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If you read the common definition of vulnerability in the dictionary, which is

"capable of or susceptible to being wounded or hurt, as by a weapon,"

it's no wonder most of us skitter around vulnerability. No one in their right mind wants to be open to attack. And with a definition like this it's no wonder that we don't have the intimacy we really want in our relationships or with ourselves for that matter. We say we want intimacy with our mates, but most of us are totally unequipped to give it in return. Most people are not that great at vulnerability and for good reason. They have spent their lives learning they have to protect themselves. But the fact is, that if we really want to experience love, we have to be able and willing to be totally vulnerable. But not in the way our current dictionaries define it. We need to be vulnerable in the real meaning of the word, which actually exudes great strength and fortitude.

If you're like me and most of the women I've met in my journey of teaching and reading the principles of Choosing ME before WE, we could all use a redefined version of vulnerability. Here's my take on vulnerability. A new definition for today's 21st century woman, a woman who can be totally in love with herself and be totally available to share love with another. She is a woman who dares to be loved, because she can:




understands that to be vulnerable is not weak, but instead is one of the strongest powers she possesses.

can open herself to be seen so deeply at her most truest and innocent self, that she has the ability to fully receive love from another.

has the capacity to accept and give love freely, unafraid that anything can or will be taken away from her.

is unafraid to show the raw, real feelings that live inside her soul.

knows her expression of vulnerability can open the heart of another, inviting them to show their raw & real self.

always steps forward in love. Even if she knows she may get hurt, it's worth the risk. And with sovereignty on her side, she knows she will never give herself away.

is unafraid to cry, tell the truth, appear weak, or be wrong.

understands that she can't expect what she can't give.

understands that vulnerability is the key to intimacy.

is unafraid to ask for or show the way to her partner to create this vulnerability.

It all came to me at a café on Friday when I decided to sit down with my notebook and journal my own journey of falling in love with Christine. I wanted to know, How did I do it? At what point did I know? And where am I at on this journey?

I totally expected to start the documentation of my self-love journey at the age of 30. After all that was the age at which I realized, due to the life changing events that followed my broken engagement, that I didn't really love me at all. But instead when I put pen to paper, I found myself traveling back in time to when I was a really little girl, like being five, then being 7, and then 10. It was like seeing myself through a looking glass, observing me, this little girl.

What I saw through the piles of stuffed animals, love of drawing and penchant for collecting everything, was her innocence, her happiness and her wonder of the magic of the world. I could literally see and feel what she felt and saw in her, in my, experience of the world. That's when the revelation hit me. OMG, I was born in love with myself, and in love with the world. I had it, I felt it, I was it. It was totally something that I came in with... but then something shifted. I began to see myself somewhere around the age of 11 when that beautiful love was cracked and shattered...  it began to be stolen away by people and situations that hurt me, chunks of love taken away, leaving these gaping holes inside me that I wouldn't go back to fill until the age of 30.

So first, I was mad! I had it, the self-love, totally and 100%. I really did love me. I really did love the world and everything in it. And then people hurt me... and with their actions, they stole my love. And if that was true for me, it was true for every person. We were all stealing each others self-love!  

And then I was sad! Wow, 19 years of living without that complete love of ME. I still was hugely successful without it - college, career, material stuff, so I lived totally oblivious to the fact that I was missing anything. It was like my own personal version of the Dark Ages. I saw clearly the events that had taken place, which had caused me to start building a force field around my heart... that layer upon layer had created an armor that not even I could penetrate. I saw how because I had felt unprotected, I had learned to protect myself. And I saw clearly that protection had kept me from having the unconditional love I craved... for myself, and with someone else for a long, long time.

And then I was excited! If this was all true, which I knew it to be, than what this all really meant was... I didn't have to learn to be in love with myself, I had to remember how to be in love with ME. And I started to see that how the choice at the age of 30 to put massive amounts of time and energy into healing those holes created by the love stealers and into taking down the armor and learning to let myself be loved, had in fact been the exact path that had gotten me to the first time in my life in which I could honestly say, I do really love me, and I did.

And if it was possible for me... it is possible for everyone.



If you want to fall even more in love with YOU, you can visit the self-love site I started called Madly in Love with ME.  You can download for free the Madly in Love with ME Guide, full of zany, yet proven, Love Tips, Love Adventures and Love Inspirations.  www.madlyinlovewithme.com