I have always been a big believer that how you feel on the inside is how you feel on the outside. And when it when it comes to my spirit and soul - I get an A+. 9 years of personal exploration, a daily practice and a lifetime commitment to being connected to and serving a source much bigger than I. The core of my being, my spirit and soul feel pretty good.
However, when I go from the spirit/soul level to the inside of my physical and very human body, my grade slips because I do really love red wine and cheese. But I still give myself a solid B... and getting better every day as my body becomes my temple over these next 40 days.
But now let's go two layers out -past the epidermal layer to the layer that sits on top of it... my underwear, and Houston we currently have a problem!
I have always believed that feeling good from the inside out included how the clothes under my clothes felt. Old and comfy grandma-like underwear... feel old, comfy and tired. Mismatched or uncomfortable bras and panties... not operating or looking my best on the outside. And we won't even mention the ones who've become faded, holey, or a relic from history.
Think about it... when you put on your best underwear or your super fun panties don't you feel fabulous?
And when you put those, let's just call them 'other' underwear, do you feel any kind of good at all?
Yesterday, I found myself looking through my underwear drawer noticing that my supply had dwindled to two pairs of 'feel good and sexy,' three pairs of 'fun and free' and many pairs of 'other.' Which I might not have noticed, had I not been getting dressed to go to an appointment with my personal stylist at Nordstrom's. I thought that I had chose a cross between feel good and fun undergarment, up until I found myself in the Nordstrom's dressing room removing my jeans and shirt to slip on a designer dress, and to my complete horror... I discover I have a hole in my panties! Ahh!!!
Not big, not even that noticeable, but a hole in my panties. The panties on my temple! And my temple says to me, in the most loving voice (quietly so no one else could hear thank goodness), "Really Christine, this is an unacceptable adornment for a temple... and for you. Where is the self-love? I am calling for an Underwear Revolution!
The Underwear Revolution...
on search for fun, super-powered panties.
After successfully finding and buying the cutest black and white spring dress, I beelined myself to the lingerie department. What I quickly realized is that I had just walked into a huge jungle of underwear! Trees and tress of panties, bushes of bras, and the occasional tiger striped slip lurking in the distance. I was overwhelmed!
Nylon. Cotton. Rayon blend. G-string. Boy short. Full panty. Lace. Bows. Seamless. White. Bright Pink. Multi-colored. And I won't even get into the bushels of bras! All I wanted was some fun, super-powered panties and now I found myself feeling like I used to feel when I would go to buy wine... staring at the rows and rows of bottles, feeling rather uneducated, not wanting to make a mistake, and ultimately just closing my eyes, trusting my intuition and hoping for the best!
Something in my intuition said not to approach buying my fun super-powered panties this way... that it would pay to take some time to make choices that would make MY temple happy, which may or may not be the same for another woman.
I didn't buy a single pair of panties that day... but I did come up with some rules about what my temple wants from the fabric that sits between her skin and the clothing the world sees. I am going to sit with these proclamations... do a little more research... and then when I am ready, wave the flag to start the Underwear Revolution.
Proclamations for the Underwear Revolution
My temple wants to breathe - she doesn't want to be suffocated.
My temple wants to feel super-powerful - not like she is wearing a diaper.
My temple wants to be fun and free - not dowdy and constricted
My temple doesn't like things crawling into crevices they don't belong - she likes things in their right place, that feel good.
My temple wants to have choices about how she wants to feel on any given day - sassy, super powered, fun, sensitive, sexy, sporty, free.
My temple wants to be adorned with beauty, always, and appreciates the care and self-love I put into every piece of fabric I put on her, as much as she appreciates every morsel of food I put in her.
I am SO enjoying the conversation I am having with my temple about our Underwear Revolution. And it feels so much better than the way I would have approached this before: Picked a few underwear from the rack, not paid attention to the $$, hoped for the best when I got home, and probably been half happy and half disappointed... ultimately creating guilt for spending too much money, stress from not knowing the right decision to make, and judgment about how I should know better to repeat this not self-loving pattern.
It's only Day 4 of the My Body is My Temple Self-Love practice, and all ready I have more self love! Who would have thought you could get that from a pair of underwear!!
Okay, maybe I AM addicted to 40-day self love practices, but hey, there are way worse things to be addicted to! This addiction actually brings me more LOVE vs. less, so I say, let's keep the 40-day self-love practices going all year long.
I am just coming off of a 40-day self-love practice of Receiving, and the one that preceded that was the 40-day Taking Care of ME practice that many of you have been doing the last 40 days. We started on Feb 13th and finished yesterday, March 25th by everyday waking up and asking ourselves, 'What do I need to do to take care of ME today?"
So what is next? When I asked this question I got inspired by two things... 1. Last year, one of five 2009 themes was "My body is my moving temple." I spent a whole year trying to bring that into reality and ended the year with a B-. I want more! And 2. At the Madly in Love with ME Celebration on February 13th, I asked two transformational artists to perform something that embodied the energy of My Body Is My Temple, so that women could literally FEEL what that would be like. My friend Kalila danced an amazing temple dance, and Lone Morch created this amazing movie, My Body As Temple which you should so check out on our you tube channel.
This all leads me and you! to
the "My Body is My Temple" 40-day Self Love Practice
which is the perfect practice to do now! We just celebrated Spring Equinox last weekend which is all about renewing and replenishing. Spring is a time to start shedding all that extra energy we were holding on to to keep us warm and cozy during the Winter months. In the Ayurvedic tradition it's one of the main times to do a full body cleanse. And lets face it, Spring is the time right before bathing suit season, so many of us may have our bodies on our minds.
My relationship with my body has never been my strongest relationship. For me it's not that I hate her, it's that I forget about her. Like I can go months without looking at my toes, feeling my calf or noticing that I have this appendage called an arm. I take my body for granted, as if she is always going to be there to be the workhorse I have always expected her to be. As an achiever I have driven her past the brink of exhaustion on many occasions to 'get the job done' and the truth is that I have treated her more like a piece of machinery at my beck and call than as the temple that she deserves to be treated as.
The other truth is that without her, I would be nothing. I don't exist on this planet without her. My spirit needs this form to be on this earth. None of the passions, missions, dreams I have can be accomplished without her. And although I like to think that I am in charge of her, the truth is that very quickly, if I don't adore her the way a temple deserves to be adored, she will be in charge of me, and I won't be able to do a darn thing about it.
Just think about any time you didn't feel good physically -- from a canker sore to a cold to a much more serious condition - you were at the mercy of your body, and the only way to change the situation was to treat her well.
Well, what if we treated her well before she revolted and got sick?
What if we treated her well, despite our judgments on what she 'should' be?
What would it be like if we treated our bodies like temples, and everyday that was the lens through which we made choices?
I am not sure what the answer is to that last question, but I want to know, and that is why today, I say YES! to this new self-love challenge...
The 40-day "My body is My temple" Self-Love Practice will you join me??
Every morning, before you get out of bed, close your eyes and talk to your body. Yes, have a conversation with her. Ask her "Body, oh temple of mine, what do you need today?" Okay, I know it may sound a bit hokey, but trust me, this kind of stuff works. Fake it til you make it. In other words, be willing to try it, feel uncomfortable and have a breakthrough. Got nothing to lose.
Live with "My Body is My Temple" as a mantra and a lens to make decisions from. During each day and throughout the 40-day time period, think about the choices you make from the standpoint of, "Is this treating my body as a temple?" Notice I didn't say 'jail cell' where you get all controlling and start putting crazy diet rules on yourself. I said temple. Think about food, movement, sleep, affection, clothing, bathing, anything that affects you physically. Make ALL choices based on what does support your body as a temple.
Adore and Adorn Her. Temples are beautiful places that are cherished and beautified. This means nothing other than loving your body for 40-days. No harsh words or judgments, just love. You start to judge? Stop and love instead. This also means bringing out her beauty. No sloppy sweats with stains or a shirt with a hole in the armpit. Think Aphrodite, what would she put on her temple? You don't need a new wardrobe, just put on your body what a temple deserves, clean, pretty and loved items.
Try New. Whether its your food, your clothing, your body movement and exercise, whatever... introduce new practices into your daily life. Eat raw for a day. Wear a pink scarf to work, with rhinestones! Do smoothies for breakfast. Have fun by trying new stuff.
Share what your are learning. I'll be documenting my journey on this blog and also on our Madly in Love with ME Facebook fan page. I know I will learn lots and you will too, and I'd love to hear what you are discovering. So go to our Madly in Love with ME Facebook Fan Page and share with the community what you are learning.
Last thing...
Whatever you do, this self-love practice, MUST be about self-love. This means no rule setting, deprivation, starvation, crazy diets or anything that makes you get stressed out, feel bad or be hungry or in pain. The challenge is to treat your body like a temple, while loving her and you every step of the way.
SO excited to have you on this journey! And if you decide to join us, please let us know you are on board, by posting a message on our Facebook site.
The unsustainable lifestyle of the modern day
woman
Feed the kids.Get a raise.Loose the weight.Clean the
house.Wear the lingerie.Whew!It is tiring being a woman these days.We have more opportunities, self-confidence
and independence than any generation of women before, yet something isn't
working.
Why is it so
exhausting?And why do we
always feel like we can never catch up?
Being the recovering achievement junkie that I am, as well as a woman on a quest to really understand all the ways women love and don't love themselves this is the answer I have come up with...
While we
all know that the earth needs to be sustainable in order to survive, we've
failed to realized that WE need to be sustainable in order to thrive. We -- our bodies, our minds, our spirits - are NOT SUSTAINABLE based on how we live today, yet we think we should just be able to downward dog, multi-task or prioritize our way out of this... and it's not working!
Think about how many times you've said to your
girlfriend, "I'm so overwhelmed" or "I'd love to but I don't have time." Or
even worse, remember the times you didn't reach out and instead went to that
dark place of feeling super alone, like the entire world was on your shoulders.
Women today face pressures like no other
generation. We have more opportunities but not more happiness. A recent study
by Time Magazine showed women today are no happier than women were in the
1970s, before the women's movement and equal rights.
Does that mean that equality was bad?No, the feminist movement was hugely
important to raising the standards of life for women around the world, and like
anything it had unintended consequences which we now have to deal with so that
we can figure out what is right for today's woman."
The unintended consequences:
·Too
many roles. Mom. Money Maker. And Major Caretaker. 40% of women are the
major breadwinners in their families, and 55% report that they still take care
of most of the responsibilities at home. So you can understand why...
·Women
Are Running Themselves Into Exhaustion. It's estimated that 80% of women are so
overworked and stressed that they suffer from adrenal gland fatigue, whether
they know it or not. Women slough off or mistreat the symptoms like weight gain, fatigue,
insomnia, depression, cravings and mood swings, and then, because they aren't
listening to their bodies warning signals, they end up with serious health
concerns like auto-immune and thyroid disease.
What
Can Women Do About It?
It's
been said that women will change the world, and I firmly believe that, however,
we won'tchange anything if we
don't take care of ourselves first! And we need to support each other to do so.
So this year, I am daring every woman to make 2010 the year she takes care of
herself as well as everything else in her life... without exhausting herself in
the process!
THE DARE : a 40-day Self Love Practice
To
kick off this dare, on February 13th, the international day of
self-love (a.k.a. Madly in Love with ME Day), I'm asking you to commit to a
40-day self-love practice called Taking Care of ME. Every morning for 40-days
before you get out of bed, ask yourself, "What do I need to do to take care of
me today?" And then listen. Whatever it says, you have to do it. Take a nap.
Start work at noon. Whatever.
Why? I know that you want to take care of
yourself, but your brain tells you that you don't have time. And time is so not the issue! You literally need to
reprogram your brain to have new beliefs that support you taking care of you.
Beliefs that you can rest, relax and take care of you... and everything will still be taken care of. Brain scientists, yogis and metaphysicans agree if you can do anything for 40
days you can change your habits.
Do you dare???
MY DARE: What I learned from doing this dare.
I've been doing this self love practice for the past 36 days, and honestly, there have been days it has really kicked my butt! Especially the day it said, 'Do Not start work til noon' and I said, "Are you crazy?" I have a presentation, a zillion things to do and then some. But I made the pact with myself so I had to do it, and I did, and what happened? My entire presentation downloaded into me while I was sitting in the sun at 11am, my intern showed up and did a bunch of stuff, and all the pieces fell into place.
I have been learning to trust. I have been rewiring very deep beliefs that if I don't do it, no one will. If I don't do it, my life will fall apart. And I've come face to face again with my achievement junkie who runs me harder than anyone else ever could.
Check
out this clip from ABC-TV where I talk about my 40-day Taking Care of ME Dare.
I wouldn't ask you to do anything I hadn't done myself!
When I used to think of the word liberation, it brought to my mind images of the feminist movement, women wearing and burning bras... or images of other populations of our society who at have been suppressed and oppressed and have risen to fight for and claim their freedom, their liberation. It always seemed like a word that should be applied to a group of people, not a word I would use to describe myself. And when you look at the definition you could assume that to be true...
But LIBERATION is really a word every woman should be able to say and claim, because from a self-love perspective is means to be FREE to express YOU... a major Madly in Love with ME milestone of self-love. Whether you know it or not, you have your own version of 'bondage' that keeps you from liberation -- not in the kinky sex kind ladies but in what I call the 'robes of repression' kind... robes that we've picked up along the way, robes that tell us to be good girls, stay composed, act like a lady, keep our feelings bottled up, play smaller, not boast, and the list goes on and on. Those robes are heavy and they keep your soul and spirit from being free to express yourself with wild abandon... without the need of a substance to help!
My Liberation AHA! The sad fact is that most people are trapped inside themselves, dying to get out... NOT liberated. I really got this lesson when I went to my first retreat in California. 25 people over 4 days at an ocean front beach retreat center. There was journaling, talking, going deeper, all that great head and soul searching stuff I was totally cool with. But then at night, there came the dancing. Free form dancing with soulful music, pieces of fabric and total permission to just let loose and not a drop of alcohol in site! Oh how I wished for a glass or two of Pinot just to oil the uptightness my bones had been trained to hold.
The dancing was the kind of exercise where one person at a time gets up and joins the circle when they feel the groove, one by one until the whole room is dancing. Of course you don't have to participate, and that night I didnt. Not because I didnt want to, but because I couldnt move. My butt was stuck to my chair, no matter how badly inside I wanted to dance. I remember it so vividly, even though it was six years ago. I sat there watching this beautiful 6-foot tall blond English woman named Joanne -- who reminds me much of my friend Elayne, also from England, a dancer and a performer at my upcoming Madly in Love with ME event. I sat there watching her move, twist and express her body with total freedom, as if she was one with the music. She was so, so, so LIBERATED! And I sat there memorized by her, wanting to get out of my chair, wanting to express myself that way too, but I couldn't move. It felt as if I was stuck inside myself crying to get out, but so darn repressed and stiff, scared to let myself move that way in a public arena that wasn't a dance club. So I remained an observer.
When I got back to my room, I made a promise to myself that by the end of the weekend I was going to shed my robes of repression if it killed me! If given the chance again, I would at least get up and dance. And by this same time next year I would be FREE enough to dance like the stunning golden dancer of a woman I had observed.
Here is a picture of what I looked like at the end of that weekend...
And Here is a picture of what I looked like last year at the Madly in Love with ME Self-Luv-apoolza while Elayne, aka as Kalila was performing her Shakti Dancing....
Clearly, I have been liberated!! That night I noticed that while I was now free of all robes of repression, free to move my body and my shakti in all kinds of directions, there were many more women who stood there watching the liberated bunch dance. And it made me sad. It made me sad that in that moment they were unable to let themselves go, to liberate their spirit to move with this powerful music that was calling all of our souls to move. I know that some of women really didnt want to dance, but I also know that there were women in that room who were laden down just as I had been with the robes of repression that stopped them from being free. In that moment, I decided then that at every Madly in Love with ME event from that day forward, I would do my best to create experiences that gave women permission to throw their robes of repression to the curb and freely and fully express themselves, without the need of our friend Vino.
We will be getting our Shaktis moving on February 13th at the Claremont Resort in Berkeley, CA -- I hope you can join us! http://www.madlyinlovewithme.com/event
And there is no need to wait until then. You know how much I love to take a dare and give them out. SO this week I dare us all to liberate ourselves through the power of dance and moving our bodies to the soul and groove of the energy that flows through us. What does that mean???
DARE: Get your groove on.... do the liberation dance. You, your body and music that moves your soul. 1x a day let yourself go and dance freely to the music. Can even be one song. Just let yourself go, no repression, only liberation. I'll be listening to my self-love song sister, India Arie. Look at that face... her spirit and soul are liberated. Now it's our turn!
Last February when I was getting ready for a radio interview to talk about my book, Choosing ME before WE, I decided for kicks to look up the definition of self-love, figuring that since my book was all about self-love, it would be good to know what the 'official' definition was. When I got to www.dictionary.com (the dictionary for those of us on the go), I about fell out of my chair!!! Here is what I read, and what www.dictionary.com still defines self love as today:
Okay, did you fall out of your chair too? Are they kidding us? Narcissism. Conceit. Vanity.
So if you haven't figured it out already, reading this definition raises the hair on my neck, it makes me mad. And it makes me really SAD! Sad because the reality is that my heart breaks every time I see a woman in relationship that's killing her soul... or I hear a young girl say something negative about her body or her abilities... or I watch one of my friends, smart, beautiful, powerful women, beat themselves us for everything they are not. My heart breaks because I have been that girl and that woman. My heart breaks because I know what is possible with self love, and I know how beautiful, powerful and magnificent EVERY woman and girl really is...and owning that isn't narcissism, that is self-love
Definitions matter, because words matter. Words are vibration and they determine our reality. Everything we say, think and feel determines the world we live in. So if there is a vibration out there saying that self-love is narcissism, then we cannot as a society feel free to fully embrace self-love. Whether we are aware of it our not, this warped version of self love is in our subconscious, lurking around keeping us from truly loving the most important person in our lives, ME. And that is not selfish. It's self-less, because as any spiritual teacher will tell you, and as I can attest to this from my own experience, it is only when you truly love you that you are free to truly love another.
So back to the definition of self love... Buddha said "You yourself as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection."
And I say that Buddha is a heck of lot wiser than whoever writes the definitions over at dictionary.com (who's job is that anyway?). So with Buddha standing behind us, cheering us on, I decided that it's time that we reclaim the definition of self love, on our terms!! Who says you can't change a definition -- or reclaim it as I have to believe that the original definition was what it is today.
It's a self-love revolution... will you join me??
We are asking women, girls (and guys too!) to tell us what their definition of self love is... to write their own personal definition of self love. Think of if like your own self love manifesta!! We are so excited about this idea, that we are going to take all the definitions people send us and petition dictionary.com to change their definition! And we've made it super easy for you to participate... 1. Write your personal definition of self-love. We've written a self love manifesta that describes what a world of self love would be like. It's called the Madly in Love with ME Manifesta and you can view it our website www.madlyinlovewithme.com .
2. Post your self-love manifesta to the discussion board on our Facebook Fan page or email it to us. The Madly in Love with ME Facebook fan page hosts an entire discussion forum where people from all over the world can post their manifestas. Go to the fan page and post yours too. Or you can simply email us at love@daretoliveyou.com with the subject Self Love Manifesta and we will post it for you.
3. Tell your friends to write their self love manifestas! If you go to our website at http://www.madlyinlovewithme.com/selflovemanifesta/contest/ you will see on the left hand side how you can send a link to your friends and encourage them to participate.
Lastly, once you have written your definition of self-love, put it somewhere you can see it everyday - like tape it to your bathroom mirror, seriously!!! And read it out loud to yourself. Make it part of your self love practice.
Love is a practice. Start by practicing with yourself!
When was the last time you picked up a football and kicked it across the yard and yelled "Score!" ... or did a cartwheel, handstand or somersault in the grass ... or skipped down the street singing your favorite song... (without looking around to see if anyone was watching.)
How many years has it been since you put your hair in pigtails and left the house? Or pulled out your makeup case and experimented for fun pretending like you were a runway model? Or picked up Mr. Microphone and slid across the floor Risky Business style singing your favorite song? Or made fart noises with your armpit (okay well maybe you never did that but I always thought it was so funny)?
If you are like most of us 'adults' walking around in our busy lives, the answer is "It's been far too long!"
Somewhere between the age of 7 and 37 we get all bunched up and laden down with all kinds of rules, social norms and what I call 'robes of repression' that stop us from just letting ourselves totally go, with wild abandon, to experience the pure joy that comes from playing. Somehow we let seriousness and busy-ness take over the giggles. We let our to-dos take over our lives. And we start believing and living so many of the lies the love stealers told us growing up... "Don't be silly. You can't play until your work is done. Don't do that in public, what will people think?"
We take our little girl, tell her to behave, be good, be responsible and act like a lady, and in effect we rob ourselves of the pure love that comes from letting ourselves just play! So today I dare you to liberate your little girl, to set her free to play with total freedom, to express and laugh and play. Today I dare you to...
THE DARE: PURE PLAY Do Something You Haven't Done Since You Were A Little Girl
Close your eyes and remember being 5, 7, 11 when fun didn't involve credit cards. See yourself smiling, feeling great, just having fun. What are you doing? What are you feeling? If it felt good then, chances are it will feel good today, if you let yourself fully experience it. It might take you a little bit to get through the robes of repression to fully experience the joy, but I double dog dare you to do be your little girl again and do whatever it is that fills you up with pure joy, so much so that any of that adult worry, stress, or anxiety melts away, if even only for a short time. The more you keep letting play in, I promise the more that other gunk will stay away.
Just in case your memory is a little foggy due to those heavy robes of repression, here are some PURE PLAY ideas. Pick one, heck pick three or four, or do them all. Be crazy!
TWIRL. Twirl a baton or a baton like object. Make your own baton even.
SKIP. Skip down a busy sidewalk alone or with a friend. When you skip you have to smile, it just happens. In fact there is an entire skipping movement started by my friend and publicist Kim Corbin, check it out http://www.iskip.com
DRESS UP. Play dress up in your closet or a friends. Or go to a store and play. Mix and match stuff you never would. Try on stuff that you never would.
CLIMB. Climb a tree, a fence or even a rock wall, with no agenda and no judgment. Just for fun.
MAKE UP. Pretend you are a model with different looks from the runway. Crimp your hair like from the 80s. Make your face a painting. Go red lipstick and smoky eyes.
FLIP. Okay, maybe your backflip days are over, but do a cartwheel, handstand or somersault in the grass. After you do it, stop and notice how you feel (besides any body part that may slightly hurt).
HOPSCOTCH. Get some chalk and get ready for Sky Blue! Make a hopscotch and do it in public!
Miss MARY MAC. If you dig way down deep I bet you remember one of those slap your hands and sing things you used to do on the playground. Find a friend and have at it.
PIGTAILS & PINK. Guaranteed to bring out your little girl... put in some pigtails and put on some pink. And then go out the town, without a care for what anyone thinks.
COLOR. A instant soul soother. Head to the stores, get your coloring books and box of 48 and have a ball coloring inside and outside the lines.
For the past 38 years I have suffered from something I have come to call the Achievement Junkie Syndrome. I say suffered purposefully because although I joke about this Syndrome by giving it a funny name, I know that what this syndrome has cost me is no laughing matter. There's nothing funny about being unhappy with what I have and who I am today, with having a sense of self-worth tied only to what I accomplish, and to having a constant battle with exhaustion and overwhelm due to my relentless drive to achieve that one last step on the ladder where I will finally be able to relax and declare I've made it.
After I left my corporate day job three years ago, making the decision to get off the treadmill up the corporate ladder to forge my own way in the world, I thought I had this junkie thing licked. Hah! Addictions die hard. In reality what happened was my need to achieve just got recalibrated, so instead of needing to make it to Vice President status, in my new role as an author, speaker, coach I just created a new expectation bar - to make it to Oprah status.
Three years later, sitting here today writing to you from Dallas Texas, on the heels of three TV interviews, a book appearance and more to come, I've come to a realization that I've had over and over again since embarking on this journey, but for some reason I think I just really got it. Let's call it an "ephinany on the heels of a bunch of ephinettes." You could say it feels like some large piece of wisdom just broke through and broke open a big piece of the Achievement Junkie in me, or maybe I finally was just ready to hear something the universe has been trying to get through for some time ☺
Here it is: I am tired of pushing.
I am tired of pushing so hard to be in the place that I want to be, the place that I see for myself in my head but that isn't the reality of where I am today. I'm tired of the effects of this pushing - exhaustion, working too much and forgetting to have fun, and feeling overwhelm to the point where my life feels like I am drinking out of a firehose, gulping for air between blasts.
So does that mean that I am tired of being an achiever? That I am just going to stop, throw my hands up the air and say forget it! Stop doing? Of course not! Being a person who achieves great things is something I really value about me. Being a person who needs to achieve those is like giving myself a death sentence. I love being an achiever, it's the junkie that I am letting go of again, but this time for good!
If any of this is resonating with you, maybe you have some achiever junkie in you too? If you'd be willing to join me, I have a suggestion that we take this Self-Love Dare together. We all came to this world to give all that we can, and we also came to this world to receive all that we can. Both! So my dare to myself and my dare to all you sister and brother AJs, is to take these three vows with yourself and for yourself:
THE DARE Stop Pushing. And Be Happy & Enough Today. Take these 3 Self-Love Vows
1. I stop pushing & I start receiving. Pushing is a totally ineffective and exhausting way to make things happen. The wise ones use their super powers to set powerful intentions, set the action into motion, and then wait to receive the good stuff, letting the universe do the hard work for us. A wise man once told me, "Spend your energy paddling to the stream that's already flowing, not trying to create your own stream." Another said, "Don't try and climb Mt. Everest by yourself, find others who have climbed it before you, ask for help and pray for good fortune." 2. I am happy today. There is no magic 'there', the place that we imagine that when we get there we will finally be happy. Stop saying, "When I move ... when I get this promotion... when I make this much money... when I get on Oprah... I will be happy." Making your happiness conditional on outside circumstances never makes you happy, and it makes you miss the moments of magic in your life.
3. I am enough right now. Even if you do nothing else that what you have already accomplished in this lifetime, you are enough. Your success is not measured in how much you do or do not accomplish, it will only be measured in the hearts and souls that you touch while on this earth. That can be accomplished only by being truly present and authentically yourself with other people - no title, bank statement or accolades required.
Take the Vows To take these vows one must literally say them out loud. Three times, it's the magic number! Even better stand up, look in the mirror and say them to yourself with conviction and with love in your heart for you! Self Love is a daring act, because it does require us to do some seemingly oddball things, that are only really oddball because they make us uncomfortable. And to quote my third wise man of the day, "Get comfortable being uncomfortable!" I'm heading off to the mirror right now - what are you waiting for??
To get more self-love dares, download a free copy of the Madly in Love with ME Kit at www.madlyinlovewithme.com
I started meditating about 8 years ago when my therapist suggested I try this daily pause thing. I remember trying to empty my mind and do the meditation the 'right' way - so type A of me! Of course I failed miserably, or so I thought. I couldn't keep my mind quiet. I fell asleep and would wake up with drool running down my cheek. I would fidget and feel like I wanted to jump out of my skin. I would think to myself, "This being business is overrated. I've got stuff to do." And then my therapist enlightened me to the fact that 1. There is no right way to meditate. 2. The goal wasn't to have no thoughts, it was to experience the thoughts that came and let them go and 3. That I didn't have to do it like a Buddhist monk, I had options! So he gave me a CD of meditation music. I remember the CD cover, it was blue with a giant sunflower on it. I love sunflowers. So I started listening to the music when I would attempt my meditations and you know what, I loved it! No more falling asleep, no more drool and lots of peace and insight.
Today, 8 years later, I meditate every morning for about 5 minutes, as a check in with me. I never ever leave the house without doing it. Once, about 5 years ago, I was in a hurry to get to work at my corporate job and I skipped the meditation. On the way to work I got a traffic ticket. I had to stop at the drug store because I forgot my tampons at home (ugh!), so I was late to work anyway. Later that afternoon, I turned a Vice President's face red. And I got in a huge fight with my boyfriend. Lesson learned!
Over the years, I have added and subtracted other daily pause practices, some of which I have listed here as ideas for you to create your daily pause practice. It matters less about what you do and much more about how you do it and that you do it EVERYDAY. My daily practices have changed my life. I am able to do more, be more and create more because of them. They are just important to me as putting on my clothes, taking a shower and eating, because they are fuel for my spirit. No, I wasn't taught the importance of these, society didn't honor them, and my doing addict monster often tried to override them, but what those spiritual masters told me was true. I need a daily pause practice. It truly is the difference between my happiness and success and not. We all need a daily pause practice, and I dare you right now, if you don't have one to create and commit to one, and do it everyday!
And if you do have one, I dare you to re-commit to it everyday, or ask yourself if there is a new daily pause practice that you need right now. Two months ago I added an hour a day of chanting to my daily pause practice, and it has elevated my life to a whole new level. Before I made that discovery I would have told you that you were crazy if you thought I was going to chant an hour a day. Today, I crave it like chocolate and can't imagine my life without it.
THE DARE Do A Daily Pause Practice everyday, yes everyday
Potential Daily Pauses... Try them on and find what's best for you!
Meditate. There are about a jillion ways to meditate, and I recommend you try a bunch to see what fits for you. Check out your local Buddhist organization. Get a meditation CD. Try Wayne Dyer's meditation called Into the Gap. Try the tried and true method of closing your eyes, sitting and breathing and when thoughts show up, just see them as clouds passing through your head. Do a visualization meditation where you envision something you would like to happen in your life as if it is a movie playing in your head. Listen to your breath and count up to 8 each time you take inhale and exhale. Pick a time every day to meditate and stick to it. I think morning is the best time, before you do any work. It will center you and connect you to yourself. Also, try meditating in the evening before you go to bed. It's a great way to relax.
Mantra. Also known as affirmations, these are sentences or phrases that positively affirm something you want to call into your life or aspects of yourself that you want to change. They are always in the positive tense, meaning they never include words like 'not,' 'no' or 'don't.' You repeat them at specific times throughout the day, and for a specific number of times. For example, for a period of a year, every morning while walking my dog I would say out loud "I love Christine" 50 times. Today I have an affirmation that is about 7 sentences long that includes the vision for my life and business. I say it every morning and every night.
Journal. Whether you write or draw or both, get a journal and some pens or markers and put yourself on the page. Write out your thoughts, write a letter to yourself or ask a question and write whatever comes in response. Some people do this as soon as they wake up, before even getting out of bed, others every night before they go to sleep. The key is that it's not like a diary where you just tell what you did all day, it is about getting deeper into what you are feeling and experiencing. It's journaling to discover more about you or to get answers to questions you have. When it's really working, it's almost like someone else is writing through you. Some people call it automatic writing. It's really cool!
Chanting. Sound vibration is a powerful way to clear away all the yuck that can get stuck on you throughout the day. It also helps you get aligned to your center so that you can gain clarity about your life. It is also works to draw life opportunities to you, for as you chant, visions and ideas will start to fall into you, and the sound coming out of your mouth acts like a giant sonar machine attracting what you desire to you. There are lots of chanting CDs. Do a search for Kirtan music or Sadhana Mantra music and use your intuition to help you find the chant that is perfect for you.
Walking. You don't have to sit like a Buddha under a Bodhi tree to meditate. You can actually use walking, when you do it consciously, as a meditation. The idea here is to be totally present to the steps that you are taking one by one, literally feeling your feet hit the ground, step by step. As you focus on the steps, your thoughts will start to fade into the background, and often times the surroundings around you will come more alive. You can try this in nature and start to notice things about the trees, birds and sky that you never did before. You can also do it in the midst of a city and you will start to realize all kinds of things that you never saw before. Focus on the steps and your feet hitting the ground, and be aware of what happens inside and outside of you.
Body Movement. Dance, yoga, trance dancing, ecstatic dance, five movements dance... using your body coupled with music or with breath can be a fantastic way to take pause. You can Google any of these types of dance and find events you can participate in your city. Or you can make your own practice like I did. About two years ago, I made my daily pause practice dancing in my driveway to three India Arie songs every morning for 6 months. The melodies would pump through my IPOD and I would sing out loud from the depths of my heart and soul. I am sure my neighbors thought I was nuts, but I didn't care. After that 10 minute pause I felt totally alive and ready to meet the world. Body movement like this opens your heart in a way nothing else can. Find music that opens up your heart and soul, and challenge yourself to move freely and fully to it every morning, without a care in the world to how you look or sound. It's so freeing!
To get more love dares, download a free copy of the Madly in Love with ME Kit at www.madlyinlovewithme.com
When I first did this dare about six years ago at one of the first spiritual-pooloza-like conventions I attended - five days in the Palm Springs desert with some of the most influential and masterful spiritual teachers of the 21st century - I admit that I was VERY uncomfortable. "You want me to hold hands with a stranger, touch my knees to their knees and stare into their eyes for 5 minutes? Have you lost your mind? Have I????" That was indeed the inner dialogue going on inside my head. My heart was having her own internal conversation too, sweating bullets, scared to death of the kind of emotional intensity she could feel coming. Luckily, my spiritual warrior, the one who has continually had the courage to face growth experience after growth experience, had the strongest voice this day. I call this part of me Arylo, she is my most enlightened, courageous self and although she may feel fear she never lets it stop us.
So on this day, as the facilitator of the workshop said, "Find a partner, someone you don't know, and then turn your chairs towards each other," Arylo spoke loudly to me saying, "Let's try this. The worst thing that could happen is that we will die, and they usually don't kill people off at these spiritual-pooloza-like conventions, bad press!" So we found a partner, held hands and touched knees with her, and began the staring process.
As the first few seconds clicked away, I found myself wanting to let this person in. I started letting go of some of layers of armor around my heart - not all of them mind you, but more than had ever been let down to a stranger before. I also found myself wanting to see her, and to have her feel me seeing her. As the minutes ticked, I could feel her letting me in. For five minutes we did this dance, and when the bell rang to let go, I found that I could have stayed there for a much longer time. I felt exhilarated and free. I became a Love Stare junkie, repeating the exercise time and time again with anyone who would let me. And now here I am, daring you to do the same. I dare you to do the Love Stare and let more love in to your heart and soul!
THE DARE Do the Love Stare & Let The Love In
the LOVE STARE SEQUENCE:
Get a partner. Find a person who's older than a baby and has less than four limbs to do this with. Babies, toddlers and doggies don't count. No risk there.
Set the purpose. Explain to them what the Love Stare is and why you are doing it.
Set the time. Agree to a time period to try it out. Set timer. Minimum 4 minutes the first time.
Assume the Love Stare Position. Sit facing each other, knees touching, hands holding, staring into each other's eyes.
Do the Love Stare. Your job is to both see the other person and let yourself be seen.
Stay & Feel It. When the timer goes off, don't immediately let go. Actually stay connected and feel what happened.
Thank You. Say "Thank You" to each other. Hug even!
Share. Talk about what you both experienced, both in giving and receiving during the 4 minutes.
Repeat Often.
the LOVE STARE NO NOs avoid these no nos so that you keep the love in that you just spent 4 minutes generating.
Smiling okay, laughing not. Don't use the giggles to dissipate the energy between the two of you. Laughing can be a way to keep the love from coming in.
Don't apologize or say anything negative about yourself post stare. Just say thank you and talk about what you experienced. Negative thoughts are also a way to shove love out.
Don't stand up and disconnect right after the four minutes is up. It will cause a break in the energy. Stay connected and challenge yourself to stay with the vulnerability.
Don't worry about what the other person is thinking while you are doing the love stare. Just stay focused on giving and receiving love. They're experience is not your responsibility.
Now get going and get that Love Stare started! Maybe you can even have a Love Stare party ☺
Two months ago I had a moment. You know one of those moments when you have just had enough. Frustration. Exasperation. A realization that enough is enough and it's time to make a change. After 38 years of walking around this earth with negative thoughts in my head or spewing out of my mouth I decided that I had had it. I was over this negative crud and what it was doing to me. In that moment I knew there was only one thing to do, give it up. And within 10 seconds I had uttered eight words that completely changed my life. Those words were: "I give up ALL negative thinking and talking."
I can still remember the moment, dressed in my Lululemon yoga clothes, I had this visceral experience that felt like waves echoing around me, sending out the sonar that shift was afoot and a new sheriff was in town.
Moments before I had just finished a very harsh mental workout, the kind that used to take place in my head, and that consisted of me beating myself with dumbbells for how much I sucked... or kept me spinning in my head like in a spin class to nowhere, unable to gain any traction. Beaten down, I was just about ready to strip myself down completely and throw myself into what I call 'the muddy, all-consuming pool of suffering' aka the black hole of self-love, void of all self-love. But then something stopped me from flailing my body and soul into that nasty and all too familiar pool. Maybe it was the books I had been reading by authors like Napoleon Hill or Jack Canfield. Or the zillion interviews I had listened over the weeks prior given by successful people (really successful, which to me means spiritually, physically, emotionally and financially). Whatever finally clicked I stopped myself from a pattern that I had repeated over and over again in various ways my whole life... and said NO MORE! I give up ALL negative thinking and talking.
It's been two months, and I have to say giving up the negative thinking and talking addiction has changed my life. I am happier. I have more energy. Fantastic opportunities are coming my way that I could never have imagined. My life feels full, not busy. I am enjoying my life more, the one I am having right now. Situations that before would have caused me to spin, judge myself, over analyze, paralyze, whatever unproductive waste of energy I was engaged in, have become ways for me to love myself vs. hurt myself. If that sounds like something you could use too, I dare you to say those same 8 words and stick to it. You CAN change your entire life... in just 8 words.
THE DARE I give up ALL negative thinking and talking
WHAT IT LOOKS & FEELS LIKE
I only say nice things about myself. If there is something I don't like, I love myself through it. I admit I don't like it and then ask myself, "How can I change it. I focus on making ME the person I want to become.
If I say something mean about me, I don't criticize myself for saying something mean (that's double negative thinking!). I notice it, realize that I am learning, and I choose different words.
I make everything in my life as an opportunity to learn, realizing that no one but me asked me to be perfect and that is just plain ridiculous. I smile at being ridiculous.
I don't compare myself to anyone else.
I don't judge other people. If there is something in them I don't like, I ask "What is it about me that I don't really?" Then love that part of you.
I don't gossip.
If I don't have something nice to say about someone, I say nothing.
I abstain from taking in any negative energy. I avoid negative news, conversations and people.
I am not a pie in the sky Pollyanna. I am realistically optimistic woman who understands that my thoughts, words and actions create my reality (and I'd prefer a great one)
GIVING UP ADDICTION: ACTION THAT HELPS
Get A Freedom Buddy. Take the vow to be free from negative talk and thought with a friend, your partner, your daughter, your dog... someone that can be there to be a lifeline for you when you stumble and who can laugh with you along the way.
Be Super Aware. Notice your energy every time you have a negative thought. What does your body feel like? Notice the energy coming out of your mouth when you have negative talk. What does it feel like, smell like, look like? Words and thoughts are energy. I guarantee once you start tapping into the toxicity of negative ones and their affect on you, you'll want to stop.
Start and Do a Daily Practice. Mediate, chant, go for walks in nature, anything that boosts your energy fields up, that gets you out of just your head and into your heart and body. Any spiritual teacher will tell you, a daily practice is a must have. You can't afford not to take the time to have one. Your life depends on it.
Be Super Aware of Success & Get Witnessed. Notice the changes that start to occur, because they will. Talk about your insights, successes, and shifts with your freedom buddy. Find others who have freed themselves or are in process and share with them. Being witnessed in this shift is hugely important.
Inspiring Resources... we were never meant to take this journey alone, so give yourself some self-love and check out there inspiring books and teachers who can really help you give up that negative talk and thought for good.
