It's day 5 of the New Year and I don't know
about you, but I can just feel all the pressure, obligations, and have
to's trying to creep in to this beautiful month of January which is
meant to be all about dreaming in your year to come.
A year that you, me, everyone wants to be full of happiness and love.
That's always how we start each New Year isn't it? With those hopes?
And then we think if we are lucky, we'll live and end the year that way.
But what I've learned over the years is that hope doesn't really cut it.
Just hoping is like a crap shoot, and life's too precious for that.
And being over controlling, or over goal oriented doesn't work either.
Cuts off the miracles and the magic that your brain can't even think of yet.
What does work is clarity...
Clarity that only comes from asking your heart & soul what THEY really want.
Because they're the ones with the answers that lead you to happiness and love, always.
As my 2012 New Year gift to you, I taped this video...
It includes 3 questions that I believe every person should ask
themselves in these first few weeks of 2012... and then make your
choices from there.
I'm using these questions myself!
They are simple questions, and
they will make you clear on what really brings you happiness and love...
and lead you down the path of making decisions that lead you to where
you want to go... not just keep you busy.
AND I'D LOVE TO SEE YOUR ANSWERS to the QUESTIONS... just like I shared mine. Post them below and I will bless them with LOVE!
What if I told you that you could get more done by doing less? Would you believe me?
Would you nod your head like you did believe me, even agree to try some of the crazy things I asked you to try, yet still fall back into your old busy, over doing patterns... you know the ones that keep you feeling overworked and overwhelmed without a clue about how to attain the peace of mind the women on the front of your yoga magazine seems to effortlessly emanates?
I get it. I am a recovering achievement junkie and doing addict myself, programmed to push and push until I get to my goal. One of the reasons it makes it so hard to change that programming is that I have this Inner Mean Girl inside my head who I call 'Move-the-bar Brenda.' She is always moving the goal right before I get 'there.' No matter if I reach the goal I originally set out for, or that I did more than a team of 10 horses on their best day could accomplish, in her eyes, and therefore in mine, I fall short, and therefore there is more to do. So I have to keep pushing.
In 2011, with the help of my Inner Wisdom, and some inside tips from a few 'telegrams from heaven' I received (and have included here for you), Move-the-Bar Brenda is going on vacation, far far away. And she would like to invite your over doing, over achieving, over responsible Inner Mean Girl to go with her!
All you have to do is read these telegrams for heaven, decide how they apply to your life and then take an inside action - change your internal filter to see that maybe, just maybe, you can have a bigger impact (and be happier) if you do less in 2011.
Select out a few 'seeds' - project, focuses, desires - and really focus on protecting, and nurturing those precious few. 2010 was all about throwing lots of seeds out there and seeing what grows. 2011 is about letting many of those seeds go, and only protecting a few. The best analogy I heard was from Pamela Eakins, Phd, whose said imagine last year you threw down lots of seeds and this garden started to grow, and now this year, the goats have arrived, and they are going to start to eat everything up. If you could only save a few seeds what would those be? Build a fence around those, protect and grow those.
Narrowing your focus and letting go is okay - trust it. So as you choose your specific seeds, you are going to have to let the goats eat the remaining seeds. Which means you will have to let go of ideas, project, goals, to-dos and more. This of course freaks us overdoers and overachievers out. Just know that this act will bring up some fear, and notice when the fear shows up. Calm your Inner Mean Girl down by closing your eyes, breathing. See how letting go frees you up to have more impact in what you do do. This is about activating your Feminine Super Power of Trust.
Focus on what you are being called to do, because not everything is yours to do. This should make it easier to trust, if you can let your over-responsible Inner Mean Girl take a vacation, knowing that there are MANY people on this planet who are doing great work, who are here to do the things you can't, and who want to help you. My friend and transformational artist Shiloh McCloud always says: Imagine yourself sitting in a circle of women, passing around a ball of red thread. As each woman holds her piece of the red thread we form a strong circle that is powerful enough to do anything. Now imagine cutting off your piece of the red thread. Look down at this one piece... this is what is yours to do. If we each do our part, we don't have to do everyone else's. Whew!!
Slow down. Likely you are missing opportunities and working harder than you need to. By letting things go you will automatically slow down, as long as you don't pick more up. Walk through 2011 with a heightened awareness of your pace. As one woman said to me recently, 'Enjoy the nectar of the earth. Eat the nectar of life." What if your life rolled like honey in 2011?
As you sort out which seeds are yours to grow, water, and take care of this year, use these questions to help you:
What is calling me the most?
How can I best serve? (your gifts are your service, find those gifts and give those)
What will provide me the most stabilization? What will create structures that stabilize my life?
What are my deepest heart's desires for this year?
What does my fear say I need to do, and what does my heart know is mine to do?
In case you are wondering where these telegrams from heaven about 2011 were delivered from, and you want more, I will share with you some of the wonderful angels on earth who have shared their wisdom with me, allowing me to incorporate these thoughts in my year. Check out Pamela Eakins - intuitive wonder and Phd - at www.pamelaeakins.org - and the 13 Grandmothers - www.grandmotherscouncil.org/.
I leave you with this quote from the 13 Grandmothers...
"It is time for the women of the world to own their innate wisdom"
Listen. Slow Down. Stabilize. And enjoy the nectar of life!
I am a big believer in the phenomenon that how you begin your year is how you will live your year. And as I recently learned from my acupuncturist Dr. Feng, there is an ancient Chinese proverb that says the exact same thing. That is powerful medicine. Think about it, how you decide to step into these first few weeks of January says a lot about the energy you will walk with the remaining 11 months.
To get into the spirit of how I want to begin a new year, I like to imagine myself wearing a new pair of shoes that fits who I want to BE that year, and then see myself walk through the days of the calendar month by month wearing those shoes.
For 2011, wearing red velvet, heeled, rounded toe, 1930s looking beauties, I had a radical thought for how to step into this coming year: "What if I I made a conscious choice to choose LOVE instead of FEAR, in every moment of every day? Like literally input a new decision making tree into myself, so that when fear showed up, I could turn the channel and find my way to happy place vs scary place... what would happen?"
Now I'm not talking about living without fear, because I think that it's natural to feel fear in today's world. I am talking about amping up awareness of fear so keenly that you could see it and smell it as soon as it arrives, and then using all of your self-love and feminine super power muscles, make the choice to move through it to find the truth, to find love for yourself.
So I've put on my red velvets and turned this question into a 40-day self-love practice called "See past the fear into the love." While I don't know how this will all turn out, I do know that in the past 5 days since I started this walk, I am happier, more peaceful and feeling more loved than ever before.
Some of the benefits I've already experienced include:
The ability to ignore the voices of "You better have a plan. What are your goals for 2011? What do you mean you don't know yet?"
The ability to enjoy the fact by January 31st I will have clarity on my stake for 2011... and I'm loving being in the not-knowing and discovering in the meantime. Journaling, reading, listening, meditating.
I am taking naps. When I feel tired, instead of pressuring myself to have it all figured out, I go to sleep. Usually I wake up with some really great insight.
I have turned the constant churn of my mind off, the mind that is always generating a new idea or angle about how to solve, create or find the answer to what to do. My mind is clear and I am learning to listen with my body.
I've created less work and more impact - enough said.
This is all one big experiment, and as I learn, I promise to share with you. For now, I share with you 3 of the self-love guidelines my practice of "See past the fear into the love" has given me for starting out the year. I call them Love Starters, because they support you to start your 2011 from LOVE not FEAR, and in today's crazy world, we can all use the support!
1. Revise Your Timeline to have 2011 "Figured out."
FEAR: "Rush, rush, move into action! You must know what you are going to do, accomplish, where you going in 2011, now!"
LOVE:"Give yourself the month of January to REVEAL what this year desires to GIVE YOU, vs you being the one to make it all happen. You will be delighted and surprised, promise."
If Rome wasn't built in a day, why the heck would you try to figure out your entire year in a week? The entire month of January according to the Native American tradition is called the 'dream time.' Think about it. The northern hemisphere of the earth is frozen, things are still. We humans would be well served to be still too. The value of the stillness of January is that in the silence we can tune into our Inner Wisdom and see possibilities for our year that we couldn't if we were busy moving into full action. Give yourself full permission to take the pressure off of having to figure it out all of 2011 now (or ignoring it completely). Do like the groundhog does, come out on Feb 2nd with your grand 2011 statements and desires.
2. Let Your Body Tell You What It Needs FEAR: "You have to fit into a bathing suit in a few months you know... all that sugar, fat and alcohol you consumed is sitting right on your hips... work out 7 days a week, diet, and refrain from eating anything and everything that you enjoy, it's what you have to do to get back in shape."
LOVE:"What you consumed over the holidays is the past, it's irrelevant to today... and the truth is that while you probably did indulge, you enjoyed yourself! Now your body wants something different. Listen to what she needs, LOVE her in to the shape she wants. And give her some time to get there. Being healthy and fit sounds way better than dieting!"
The tabloids and slew of diet-focused emails you receive in January would have you believing that if you don't drop 5lbs by Jan 31, you are doomed. Did you know that it's a normal winter activity for your body to put on a few extra lbs to keep you warm? Give your temple a chance, she will shed what she doesn't need, if you listen. Maybe it's a cleanse or pulling back on sugar. Drop the militant approach and the focus on all the 'bad' choices you made to get here... focus on listening to where your body wants to go from here.
3. Relax, don't do it. Slow down.
FEAR: "The party is over! Holidays are done. Time to get back to work. Look, you are already behind! Better speed it up."
LOVE: "Slow down, there is no where to speed off too. Practice being present. Enjoy the stillness. Pay attention to clearing out clutter - in your body, mind, emotions and spirit. Slowing down now will help you go faster later."
While your achievement junkie and doing addict may be pulling your arm and pushing you from behind to get a move on it, to propel yourself into action, your Inner Wisdom knows that January, the dreaming time, is a time of stillness, replenishment and clearing. This is the time for inner movement not outer movement. So concentrate your energy on things that bring you internal clarity, that clear your physical and emotional bodies and that replenish you. I for one have been enjoying my naps! The more you can slow down, the more you will be able to hear the wisdom, and fuel up for the work ahead.
BONUS LOVE STARTER: Pick your pair of shoes for 2011 - what and how will you walk through 2011? And if you really want to turn up the self love, go out and buy them! Or find a picture of them and put them where you can see them.
I really encourage you to give yourself the month of January to clear out and listen for what is upcoming in your year. To give yourself the gift of self-love by taking care of the most important partner you will ever have in this lifetime - you.
I understand the pressure to have it all figured out, to move into action, to get that body back in shape today, I notice it all around me, and sometimes, more than I would like it to, it does creep in and catch hold of my emotions, my mind and my spirit. Which is why I chose this 40-day self love practice of seeing beyond the fear into the love. The moment I feel myself moving into rush mode, feeling anxiety about not having my entire calendar planned, or faced with another 15 hour day... I am committed to stopping, noticing my own fear, and seeing past it to love.
I've already found answers, some I have shared here with you. And I know there will be more. I look forward to celebrating February 13, the international day of self-love, with you so that we can all celebrate the gift of love we chose to start our year with.
For more information on the international day of self love, visit last year's site www.madlyinlovewithme.com New information will be posted in mid January. For now you can download last year's Madly in Love with ME self-love guidebook... full of lots of self love dares and fun adventures!
While the holidays are advertised to bring us cheer, joy and gifts, what many
of us also end up with is a rack full of stress, guilt and debt. Why?
Because we listen to the negative voices in our head telling us to
buy more, eat more, visit more and do more - when we are already
stretched for time, money and energy.
self-sabotaging voices are the voices of your Inner Mean Girls and
Inner Bullies. Some call them the "inner critic," but they are
way more personal than that! They are like the Grinch who stole
Christmas. They too will steal the joy, peace and happiness from your
You have to
be smarter than these Inner Grinches and take back your power this
holiday season so you can really soak in the joy, connection and
celebration you deserve. Following are 10 ways you can outsmart your
Inner Mean Girl or Inner Bully. And for more secrets to holiday
happiness, get a download of a free 'holiday rescue' call at
Worrying About What Others Think
be responsible for how everyone around you feels about how you live
your life, so stop worrying about how your family, partner and
friends will react to your choices and start getting real about how
youfeel about your life. Ask yourself, "How do I feel about..." Give yourself permission to put yourself first.
Things Because You Want To
the big "O", Obligation. Give up the gnarly "G", Guilt. And
make a commitment to do what you want this holiday season, even if
that means you don't do what other people want or expect of you.
And if you do choose to do something you aren't so jazzed about,
challenge yourself to do it from a place of love. Ask "What is it
about this action that does matter to me?" and act from that place.
It's all about the attitude. You can choose to be a martyr and a
victim, or you can choose to be happy.
Up the Image
construct images of who we think we are and who we want the world to
see, and then attempt to live up to them. Don't try to live up to
other people's expectations, or for that matter your unrealistic
expectations either. If you're low on cash this year, be okay with
that. If you aren't feeling super happy don't put on a fake
smile. Don't try to impress your guy's family or friends or fit
in to what everyone else is doing. Be yourself, exactly where you are
Boldly Express Your Unique Spin on the Holidays
Christmas wreath instead of a tree? Prefer Chinese food instead of a
turkey? Celebrate Solstice instead of Christmas, but love to light
candles at Chanukah? Like sending New Year's cards and gifts vs
holiday cards? Love plaid pants. Tradition isn't always better, and
it certainly doesn't always make you happy. Be bold enough to express
the way you choose to interpret the holidays.
5.Know What Makes You Happy
to fit into the expectations and ideals that outside forces -
society, family, work, friends -- have said you 'should' be in
order to be successful, happy and accepted, this holiday and ask one
really simple questions, "What really makes ME happy?" Think
about the times that you've been happiest during the holidays. Who
were you being? What did you have? What were you doing? Do the same
for your most unhappy times. Compare the two to your life today and
notice the gaps.
Attention To Your Emotions
We all have
emotional triggers, things that set us off or that evoke an overly
strong reaction, and the holidays are prime time for them to come up.
Pay attention to situations that make you spin, get your mad factor
going or that send you into the pool of suffering. Be the boss of
your emotions by having and taking responsibility for them, and don't
let them drive your life. Happiness is a choice (yes, even when a
relative is driving you crazy.) Put yourself in situations that
create happiness and remove yourself from conversations and
experiences that don't.
On What You Know Will Make You Happy, Even It's Hard
your happiness first isn't always easy. It often requires going
against what everyone else is doing or thinking. But if you aren't
true to what feels right for you, even if it doesn't fit the needs
and sensibilities of other people -- parents, partners and friends
included - aren't you just selling yourself out? You always
know what the best action is to take for you, it's just not always
easy. Be committed to your happiness, even when it's scary, and
even when other people don't like it.
an Opinion and Express It
don't like the way things are going - like the plans your family
is making or the way the holidays have created stress in the past -
speak up. Know what you believe and don't be afraid to express it.
Happy people have convictions that come from inside their souls,
minds and hearts. They know their Truth and are willing to stand in
it, even when what they have to say makes others uncomfortable. Know
your truth deserves to be heard just because you're you.
Others See You. Be Vulnerable.
most real self with the people around you - family, friends, and
colleagues - and let them see all of you. The strong, the weak, the
self-assured, the self-doubter, the funny and the serious. Have and
show your emotions fully - from sadness to happiness to anger and
joy. When you keep the full range of you hidden, no one can know who
you truly are, and that creates unhappiness. While it may feel scary
to be vulnerable, you'll find that the more you show the real you,
the more others will be willing to share their authentic self too,
and the more connected and happy you'll be.
Don't Compare Yourself.
One of the
fastest ways to rob yourself of your joy is to compare yourself to
someone else, or to who you think you should be. Put yourself on a
Comparison Diet over the holidays. Every time you find yourself
thinking or saying a comparison, stop, change the channel in your
head and say something that you are grateful for in your life or
something that you love about yourself. Ask your friends to do the
Comparison Diet with you. You'll all be happier.
About Christine Arylo Christine Arylo, an m.b.a. turned
writer, speaker and teacher, is an inspirational catalyst who teaches
women how to stop being so hard on themselves. A recovering achievement
junkie and doing addict herself, Arylo is the co-founder of Inner Mean
Girl Reform School and the author of Choosing ME before WE, Every
Woman's Guide to Life and Love www.mebeforewe.com.
Known as the "Queen of Self-Love," Arylo created Madly in Love with ME,
the international day of self-love (Feb 13), dedicated to making
self-love a tangible reality for women and girls around the world. www.madlyinlovewithme.com
As I sit here the day before the new year, I am committed to releasing all the old patterns that no longer serve me - or at least the ones I can manage to get out of my system in the next 24 hours before the apple hits midnight!
I've already released 12 in the time between solstice and today, New Years Eve, yet here I sit, recovering achievement junkie just having completed a dance with yet another obsessive thought pattern that from what I can tell does me no good, at least not now at the age of 38. I'd like to leave this old pattern, let's call it Obsessive Thought Pattern #13 in 2009. Maybe you can relate? Or maybe you have an obsessive thought pattern of your own you'd like to throw off the cliff of 2009 before you give your first New Years Kiss.
My Obsessive Thought Pattern #13: It's the pattern tied to my inability to relax without having a good reason -- and it goes like this.
I wake up on this particular morning and I feel tired. I know that I have lots of things 'to do' but my gas tank feels empty. I've been working non stop for three days on a deadline, writing and creating to bring inspiration to the world, a noble but exhausting cause. But really no different than the energy any of us women exude on a day when we are taking care of everyone and everything else.
When I wake up with this feeling, I know that I need the morning 'off.' That it would be for my best good to not even look at my email til after noon and just take the morning to BE. I am beat tired and I need to refuel. So I say, "Ok, you worked hard these last three days so you deserve the morning off." And that starts the entire chain reaction of needing to have a reason to relax.
The Chain Reaction of the Obsessive Thoughts of An Achievement Junkie Who Wants to Relax
Thought #1: I feel so tired. But WHY am I tired? (why is often a warning sign for an obsessive thought pattern emerging!) Followed by: What did I do wrong to be so tired? Did I work too hard? Not get enough rest? Should I have meditated more? What did I do wrong to make myself tired?
(sane note: it is insane that i need a reason to be tired, as if I can't just be tired because i am? as if our bodies don't have natural cycles of high energy and low energy. Am I supposed to be at vibration 100% every day 24/7?)
Then once that circus has finished in my head, the next thought forms...
Thought #2 forms: Well I am tired, but should I relax or should I do something to charge my energy. Maybe I should go for a walk in the woods? Chant? Breathe? Do Something! Followed by: What if just relaxed? After all I am tired, and since I am tired, relaxing would be a good thing to do. Because then once I recharge, I can do more.
(sane note: Why is it that in order to relax, I have to be tired? That I need a reason to relax as if my wanting to take care of myself wasn't a good enough reason? And that I only see relaxing as a means to getting to do more later?)
This is an obsessive thought pattern that I've probably had forever, and I didnt really get it until today when I was talking to my friend Catherine who came over while I was in this circus of my mind, and she said to me something like, "Sometimes I just lay on the floor or in my bed for a whole day or a few hours and watch out the window or listen to the sounds." Wow, I thought. Really? That sounds nice. My achiever would however go into convulsive spasms if I tried to do that! And yet, her words struck me into a middle ground that led me to the place where I could let go of this obsessive thought pattern...
While I won't be laying still for hours anytime soon, if I am tired, I am just tired. Don't need a reason. Just need to ask my body what she needs and do that thing. And while I may be able to do more after I am done relaxing, the reason for relaxing is not just to recharge to do more.... I am relaxing because I am taking care of ME, and taking care of means I am loving ME. And self-love is a good thing that requires no reasoning, even for an achiever like me :)
What's Your Obsessive Thought Pattern #13... the big one of 2009 that You Are Ready to Let Go?
What's the obsessive thought pattern that has been running you ragged or upside down for years? The one that keeps you out of taking care of yourself and into depletion, guilt, exhaustion, shame, berating, or any other self-love dumpster behavior? And are you willing to let it go, drop it off the cliff in 2009 so you can be free of it in 2010?
Here's a few steps for finding a pattern and letting it go...
1. What are the scenarios in which you find yourself having thoughts that lead back into themselves. Where you find yourself asking 'Why' more than once. Or you find yourself going down the rabbit hole making yourself feel worse about yourself. Or you try to find reasons to validate something that doesn't need reasons. Or you find yourself thinking about something all the time, or when something specific happens it triggers that thought and you can't stop it.
2. Articulate the thought pattern by writing down the thoughts that go through your head, just like i did above.
3. Bring in the voice of sanity - either you or someone else, if you can't be that sane voice. And write down what that sane voice, the one full of self-love has to say. And keep writing until he or she makes more sense than you than your obsessive thought pattern.
4. Claim this new thought pattern as your thought pattern for 2010 by saying it out loud and proud!
If you are like me, you probably grew up knowing nothing about Winter Soltice, except for noticing it on a calendar. As you grew up you probably learned that Dec 21st was in fact the shortest day of the year, the darkest day, the date when the days started to get longer again and the nights shorter, and the official first day of winter. Which, while are all nice tidbits of information to know, so don't even begin to scratch the surface of the power of this day... a day, or actually days, that have the power to change everything about how you live 2010.
In the last 8 years, I've been fortunate to learn first hand about Sotlice from many of my teachers from many different traditions. And over these years I taken their ancient wisdom and translated it into my "Modern Girl's Approach to Winter Soltice," or what is also the first step in the super power of PAUSE. This time, right now, gives you access to super powerful energy that has the power to fuel your 2010... but only if you slow down to tap into it. Slowing down to let yourself be emptied and filled up vs. being out there on constant doing mode is an act of self-love, no doubt about it.
So in service to your self-love, and the self-love of all beings on this planet, I offer you access to powerful wisdom and a few structures to help you use Winter Soltice to its fullest.
The Modern Girl's Approach to Winter Soltice (for boys too)
About Winter Soltice The official day of Winter Soltice is Dec 21st, however the energy of Soltice can be felt and used for the three day period from Dec 20-23, the days leading up to Dec 25th which regardless of your religion is what I call "Restart Day".... the day you get to wake up like a new born baby, jump out of bed, in love with the world, and yourself and start with a fresh clean slate, just like the whitest of white snow.
The days leading up to the 25th, the time of Soltice are the darkest days of the year, because it is a time for reflection, for going inward, deep inside yourself to look back at the year that has been, to celebrate and learn from your surprises, successes and failures. It's a time to decide what you want to leave behind in 2009, and what you want to take with you into 2010. It's a time to be quiet and with yourself. It's a time for being grateful for all that you have created in the past year (because let's face it, it is so easy to forget all that you have accomplished).
There are 7 key times during the year when super duper potent energy is available to us, times when it's important to stop, pause and tap in. Times when the earth and the universe actually open up energy streams that we can tap into. Winter Soltice is one of those times. When you choose to stop and plug yourself in, you can stop having to be the energy stream, and you can tap into an energy stream that is 1000x more powerful than your one body (no matter how buff she is). It's the difference between you being a strand of Christmas tree lights and trying to power them with a foot pump vs. plugging them into the wall with a constant energy source from some mega energy plant. Plugging yourself into Winter Soltice lights you up vs. you having to do all the pumping.
What's A Girl to Do On Soltice? If you are an achiever like me, you've probably been conditioned to believe that if you are not doing something, you are not creating value. I beg you girlfriend to girlfriend to let go of that belief today. I've learned the exhausted way, that this demented achiever mentality only leads to working way harder than necessary. Your task during Solitce is to take some time to BE with yourself, and to literally experience the wisdom, the energy and the happiness that becomes available to you when you take the time to BE. It's like rewiring yourself to be a more energy efficient model of you!
During Winter Soltice I take a least one whole day and evening to process the year that has been, to let go of twiggly danglers and to start getting signs for the next year. If you are just getting started, you can do Winter Soltice in 2009 with a few hours of BEING vs a few days - even two hours will start to give you the feel. We all have two hours to give to ourselves, and if you don't, please stop and ask yourself why not. How you end this year will be exactly how you live 2010, and taking care of you is the best thing you can do for everyone and everything in your life.
Winter Soltice / Power of PAUSE steps to get you started:
Pick a time when it will be just you, your thoughts and a journal by Dec 23. Everyone can do a minimum of 2 hours. If you can do more great, if not, give yourself the gift of 2 hours. No cell phones, computers, kids, texting. Just you. Paper and pen or markers, the old fashioned way is the best way to do this, as it connects things inside your brain and body. Go somewhere in your home that is quiet. Light a candle. And move to step 2.
REFLECT. Play back 2009 in your head like a movie and see all that you have done, all of who you have become and all you have amassed. Literally close your eyes and imagine the last year visualizing in your mind. Then get that paper and pen and do a formal reflection process where you write out all of your surprise, successes, failures and learnings for the year. In the super power of PAUSE, I use a process called the Wheel of Reflection, taught to me by Pele Rouge and Firehawk. You can download it here. Also you can download an audio where I teach you how to use it.
Ask yourself the following questions, and write the answers out:
What do I want to leave behind in 2009?
What do I want want to bring with me into 2010? (learnings, perspectives, wisdom, etc)
What one quality do I have today, inside of me, that I didn't have at the beginning of the year? Acknowledge yourself for it and give yourself a big dose of self love for becoming an even better you.
BONUS: Winter Soltice 2009.... Xtra Energy!!
Every year things change, and the specific energy for Solitce time shifts too. This Soltice according to wise woman Ariel Spilsbury offers every one of us a extra super dooper opportunity to let go of any of the patterns that have been holding us back from being our biggest, brightest selves. We all have patterns, ones that we have created in this lifetime and ones that have been passed down from generation to generation from our ancestors. Yes, like it or not, your mothers, grandmothers, great grandmothers, etc. give you both their best qualities and their 'shadow' qualities.
The great news is that this Soltice there is powerful energy available to burn up and let go of any familial patterns or personal patterns that no longer serve yo u. So if you are into tapping into this mega power here's the three step process... (note: I am up to 8 releases so far, and I feel 1000 lbs lighter even after eating all those holiday cookies!)
Look at what single shadow you have carried in your life that is like a "curse" or "spell" that you have "been under", that you are truly ready to take FULL RESPONSIBILITY FOR ITS CREATION AND FULL RESPONSIBILTY FOR ITS RELEASE! What pattern has come down your family line that you have felt to be completely unable to be changed, so powerful was its "spell"? Say it out loud or close your eyes and see it in your mind and heart. Close your eyes and see all the people in your family that have had that pattern too.
Say out loud "I release the pattern of XXXX." Pause, and feel it releasing.
Take a vow that is the opposite of this negative pattern, a vow that will fill that void with a positive behavior or belief. Say out loud "I vow to .... " Pause and feel the new vow and pattern forming.
Write down both the curse/spell/pattern and the new vow/belief. And give yourself a few minutes to just BE with the feelings of it. This is a critical part of the process. It allows you to INTEGRATE. So don't go right into moving. BE for at least 3-5 minutes.
Just in case you didn't get the memo last January, Chinese astrology told us that 2009 was going to be the year of the OX. I remember reading about the OX, about how it meant hard, hard work, and I thought to myself, well how hard could hard really be? I don't know about you, but this year was FULL of hard work in every way, even for a recovering achievement junkie, professional do-er like me.
Like most achievers, each year is like a mountain for me. One that I set my sites on, imagine what the top will look like, and then go about doing whatever it takes to get to the top. And for the most part this serves me well. I accomplish a lot. I've reached some fantastic milestones. And most of you achievers I know can relate... most people are probably astounded by what you get done. BUT, before we pat ourselves on the backs too long, I have to share with you a realization I had 6 years ago that brought me face to face with the importance of taking PAUSE. Before which I gave little value to being, and was quite addicted to doing.
So here is the AHA i had ... if every year is a mountain, and I spend the year climbing and climbing it, eventually reaching the top, when do I ever get to enjoy all the hard work I just did to get to the top? If I am always onto the next mountain, when do I get to relax? And hey, don't I deserve to set up camp for a while a take in the view... wouldn't that be the wise thing to do? If the Dali Lama climbed a mountain do you think he would just keep going, or would he pause, meditate, contemplate and become even more enlightened? I am sure he wouldn't do what I had been doing which was stopping for a moment, getting a quick breath in and then get moving again up the next mountain! What I learned when that AHA smacked me in the face was this...
The wise achiever stops to take in the view, to get the lessons learned from busting our butt to get up this mountain, traveling through the crevices, plunging over ravines, and moving through gnarly rocks.
The smart achiever notices what failures happened so she can avoid them the next year.
The happy achiever stops and celebrates all of their successes, and even does a little mountain top dance. Knowing that it is this JOY that will fuel her forward into 2010.
This wise, smart, happy achiever also looks in her backpack, knowing that she has a long journey ahead of her come 2010, and looks at what she wants to leave behind and what she wants to take with her onto her new mountain journey.
Think back over your In the past year, she -- you and I -- have become different, hopefully better people. We've learned to love ourselves more. We've become more patient, nurturing, confident, sovereign, focused, happy, open, insert your particular brand of growth... In the past year, you have become stronger as a person and a spirit, and that strength is something that you get to carry with you, or that actually now gets to carry you, for the rest of your life. Achievers are notorious for thinking they have to be the ones that carry all the weight... wise achievers let momentum carry them!
Too often, we don't stop on the mountain top to recognize the parts of ourselves that have strengthened... the weaknesses that have diminished or transformed... the strengths that have become stronger. And so we don't get to use the momentum we've created to help us fuel are new year. It's way easier to measure our 'success' by $$, accolades or material things. And while these things are fantastic and to be celebrated they are things that get used up. And then you have to replenish them. But the inner parts of ourselves... when you build those, they are with you forever, and you can use them to propel yourself vs. having to be like an OX doing all the hard work!
This year take a PAUSE on your mountain top... look back on 2009 and notice who you have become, acknowledge those parts of you that have grown and shifted, and make a conscious choice about bringing those parts into the new year with you.
Use this PAUSE exercise for a guide:
Close your eyes and take yourself back to the beginning of this year. See the person that you were then. What were you doing, how were you feeling, what were your beliefs, who were the people surrounding you?
Fast forward yourself month by month - Feb, March, April... all the way to today and notice what changes in you as you go through the challenges and triumphs of this past year. Notice your character, your connection, your strengths, your perspectives and understandings, your wisdom
Write down the words, sentences, feelings of what you have amassed inside of you in 2009, qualities, strengths, wisdom, etc. that you want to take with you into 2010.
Acknowledge yourself for your growth. Give yourself a HIGH FIVE! And feel these pieces of you strongly in place, with you now for all of your life.
TWIGGLY DANGLER i couldn't find a picture of one, so I will just have to define it here for you right now. the word comes from the imagination of my teacher Ariel Spilsbury. I think it's fairy language for any kind of bad ju ju or undealt with energy that you would rather sweep under the carpet but no matter how hard you sweep, or how hard you try to ignore it, you know that 'thing' is still there.
TWIGGLY DANGLER EXAMPLES so maybe if i give you a few samples, that will help?
that unpaid bill you haven't dealt with, 401k you haven't transferred, bank account with $5 in it you haven't closed... $$ twiggly danglers cut off your flow in 2010.
that friendship, relative, co-work relationship that hit a bump sometime this year and that you haven't really straightened out. You haven't totally severed the relationship, but you are either not being straight, or you are avoiding them or the issue, or you are harboring negative energy. Let the bump between you go. Twiggly danglers in relationships stop love from coming in.
that romantic relationship that ended but that you are still hanging onto. if you have this twiggly dangler in your heart, you can kiss great love from another goodbye in 2010. Let go of as much of that person you can - old clothes, letters, and dreams.
that unsaid sentiment or feeling. whether its love or hurt, if you have unsaid words between you and another person in your life, say them. Directly, or indirectly. You can write a letter and never mail it. These unsaid words fester and keep truth and peace out of your life.
the truth about twiggly danglers is that there is NO self love present.... the energy feels yucky... and you feel lousy, guilty or drained. You'll have plenty of chances to create more in 2010, so starting the year clear and free can avoid the twiggly dangler pile up!
TWIGGLY DANGLER REMEDIES i think that many people go from one year to the next with this twigglies because let's be honest, dealing with them is uncomfortable. Dealing with twiggly danglers head on can bring up all kinds of icky feelings none of us like - shame, rejection, loneliness, disappointment. Talk about not feeling self-love! But the truth is that self-love is on the other side, if we are willing to untangle the twigglies. So this year, before 2009 ends, meet your twiggly danglers head on, just don't do it in a super public way. No one said you had to splay your twigglies out there for all to see. If it's a bill you've been neglecting, pick it up and send them $10. If it's a friend you've had a falling out with, write them a letter telling them how you feel including how much you love them and are mad at them. You don't have to ever send it. If it's a relationship that has become like an addiction, make the vow to fall in love with yourself this coming year.
You deserve your best year yet this 2010! So take PAUSE and let those twiggly danglers go.