure to Becoming Your Own Best Friend" written by Christine Arylo and published November 2012 by New World Library.
To receive the free Self-Love Kit including a hand-illustrated e-book and powerful self-love teachings, including on radical self-care, from Christine Arylo, go to www.MadlyinLovewithME.com
As a woman who has
worked hard for most of her life, only to find that much of what was
really driving me was my unexpressed fears, doubts, egoic ambitions,
need for external approval... I am committed to learning how to make a
BIG IMPACT with grace and ease, and yes sometimes you put in the long
hours, but even then can't it be joyful instead of hard and full of
If you are a person who drives themselves too hard, works too hard,
gives too much, is tired/exhausted/overworked ... and would like to make
a positive difference in the world, in your life and the life of
others...then read on, because I've written this love letter for you.
A transformational poem in response to the question "What's Driving You To Work So Hard?"
Stop, Breathe, & Receive
Stop moving so fast, so hard
Where are you going?
And who & what are you leaving behind?
Not to mention the cost to your health and heart.
Plus, what is the rush anyway?
You act like there is somewhere to go.
When in reality there is nowhere to rush to,
But to stand right where you are.
Breathe I said.
Until you can feel it in your core
That's right... Exhale all that pressure, All the preconceived notions about how any of this thing -- called your life -- is supposed to turn out.
That's right, see, doesn't that feel better? Breathe. Breathe. Yes, that's it. Now you are ready to LISTEN...
Close your eyes. Can you hear it? That voice that's been waiting to speak to you for so long. Wise. Solid. Secure. All knowing. It has something to tell you...
"Everything is going to be just fine. It's all going to work out. It already is working out, if you'd just relax, let go and let it do the working out. Sit back... Breathe... and Receive the love the happiness the peace the support the grace that is always here When you remember to Stop. Breathe. & Receive."
For more support in kicking this overwork habit, check out this free tele-jam I recently hosted all about getting your inner critic off your back and on your side. Be a Achiever and a Receiver! Go here... http://www.innermeangirl.com
Every day since you could watch a TV or hear a radio or read a magazine, you were told a message. A harmful message, that made you believe things about yourself that weren't true. What my sister of self love and co-founder of Inner Mean Girl Reform School Amy Ahlers calls a Big Fat Lie.
This message which came from all kinds of places, made the little you, believe "You are not enough" ... so you spent years and years, trying to do and be and have all the things that would finally make you enough... and still today, as an adult, the truth is, you don't really believe you are, not really. Not at the deepest levels where it counts.
You see the message of "YOU are NOT enough" became food for your inner critic - or your Inner Mean Girl or Dude" as I like to call it... and ever since it's been feasting on this big fat lie, fueled by a media and culture that thrives on YOU believing it.
So over the years, your Inner Mean Girl or Dude has become very strong and big... self-sabotaging your dreams, your love life, you life really... filling you up with self-doubt, self-criticism, self-neglect and even self-hate.
Until NOW that is!! See inside of you you also have two WAY more powerful forces -- the arch nemesis twins of your inner critic... Your Inner Muse and your Inner Wisdom.
And today in this blog I am going to share with you two short but mighty ways to feed these pieces of you instead of that inner critic that's been tormenting the little you and the big you for way too long.
One: Watch the love letter video I taped with one of my B.F.F.'s the transformational artist and poet, Shiloh Sophia McCloud... she is master at activating the muse with just the right messages that erase those crazy inner mean girl/dude thoughts. Go here to watch.
Two: Attend an Inner Mean Girl Reform School tele-jam -- and get 3 super power tools for turning the self sabotaging voice in your head into a self empowering self loving ally instead. Go here to register, it's gratis on me.
And if you dare, go ahead and leave a comment here taking a stand for giving up negative self-talk for good and taking on the belief I AM ENOUGH... I CHOOSE TO GIVE UP NEGATIVE SELF TALK... I CHOOSE TO BELIEVE I AM ENOUGH....
think of this blog like a wall of self-love... I see you!
That is the very question -- Is it possible to live stress free? --
I found myself asking myself as I sat in Costa Rica looking out at the
jungle, feeling for the first time in a long time, completely free of
And while in Costa Rica I have to say the answer was yes.
And i have to tell you stress-free felt really good!
So good that I found myself sitting there getting a little mad about how much stress I knew was waiting for me back home...
I didn't want to lose that feeling of freedom, inner peace, ease... I wanted to take it with me.
Maybe you can relate? After going on vacation, taking a long weekend, a
day off? Feeling the stress melt away, and not wanting to take it back
on but feeling almost powerless to do anything else.
What I realized in Costa Rica and I am going to share with you now in
this love letter, is that the only way that I was going to NOT pick up
all the stress when I got back home, was for me to get honest about all
the ways in which i was making it okay for stress to take over my life.
And instead of being a victim to the stress... be empowered to make a different choice when it showed up.
And instead of being surprised or mad when stress emerged... taking pre-emptive action so stress couldn't come creeping in.
The process and meditation I went through on the deck in that jungle was
transformative... it burned up a few stress creators on the spot... and
while stress is still knocking on my door, I can say that after a month
of being home, the stress gremlins have not taken back over control!
Although they keep trying!