Three weeks into dating my current
husband, Noah, he looked at me and said, 'Christine, I don't know
what is going to happen between the two of us, but you have to raise
your standards for men.
"You can't like a guy because
he's nice to you. He's supposed to be nice to you."
"Whaaaaaat???" My head cocked to
the side and I looked at Noah like he had just told me my parents
were really aliens from Mars. How did I - super smart and
successful woman - not know this? Of course, my logical brain was
aware that people should be nice to you, but deep down, I had no
clue.
Based on my experience of men, I had
come to expect men to be hypercritical, verbally abusive, angry for
no good reason, self-centered, and controlling. Deep down, I didn't
believe that men cared about 'relationships,' intimacy and being
loved. And so, I, and most of my girlfriends, dated what we expected,
and ended up unhappy. Or if a "good guy" did come along, we tried
to get rid of him for 'being too nice." We say we want one thing,
but then we attract and hang onto something quite different.
That day, I made myself a promise that
I would follow these three "Happy Rules" when it came to my love
life, that way I'd never forget again that my relationships are
supposed to make me happy, not stressed out, crazy or sad.
THE 3 HAPPY LOVE LIFE
RULES:
If your guy or gal isn't
nice to you, then they don't deserve you. You
deserve unconditional love and respect, and you must demand it in
your relationships, or the relationship has to end (friendships
included!) The catch is that you can't get what you don't give
yourself, which means you have to give unconditional love and
respect to yourself and others if you want it in return.
Don't settle for less than
your heart and soul desire for your life, even if it means ending a
relationship. Pick a partner who helps you reach your
dreams and be the best you possible. When looking for a relationship
or deciding if the one you have is right for you, ask yourself
first, "What are my dreams for my life?" Then ask, "What kind
of partnership do I want to support me in that life?" and then you
can ask, "So who would that person be?" ME. WE. HE. In that
order. Choose ME before WE. This is your ticket to life, live it for
yourself first, and you'll be more likely to find and keep a mate
that is happy to be on the ride with you. Better to go solo than to
have someone dragging your life ship down.
Take a vow to Be Honest With
Yourself - NO MATTER WHAT! And engage the help of
friends when you can't get to honesty on your own. Take this
self-love dare: Hold an "Honesty Hearing." Say to them, "I
need your help on getting honest with myself. You can be totally
honest and I won't get mad. How do you see me lying to myself
about XX relationship?" Just listen. You can ask questions, but
you cannot comment back or engage in a debate. After they are done,
say "Thank You." Ask yourself, "What is the consequence of
admitting the truth?" Let that sink in and then make a commitment
to take at least one action that addresses this truth.
About Christine Arylo
Christine Arylo, an m.b.a. turned
writer, speaker and teacher, is an inspirational catalyst who teaches
people how to put their most important partnership first, the one
with themselves, so that they can create the love and life their
hearts and souls crave. The popular author of Choosing ME
before WE, Every Woman's Guide to Life and Love www.mebeforewe.com,
Arylo is known as the "Queen of Self-Love." She created Madly in
Love with ME, the international day of self-love (Feb 13), dedicated
to making self-love a tangible reality for women and girls around the
world. Check out her free Self-Love Kit at www.ChooseSelfLove.com
