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If you had asked me if I was a gossip and if I gossiped before yesterday, when I kicked off the Inner Mean Girl 40-day cleanse with about 6500 women, I would have given you an emphatic "NO!" I don't talk bad about people. I don't watch snarky reality TV and I (except for the occasional glance at People magazine at the airport) don't read tabloid magazines. I gave that all up along my spiritual path these last 10 years... or so I thought. And then yesterday, on Day One of our 40-Day Cleanse, gossip tried to sneak up on me. It was like I could feel it coming on like a cold, you know when you
first get that itchy throat and then all of the sudden before you know
it, you have full blown snot coming out of your nose. During an evening phone conversation with a good friend of mine, Catherine, a person who I also consider to be impeccable with her word, I relayed to her an experience I kept having that involved another woman. I asked her a question with total integrity... to try and figure out what my block was, nothing to do with the other woman. "What am I doing to create this situation?" I asked. She answered with the truth, "Nothing, the two of you just aren't supposed to be connected." And that's when I started to feel the energy of my Inner Mean Girl looming in the background, sitting in the darkness getting ready to pounce, like an energy that wanted to jump in, take charge and "Go Rouge." I felt this urge to ask Catherine, "Well why do you think that?" and I could feel that urge coming from this longing place inside of me... like some dark recess that wanted to be filled. And then on the other end of me was my Inner Wisdom screaming, "Don't do it! Don't ask that question! You will just invite the Inner Mean Girl in and she'll take us down the Rabbit Hole!" Now I wish I could tell you that in all my great will power, I resisted the urge of my Inner Mean Girl and followed my Inner Wisdom... but that's not how the story goes. The words, "Catherine, why do you think that we aren't supposed to connect?" came blurting out of my lips but in slow motion, like my Inner Mean Girl was yanking toxic taffy out of me... UGH! Like a rock hitting the pit of my stomach I felt the toxin of those words and it was like I could see this big movie marquee in lights flashing "GOSSIP! GOSSIP! READ ALL ABOUT IT!!" Now here is where I did turn things around and tap into the power of this 40-day Inner Mean Girl Cleanse. I had AWARENESS that what I was about to engage in, what I honestly started to engage in, was toxic self-sabotaging Gossip! It what I am now dubbing "Sneaky Gossip." This variety of gossip didn't look like blantantly talking poorly about someone or putting someone down, but make no mistake about it, in some way I was trying to make myself feel better by talking about someone else, and that IS gossip. So I used the self-love tool of Awareness that I learned, and that we teach in Inner Mean Girl Reform School, and that SARK taught us about on our launch call, to take back the power of my words from my Inner Mean Girl - ripped the steering wheel of the conversation right out of her hands - and said to Catherine, 'You know, you are right. It's okay we aren't connecting. I think what she is doing is great. And I am on the right path for me." And in that instant you know what happened??? That hole that had been trying to be filled by my IMG with gossip, instantly filled with self-love from the Good Talk, and I felt GREAT about me and totally unattached to everything else. Way better than I would have felt if I had gone down the toxic rabbit hole and continued spewing ick from my lips. This experience of Sneaky Gossip caused me to write a Facebook Post asking people this question: If gossip was a color or a substance coming out of your mouth, what do you suppose it would look, feel, or taste like? The answers made me smile and cracked me up - and I've included a few of them here so that you can get a better handle on when Sneaky Gossip is sneaking up on you! Even when the gossip is super subtle, you can still feel the toxin leaking from your lips... - Like eating too much cotton candy, looks like it might be tasty buts feels yucky and sick.
- Boogers
- When I was a kid (in the 80s) they had a toy called "slime" and it was
green and came in a little plastic garbage can and it's sole purpose
was that you took it out of the can and held it and it was cold and wet
and slimy. That's gossip!
I invite you to join me and over 6000 women and growing as we give up Gossip and 5 other of the most self-sabotaging habits of our Inner Mean Girls! Imagine the impact we can have on our lives and on the world. To join us for the FREE! cleanse, go to http://www.meangirlcleanse.comAnd to get more scoop on this SNEAKY GOSSIP check out our Video Blog about what Gossip really is...
 When someone asks you how you are, do you ever say "I am so busy! Or good but busy." Try it now. Stop and say that word, "busy" over and over. Busy. Busy. Busy. Busy. Busy. How do you feel when you say busy? It makes me feel all wound up. No wonder since some of the definitions of busy Include "not at leisure; otherwise engaged" and "officious; meddlesome; prying."
When you say the word busy and busy over again, you can actually feel the vibration of the word, it's is like a bee buzzing all over the place. Remember bees are always busy buzzing. No time for play. They just work and work and work until the queen bee kills them. Not a good deal! Love Fact:
Words matter. Words are sound and sound is vibration and vibration is energy. It's like sonar that you send out into the universe from your voice box. The words we speak send out a vibration that tells the universe who we are and what we want. If you use the word 'busy' you in effect, telling the universe you have too much to deal with and you don't want any more. So if you don't like what you are doing and what is filling your time, use the word busy. It has a negative vibration that will tell the universe, "I am doing lots of things that are keeping me from what I really want to be doing." And the universe will help you take those things away. But, if you like what you are doing yet sometimes feel like it's a lot, say something more like, "My life is really full right now, and I love everything that I am doing... and I could use some playtime!" Then the universe will gift you with that playtime instead of taking away what you love. It's more words to say, but it's worth every syllable.
What you need:1. clarity on how you really love to spend your time 2. a willingness to be your own word police... listening for when you use the word 'busy' 3. a willingness to try different words and notice their impact on how you feel and what you create Actions- Make the commitment. Say out loud, "I give up the word busy."
- Go on word police alert. Notice when you use the word 'busy' to describe your current life state.
- When you say 'busy' notice how you feel and the energy it creates ... does it make you feel good or does it close you down?
- Experiment with other words. When someone asks you, "How's life?" Instead of saying "Busy." Say, "It's really full right now. I am loving what I am doing and I could use some playtime." Notice the difference in how that feels.
- Keep experimenting.
- After a week of experimenting, notice what you've learned. And take the vow again, "I give up the word busy." This time stick to it.
To get more self-love tips, download a free copy of the Madly in Love with ME Kit at http://www.madlyinlovewithme.com
 When was the last time you picked up a football and kicked it across the yard and yelled "Score!" ... or did a cartwheel, handstand or somersault in the grass ... or skipped down the street singing your favorite song... (without looking around to see if anyone was watching.) How many years has it been since you put your hair in pigtails and left the house? Or pulled out your makeup case and experimented for fun pretending like you were a runway model? Or picked up Mr. Microphone and slid across the floor Risky Business style singing your favorite song? Or made fart noises with your armpit (okay well maybe you never did that but I always thought it was so funny)? If you are like most of us 'adults' walking around in our busy lives, the answer is "It's been far too long!" Somewhere between the age of 7 and 37 we get all bunched up and laden down with all kinds of rules, social norms and what I call 'robes of repression' that stop us from just letting ourselves totally go, with wild abandon, to experience the pure joy that comes from playing. Somehow we let seriousness and busy-ness take over the giggles. We let our to-dos take over our lives. And we start believing and living so many of the lies the love stealers told us growing up... "Don't be silly. You can't play until your work is done. Don't do that in public, what will people think?" We take our little girl, tell her to behave, be good, be responsible and act like a lady, and in effect we rob ourselves of the pure love that comes from letting ourselves just play! So today I dare you to liberate your little girl, to set her free to play with total freedom, to express and laugh and play. Today I dare you to... THE DARE: PURE PLAY
Do Something You Haven't Done Since You Were A Little Girl
Close your eyes and remember being 5, 7, 11 when fun didn't involve credit cards. See yourself smiling, feeling great, just having fun. What are you doing? What are you feeling? If it felt good then, chances are it will feel good today, if you let yourself fully experience it. It might take you a little bit to get through the robes of repression to fully experience the joy, but I double dog dare you to do be your little girl again and do whatever it is that fills you up with pure joy, so much so that any of that adult worry, stress, or anxiety melts away, if even only for a short time. The more you keep letting play in, I promise the more that other gunk will stay away. Just in case your memory is a little foggy due to those heavy robes of repression, here are some PURE PLAY ideas. Pick one, heck pick three or four, or do them all. Be crazy! - TWIRL. Twirl a baton or a baton like object. Make your own baton even.
- SKIP. Skip down a busy sidewalk alone or with a friend. When you skip you have to smile, it just happens. In fact there is an entire skipping movement started by my friend and publicist Kim Corbin, check it out http://www.iskip.com
- DRESS UP. Play dress up in your closet or a friends. Or go to a store and play. Mix and match stuff you never would. Try on stuff that you never would.
- CLIMB. Climb a tree, a fence or even a rock wall, with no agenda and no judgment. Just for fun.
- MAKE UP. Pretend you are a model with different looks from the runway. Crimp your hair like from the 80s. Make your face a painting. Go red lipstick and smoky eyes.
- FLIP. Okay, maybe your backflip days are over, but do a cartwheel, handstand or somersault in the grass. After you do it, stop and notice how you feel (besides any body part that may slightly hurt).
- HOPSCOTCH. Get some chalk and get ready for Sky Blue! Make a hopscotch and do it in public!
- Miss MARY MAC. If you dig way down deep I bet you remember one of those slap your hands and sing things you used to do on the playground. Find a friend and have at it.
- PIGTAILS & PINK. Guaranteed to bring out your little girl... put in some pigtails and put on some pink. And then go out the town, without a care for what anyone thinks.
- COLOR. A instant soul soother. Head to the stores, get your coloring books and box of 48 and have a ball coloring inside and outside the lines.
- WEAR PJS WITH FEET. Had to throw this one in.
To get more self-love dares, download a free copy of the Madly in Love with ME Kit at http://www.madlyinlovewithme.com
 I started meditating about 8 years ago when my therapist suggested I try this daily pause thing. I remember trying to empty my mind and do the meditation the 'right' way - so type A of me! Of course I failed miserably, or so I thought. I couldn't keep my mind quiet. I fell asleep and would wake up with drool running down my cheek. I would fidget and feel like I wanted to jump out of my skin. I would think to myself, "This being business is overrated. I've got stuff to do." And then my therapist enlightened me to the fact that 1. There is no right way to meditate. 2. The goal wasn't to have no thoughts, it was to experience the thoughts that came and let them go and 3. That I didn't have to do it like a Buddhist monk, I had options! So he gave me a CD of meditation music. I remember the CD cover, it was blue with a giant sunflower on it. I love sunflowers. So I started listening to the music when I would attempt my meditations and you know what, I loved it! No more falling asleep, no more drool and lots of peace and insight. Today, 8 years later, I meditate every morning for about 5 minutes, as a check in with me. I never ever leave the house without doing it. Once, about 5 years ago, I was in a hurry to get to work at my corporate job and I skipped the meditation. On the way to work I got a traffic ticket. I had to stop at the drug store because I forgot my tampons at home (ugh!), so I was late to work anyway. Later that afternoon, I turned a Vice President's face red. And I got in a huge fight with my boyfriend. Lesson learned! Over the years, I have added and subtracted other daily pause practices, some of which I have listed here as ideas for you to create your daily pause practice. It matters less about what you do and much more about how you do it and that you do it EVERYDAY. My daily practices have changed my life. I am able to do more, be more and create more because of them. They are just important to me as putting on my clothes, taking a shower and eating, because they are fuel for my spirit. No, I wasn't taught the importance of these, society didn't honor them, and my doing addict monster often tried to override them, but what those spiritual masters told me was true. I need a daily pause practice. It truly is the difference between my happiness and success and not. We all need a daily pause practice, and I dare you right now, if you don't have one to create and commit to one, and do it everyday! And if you do have one, I dare you to re-commit to it everyday, or ask yourself if there is a new daily pause practice that you need right now. Two months ago I added an hour a day of chanting to my daily pause practice, and it has elevated my life to a whole new level. Before I made that discovery I would have told you that you were crazy if you thought I was going to chant an hour a day. Today, I crave it like chocolate and can't imagine my life without it.
THE DARE
Do A Daily Pause Practice
everyday, yes everyday
Potential Daily Pauses... Try them on and find what's best for you!
- Meditate. There are about a jillion ways to meditate, and I recommend you try a bunch to see what fits for you. Check out your local Buddhist organization. Get a meditation CD. Try Wayne Dyer's meditation called Into the Gap. Try the tried and true method of closing your eyes, sitting and breathing and when thoughts show up, just see them as clouds passing through your head. Do a visualization meditation where you envision something you would like to happen in your life as if it is a movie playing in your head. Listen to your breath and count up to 8 each time you take inhale and exhale. Pick a time every day to meditate and stick to it. I think morning is the best time, before you do any work. It will center you and connect you to yourself. Also, try meditating in the evening before you go to bed. It's a great way to relax.
- Mantra. Also known as affirmations, these are sentences or phrases that positively affirm something you want to call into your life or aspects of yourself that you want to change. They are always in the positive tense, meaning they never include words like 'not,' 'no' or 'don't.' You repeat them at specific times throughout the day, and for a specific number of times. For example, for a period of a year, every morning while walking my dog I would say out loud "I love Christine" 50 times. Today I have an affirmation that is about 7 sentences long that includes the vision for my life and business. I say it every morning and every night.
- Journal. Whether you write or draw or both, get a journal and some pens or markers and put yourself on the page. Write out your thoughts, write a letter to yourself or ask a question and write whatever comes in response. Some people do this as soon as they wake up, before even getting out of bed, others every night before they go to sleep. The key is that it's not like a diary where you just tell what you did all day, it is about getting deeper into what you are feeling and experiencing. It's journaling to discover more about you or to get answers to questions you have. When it's really working, it's almost like someone else is writing through you. Some people call it automatic writing. It's really cool!
- Chanting. Sound vibration is a powerful way to clear away all the yuck that can get stuck on you throughout the day. It also helps you get aligned to your center so that you can gain clarity about your life. It is also works to draw life opportunities to you, for as you chant, visions and ideas will start to fall into you, and the sound coming out of your mouth acts like a giant sonar machine attracting what you desire to you. There are lots of chanting CDs. Do a search for Kirtan music or Sadhana Mantra music and use your intuition to help you find the chant that is perfect for you.
- Walking. You don't have to sit like a Buddha under a Bodhi tree to meditate. You can actually use walking, when you do it consciously, as a meditation. The idea here is to be totally present to the steps that you are taking one by one, literally feeling your feet hit the ground, step by step. As you focus on the steps, your thoughts will start to fade into the background, and often times the surroundings around you will come more alive. You can try this in nature and start to notice things about the trees, birds and sky that you never did before. You can also do it in the midst of a city and you will start to realize all kinds of things that you never saw before. Focus on the steps and your feet hitting the ground, and be aware of what happens inside and outside of you.
- Body Movement. Dance, yoga, trance dancing, ecstatic dance, five movements dance... using your body coupled with music or with breath can be a fantastic way to take pause. You can Google any of these types of dance and find events you can participate in your city. Or you can make your own practice like I did. About two years ago, I made my daily pause practice dancing in my driveway to three India Arie songs every morning for 6 months. The melodies would pump through my IPOD and I would sing out loud from the depths of my heart and soul. I am sure my neighbors thought I was nuts, but I didn't care. After that 10 minute pause I felt totally alive and ready to meet the world. Body movement like this opens your heart in a way nothing else can. Find music that opens up your heart and soul, and challenge yourself to move freely and fully to it every morning, without a care in the world to how you look or sound. It's so freeing!
To get more love dares, download a free copy of the Madly in Love with ME Kit at www.madlyinlovewithme.com
 There are sources of pure love all over this planet - babies, animals, flowers, trees, stars - that you can use to let love into your heart, and experience the high that comes with feeling pure love. Taking in a hit of pure love is an instant way to expand your love quotient.
Love Fact: Experiencing pure love goes right through your protection layers to open up your heart, which ultimately lets more love in
What you need:
1. a list of pure love sources
2. a heightened awareness of the love sources that are right in front of your face every day
3. a willingness to take a pause during your 'busy' day to feel the love from the pure love source
The actions:
1. Make a list of 10 sources of pure love. These are the most innocent, non-threatening things on the planet to you, which make you smile or warm your heart. See the list below for some starter ideas.
2. Carry the list with you and every day make it a point to notice when one of these pure love sources appears.
3. When a pure love source appears, literally stop what you are doing and connect with it by:
4. Imagine letting the love into your heart.
5. Actually feel your heart expand.
6. Smile.
7. Feel your love quotient expand.
8. Say thank you.
9. Go forward into your day with gratitude for experiencing that pure love.
Pure Love Sources
1. Babies
2. Puppies and Dogs
3. Kittens and Cats
4. Okay, any animal other than those that scare you
5. Flowers and plants - seriously, look at how beautiful and perfect a flower is sometime
6. Trees
7. A hug
8. A person skipping
9. The ocean
10. Stars
11. The moon
12. Blowing bubbles
13. Dark chocolate savored while eating (who could argue?)
Two months ago I had a moment. You know one of those moments when you have just had enough. Frustration. Exasperation. A realization that enough is enough and it's time to make a change. After 38 years of walking around this earth with negative thoughts in my head or spewing out of my mouth I decided that I had had it. I was over this negative crud and what it was doing to me. In that moment I knew there was only one thing to do, give it up. And within 10 seconds I had uttered eight words that completely changed my life. Those words were: "I give up ALL negative thinking and talking." I can still remember the moment, dressed in my Lululemon yoga clothes, I had this visceral experience that felt like waves echoing around me, sending out the sonar that shift was afoot and a new sheriff was in town. Moments before I had just finished a very harsh mental workout, the kind that used to take  place in my head, and that consisted of me beating myself with dumbbells for how much I sucked... or kept me spinning in my head like in a spin class to nowhere, unable to gain any traction. Beaten down, I was just about ready to strip myself down completely and throw myself into what I call 'the muddy, all-consuming pool of suffering' aka the black hole of self-love, void of all self-love. But then something stopped me from flailing my body and soul into that nasty and all too familiar pool. Maybe it was the books I had been reading by authors like Napoleon Hill or Jack Canfield. Or the zillion interviews I had listened over the weeks prior given by successful people (really successful, which to me means spiritually, physically, emotionally and financially). Whatever finally clicked I stopped myself from a pattern that I had repeated over and over again in various ways my whole life... and said NO MORE! I give up ALL negative thinking and talking. It's been two months, and I have to say giving up the negative thinking and talking addiction has changed my life. I am happier. I have more energy. Fantastic opportunities are coming my way that I could never have imagined. My life feels full, not busy. I am enjoying my life more, the one I am having right now. Situations that before would have caused me to spin, judge myself, over analyze, paralyze, whatever unproductive waste of energy I was engaged in, have become ways for me to love myself vs. hurt myself. If that sounds like something you could use too, I dare you to say those same 8 words and stick to it. You CAN change your entire life... in just 8 words. THE DARE
I give up ALL negative thinking and talking
 WHAT IT LOOKS & FEELS LIKE- I only say nice things about myself. If there is something I don't like, I love myself through it. I admit I don't like it and then ask myself, "How can I change it. I focus on making ME the person I want to become.
- If I say something mean about me, I don't criticize myself for saying something mean (that's double negative thinking!). I notice it, realize that I am learning, and I choose different words.
- I make everything in my life as an opportunity to learn, realizing that no one but me asked me to be perfect and that is just plain ridiculous. I smile at being ridiculous.
- I don't compare myself to anyone else.
- I don't judge other people. If there is something in them I don't like, I ask "What is it about me that I don't really?" Then love that part of you.
- I don't gossip.
- If I don't have something nice to say about someone, I say nothing.
- I abstain from taking in any negative energy. I avoid negative news, conversations and people.
- I am not a pie in the sky Pollyanna. I am realistically optimistic woman who understands that my thoughts, words and actions create my reality (and I'd prefer a great one)
GIVING UP ADDICTION: ACTION THAT HELPS
- Get A Freedom Buddy. Take the vow to be free from negative talk and thought with a friend, your partner, your daughter, your dog... someone that can be there to be a lifeline for you when you stumble and who can laugh with you along the way.
- Be Super Aware. Notice your energy every time you have a negative thought. What does your body feel like? Notice the energy coming out of your mouth when you have negative talk. What does it feel like, smell like, look like? Words and thoughts are energy. I guarantee once you start tapping into the toxicity of negative ones and their affect on you, you'll want to stop.
- Start and Do a Daily Practice. Mediate, chant, go for walks in nature, anything that boosts your energy fields up, that gets you out of just your head and into your heart and body. Any spiritual teacher will tell you, a daily practice is a must have. You can't afford not to take the time to have one. Your life depends on it.
- Be Super Aware of Success & Get Witnessed. Notice the changes that start to occur, because they will. Talk about your insights, successes, and shifts with your freedom buddy. Find others who have freed themselves or are in process and share with them. Being witnessed in this shift is hugely important.
Inspiring Resources... we were never meant to take this journey alone, so give yourself some self-love and check out there inspiring books and teachers who can really help you give up that negative talk and thought for good. Napoleon Hill - Think and Grow Rich, 21st CenturyJack Canfield - The Secrets of SuccessAnd for more ideas and dares on how to fall more in love with yourself, get your Free Madly in Love with ME Kit at http://www.madlyinlovewithme.com
Zany, yet proven,
Love Tip #21:
Date Yourself
Some people say they date or marry their best friend. What if that person was best friend #2, and you were best friend #1?
Love Fact: The fastest way to becoming your own best friend is to spend time with her, lots of it. You'll learn more about yourself than you ever knew.
What you need:
1. ideas for dates, things that you would really love to do 2. a willingness to do them alone, even if that means people stare at you, feel sorry for you or put their weirdo judgments on you 3. a force field against such people (listen if you are eating alone at a spendy romantic restaurant out of choice, who cares what they think!)
The actions:
First steps:
1. Make a list of 10 places you want to go, activities you want to try, events you want to attend over the next 6 months. 2. Pick three to start with - one that's easy, one that's exciting, and one that seems a little scary or weird to do on your own. 3. Schedule the actual dates with yourself and put them on the calendar.
Pre Dates:
4. Take any action required to make the date happen, just like a good date would.
Day of Dates:
5. Prepare for the date like you would if someone was picking you up. Look your best. Feel your best. Dance around your living room. 6. Be with yourself completely. Not on the blackberry, cell phone or computer. Treat yourself like you would expect a date to treat you. How would you feel if they started texting during dinner? 7. Talk to yourself, out loud or silently. Notice what you like, dislike. Smile at your quirks. 8. Do the little things that are going to make you happy. Buy dessert and share it with yourself. Pay extra for a better seat.
Post Dates:
9. Come home, put your favorite jammies on, make some tea and turn on some soul happy music. (recommended India Arie) 10. Journal about your date. What did you love? What did you learn? 11. Go to sleep happy knowing that you really are a fantastic woman!
Tip testimonial:
I actually went out on a date with myself today like you
suggested in your book. It did feel awkward but I will get the hang of
it the more I do it... it is the best therapy I have ever received! -- Val
For more great ideas on how to fall even more in love with yourself, get a free Madly in Love with ME Kit at http://madlyinlovewithme.com
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