Self-Love Dare: January 2010 Archives


When I used to think of the word liberation, it brought to my mind images of the feminist movement, women wearing and burning bras... or images of other populations of our society who at have been suppressed and oppressed and have risen to fight for and claim their freedom, their liberation. It always seemed like a word that should be applied to a group of people, not a word I would use to describe myself. And when you look at the definition you could assume that to be true...


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But LIBERATION is really a word every woman should be able to say and claim, because from a self-love perspective is means to be FREE to express YOU... a major Madly in Love with ME milestone of self-love. Whether you know it or not, you have your own version of 'bondage' that keeps you from liberation -- not in the kinky sex kind ladies but in what I call the 'robes of repression' kind...  robes that we've picked up along the way, robes that tell us to be good girls, stay composed, act like a lady, keep our feelings bottled up, play smaller, not boast, and the list goes on and on. Those robes are heavy and they keep your soul and spirit from being free to express yourself with wild abandon... without the need of a substance to help!

My Liberation AHA!
The sad fact is that most people are trapped inside themselves, dying to get out... NOT liberated. I really got this lesson when I went to my first retreat in California. 25 people over 4 days at an ocean front beach retreat center. There was journaling, talking, going deeper, all that great head and soul searching stuff I was totally cool with. But then at night, there came the dancing. Free form dancing with soulful music, pieces of fabric and total permission to just let loose and not a drop of alcohol in site! Oh how I wished for a glass or two of Pinot just to oil the uptightness my bones had been trained to hold.

The dancing was the kind of exercise where one person at a time gets up and joins the circle when they feel the groove, one by one until the whole room is dancing. Of course you don't have to participate, and that night I didnt. Not because I didnt want to, but because I couldnt move. My butt was stuck to my chair, no matter how badly inside I wanted to dance. I remember it so vividly, even though it was six years ago. I sat there watching this beautiful 6-foot tall blond English woman named Joanne -- who reminds me much of my friend Elayne, also from England, a dancer and a performer at my upcoming Madly in Love with ME event. I sat there watching her move, twist and express her body with total freedom, as if she was one with the music. She was so, so, so LIBERATED! And I sat there memorized by her, wanting to get out of my chair, wanting to express myself that way too, but I couldn't move. It felt as if I was stuck inside myself crying to get out, but so darn repressed and stiff, scared to let myself move that way in a public arena that wasn't a dance club. So I remained an observer.

When I got back to my room,  I made a promise to myself  that by the end of the weekend I was going to shed my robes of repression if it killed me! If given the chance again, I would at least get up and dance. And by this same time next year I would be FREE enough to dance like the stunning golden dancer of a woman I had observed.

Here is a picture of what I looked like at the end of that weekend...

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And Here is a picture of what I looked like last year at the Madly in Love with ME Self-Luv-apoolza while Elayne, aka as Kalila was performing her Shakti Dancing....

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Clearly, I have been liberated!! That night I noticed that while I was now free of all robes of repression, free to move my body and my shakti in all kinds of directions, there were many more women who stood there watching the liberated bunch dance. And it made me sad. It made me sad that in that moment they were unable to let themselves go, to liberate their spirit to move with this powerful music that was calling all of our souls to move. I know that some of women really didnt want to dance, but I also know that there were women in that room who were laden down just as I had been with the robes of repression that stopped them from being free. In that moment,  I decided then that at every Madly in Love with ME event from that day forward, I would do my best to create experiences that gave women permission to throw their robes of repression to the curb and freely and fully express themselves, without the need of our friend Vino.

We will be getting our Shaktis moving on February 13th at the Claremont Resort in Berkeley, CA -- I hope you can join us!  http://www.madlyinlovewithme.com/event

And there is no need to wait until then. You know how much I love to take a dare and give them out. SO this week I dare us all to liberate ourselves through the power of dance and moving our bodies to the soul and groove of the energy that flows through us. What does that mean???

DARE:  Get your groove on.... do the liberation dance. You, your body and music that moves your soul. 1x a day let yourself go and dance freely to the music. Can even be one song. Just let yourself go, no repression, only liberation. I'll be listening to my self-love song sister, India Arie. Look at that face... her spirit and soul are liberated. Now it's our turn!


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Last February when I was getting ready for a radio interview to talk about my book, Choosing ME before WE, I decided for kicks to look up the definition of self-love, figuring that since my book was all about self-love, it would be good to know what the 'official' definition was. When I got to www.dictionary.com (the dictionary for those of us on the go), I about fell out of my chair!!!  Here is what I read, and what www.dictionary.com still defines self love as today:

 
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Okay, did you fall out of your chair too? Are they kidding us? Narcissism. Conceit. Vanity.

So if you haven't figured it out already, reading this definition raises the hair on my neck, it makes me mad. And it makes me really SAD! Sad because the reality is that my heart breaks every time I see a woman in relationship that's killing her soul... or I hear a young girl say something negative about her body or her abilities... or I watch one of my friends, smart, beautiful, powerful women, beat themselves us for everything they are not. My heart breaks because I have been that girl and that woman. My heart breaks because I know what is possible with self love, and I know how beautiful, powerful and magnificent EVERY woman and girl really is...and owning that isn't narcissism, that is self-love

Definitions matter, because words matter. Words are vibration and they determine our reality. Everything we say, think and feel determines the world we live in. So if there is a vibration out there saying that self-love is narcissism, then we cannot as a society feel free to fully embrace self-love. Whether we are aware of it our not, this warped version of self love is in our subconscious, lurking around keeping us from truly loving the most important person in our lives, ME. And that is not selfish. It's self-less, because as any spiritual teacher will tell you, and as I can attest to this from my own experience, it is only when you truly love you that you are free to truly love another.

So back to the definition of self love...
Buddha said "You yourself as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection." 

And I say that Buddha is a heck of lot wiser than whoever writes the definitions over at dictionary.com (who's job is that anyway?). So with Buddha standing behind us, cheering us on, I decided that it's time that we reclaim the definition of self love, on our terms!! Who says you can't change a definition -- or reclaim it as I have to believe that the original definition was what it is today.

It's a self-love revolution... will you join me??

We are asking women, girls (and guys too!) to tell us what their definition of self love is... to write their own personal definition of self love. Think of if like your own self love manifesta!!  We are so excited about this idea, that we are going to take all the definitions people send us and petition dictionary.com to change their definition! And we've made it super easy for you to participate...

1.  Write your personal definition of self-love. 
We've written a self love manifesta that describes what a world of self love would be like. It's called the Madly in Love with ME Manifesta and you can view it our website www.madlyinlovewithme.com

2. Post your self-love manifesta to the discussion board on our Facebook Fan page or email it to us. The Madly in Love with ME Facebook fan page hosts an entire discussion forum where people from all over the world can post their manifestas. Go to the fan page and post yours too. Or you can simply email us at love@daretoliveyou.com with the subject Self Love Manifesta and we will post it for you.

3. Tell your friends to write their self love manifestas! If you go to our website at http://www.madlyinlovewithme.com/selflovemanifesta/contest/ you will see on the left hand side how you can send a link to your friends and encourage them to participate.

Lastly, once you have written your definition of self-love, put it somewhere you can see it everyday - like tape it to your bathroom mirror, seriously!!! And read it out loud to yourself. Make it part of your self love practice.

Love is a practice. Start by practicing with yourself!








 
 
 
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