The alarm rings and you awake Realizing that even though you just slept the night Your body is exhausted Your soul is tired And while you try to fire your engine To zoom out of bed to meet the day You roll out, slowly, puttering instead of zooming
Your mind feels a little cloudy So you attempt a few of your tried and true go-tos to slough off the tired blanket that has wrapped itself around your entire being
A shower, some yoga, caffeine, the internet ... those should get you going But yet even if they do provide a small jolt of wake up Underneath, the tired and empty place remains For while there is work to be done, and people who are tugging at you for attention The truth is... If you took a moment out of your busy life, to look in the mirror into your eyes, the window to your heart and soul What you would see and hear back in response is ... "You have nothing more left to give today."
The question is - with a busy life and many responsibilities - what do you do with that?
I'll give you a hint, The answer is not push through (although let's be honest that is what most of us do)
The answer is not ignore what you can feel in your bones is true (although we've been taught to doubt our most trusted ally, our Inner Wisdom).
The answer is not to fall in a heap of despair onto the bathroom floor either because you just can't find a way to handle everything that needs handling and take care of yourself (although we have all been pushed to tears from overwhelm.)
The answer is... to open to RECEIVE.
After you stop, open and receive your self-love actions from your Inner Wisdom about what you need to RECEIVE now, post them here for us all to be inspired and for you to make the commitment and keep it!
Three weeks into dating my current
husband, Noah, he looked at me and said, 'Christine, I don't know
what is going to happen between the two of us, but you have to raise
your standards for men.
"You can't like a guy because
he's nice to you. He's supposed to be nice to you."
"Whaaaaaat???" My head cocked to
the side and I looked at Noah like he had just told me my parents
were really aliens from Mars. How did I - super smart and
successful woman - not know this? Of course, my logical brain was
aware that people should be nice to you, but deep down, I had no
clue.
Based on my experience of men, I had
come to expect men to be hypercritical, verbally abusive, angry for
no good reason, self-centered, and controlling. Deep down, I didn't
believe that men cared about 'relationships,' intimacy and being
loved. And so, I, and most of my girlfriends, dated what we expected,
and ended up unhappy. Or if a "good guy" did come along, we tried
to get rid of him for 'being too nice." We say we want one thing,
but then we attract and hang onto something quite different.
That day, I made myself a promise that
I would follow these three "Happy Rules" when it came to my love
life, that way I'd never forget again that my relationships are
supposed to make me happy, not stressed out, crazy or sad.
THE 3 HAPPY LOVE LIFE
RULES:
If your guy or gal isn't
nice to you, then they don't deserve you.You
deserve unconditional love and respect, and you must demand it in
your relationships, or the relationship has to end (friendships
included!) The catch is that you can't get what you don't give
yourself, which means you have to give unconditional love and
respect to yourself and others if you want it in return.
Don't settle for less than
your heart and soul desire for your life, even if it means ending a
relationship.Pick a partner who helps you reach your
dreams and be the best you possible. When looking for a relationship
or deciding if the one you have is right for you, ask yourself
first, "What are my dreams for my life?" Then ask, "What kind
of partnership do I want to support me in that life?" and then you
can ask, "So who would that person be?" ME. WE. HE. In that
order. Choose ME before WE. This is your ticket to life, live it for
yourself first, and you'll be more likely to find and keep a mate
that is happy to be on the ride with you. Better to go solo than to
have someone dragging your life ship down.
Take a vow to Be Honest With
Yourself - NO MATTER WHAT!And engage the help of
friends when you can't get to honesty on your own. Take this
self-love dare: Hold an "Honesty Hearing." Say to them, "I
need your help on getting honest with myself. You can be totally
honest and I won't get mad. How do you see me lying to myself
about XX relationship?" Just listen. You can ask questions, but
you cannot comment back or engage in a debate. After they are done,
say "Thank You." Ask yourself, "What is the consequence of
admitting the truth?" Let that sink in and then make a commitment
to take at least one action that addresses this truth.
About Christine Arylo
Christine Arylo, an m.b.a. turned
writer, speaker and teacher, is an inspirational catalyst who teaches
people how to put their most important partnership first, the one
with themselves, so that they can create the love and life their
hearts and souls crave. The popular author of Choosing ME
before WE, Every Woman's Guide to Life and Love www.mebeforewe.com,
Arylo is known as the "Queen of Self-Love." She created Madly in
Love with ME, the international day of self-love (Feb 13), dedicated
to making self-love a tangible reality for women and girls around the
world. Check out her free Self-Love Kit at www.ChooseSelfLove.com
3 super powered tools for turning your
inner critic into your best business partner
by Christine Arylo and Amy Ahlers,
co-founders of Inner Mean Girl Reform School
When you made the decision to start
your own business, you probably got lots of advice on how to be
successful, right? Solid advice like keep an eye on your expenses,
create a marketing plan, put yourself out there as much as possible,
etc.
But did anyone warn you that the
biggest and most likely threat your business faces is not out there
in the marketplace, but instead living and breathing inside of you?
Let us introduce you to your Inner
Critic or Inner Mean Girl as we like to call it (or Inner Bully for
all you guys out there). That negative, self-sabotaging,
self-critical voice in your head tells you big fat lies like "You're
not good enough," "If you try, you'll probably fail," or
"You've got to work harder if you're ever going to make this
business fly."
Your Inner Mean Girl / Inner Bully is
the slave driver, achievement junkie, doing addict, perfectionist and
wishful thinker that keeps you working like a dog, doing all the work
yourself, and spending money, time, and energy in the wrong places.
It's the voice that makes you feel less happy and successful than
ever.
Here's the truth; you can have the
best strategies, the most stellar product, but if you don't
have the right mindset you will fail, and you'll exhaust yourself
in the process! Or maybe you'll get lucky and reach your goals but
be unable to feel successful or enjoy everything you worked so hard
for. Your Inner Mean / Bully just loves to rob you of celebrating!
The best way to keep your mindset
healthy, and your Inner Mean Girls / Bullies off your back is to know
their toxic tricks and have an antidote in your back pocket to use
when you find yourself in their grips.
After coaching entrepreneurs from all
walks of life for over 17 years combined, we've developed processes
that put your Inner Mean Girl and Inner Bully in their place.
Here are 3 of our favorites for
shifting your mind and securing your success!
#1 Toxic Trick. Comparison
You find yourself going crazy,
comparing yourself to every one else who is more successful, farther
along, or more together than you. Your Comparison Queen / King is
using the Inferiority Complex on you! Antidote: Compliment the
person you are comparing yourself to. Dig deep and find the
inspiration. Yes, that's right, reach out and tell that person how
inspired you are by who they are and what they are doing. You'll be
amazed at the new connections you'll create!
#2 Toxic Trick. Future
Tripping
You achievement junkie is filling your
head with lies like "When I hit that goal, then I'll be happy!"
or "When I hit 6 figures (or 7 figures or more!), I can finally
relax." Your Inner Mean Girl/Inner Bully has you running so fast to
the future that you're too exhausted to enjoy today. Antidote:
Get grateful for what you do have and get happy in the present. When
you find your mind future tripping, stop, drop and do 10 gratitude
statements. Write or say aloud what you appreciate about today.
Notice how you can enjoy the moment!
#3 Toxic Trick. Unrealistic
Expectations
You've just started your day and you
already have a To-Do List a mile long that you are counting on
getting done today. Deep down you know it's humanly impossible to
accomplish them all. But your doing addict has got you convinced that
you can get through the list. So you work like an energizer bunny
gone mad all day, and come 8pm you've not accomplished half of what
you set out to. You set yourself up to fail, and now you beat
yourself up with the "I'm a loser" lie. Antidote: Take a
pause and get real. When you feel yourself moving into overdrive to
get it all done, pause, take a deep breath and decide on the 3 things
that are most important for you to complete today. In your mind, move
the rest to another day. Get real and honest with how much is
reasonable for you to do today. With only those 3 things on your
mind, you're guaranteed to set yourself up for success, and find
time to have a personal life too!
Here's the truth - you have a
one-of-a-kind gift to give the world through your great work. And if
you don't take care of yourself, if you try to do it all alone, and
if you don't enjoy the process along the way, you will never be
able to reach your full potential.
We invite you to try these antidotes
PLUS get started on transforming your own Inner Mean Girl.
Join us on September 24th
for our Inner Mean Girl Reform School free open house call we're
hosting called Stop the Critical Voice in
Your Head from Being So Hard On You... & Start Feeling Truly
Successful & Happy, Now! You'll learn the three
secrets to reforming your Inner Mean Girl or Inner Bully!
Christine Arylo, popular author of
Choosing ME before WE, and Amy Ahlers, celebrated author of
Big Fat Lies Women Tell Themselves, have taken a stand for
people, especially women, everywhere to say NO! to being so hard on
themselves. They are co-founders of Inner Mean Girl Reform School,
a series of programs that give people tools to transform their
self-sabotaging patterns into new self-empowering habits. They've
successfully coached thousands of people around the world -
including themselves - to take charge of their inner critics once
and for all.
What to do when you get smacked down by the universe...
How to interpret the message and come out happier because of it.
No kidding... Last week the universe hit me in the head, literally!
What started as a spontaneous trip to the Ashram Okay, I know the story is already kind of unusual, spontaneous ashram trips! But as it turns out the Ashram of one of my original spiritual teachers Just happens to be down the road from the wine country home I've been writing my next book from. Of course, there are no coincidences.
So Wednesday afternoon, unannounced, I stopped by I was greeted with love, and lunch Sat with a guru Prayed for the removal of obstacles And two hours after my spiritual bliss and what I thought was the removal of any obstacles hanging out in my life, I smacked my head right into one
Literally walked right into an open cabinet door and received not just a bump but a gash that at the time to me looked just as awful as Harry Potter's scarred head. (more later on my magical medical adventure) What the heck kind of answer to a prayer was that?
Prayer is powerful, no question. I know that. I just didn't expect what got delivered. But when the universe is trying to get your attention. It will do whatever it takes.
In what ways has the universe been trying to get your attention lately? And have you been listening, or Like me are you headed for a smack in the head?
I hope your message comes in a more gentle manner. But just in case you end up with a more aggressive messenger, I thought you'd like to be prepared on how to handle it.
So I taped this super-powered video your new moon Love Letter!
Would love to hear from you about when you got smacked in the head from the universe - What was the message and how were you finally able to hear it?
This Love Dare is one of the weekly love dares participants of the 40-day Fear Cleanse have taken... they loved it so much, and I love it so much that I wanted to share it with ALL of you! Enjoy!!
Step 1: Schedule or spontaneously decide to go on an adventure to collect LOVE! 15 minutes, 30 minutes, 1 hour or an entire day. Step 2: Use all of your senses to find evidence of love everywhere -- see, smell, taste, feel, and hear it. Literally breathe love in, take note of loving exchanges between others, taste love in your food, smell love in a flower, hear love in a song or in a compliment you receive, feel love when you take a moment to hug your dog or do anything that opens your heart.
Step 3: Actually collect the love - Throughout the day, using all your senses, seek out evidence of love, and collect it. You must capture this evidence of love somewhere, either by writing it down, taking a picture of it, sharing it with your social network, recording it on a voice recorder, whatever makes you happy. Pick your collection device of choice - a small pocket-sized notebook, a digital device you can write on, post it notes, or a camera you can snap pictures with.
Keep the awareness as much as possible during your day-to-day interactions.
Look for love even in the challenging moments.
Be alert for spontaneous acts of love. Take a love collecting field trip during lunch or in the late afternoon.
When you can't take physical notes, take a mental note, by pausing in the moment, noticing the love and storing the event away in your mind and heart as evidence that love exists everywhere.
BONUS DOUBLE DARE.... Share your evidence of love with us right here on the blog, or if you have a photo you can share, post it to our Madly in Love with ME facebook site
Does your heart open wide when love
knocks on your door?
Expanding and opening to let the love
flow in.
Or does your heart contract, recoil and
pull back
Peer out the window, want to open the
door so badly, but is too afraid
Of what would happen if it let love in
again?
Does your heart rush in with open arms
to find and embrace connection in this world
Expecting to receive love back
Knowing that love is everywhere when
you know where to look
And when your heart is open to receive
it?
Or is your heart cautious, having been
hurt before,
So it doesn't let itself open too
wide or let too many people in
Instead of skipping through life freely
and joyfully
Is your heart walking safely and
securely never risking too much?
It's okay you know,
We've all be hurt
We've all had our innocent pure
loving hearts smacked around
Stepped on
Looked over
Rejected
Abandoned
And as a result,
You may have built big walls around
your heart
So you'd never be hurt again
Or you may have taken all the walls
down
Hoping you'd be loved again, if you
just gave more of yourself away.
And although you were doing what you
needed to do
To protect yourself at the time
The truth is that what actually
protects you most is not walls or the giving of yourself away,
The biggest protection you have in life
is love.
But love can only protect you if you
let it in.
Love can only serve you if you let it.
All love needs is permission to open
the door of your heart again.
Think of all the ways that love comes
knocking on your heart's door today:
When a stranger smiles
Do you smile back and let the love
permeate your heart
Or do you give a fake obligatory smile
or pretend you didn't notice?
When someone approaches you with the
offer of a hug
Do you let the embrace fully envelope
you
Letting all your body parts touch,
chest, belly and arms
Or do you politely offer a few pats on
the back, never touching hearts
Or do you go for the A frame hug,
letting your upper chest touch but the hug stops there.
When someone offers to help you or pays
you a compliment
Does your heart open wide to say THANK
YOU! YES! I will receive that
Or do you push back their gift
Saying you can handle it on your own
Or "this old thing, I've had it for
years!"
When someone offers you a chance to
connect during your 'busy' day
Do you stop and make time for love
Or do you skip by the moments in life
in which love is offered
Putting it on hold for when you have
time,
But those times come far and few
between?
When you wake up in the morning
Do you look around and notice the magic
and splendor of the beauty of this world?
Do you fill your heart with all that
you are grateful for
Or do you jump out of bed without
noticing much of anything
Except thinking of all the things you
have to do or all that you haven't yet done?
When you find yourself in relationship
with an intimate partner, a lover, a mate
Do you let down your walls of
protection
And show them the truth of your heart
and soul
Even in the times, especially in the
times, when you are afraid?
Do you lean in with an open heart to
create the intimacy that you desire,
Or do you use love as a weapon, or say
you want intimacy but then don't offer it?
Do you settle for less than the deep
emotional connection that only two open hearts can create
And tell yourself that what you have is
enough.
When your heart knows that it is not?
What if today, you let your heart speak
freely.
What would she or he say?
What one daring act of love would you
be willing to take
To risk letting love walk in your
heart's door?
To set your heart free
To do what it does best
To love.
And in return allow you to revel and
trust in that love forever.
Popular
author of Choosing
ME before WE, Every Woman's Guide to Life and Love,
Christine
Arylo has been called the Queen of Self-Love. Her insights, fresh
perspectives and daring take on love, in all its forms, have been
featured on TV and radio stations across the country, in the world's
top spas and retreat centers, and in colleges and corporations. She
is the founder of Madly in Love with ME, an international movement of
self-love, which includes a free self-love kit downloadable at
www.ChooseSelfLove.com.
She is also the co-founder of Inner
Mean Girl Reform School,
a virtual school where women go to transform their self-sabotaging
voices into self-empowering ones.
The truth is that inside of me, hidden way down deep inside Has lived a fear of rejection that no one could ever tell was there Even me for many years.
Successful. Driven. Ambitious. Go Getter. Fear of rejection? What are you talking about.
I am talking about the fact that we ALL have fear. You have fear. I have fear. Everyone you know has fear lodged somewhere in our hearts and souls... and too often, we, me, let it hold us back from what our hearts and souls really want... we may not admit it, but we settle.
And right now Right here in this moment Your personal brand of fear - while it may not be rejection - Is likely sitting on top of some dream or desire you have.
Telling you to play it safe. Wait for tomorrow. To be more practical. Just do it on your own. To settle for less.
But what if you didn't have to settle? What if you could move that fear aside (even if you didn't know it was there until now)... and you could reach beyond comfortable, beyond trying to make it happen all on your own, into massive happiness and freedom, where the universe was actually creating miracles on your behalf!
Today is the full moon - a super powered day of expansion. Prime time for busting through limitation. The best time for opening up to miracles. Have you already got your full moon, miracle-opening, fear-busting moment planned?
Well, no worries, if you haven't...I've got your back so you don't miss out! I taped this video for you, where I'll tell you all about the power of this moon, help you connect to that "IT" you really want, I'll even expose my own desire and fear around this India thing and use a very special friend to bust me through fear to love... And, then my very special friend will even do the same for you.
Do you have 5-7 minutes to open to miracles today?
After you watch the video, I double love invite you to do 2 things to REALLY make this so
1. Make your one full-moon, fear-releasing, miracle-making action public... Post your stand on my blog or on the you tube page, and prepare to open yourself up to more than your mind can imagine.
Because here's the thing - the power in all this isn't in being able to manifest exactly what you want as your mind sees it. India Arie may or may not say YES to my request. But I will be different because I asked, because I chose love over fear. The power and the benefit available to you in this moment comes from choosing love over fear and expanding your own sense of what is possible, because in that expansion you open to more success...
and the truth is that almost always you receive something even better than you ever thought... that is the power of magic... that is the power of love... that is the power of the full moon! Tap on in... watch the video... and...
2. Consider join me and my spiritual running buddy Gabrielle Bernstein for the BEST SUMMER YET... we are taking fear on, opening up the doors to freedom, happiness & miracles, and YOU ARE INVITED.
You can learn more about the 40-day Fear Cleanse by CLICKING HERE.
And if you haven't listened to our free call on how we faced our own fears to become the happiest people we know - where we share 3 of the KEYS to having it all we found along our path, there is still time to listen LIVE on June 16th, or we will send you the recording. CLICK HERE TO GET THE FREE CALL.
Somewhere inside of you is a desire that you really want.
Something that you heart is like, Yes I want that!!
But for some reason, you don't have it.
And that reason, whether you know it or not.
Is F-E-A-R.
I want you to have what your heart and soul desires.
You want that too.
And this summer, I along with my spiritual running buddy Gabrielle Bernstein are here to help - we've even invited some of the best miracle makers we know to join us too!
We are kicking this all off on this fr*ee call.... you can register, tune in, and prepare to make this the summer you stop holding back from having your all, and you start living it.
p.s. And while you are here - claim your heart and souls desire for the world to see. Tell Fear to fear-off! Use your power of self-love. And put you and your desires out here for us all to receive. I'll read each one!
How
to be honest with your partner and come out alive ... and more loved.
By
Christine Arylo & Noah Martin, love intelligence experts
When
you get down to what separates great, long-lasting partnerships from
ones that start with the best intentions but fizzle out over time,
there are a few very basic rules and behaviors that while seemingly
common sense, most people don't have a clue about. The truth is
that we can all use a boost in our E.L.Q. ... our emotional
intelligence when it comes to navigating the waves of our most
intimate love relationships (a.k.a. your Emotional Love Quotient.)
One
of the most vital components of keeping and growing a POWERFUL,
LOVING, and FUN partnership is HONESTY. When life is smooth, honesty
is easy. It's when the bumps come up that the temptation to fib, to
disguise or avoid the truth seem like the simplest path. But over
time, little lies build to bigger lies and resentment - neither of
which you want hanging around your relationship.
One
of the most fertile grounds for secrecy between two people is money.
We call these 'sticky situations' and we've listed a few of the
most common. We've also included the most dangerous but often used
'emotionally-stunted' responses... DO NOT try these at home! On
the flip side, we've outlined for you the high E.L.Q. response, one
we've used in our own partnership to transform financially sticky
situations into deeper connection, a better understanding of
ourselves, and more love.
Sticky
Situation:
You've
spent a chunk of change without consulting your partner
You've
blown the budget you both agreed to
You've
put something on credit when you've agreed you are paying off your
debt
Emotionally
Stunted Responses:
Hide
the bill and pray he/she never finds out.
Feel
guilty, wait for them to figure it out and beg for forgiveness.
Sneak
your misdemeanor into another conversation or get to them while they
are busy or distracted.
Fess
up but slough it off as not a big deal, you'll find the money
somewhere.
High
E.L.Q. Response:
Admit
to yourself that you acted outside of the agreements you had with
your partner. You have to accept responsibility with yourself
that your action was outside of either a stated or implied agreement
(we always recommend having explicit agreements about money
choices.) But even if you didn't have an explicit agreement, you
knew what your partner expected. So face the music. Say out loud to
yourself, "I chose to XX and I know that my action was outside of
our agreements / expectations of each other." And then take a deep
breath (don't skip the breath, it's important to releasing your
own emotions!) Coming clean with yourself will feel good and erase
some of the guilt or apprehension. You can't be honest with your
partner if you aren't first honest with yourself.
Plainly
and succinctly take responsibility with your partner and then tell
them the facts. This is not the time to go into some long story
to justify your actions. Just own what you did, not with guilt but
with honesty. First, ask for his/her attention to talk about
something important. Second, state that you broke an agreement. And
third, tell them the specifics. "Joe, I broke our agreement about
making big purchases without talking to you about it. I bought XX
today for $XX." Then shut up.
Let
your partner react. Before you get to the "Why" (which in
your mind may either have been a good or bad reason) your partner
will need to have their emotional response. Seriously, it's the
least you can do. Your job is just to listen. Let them have whatever
feeling they have. Don't try and defend yourself, unless you want
to create a fight. This is also not the time to explain why. Just
listen. If in your partner's reaction, they ask why, include your
response as part of step four, after you own it. (Note to
Partner... you are responsible for your own E.L.Q. too. You are
allowed to honestly react but not to bludgeon, scream, attack, tear
apart or try and make your partner - who is trying to be honest
with you -- feel guilty or ashamed. You can be angry but you still
owe this person your respect and unconditional love. Be angry at the
action, not the person... and DON'T take it personally, their
action was not a personal attack on you.)
Own
your action again, apologize for breaking the agreement and then,
finally, you can share... not your defense but your heart. Your
simple response is, "You are right. I acted outside of our
agreement. I am sorry." Let that apology land. Then take a breath
and say, "I'd like to share why I made this decision..." and
then share with them, from your heart what motivated you to make the
choice to spend money this way. Be vulnerable. Do not get defensive.
Do not bring up any of their actions from the past to throw in their
face. Remember, the two of you are on the same side, and have
committed to helping each other be the best people you can be.
Create
Conscious Next Steps.
Discuss
the "Now what?" Come to agreement on how you manage any
financial stress this may cause, and work together to make it
work.
Create
an agreement or modify the previous one. Converse about what
really works for you both and talk about it until you both feel
really good.
State
your agreed to expectations out loud. This will make sure
there is no confusion, and will eliminate the need for any
secrets.
And
our favorite last step to this whole process...
Pinky
Swear on your agreement and then seal it with a smooch!
Christine
Arylo and Noah Martin met
in Chicago, married in San Francisco, and after 10-years of hanging
out building lives, a business and a loving partnership together,
still have the kind of relationship most people only dream about.
Their simple, fun and practical approaches to love and relationships
have been featured on ABC-TV and on stages across the country with
audiences of all ages. Arylo is the popular author of Choosing
ME before WE, The Every Woman's Guide to Life and Love
and Noah is a trained hypnotherapist and relationship coach. Visit
www.mebeforewe.com.
