Self-Love Dare: August 2009 Archives

For the past 38 years I have suffered from something I have come to call the Achievement Junkie Syndrome. I say suffered purposefully because although I joke about this Syndrome by giving it a funny name, I know that what this syndrome has cost me is no laughing matter. There's nothing funny about being unhappy with what I have and who I am today, with having a sense of self-worth tied only to what I accomplish, and to having a constant battle with exhaustion and overwhelm due to my relentless drive to achieve that one last step on the ladder where I will finally be able to relax and declare I've made it.

After I left my corporate day job three years ago, making the decision to get off the treadmill up the corporate ladder to forge my own way in the world, I thought I had this junkie thing licked. Hah! Addictions die hard. In reality what happened was my need to achieve just got recalibrated, so instead of needing to make it to Vice President status, in my new role as an author, speaker, coach I just created a new expectation bar - to make it to Oprah status.

Three years later, sitting here today writing to you from Dallas Texas, on the heels of three TV interviews, a book appearance and more to come, I've come to a realization that I've had over and over again since embarking on this journey, but for some reason I think I just really got it. Let's call it an "ephinany on the heels of a bunch of ephinettes." You could say it feels like some large piece of wisdom just broke through and broke open a big piece of the Achievement Junkie in me, or maybe I finally was just ready to hear something the universe has been trying to get through for some time ☺

Here it is:
I am tired of pushing.

I am tired of pushing so hard to be in the place that I want to be, the place that I see for myself in my head but that isn't the reality of where I am today. I'm tired of the effects of this pushing - exhaustion, working too much and forgetting to have fun, and feeling overwhelm to the point where my life feels like I am drinking out of a firehose, gulping for air between blasts.

So does that mean that I am tired of being an achiever? That I am just going to stop, throw my hands up the air and say forget it! Stop doing? Of course not! Being a person who achieves great things is something I really value about me. Being a person who needs to achieve those is like giving myself a death sentence. I love being an achiever, it's the junkie that I am letting go of again, but this time for good!

If any of this is resonating with you, maybe you have some achiever junkie in you too? If you'd be willing to join me, I have a suggestion that we take this Self-Love Dare together. We all came to this world to give all that we can, and we also came to this world to receive all that we can. Both! So my dare to myself and my dare to all you sister and brother AJs, is to take these three vows with yourself and for yourself:



1.    I stop pushing & I start receiving.
Pushing is a totally ineffective and exhausting way to make things happen. The wise ones use their super powers to set powerful intentions, set the action into motion, and then wait to receive the good stuff, letting the universe do the hard work for us. A wise man once told me, "Spend your energy paddling to the stream that's already flowing, not trying to create your own stream." Another said, "Don't try and climb Mt. Everest by yourself, find others who have climbed it before you, ask for help and pray for good fortune."

2.    I am happy today.
There is no magic 'there', the place that we imagine that when we get there we will finally be happy. Stop saying, "When I move ... when I get this promotion... when I make this much money... when I get on Oprah... I will be happy." Making your happiness conditional on outside circumstances never makes you happy, and it makes you miss the moments of magic in your life.

3.    I am enough right now.
Even if you do nothing else that what you have already accomplished in this lifetime, you are enough. Your success is not measured in how much you do or do not accomplish, it will only be measured in the hearts and souls that you touch while on this earth. That can be accomplished only by being truly present and authentically yourself with other people - no title, bank statement or accolades required. 

Take the Vows
To take these vows one must literally say them out loud. Three times, it's the magic number! Even better stand up, look in the mirror and say them to yourself with conviction and with love in your heart for you! Self Love is a daring act, because it does require us to do some seemingly oddball things, that are only really oddball because they make us uncomfortable. And to quote my third wise man of the day, "Get comfortable being uncomfortable!" I'm heading off to the mirror right now - what are you waiting for??


To get more self-love dares, download a free copy of the Madly in Love with ME Kit at www.madlyinlovewithme.com

I started meditating about 8 years ago when my therapist suggested I try this daily pause thing. I remember trying to empty my mind and do the meditation the 'right' way - so type A of me! Of course I failed miserably, or so I thought. I couldn't keep my mind quiet. I fell asleep and would wake up with drool running down my cheek. I would fidget and feel like I wanted to jump out of my skin. I would think to myself, "This being business is overrated. I've got stuff to do." And then my therapist enlightened me to the fact that 1. There is no right way to meditate. 2. The goal wasn't to have no thoughts, it was to experience the thoughts that came and let them go and 3. That I didn't have to do it like a Buddhist monk, I had options! So he gave me a CD of meditation music. I remember the CD cover, it was blue with a giant sunflower on it. I love sunflowers. So I started listening to the music when I would attempt my meditations and you know what, I loved it! No more falling asleep, no more drool and lots of peace and insight.

Today, 8 years later, I meditate every morning for about 5 minutes, as a check in with me. I never ever leave the house without doing it. Once, about 5 years ago, I was in a hurry to get to work at my corporate job and I skipped the meditation. On the way to work I got a traffic ticket. I had to stop at the drug store because I forgot my tampons at home (ugh!), so I was late to work anyway. Later that afternoon, I turned a Vice President's face red. And I got in a huge fight with my boyfriend. Lesson learned!

Over the years, I have added and subtracted other daily pause practices, some of which I have listed here as ideas for you to create your daily pause practice. It matters less about what you do and much more about how you do it and that you do it EVERYDAY.  My daily practices have changed my life. I am able to do more, be more and create more because of them. They are just important to me as putting on my clothes, taking a shower and eating, because they are fuel for my spirit. No, I wasn't taught the importance of these, society didn't honor them, and my doing addict monster often tried to override them, but what those spiritual masters told me was true. I need a daily pause practice. It truly is the difference between my happiness and success and not. We all need a daily pause practice, and I dare you right now, if you don't have one to create and commit to one, and do it everyday!

And if you do have one, I dare you to re-commit to it everyday, or ask yourself if there is a new daily pause practice that you need right now. Two months ago I added an hour a day of chanting to my daily pause practice, and it has elevated my life to a whole new level. Before I made that discovery I would have told you that you were crazy if you thought I was going to chant an hour a day. Today, I crave it like chocolate and can't imagine my life without it.

1. Meditate. There are about a jillion ways to meditate, and I recommend you try a bunch to see what fits for you. Check out your local Buddhist organization. Get a meditation CD. Try Wayne Dyer's meditation called Into the Gap. Try the tried and true method of closing your eyes, sitting and breathing and when thoughts show up, just see them as clouds passing through your head. Do a visualization meditation where you envision something you would like to happen in your life as if it is a movie playing in your head. Listen to your breath and count up to 8 each time you take inhale and exhale. Pick a time every day to meditate and stick to it. I think morning is the best time, before you do any work. It will center you and connect you to yourself. Also, try meditating in the evening before you go to bed. It's a great way to relax.
2. Mantra. Also known as affirmations, these are sentences or phrases that positively affirm something you want to call into your life or aspects of yourself that you want to change. They are always in the positive tense, meaning they never include words like 'not,' 'no' or 'don't.' You repeat them at specific times throughout the day, and for a specific number of times. For example, for a period of a year, every morning while walking my dog I would say out loud "I love Christine" 50 times. Today I have an affirmation that is about 7 sentences long that includes the vision for my life and business. I say it every morning and every night.
3. Journal. Whether you write or draw or both, get a journal and some pens or markers and put yourself on the page. Write out your thoughts, write a letter to yourself or ask a question and write whatever comes in response. Some people do this as soon as they wake up, before even getting out of bed, others every night before they go to sleep. The key is that it's not like a diary where you just tell what you did all day, it is about getting deeper into what you are feeling and experiencing. It's journaling to discover more about you or to get answers to questions you have. When it's really working, it's almost like someone else is writing through you. Some people call it automatic writing. It's really cool!
4. Chanting. Sound vibration is a powerful way to clear away all the yuck that can get stuck on you throughout the day. It also helps you get aligned to your center so that you can gain clarity about your life. It is also works to draw life opportunities to you, for as you chant, visions and ideas will start to fall into you, and the sound coming out of your mouth acts like a giant sonar machine attracting what you desire to you. There are lots of chanting CDs. Do a search for Kirtan music or Sadhana Mantra music and use your intuition to help you find the chant that is perfect for you.
5. Walking. You don't have to sit like a Buddha under a Bodhi tree to meditate. You can actually use walking, when you do it consciously, as a meditation. The idea here is to be totally present to the steps that you are taking one by one, literally feeling your feet hit the ground, step by step. As you focus on the steps, your thoughts will start to fade into the background, and often times the surroundings around you will come more alive. You can try this in nature and start to notice things about the trees, birds and sky that you never did before. You can also do it in the midst of a city and you will start to realize all kinds of things that you never saw before. Focus on the steps and your feet hitting the ground, and be aware of what happens inside and outside of you.
6. Body Movement. Dance, yoga, trance dancing, ecstatic dance, five movements dance... using your body coupled with music or with breath can be a fantastic way to take pause. You can Google any of these types of dance and find events you can participate in your city. Or you can make your own practice like I did. About two years ago, I made my daily pause practice dancing in my driveway to three India Arie songs every morning for 6 months. The melodies would pump through my IPOD and I would sing out loud from the depths of my heart and soul. I am sure my neighbors thought I was nuts, but I didn't care. After that 10 minute pause I felt totally alive and ready to meet the world. Body movement like this opens your heart in a way nothing else can. Find music that opens up your heart and soul, and challenge yourself to move freely and fully to it every morning, without a care in the world to how you look or sound. It's so freeing!
   

To get more love dares, download a free copy of the Madly in Love with ME Kit at www.madlyinlovewithme.com