Recently in Self-Love Dare Category

For the past two weeks, I've so wanted to write a love blog post, I've even sat down and started to write them, but the truth is... I didn't have it to give.

You see I just finished my new book two weeks ago - which up until that point has been like being in labor for 16 months! And on the day I was really done, instead of dancing on tables, I was laying horizontal in my bed ... tired, spent, and needing to R-E-S-T!. It felt like I had just released something that had been with me, on my mind, for waking moment for over a year. I needed to seriously replenish. I needed to unplug from working and plug into resting. You know all that self-care stuff. But I had a lot of commitments to others I had already made. Plus this baby book that wanted more attention!

What to do?

Maybe you can relate? You know those times you know you just don't have it to give, that you need to rest and relax but you feel obligated, guilty, pressured, like you should just 'push through,' 'buck up and power up?'

So there I stood at a crossroads - could I give myself permission to rest, cancel events, keep my output to a minimum. And was I willing to disappoint other people in order to stay true to myself?

It didn't escape me that I had just completed a book on self-love!

And so I knew the answer, I HAD to give myself permission and choose self-care for ME ... but it was hard, and it often is...

Luckily I had three super powered self-love tools to call on - and it took all 3 to finally give myself permission to relax and replenish these last two weeks

So today, in solidarity to your self-care and giving ourselves the rest and replenishment we need, no matter what... I share with you those 3 self-love tools so you can use them too!
Watch the video where I share my story and my 3 super power tools:

1. GET PERMISSION FROM YOURSELF... Ask the super powered self love question, "Am I willing to disappoint another to stay true to myself?" Btw, the answer is always YES!
2. GET PERMISSION FROM A FRIEND... When you can't do it for yourself, you gotta throw out a love line!  Call your friend and tell them "I need you to tell me it's okay that I don't ... And that its okay that I choose to take care of myself first.
3. GET CONFIRMATION FROM THE DIVINE... Dial into God and ask the universe to take care of whatever needs taking care of in divine timing and in everyone's highest good. And then ask for a divine date when you can come back and revisit this thing you are setting down in a daring act of self love.

Here's the thing I know - We Know HOW to take care of ourselves. We know the ACTIONS we need to take. It's GIVING YOURSELF PERMISSION that can be REALLY HARD to give yourself.

Post HERE What you are willing to give yourself permission to do for yourself as an act of self-love!

ENJOY daring to give yourself love, even if that means disappointing another.

How often do we, do you, try to do it all on your own? Struggle to 'figure' it out? Feel like there is no way to create what you really want? And then feel defeated, feel like you are a failure, and feel all alone.

Too often.

Your mind loves to convince you that it should be the one in control, and then it goes out into the world to seek out all kinds of evidence to prove this to be true.

This love letter offers a different way... 

It's an invitation and instruction on how to REMEMBER to place a service call to God for assistance...

before you need to dial 9-1-1... place a call to say "I need your help universe, divine, God, whatever name you like to use... please show me the way."

And then use the steps I share with you in this love letter to find your way.

What do you really desire in your life today?
Where do you need some divine assistance?

Plug in to your 24/7 downline to the divine, press the button and ask for divine assistance- because if you don't press the service button, its' hard for all that light to come in! (notice the words ALL-LIGHT on the button!)

Yep, you are going to put in a service call and ILLUMINATE the path of least resistance by dialing in for some divine assistance!
 
Call Up the Divine and Ask for Some Assistance!

DARING ACT OF LOVE
Dial Up Divine Assistance ... everyday

Everyday for the next 7 days, dial up the divine and ask for it's help. Just like you would make a phone call to a friend, you will place a call to God. And you will ask for help - whatever that assistance is that you need to find your way. Use the four steps as I shared in the video:

1. Ask for Assistance - literally ask God/divine/universe for what you need - not "want" - but need and truly desire, from your heart! And say, "I need your help... please show me the way"
   
2. Surrender - now you have to give over the control to the divine. Take it away from your mind and let the divine drive. Surrender to the possibility that more magical things can happen than your tiny mind could imagine.
   
3. Acknowledge It -- when the divine shows up to give you the guidance, most likely in a form that you don't expect or maybe even recognize right away, say Thank you, I see you divine. Thank you for answering! And listen.
   
4. Act on it - whatever piece of popcorn shows up to illuminate your path, that says, go this way... go this way... go that way. Take ONE step towards your lit up life and then ask again. 

If you meditate in the mornings, make the phone call then. Add this step to your meditation. If you don't meditate set your phone alarm to a specific time of day and when the alarm goes off, stop, drop and dial in. Be open to what you receive in return, it won't often look like what you expect! 

You can't do this alone, you don't have to, but you do have to ask and receive the help!

KNOW that... you deserve the love of the divine. All you have to do is open up to receive it. May the love flow to you and may you receive the guidance, wisdom and magic you need.

And for extra divine assistance, feel free to post your "ask" here too - we'd love to witness you as you dial up the divine!

Here I am sitting in the middle of a coffee plantation in Costa Rica, having just spent a week in the jungle... and before that a week co-leading a self-love retreat with my sister of self-love, Christine Hassler.

And I realize that today I am living the life I set the intention to live 3 years ago.

It's funny - or sad - how we can go years without ever stopping to intentionally set out to create the lives we want... we just kind of go with the flow (and then wonder why we aren't happy.)

Or how we can forget how far we have come in making our dreams a reality, because there is always something more to achieve. And we miss the fact that we are actually living our dreams right now.

This self love blog from my heart to yours, is an invitation to

self-empowerment: be the Queen or King of your own domain and start taking steps today to create the lifestyle YOU DESIRE - intentionally DECIDE to chart the course of your own life... be the monarch of your dreams.

and

self-appreciation: have you stopped lately to acknowledge yourself the ways in which you ARE living the dreams you set for yourself?


Be the Queen or King of Your Life... chart the course of your life & enjoy the ride!

Your HEART knows exactly the kind of life you want to live... and there will be lots of reasons or people that will tell you that you can't. But when you take the reigns of your life into your hands, and proclaim yourself the queen or king of your domain, you become empowered to live the life YOU decide.

 
 
TAKE THIS SELF LOVE DARE:
Take your 'dream life' public

If you want your 'dream life' to go from a dream you wish for to a reality you live in, you've gotta spread the good word. Don't be bashful. This is no time to keep a secret. It's time to SHARE the truth about what you are intending to create for yourself.

1. One, write down on paper what you are proclaiming for your life just like a queen or king would - what course are you setting out to create in your queen/king-dom? Write it out in paragraph form like a story - how you live your days, your weeks, your year, what you do and who you are.
2. Two, TELL SOMEONE... be it a friend, your partner, your dog. And keep telling people. "My dream for my life is..." Speak it, believe it, and witness how your life begins to come into alignment with it.
3. Three, SEE HOW IT's ALREADY HAPPENING... find at least one or two ways you are already living the life your heart desires and really own how you have created that. Tell someone how happy you are about this. Happiness breeds more happiness!
   

AND use this space right here on this blog to post your dream life - I'd LOVE to witness it!!! 

An excerpt from the upcoming book, Madly in Love with ME by Christine Arylo

"So here I was,
The queen of self-love
SO not loving herself.
Asking myself questions that led me down the road of self-hate, not self-love.
(the irony didn't escape me!)

And so I did the only thing I know how to do
When I come to that place of self-doubt and confusion
I knelt in front of the self-love altar.
Plugged into my 24/7 downline to divine love and asked it

"How can I find my way back to love?"

I was led right back to the book I was writing.
To ask myself, " What branch of my self-love tree is starving for nourishment?"
No surprise - as an recovering over-achiever -
My branch of Self-Compassion was as brittle as could be.

And so you know what I did? I followed my own advice -
Or more aptly, the words of wisdom that spirit had given me for the book.
I went deeper into myself...
And led myself through a series of transformative questions I call a ME MOMENT (like having a honest talk with your b.f.f.)

Which I have now cut and paste into this blog for you... New material that I haven't yet shared with anyone, until now, with you. And I share them now with you because this is the transformation that occurred for me when I sat and asked myself questions that were actually helpful, not hurtful.

As I knelt and got quiet with myself, and took myself through these questions,
I started to see how harshly and unfairly I was judging myself.
And then I began to apply compassion.
And then the comparison and unrealistic expectations started to loosen.
And I started remembering who I am.

Finally, I got the message loud and clear that I needed to hear,
and perhaps you do too - the core message of this love letter --

You are doing the best that you can, and that is enough.
You are enough.

Does your heart need to hear this message too?
To feel love instead of comparison and judgment towards yourself
To know love and happiness instead of stress and self-hate

Then give yourself the gift of love today (or in the next 48 hours)
Answer the 3 questions, take the daring act of love I included, and rub some compassion onto yourself.

Lead yourself back to the land of love, where you can remember that...
YOU ARE DOING THE BEST YOU CAN.

AND YOU ARE ENOUGH.

ME MOMENT:

Tell Your The Truth About Just How Hard You're Being On You...

The way to free yourself from comparison and judgment is to first tell the truth to yourself - the truth will set you free. Then apply compassion to the wounds and love yourself back to the truth - YOU ARE ENOUGH.

Use the three truth starters below, get a piece of paper, and as if you were sitting down with your most trusted best friend (even if that is your dog or cat), someone you can trust to give you unconditional love without judgment, and write the truth.

 

1.     I am unhappy with myself about...  Write down all the areas of your life in which you are upset that things are not going the way you want, including all the ways in which you aren't acting or doing what you really want.  List at least 3 no more than 5.

Example: I am unhappy or upset with myself about....
     

• My love life, and lack of a romantic, loving relationship
• How my body is super out of shape right now
• Not having enough money and spending money that I don't have

 

2.     I judge that I should...  Fill in the blank after this phrase for each of the "unhappy with me" areas you identified.

For example: I judge that I should....

• Be able to find a man to like me enough to want to be with me
• Be thinner and be able to control what I eat better
• Be more financially secure and stable
  
  

3.  What I am really thinking is...  Now here's the juice, the juicy energetically charged judgments. Your mission is to let them rip, full force so you can release them out of your mind and body and replace them with some good love. For each response to question #2, write in the most harsh, real words a statement that reflects what you are really saying to yourself when you make this judgment. Don't hold back, really let yourself give it to you - the more you can tap into the mean, critical, 'what the hell is wrong with you' energy, the more you will succeed in getting to the compassionate energy in the next part of our adventure. Let yourself free flow write until every judgment comes out.

• You are not pretty enough. You are too old. No one wants you. You are damaged goods.
• You are fat, ugly and an out of control eating machine. You are a sugar addict who can't deal with her feelings so you stuff yourself full of food.
• You are not disciplined enough. You are not smart enough. You are not worth more.

 

Pause here and look at this list of judgments that you have just written about yourself. Let the energy from these statements impact you. What does your body and heart feel like when you look at and feel these words that you've been directed at you? Not good.

            At the top of the paper, write the words, I CHOOSE SELF-HATE. Whenever you choose to think these thoughts to yourself - whether you are conscious of them or not - you are hating on yourself. This is nothing to be ashamed about, that's double self-hate, because the truth is that we all do this. Now is the time to choose love by first choosing to admit the ways in which you haven't been compassionate  with yourself .

 

Now... Choose Self-Compassion Instead!                     

            Just like you would instinctively give compassion for a child learning to walk, a young girl trying to find herself, or a friend who was completely overwhelmed, you need you to be there to put a hand on your shoulder to say to yourself, "You are doing the best that you can." Not "You'll do better next time," as if what you've just done isn't good enough. As if you have to strive for a next time in order to be okay. But "You are doing the best you can right now, period." And if you are not doing this for yourself now, then you are not loving yourself enough.

            Today you make the choice to be there for yourself always, ready to deliver compassion, and act as a best friend or fabulous mother would. From this day forwards, every time you judge yourself, hold yourself to unrealistic expectations or perfections, fail, fall short, or fall behind, or don't feel well, are tired, or are just having a bad day - you promise to be there, ready and able to deliver compassion. And when you fail to be compassionate, you are compassionate about your inability to be compassionate - lol!

            How do you know if you are giving compassion vs criticism? They are both energies that you can feel in your body. Self-compassion feels kind, understanding and a gentle. It feels like a warm and loving energy is being offered instead of harsh and hard being blasted. Compassion feels rooted in love. It makes your mind feel at peace, because it believes that regardless of what you achieve or don't, what you do or don't, if you fail or succeed, act poorly or magnificently, you are enough, and you deserve love. When compassion is present, you feel as if you're being embraced by the sweetest, most unconditionally loving mother in the world - and you are, because you are mothering you.

 

TAKE THIS Daring Act of Love: Smother and Mother Yourself with Compassion 

             Close your eyes, take a breath and think of something that you are being really hard on yourself about right now. Something that you are frustrated by, that you've been judging yourself for. Something that no matter what you try just isn't working the way you want, or something you really want but haven't received yet. Allow yourself to fully feel the frustration, and beneath that the judgment, and beneath that the emotion of sadness/despair/exhaustion. Then, from a place of compassion, witness your struggle and also of your inherent perfection, and place your hand on your shoulder. And just as a mother would, with love say these words at least three times out loud,

 

"You are doing the best that you can."

"You are doing the best that you can."

 "You are doing the best that you can." 

 

Say them until you can feel the compassion sink into your heart and bring you back into a state of love for yourself. 

Welcome back to love!

If any part of this helped you or if you have an aha or insight you'd like to share - post it here on the blog so we can see the LOVE TRANSFORMATION you generated for yourself.  That is the power of love directed at yourself.

If you'd like a song to help you lock this all in, go to www.MadlyinlovewithME.com and download the free Self-Love Kit where you will find the official 2012 self-love song, I am Enough by Karen Drucker.

This Love Dare is one of the weekly love dares participants of the 40-day Fear Cleanse have taken... they loved it so much, and I love it so much that I wanted to share it with ALL of you! Enjoy!!

Step 1:
Schedule or spontaneously decide to go on an adventure to collect LOVE! 15 minutes, 30 minutes, 1 hour or an entire day.

Step 2:
Use all of your senses to find evidence of love everywhere -- see, smell, taste, feel, and hear it. Literally breathe love in, take note of loving exchanges between others, taste love in your food, smell love in a flower, hear love in a song or in a compliment you receive, feel love when you take a moment to hug your dog or do anything that opens your heart.


Step 3:
Actually collect the love - Throughout the day, using all your senses, seek out evidence of love, and collect it. You must capture this evidence of love somewhere, either by writing it down, taking a picture of it, sharing it with your social network, recording it on a voice recorder, whatever makes you happy. Pick your collection device of choice - a small pocket-sized notebook, a digital device you can write on, post it notes, or a camera you can snap pictures with.

• Keep the awareness as much as possible during your day-to-day interactions.
  
• Look for love even in the challenging moments.
  
• Be alert for spontaneous acts of love. Take a love collecting field trip during lunch or in the late afternoon.
  
• When you can't take physical notes, take a mental note, by pausing in the moment, noticing the love and storing the event away in your mind and heart as evidence that love exists everywhere.

SELF LOVE DARE:

CHOOSE ONE BLOCK TO RECEIVING & CHOOSE TO RELEASE IT
notice how this block shows up in your life, and when it shows up, instead of shutting the self love down, open up and RECEIVE. Relax. Open. Nurture. Let your guard down. Open yourself and your heart to love.


1.  Full of the Future:  Chasing the Carrot Syndrome. Always living for the day I will be X. Happy, thin, in love, etc. You are always in the future. You are future focused, not present focused. It's like being at the best 4th of July Fireworks, and thinking about your Christmas presents - you miss the fireworks, and feel unfulfilled.
 
2.  Forcing:  Rely totally on your man powers to make it happen, instead of your feminine super powers. You control. Pushing Pushing out so there is no space for anything to come in. You are always moving and doing, because you are used to pushing. And when you are always pushing there is no space for anything to come in. This is like the woman who goes out search for a man, instead of putting out the vibration for him to come into her life. She has a plan, a strategy, she's on the dating sites, she uses a lot of her own energy to make it happen. She doesn't listen to her intuition or have any sense that there are things outside of her control. Now compare that to Sophia Loren, who uses her feminine power to the millionth degree. She just stands there, vibrates off energy, and attracts men to her, little effort, no sweat... even at the age she is today! Talk about Aphrodite energy.
 
3. Over-Doing. Energizer Bunny Syndrome. Cannot Turn Yourself Off. You are always going going doing doing so again there is NO space for anything to come in. And you are the one doing it all, till you drop. Ex. You have a mind that always moves. You can't relax. In fact relaxing makes you twitch. You don't know how to "be", and maybe even see the value in 'Being', after all how much can you really get done if you are being? (hint, alot!). You may also be the type of person who thinks they can't meditate. You are addicted to doing.
 
4. Over focus and thinking on scarcity, limitation, and not enoughness. Disconnected from Source. There is an abundant universe that wants to give you many many gifts. When you think you have to do it all on your own, when you don't have a daily practice where you connect to source, when you don't operate on faith, or are over attached to outcomes, you are out of the flow, and you are not receiving all you could. When you cut the flow off you have to work way harder.
 
5.  Over-responsibility. Atlas Syndrome. You take everything on because you can do so much but then you end up with the entire world on your shoulders. You see something that needs to be done, so you do it. You volunteer even though you are already busy. You overcommit and then stress out because you have so much to do (although you always get it done.) Often, you think you are the only one that can do it right. You pride yourself in your maniac multi-tasking abilities. And then you get mad and burnout, because you know what, carrying the weight of the world on your shoulders is too heavy, even for you.
 
6.  Over Care. Master of the Universe Complex. You try to control it all. Organizing it. Covering all the possibilities. You don't let anything fall through the cracks, and you'll work extra long and hard to make sure everything nothing can go wrong. Trust, Surrender, Accept, are not words you live by. You may be prone to stuffing your feelings... don't have time to fall apart. You would rather know exactly what is going to happen, plan for all possibilities. You really aren't into allowing things to happen. Stepping into the unknown is not your favorite thing to do.
 
7.  Over-Protected. Closed Heart - to yourself or to others. Your heart isn't open fully to give or receive love. You've built Fort Knox around your heart. You've learned to protect yourself. Vulnerability is not your strength and you aren't even sure if you would want it to be. No one, not even you, gets totally into the softest parts of you. And when it comes to loving yourself, lets just say that if people could see how mean you are to yourself, they would call the authorities.





 

I have always been a big believer that how you feel on the inside is how you feel on the outside. And when it when it comes to my spirit and soul - I get an A+. 9 years of personal exploration, a daily practice and a lifetime commitment to being connected to and serving a source much bigger than I. The core of my being, my spirit and soul feel pretty good.

However, when I go from the spirit/soul level to the inside of my physical and very human body, my grade slips because I do really love red wine and cheese. But I still give myself a solid B... and getting better every day as my body becomes my temple over these next 40 days.

But now let's go two layers out -past the epidermal layer to the layer that sits on top of it... my underwear, and Houston we currently have a problem!

I have always believed that feeling good from the inside out included how the clothes under my clothes felt. Old and comfy grandma-like underwear... feel old, comfy and tired. Mismatched or uncomfortable bras and panties... not operating or looking my best on the outside. And we won't even mention the ones who've become faded, holey, or a relic from history.

Think about it... when you put on your best underwear or your super fun panties don't you feel fabulous?


And when you put those, let's just call them 'other' underwear, do you feel any kind of good at all?

Yesterday, I found myself looking through my underwear drawer noticing that my supply had dwindled to two pairs of 'feel good and sexy,' three pairs of 'fun and free' and many pairs of 'other.' Which I might not have noticed, had I not been getting dressed to go to an appointment with my personal stylist at Nordstrom's. I thought that I had chose a cross between feel good and fun undergarment, up until I found myself in the Nordstrom's dressing room removing my jeans and shirt to slip on a designer dress, and to my complete horror... I discover I have a hole in my panties! Ahh!!!

Not big, not even that noticeable, but a hole in my panties. The panties on my temple! And my temple says to me, in the most loving voice (quietly so no one else could hear thank goodness), "Really Christine, this is an unacceptable adornment for a temple... and for you. Where is the self-love? I am calling for an Underwear Revolution!

 

After successfully finding and buying the cutest black and white spring dress, I beelined myself to the lingerie department. What I quickly realized is that I had just walked into a huge jungle of underwear! Trees and tress of panties, bushes of bras, and the occasional tiger striped slip lurking in the distance. I was overwhelmed!

Nylon. Cotton. Rayon blend. G-string. Boy short. Full panty. Lace. Bows. Seamless. White. Bright Pink. Multi-colored. And I won't even get into the bushels of bras! All I wanted was some fun, super-powered panties and now I found myself feeling like I used to feel when I would go to buy wine... staring at the rows and rows of bottles, feeling rather uneducated, not wanting to make a mistake, and ultimately just closing my eyes, trusting my intuition and hoping for the best!

Something in my intuition said not to approach buying my fun super-powered panties this way... that it would pay to take some time to make choices that would make MY temple happy, which may or may not be the same for another woman.

I didn't buy a single pair of panties that day... but I did come up with some rules about what my temple wants from the fabric that sits between her skin and the clothing the world sees. I am going to sit with these proclamations... do a little more research... and then when I am ready, wave the flag to start the Underwear Revolution.

1. My temple wants to breathe - she doesn't want to be suffocated.
2. My temple wants to feel super-powerful - not like she is wearing a diaper.
3. My temple wants to be fun and free - not dowdy and constricted
4. My temple doesn't like things crawling into crevices they don't belong - she likes things in their right place, that feel good.
5. My temple wants to have choices about how she wants to feel on any given day - sassy, super powered, fun, sensitive, sexy, sporty, free.
6. My temple wants to be adorned with beauty, always, and appreciates the care and self-love I put into every piece of fabric I put on her, as much as she appreciates every morsel of food I put in her.

I am SO enjoying the conversation I am having with my temple about our Underwear Revolution. And it feels so much better than the way I would have approached this before: Picked a few underwear from the rack, not paid attention to the $$, hoped for the best when I got home, and probably been half happy and half disappointed... ultimately creating guilt for spending too much money, stress from not knowing the right decision to make, and judgment about how I should know better to repeat this not self-loving pattern.

It's only Day 4 of the My Body is My Temple Self-Love practice, and all ready I have more self love! Who would have thought you could get that from a pair of underwear!!

Okay, maybe I AM addicted to 40-day self love practices, but hey, there are way worse things to be addicted to! This addiction actually brings me more LOVE vs. less, so I say, let's keep the 40-day self-love practices going all year long.

I am just coming off of a 40-day self-love practice of Receiving, and the one that preceded that was the 40-day Taking Care of ME practice that many of you have been doing the last 40 days. We started on Feb 13th and finished yesterday, March 25th by everyday waking up and asking ourselves, 'What do I need to do to take care of ME today?"

So what is next? When I asked this question I got inspired by two things... 1. Last year, one of five 2009 themes was "My body is my moving temple." I spent a whole year trying to bring that into reality and ended the year with a B-.  I want more! And 2. At the Madly in Love with ME Celebration on February 13th, I asked two transformational artists to perform something that embodied the energy of My Body Is My Temple, so that women could literally FEEL what that would be like. My friend Kalila danced an amazing temple dance, and Lone Morch created this amazing movie, My Body As Temple which you should so check out on our you tube channel.

This all leads me and you! to

the "My Body is My Temple" 40-day Self Love Practice

which is the perfect practice to do now! We just celebrated Spring Equinox last weekend which is all about renewing and replenishing. Spring is a time to start shedding all that extra energy we were holding on to to keep us warm and cozy during the Winter months. In the Ayurvedic tradition it's one of the main times to do a full body cleanse. And lets face it, Spring is the time right before bathing suit season, so many of us may have our bodies on our minds.

My relationship with my body has never been my strongest relationship. For me it's not that I hate her, it's that I forget about her. Like I can go months without looking at my toes, feeling my calf or noticing that I have this appendage called an arm. I take my body for granted, as if she is always going to be there to be the workhorse I have always expected her to be. As an achiever I have driven her past the brink of exhaustion on many occasions to 'get the job done' and the truth is that I have treated her more like a piece of machinery at my beck and call than as the temple that she deserves to be treated as.

The other truth is that without her, I would be nothing. I don't exist on this planet without her. My spirit needs this form to be on this earth. None of the passions, missions, dreams I have can be accomplished without her. And although I like to think that I am in charge of her, the truth is that very quickly, if I don't adore her the way a temple deserves to be adored, she will be in charge of me, and I won't be able to do a darn thing about it.

Just think about any time you didn't feel good physically -- from a canker sore to a cold to a much more serious condition - you were at the mercy of your body, and the only way to change the situation was to treat her well.

Well, what if we treated her well before she revolted and got sick?

What if we treated her well, despite our judgments on what she 'should' be?

What would it be like if we treated our bodies like temples, and everyday that was the lens through which we made choices?

I am not sure what the answer is to that last question, but I want to know, and that is why today, I say YES! to this new self-love challenge...

The unsustainable lifestyle of the modern day woman

 

Feed the kids.  Get a raise.  Loose the weight.  Clean the house.  Wear the lingerie.  Whew!  It is tiring being a woman these days.  We have more opportunities, self-confidence and independence than any generation of women before, yet something isn't working. 

Why is it so exhausting?   And why do we always feel like we can never catch up?

 

Being the recovering achievement junkie that I am, as well as a woman on a quest to really understand all the ways women love and don't love themselves this is the answer I have come up with...

While we all know that the earth needs to be sustainable in order to survive, we've failed to realized that WE need to be sustainable in order to thrive. We -- our bodies, our minds, our spirits - are NOT SUSTAINABLE based on how we live today, yet we think we should just be able to downward dog,  multi-task or prioritize our way out of this... and it's not working!

Think about how many times you've said to your girlfriend, "I'm so overwhelmed" or "I'd love to but I don't have time." Or even worse, remember the times you didn't reach out and instead went to that dark place of feeling super alone, like the entire world was on your shoulders.

 

Women today face pressures like no other generation. We have more opportunities but not more happiness. A recent study by Time Magazine showed women today are no happier than women were in the 1970s, before the women's movement and equal rights.

 

Does that mean that equality was bad?  No, the feminist movement was hugely important to raising the standards of life for women around the world, and like anything it had unintended consequences which we now have to deal with so that we can figure out what is right for today's woman."

 

The unintended consequences:

 

·       Too many roles. Mom. Money Maker. And Major Caretaker. 40% of women are the major breadwinners in their families, and 55% report that they still take care of most of the responsibilities at home. So you can understand why...

·       Women Are Running Themselves Into Exhaustion. It's estimated that 80% of women are so overworked and stressed that they suffer from adrenal gland fatigue, whether they know it or not. Women slough off or mistreat the symptoms like weight gain, fatigue, insomnia, depression, cravings and mood swings, and then, because they aren't listening to their bodies warning signals, they end up with serious health concerns like auto-immune and thyroid disease.

 

 

What Can Women Do About It?

It's been said that women will change the world, and I firmly believe that, however, we won't  change anything if we don't take care of ourselves first! And we need to support each other to do so. So this year, I am daring every woman to make 2010 the year she takes care of herself as well as everything else in her life... without exhausting herself in the process!

THE DARE : a 40-day Self Love Practice

To kick off this dare, on February 13^th, the international day of self-love (a.k.a. Madly in Love with ME Day), I'm asking you to commit to a 40-day self-love practice called Taking Care of ME. Every morning for 40-days before you get out of bed, ask yourself, "What do I need to do to take care of me today?" And then listen. Whatever it says, you have to do it. Take a nap. Start work at noon. Whatever.

Why? I know that you want to take care of yourself, but your brain tells you that you don't have time. And time is so not the issue! You literally need to reprogram your brain to have new beliefs that support you taking care of you. Beliefs that you can rest, relax and take care of you... and everything will still be taken care of. Brain scientists, yogis and metaphysicans agree if you can do anything for 40 days you can change your habits. 

Do you dare???

MY DARE: What I learned from doing this dare.

I've been doing this self love practice for the past 36 days, and honestly,  there have been days it has really kicked my butt! Especially the day it said, 'Do Not start work til noon' and I said, "Are you crazy?" I have a presentation, a zillion things to do and then some. But I made the pact with myself so I had to do it, and I did, and what happened? My entire presentation downloaded into me while I was sitting in the sun at 11am, my intern showed up and did a bunch of stuff, and all the pieces fell into place.

I have been learning to trust. I have been rewiring very deep beliefs that if I don't do it, no one will. If I don't do it, my life will fall apart. And I've come face to face again with my achievement junkie who runs me harder than anyone else ever could.

Check out this clip from ABC-TV where I talk about my 40-day Taking Care of ME Dare. I wouldn't ask you to do anything I hadn't done myself!

http://abclocal.go.com/kgo/story?section=view_from_the_bay/everything_else&id=7255902

When I used to think of the word liberation, it brought to my mind images of the feminist movement, women wearing and burning bras... or images of other populations of our society who at have been suppressed and oppressed and have risen to fight for and claim their freedom, their liberation. It always seemed like a word that should be applied to a group of people, not a word I would use to describe myself. And when you look at the definition you could assume that to be true...



But LIBERATION is really a word every woman should be able to say and claim, because from a self-love perspective is means to be FREE to express YOU... a major Madly in Love with ME milestone of self-love. Whether you know it or not, you have your own version of 'bondage' that keeps you from liberation -- not in the kinky sex kind ladies but in what I call the 'robes of repression' kind...  robes that we've picked up along the way, robes that tell us to be good girls, stay composed, act like a lady, keep our feelings bottled up, play smaller, not boast, and the list goes on and on. Those robes are heavy and they keep your soul and spirit from being free to express yourself with wild abandon... without the need of a substance to help!

My Liberation AHA!
The sad fact is that most people are trapped inside themselves, dying to get out... NOT liberated. I really got this lesson when I went to my first retreat in California. 25 people over 4 days at an ocean front beach retreat center. There was journaling, talking, going deeper, all that great head and soul searching stuff I was totally cool with. But then at night, there came the dancing. Free form dancing with soulful music, pieces of fabric and total permission to just let loose and not a drop of alcohol in site! Oh how I wished for a glass or two of Pinot just to oil the uptightness my bones had been trained to hold.

The dancing was the kind of exercise where one person at a time gets up and joins the circle when they feel the groove, one by one until the whole room is dancing. Of course you don't have to participate, and that night I didnt. Not because I didnt want to, but because I couldnt move. My butt was stuck to my chair, no matter how badly inside I wanted to dance. I remember it so vividly, even though it was six years ago. I sat there watching this beautiful 6-foot tall blond English woman named Joanne -- who reminds me much of my friend Elayne, also from England, a dancer and a performer at my upcoming Madly in Love with ME event. I sat there watching her move, twist and express her body with total freedom, as if she was one with the music. She was so, so, so LIBERATED! And I sat there memorized by her, wanting to get out of my chair, wanting to express myself that way too, but I couldn't move. It felt as if I was stuck inside myself crying to get out, but so darn repressed and stiff, scared to let myself move that way in a public arena that wasn't a dance club. So I remained an observer.

When I got back to my room,  I made a promise to myself  that by the end of the weekend I was going to shed my robes of repression if it killed me! If given the chance again, I would at least get up and dance. And by this same time next year I would be FREE enough to dance like the stunning golden dancer of a woman I had observed.

Here is a picture of what I looked like at the end of that weekend...



And Here is a picture of what I looked like last year at the Madly in Love with ME Self-Luv-apoolza while Elayne, aka as Kalila was performing her Shakti Dancing....





Clearly, I have been liberated!! That night I noticed that while I was now free of all robes of repression, free to move my body and my shakti in all kinds of directions, there were many more women who stood there watching the liberated bunch dance. And it made me sad. It made me sad that in that moment they were unable to let themselves go, to liberate their spirit to move with this powerful music that was calling all of our souls to move. I know that some of women really didnt want to dance, but I also know that there were women in that room who were laden down just as I had been with the robes of repression that stopped them from being free. In that moment,  I decided then that at every Madly in Love with ME event from that day forward, I would do my best to create experiences that gave women permission to throw their robes of repression to the curb and freely and fully express themselves, without the need of our friend Vino.

We will be getting our Shaktis moving on February 13th at the Claremont Resort in Berkeley, CA -- I hope you can join us!  http://www.madlyinlovewithme.com/event

And there is no need to wait until then. You know how much I love to take a dare and give them out. SO this week I dare us all to liberate ourselves through the power of dance and moving our bodies to the soul and groove of the energy that flows through us. What does that mean???

DARE:  Get your groove on.... do the liberation dance. You, your body and music that moves your soul. 1x a day let yourself go and dance freely to the music. Can even be one song. Just let yourself go, no repression, only liberation. I'll be listening to my self-love song sister, India Arie. Look at that face... her spirit and soul are liberated. Now it's our turn!