Recently in Women in the Media Category

In honor of Women's History Month, I have to out myself.  As an educated mba from one of the best educations in the country, I have been ignorant to the truth of our history as women. Sure, I know the facts... but that is not the same as knowing, or feeling, the reality. What I learned in history class didn't come close to telling me the truth of what women have endured just in the last century, let alone the last three hundred, or two thousand years. I got the same scrubbed down version of history that you did -- unless you were a feminine studies major -- straight from the lips of a patriarchal society.  Oh, women couldn't vote, so there was this suffrage movement and now they can. Oh, there was this thing called Roe vs Wade that made abortion legal. Oh, women were burned at the stake during this thing called the Inquisition. And yes, there was this other thing called the Feminist Movement that created equal rights. None of those were more than a few pages in any of my history books, how about yours?

And my female relatives growing up didn't make me any wiser about the reality either. They came from the school of "that's just how things were," not the "you need to know these historical realities as a woman because we never want to forget where we come from, and what has been given by the women before us." They didn't make it part of their job as women to pass down the stories of women from generation to generation... and that is a big loss. One that I know after this weekend, I will not repeat.

This weekend -- at the age of 39 -- I finally got WISE! Sitting with 500 women in a hotel ballroom in Los Angeles at the Sister Giant conference, I tapped into and felt in my cells our lineage as women and I felt my heart ache, my eyes well up with tears, and my courage lift as I watched three movies that put me in awe at the bravery and hardships of what generations of women before me have faced. 

I say 'tapped into' because as I sat there in that room, it wasn't just the 500 women that were there, it was also the 500 generations of women that have lived before invisibly sitting in the seats. While I couldn't see them with my eyes, I felt them with every fiber of my being. I say 'felt in my cells' because I experienced the facts that used to sit in my head about women's rights, witch burnings, transform themselves from ideas to human realities. When you see a woman being forced fed with the use of a tube up her nose and a metal device being shoved in her mouth to part her lips and make her eat, suddenly the facts become about a person, they become very human, and your heart receives a message it's not likely to forget -- nor should it.

I let myself be affected this weekend by these films -- something that I am not sure we always do. Our hearts are so closed off in our society, going about our busy busy lives. But to be affected is truly an act of love, both for the self, and for others.

If you are a woman, see these films, and if you know young women watch these with her, tell her this same history.  We are visual beings... and I Imagine the world would be much different if we sat and watched movies like this together vs. chatted mindlessly about the problems of the Housewives of Orange County.


Iron Jawed Angels
You can vote, you know that. But did you know that women were arrested, beaten, forced fed with tubes up their noses and tortured with the use of iron jaws to open their mouths and force them to eat when they called a hunger strike? Hilary Swank and Angelica Houston rock in this movie that made me cry, cringe and shout with joy.
 








The Burning Times

It's estimated between 1million and 9 million people were burned, tortured and killed during the Inquisition -- 85% of them women -- in an effort to stamp out the goddess and pagan traditions and replace them with the controlling patriarchal structures. You can watch this 20 minute movie on You Tube.







Pray the Devil Back to Hell
 
 

You might have heard the prophecy that it will be women that change the world. You've most likely heard that the fierceness of a mother protecting her child is like no other. These women of Liberia prove them both. They stopped a war torn country from fighting because they said "ENOUGH! No more war. We want peace." If women with 'no money' can stop a country from killing each other, what the heck are we capable of?"










I am on board for educating myself as much as I can. If you have other movies or books or DVDs that you think every woman should see, please post it on our Madly in love with ME facebook page. Understanding our history as women is part of accepting and loving who we are. I know I gained great perspective from these films... it's a lot easier for me to love myself and be compassionate when I consider I've never had a feeding tube forcibly stuck up my nose while being detained in a jail against bogus charges.

Being Wise... taking in the wisdom across generations
by Christine, age 37
Often when we read magazines we first see... THE COVER!!! You tend to see a celebrity. Imagine: Long and wavy flowing hair. Tan and toned body. Beautiful makeup. Bleached white teeth. Couture dress. This is what some women aspire to be. They get a picture in their head and strive long and hard to become it. Why? The most common thing is simply not being pleased with how you look because it's obvious that if you LOVE who you are and the way that you look that you're not going to be trying to be something else. But women who do feel like they "must look like Jessica Beil" tend to have issues with themselves. We see our unnoticeable flaws from the EVIL OBJECTS!!!!!!!

EVIL OBJECT 1: The mirror. Everyone has one yet they are so bad! They are where we check ourselves to make sure we look our best. The mirror is where we see that non-flat stomach. The mirror is where we see our zits, unwanted hair, cellulite, etc. It's where we stare at ourselves and it just stares right back. It tends to be an image of hatred and judgment simply from not loving yourself. Isn't that the look when you see people judging you when they don't love you or think you're beautiful?

EVIL OBJECT 2: The Wii. No we do not all have the Wii but happen to own one. It has several tests where at the end it will tell you what age you are based on how well you did. I have gotten my age, 14, but I have also gotten (drum roll) 47! The Wii then tells me that I am out of shape for my age and I should continue the exercising every day will help me to become basically more close to my age. The Wii is extremely fun but evil as well. You just have to learn how to take constructive criticism.

FINAL EVIL OBJECT: MEDIA! All those magazines. TV shows and commercials, Ads, etc. are what tend to make people think they must be something they aren't. The problem with all of these is that they are unavoidable. When you see an ad that makes you feel fat, forget about it! Getting mad about it is bad for the mind. It's good just to forget about it.
In a nutshell: What makes everyone want to be something they're not is lack of confidence.

You must LLLOOOVVVEEE yourself!!! And you must remember, when people tell you something mean about your looks, it's just because they are jealous and/or self conscious themselves.



Janet, age 24, says:

Women constantly get caught in what I call the 'perfect body trap'. We are constantly bombarded with images of super models, celebrities, and other famous people, in the grocery store, at malls, billboards on the highway, at home through your TV, and on the internet. With all these points of contact, it is no surprise that most women develop some sort of body image hang-up or get stuck in the 'perfect body trap'. The articles written in some women's magazine constantly talk about what is 'perfect'. Defining 'perfect' is something that women should shape on their own, but the constant images and articles convolute our opinions. The flip side is what we don't hear enough about; and that is how hard and demanding physical body image is in the spot light. The fame can drive some of these women to take drastic measures with their health and life. When you hear the bad stories, puts reality of life and body into perspective and famous woman are real people too. If the media put a healthier spin on image and what is accepted, it might be easier for women to be comfortable with who they are. Some magazines and celebrities are speaking out against traditional images, but aren't given enough attention and resisting the change. If more women embraced who they are, it might start to influence the media to re-define 'perfect' body images.

The women that don't get caught in the 'perfect body trap' seem to have a bigger self awareness. They know that their body has the capability to do amazing things, run a marathon, hug a loved one, carry a child, and so much more. I think they also have an inner understanding of what it means to be a real woman. I myself get stuck in the 'perfect body trap' all the time. When I start thinking negatively about my body image, I remind myself this is me and I do love who I am. My body is only a part of who I am, and if I treat it right, eat healthy, and take care of myself, I always feel more confident about my body image. Some of my close girlfriends feel the same way. We talk about how much better we feel when eating right and working out. It provides a sense of self about defining who we are as women in our 20s. When you have a strong self confidence about your image on the outside, the inner spirit starts to shine through!
         


Katie, age 35, says:

The wisdom that comes with age has made all the difference in my life. When I was in my young 20's, I had three friends who were all three years old than I. I was a starving college student, and they were all in their first jobs. To me, they seemed glamorous: beautiful, fit, tan, making their own money, and all with boyfriends.

By (what I'd thought at the time was) comparison (but what I understood later was just the difference in age and priorities between me and them), I felt "cute," out of shape, pale, broke, and loveless. I fixated on the big diamond studs that all three of them had in their ears.

Adorned in their diamonds, my friends looked valuable, rare, cherished ... everything I thought I wasn't. I know now that I was all of those things; I just didn't love myself enough to realize it. For a few years after that time, while I was in graduate school and still broke, I plotted about the diamond earrings I would buy for myself one day. Of course, my obsession wasn't really about the diamond studs. Obsessions never are.

That was 1.5 decades ago. Between now and then, I've spent much time alone on beaches and in forests, reflecting on who I am. I've also written a lot in journals, in the dark of my living room at night, with candles lit and soft music playing. The more time I spend in serene settings, the more expansive my inner peace becomes ... and the farther away I get from those diamond earrings. I know I'm inherently lovable, so I no longer need "evidence" to prove it.

Looking back, I see that I could have looked just like my friends did back then, by spending more time and money on my appearance, and less on school. I wasn't wrong to go to graduate school, burying myself in psychological theory and spending weekends under library lighting; they weren't wrong to join the 9:00-5:00 work force out of college, spending their Thursday nights at happy hour and their weekends by the pool. There was never a comparison; we were and all precious in our unique ways. With maturity, I came to know that.

I never did buy those diamond earrings, and I can't imagine I ever will.


Debba, age 40-something, says:

I've heard it called 'the Oprah Factor.' We see Oprah and other celebrities with things we wish we had and suddenly we feel entitled to things beyond our lifestyle or any form of reality. We get coerced into feeling like we deserve expensive designer clothes and belongings, envying the plastic surgery-stretched or air-brushed faces and finding some appeal to the paparazzi-lives of the rich and famous.
 
My take on this, and I'm a bit passionate, if not obsessed, is that if we have friends that love us the way we are, that we're much more likely to accept our bodies and ourselves. When we truly love our friends, we respect their opinions, right? And, if their opinion of us is that we're beautiful and treasured, why should we doubt them?

Why would I want or need to emulate celebrities when I have true friends who accept me with or without make-up, love me dressed up or dressed down, and see the beauty in me when I can't see it myself? How could I ask for a better life or situation that might mean that I'm removed from the very people who encourage, challenge, support and love me?
 
Research shows that female friendships make us feel more confident and beautiful. They also make us healthier, happier, less stressed and live longer. Girlfriends are 'the secret to defining ourselves.' They see past wrinkles, scars, gray hairs or bad hair days to the beauty we possess inside of us. They don't compare us to celebrities or other popular images that may be society's measure of beauty. They just love us as we are and they make us feel more beautiful, accepted and loved.

And, as the saying goes, "The best mirror is an old friend." (George Herbert) With our girlfriends supporting us, we can define ourselves by looking within and by looking at us through their eyes. That mirror of an old friend reflects the beauty they see in us, and that we need to see ourselves in as well.