Self-Love Dare: July 2009 Archives

When I first did this dare about six years ago at one of the first spiritual-pooloza-like conventions I attended - five days in the Palm Springs desert with some of the most influential and masterful spiritual teachers of the 21st century - I admit that I was VERY uncomfortable. "You want me to hold hands with a stranger, touch my knees to their knees and stare into their eyes for 5 minutes? Have you lost your mind? Have I????" That was indeed the inner dialogue going on inside my head. My heart was having her own internal conversation too, sweating bullets, scared to death of the kind of emotional intensity she could feel coming. Luckily, my spiritual warrior, the one who has continually had the courage to face growth experience after growth experience, had the strongest voice this day. I call this part of me Arylo, she is my most enlightened, courageous self and although she may feel fear she never lets it stop us.

So on this day, as the facilitator of the workshop said, "Find a partner, someone you don't know, and then turn your chairs towards each other," Arylo spoke loudly to me saying, "Let's try this. The worst thing that could happen is that we will die, and they usually don't kill people off at these spiritual-pooloza-like conventions, bad press!"  So we found a partner, held hands and touched knees with her, and began the staring process.

As the first few seconds clicked away, I found myself wanting to let this person in. I started letting go of some of layers of armor around my heart - not all of them mind you, but more than had ever been let down to a stranger before. I also found myself wanting to see her, and to have her feel me seeing her. As the minutes ticked, I could feel her letting me in. For five minutes we did this dance, and when the bell rang to let go, I found that I could have stayed there for a much longer time. I felt exhilarated and free. I became a Love Stare junkie, repeating the exercise time and time again with anyone who would let me. And now here I am, daring you to do the same.  I dare you to do the Love Stare and let more love in to your heart and soul!





the LOVE STARE SEQUENCE:

1. Get a partner. Find a person who's older than a baby and has less than four limbs to do this with. Babies, toddlers and doggies don't count. No risk there.
2. Set the purpose. Explain to them what the Love Stare is and why you are doing it.
3. Set the time. Agree to a time period to try it out. Set timer. Minimum 4 minutes the first time.
4. Assume the Love Stare Position. Sit facing each other, knees touching, hands holding, staring into each other's eyes.
5. Do the Love Stare. Your job is to both see the other person and let yourself be seen.
6. Stay & Feel It. When the timer goes off, don't immediately let go. Actually stay connected and feel what happened.
7. Thank You.  Say "Thank You" to each other. Hug even!
8. Share. Talk about what you both experienced, both in giving and receiving during the 4 minutes.
9. Repeat Often.  

the LOVE STARE NO NOs
avoid these no nos so that you keep the love in that you just spent 4 minutes generating.

• Smiling okay, laughing not.  Don't use the giggles to dissipate the energy between the two of you. Laughing can be a way to keep the love from coming in.
• Don't apologize or say anything negative about yourself post stare. Just say thank you and talk about what you experienced. Negative thoughts are also a way to shove love out.
• Don't stand up and disconnect right after the four minutes is up. It will cause a break in the energy. Stay connected and challenge yourself to stay with the vulnerability.
• Don't worry about what the other person is thinking while you are doing the love stare. Just stay focused on giving and receiving love. They're experience is not your responsibility.

Now get going and get that Love Stare started!  Maybe you can even have a Love Stare party ☺


To get more love dares, download a free copy of the Madly in Love with ME Kit at http://www.madlyinlovewithme.com

Two months ago I had a moment. You know one of those moments when you have just had enough. Frustration. Exasperation. A realization that enough is enough and it's time to make a change. After 38 years of walking around this earth with negative thoughts in my head or spewing out of my mouth I decided that I had had it. I was over this negative crud and what it was doing to me. In that moment I knew there was only one thing to do, give it up. And within 10 seconds I had uttered eight words that completely changed my life. Those words were: "I give up ALL negative thinking and talking."

I can still remember the moment, dressed in my Lululemon yoga clothes, I had this visceral experience that felt like waves echoing around me, sending out the sonar that shift was afoot and a new sheriff was in town.

Moments before I had just finished a very harsh mental workout, the kind that used to take place in my head, and that consisted of me beating myself with dumbbells for how much I sucked... or kept me spinning in my head like in a spin class to nowhere, unable to gain any traction. Beaten down, I was just about ready to strip myself down completely and throw myself into what I call 'the muddy, all-consuming pool of suffering' aka the black hole of self-love, void of all self-love. But then something stopped me from flailing my body and soul into that nasty and all too familiar pool. Maybe it was the books I had been reading by authors like Napoleon Hill or Jack Canfield. Or the zillion interviews I had listened over the weeks prior given by successful people (really successful, which to me means spiritually, physically, emotionally and financially). Whatever finally clicked I stopped myself from a pattern that I had repeated over and over again in various ways my whole life... and said NO MORE! I give up ALL negative thinking and talking.

It's been two months, and I have to say giving up the negative thinking and talking addiction has changed my life. I am happier. I have more energy. Fantastic opportunities are coming my way that I could never have imagined. My life feels full, not busy. I am enjoying my life more, the one I am having right now. Situations that before would have caused me to spin, judge myself, over analyze, paralyze, whatever unproductive waste of energy I was engaged in, have become ways for me to love myself vs. hurt myself. If that sounds like something you could use too, I dare you to say those same 8 words and stick to it. You CAN change your entire life... in just 8 words.

• I only say nice things about myself. If there is something I don't like, I love myself through it. I admit I don't like it and then ask myself, "How can I change it. I focus on making ME the person I want to become.
• If I say something mean about me, I don't criticize myself for saying something mean (that's double negative thinking!). I notice it, realize that I am learning, and I choose different words.
• I make everything in my life as an opportunity to learn, realizing that no one but me asked me to be perfect and that is just plain ridiculous. I smile at being ridiculous.
• I don't compare myself to anyone else.
• I don't judge other people. If there is something in them I don't like, I ask "What is it about me that I don't really?" Then love that part of you.
• I don't gossip.
• If I don't have something nice to say about someone, I say nothing.
• I abstain from taking in any negative energy. I avoid negative news, conversations and people.
• I am not a pie in the sky Pollyanna. I am realistically optimistic woman who understands that my thoughts, words and actions create my reality (and I'd prefer a great one)

• Get A Freedom Buddy. Take the vow to be free from negative talk and thought with a friend, your partner, your daughter, your dog... someone that can be there to be a lifeline for you when you stumble and who can laugh with you along the way.
• Be Super Aware. Notice your energy every time you have a negative thought. What does your body feel like? Notice the energy coming out of your mouth when you have negative talk. What does it feel like, smell like, look like? Words and thoughts are energy. I guarantee once you start tapping into the toxicity of negative ones and their affect on you, you'll want to stop.
• Start and Do a Daily Practice. Mediate, chant, go for walks in nature, anything that boosts your energy fields up, that gets you out of just your head and into your heart and body. Any spiritual teacher will tell you, a daily practice is a must have. You can't afford not to take the time to have one. Your life depends on it.
• Be Super Aware of Success & Get Witnessed. Notice the changes that start to occur, because they will. Talk about your insights, successes, and shifts with your freedom buddy. Find others who have freed themselves or are in process and share with them. Being witnessed in this shift is hugely important.  

Inspiring Resources... we were never meant to take this journey alone, so give yourself some self-love and check out there inspiring books and teachers who can really help you give up that negative talk and thought for good.

Napoleon Hill -  Think and Grow Rich, 21st Century
Jack Canfield - The Secrets of Success


And for more ideas and dares on how to fall more in love with yourself, get your Free Madly in Love with ME Kit at http://www.madlyinlovewithme.com

Love Dare #3: 
Make A ME-Love Map
know your personal journey of self-love

TRUTH
Did you know that you were born totally and 100% in love with yourself? That's right, love was oozing out of you, everywhere. You were walking, talking love. And you lived this way for some period of time - how long differs for all of us. But the thing that is the same for all of us unfortunately, is that at some point that love time ended. And it ended because a love stealer found you and put a crack in your self-love. That initial crack opened the space for more love stealers to come in and before you knew it, the spaces inside you that used to be pure love were full of gaping holes.

Love stealers come in all forms - parents, siblings, kids on the playground, friends, boyfriends, girlfriends - and unfortunately they attack every one of us. Which means that the love stealers who caused your wounds had wounds of their own caused by other love stealers - and it's those wounds that cause them to hurt us. It's a crazy love stealing circle!

The only way out of this circle is to go back and fill in all those holes with love, your love for you. Most of us don't figure this out until we are older - fortunately it's never too late to fill yourself back up with love.


DARE:  Make A ME-Love Map. Take a trip back through your entire life and map out your real self-love journey.

To make a ME-Love Map take an adventure back throughout your entire life - from when you were the littlest person full of innocence and love... to the moments when the love stealers showed up... to the protection and armor you built in response... to the journeys you've taken to heal and fill up your wounds with love... to the person you are today. Journal that adventure - write it, draw it, paint it, do a combination of any of this just make sure you document it. And then go back and find your own personal revelations. What do you see?

ME LOVE MAP starter tips:

1. Set some time aside to take this journey. Bring supplies with you like pens, pencils, computers, paper, notebook. Make it only you time. Give yourself at least 1-2 hours.
2. The Beginning. Start with who you were as a little ME. Write or draw who you were, what you loved, what you saw. Tap into the magic that was you when you could still feel the innocence.
3. The Love Stealers. Start to let the love stealers back in, remembering the events that caused the holes to form. Actually draw these events as holes on your map.
4. Building the armor. How did those events make you feel - write down those emotions. What did you do in response to these love stealers and holes? Sketch out the armor that you built around yourself and your heart.
5. The Dark Ages. How long of a period did you spend between the time your armor was in tact and before you started letting real love in again?
6. The Awakening. When did you start to crack open the armor to let love it? What did you do to crack it open.
7. The Healing. What did you do to heal the holes? Pour love in?
8. Today. Where are you today?

Once you've finished your ME Love Map, ask yourself these questions?
1.    What parts of you are you remembering to love again?
2.    What parts of the little ME do I want to bring forward into the now ME?
3.    What is the AHA for me here?



If you are ready to fall even more in love with YOU, then visit the #1 self-love site this side of the internet and get your free Madly in Love with ME Guide, full of zany, yet proven, Love Tips, Love Adventures and Love Inspirations.  http://www.madlyinlovewithme.com