The other day I was talking with one of my long-time clients... a fellow recovering achievement junkie like myself, who was totally stoked about the new job he landed recently - a promotion, more direct reports, more money and more travel - but realized that once again he was falling back into old achievement junkie patterns. So I asked him to run down his entire day for me. He ran me through his entire treadmill routine... emailing before brushing his teeth, no time for meditating, yoga or breathing much for that matter, skipping lunch (no time) or eating it while glued to the computer screen, maybe getting in dinner before 7pm and finding little time for fun and friends without his fifth appendage (his iphone) distracting his attention and pulling him into the vortex of 'to dos'. Other than the people he worked with, he and his computer were having his most intimate relationship.
What struck me in our conversation was that this entire cycle of achievement junkie behavior (which admittedly I used to fall into myself) started from the moment that he opened his eyes. It starts that way for all of us. From the moment we open our eyes, the choices we make in how we spend the first hour of waking determine the flow of the rest of our day... and determine whether that day becomes one that nourishes our body and soul treating them like the temple they are, or whether it becomes another day that our bodies and souls become slaves to all the 'to do's' of the day. Even if those to dos are things that we enjoy, is being a slave through them really want we want?
So I got curious - that's what us coaches do, we ask silly questions to see what pops up. I asked my achiever client and his workhorse body, tell me the first 3 things you do as soon as you wake up. I was super curious about what he was putting into his body before he even stepped out the door... this was his answer:
Coffee. I make a cup of coffee and start drinking it. Okay, check caffeine and adreneline taken care of.
Cigarette. I go outside and have a smoke. Okay, check, breath, albeit full of nicotine and toxins, but breath none the less.
Computer. I go to the computer, check email and surf the net. Great, information filling the brain, check.
The three C's! Wow. We took a moment to pause after he answered the question, and I asked him,"So what do you notice?" Another vague but sneaky coaching question. And his answer, "I am fueling my body with toxic junk before I ever leave my house. No wonder I crash about 11am, have more coffee, skip lunch alot, and then by 4pm I am dead tired, and have no energy for fun, friends or taking care of me." I pointed out the fact that he had infact made his body into a sweat factory. And he agreed, 'It's like here you go body have some porridge and get back to work!"
The thing that I love most working with achievers is that once they realize that something isn't working they will jump full in to making a change.
So I invited my client to join us all on the My Body is My Moving Temple 40-day self love practice, and went on to invite him to make his first order of self love practice to change the first three things that went into his body everyday to...
1. Breakfast Tea. My acupuncturist told me that putting something warm into your body first things was the best way to tell your body, hello, its time to wake up. Welcome to the day. He also told me that coffee was the devil to your body temple, and even with clients who smoked, he asked them to give up coffee first. That says alot. Turns out that my client already had lots of great herbal tea and a good tea cup (the cup is super important. get one you love. My cup says I LOVE ME on it, of course!). I am a big fan of Mighty Leaf teas, Gypsy Tea and Yogi Teas myself... Licorice is my fave! By breakfast tea, I mean herbal, not black liquid.
2. Breath. Sans toxins begotten from puffing on the smoke stick. Just sit, set the timer on your stove, Iphone or blackberry for 3 minutes and breathe. In and out. Everyone can do this, no training required. You can get fancy and do alternate nostril breathing, where you plug one nostril while leaving the other open and then switch. Or you can do more advanced yogic techniques like breath of fire. But most importantly just close your eyes and breathe!
3. Breakfast Shake. I've already written about how trading in my breakfast sausage for a breakfast shake has changed my life... in fact i am sipping tea and a shake right now. I do them together. Fill it with super foods. Its portable. All you need to do is shop for food, get a blender and you are good to go! An achievers dream.
BONUS... I also added a fourth part of this self love practice, and that was taking a half day every week with no computer, no iphone, and only personal phone calls. He chose Sunday mornings til 2pm. A good choice, I myself have Christine Morning every Sunday, and it's better than chocolate!
My client accepted the invitation of 4 B's instead of 3 C's for fueling his body temple every morning. And on Sunday, after 2pm, I got an email saying he was 2 days in, successful! Gosh, I love achievers!
So now, you and YOUR body temple. Here is my invitation to you.
1. Write down the first three things you do each morning. 2. Write down the first three things you fuel your body temple with each morning. 3. Make a conscious choice to change whatever fuel you are putting in that is not treating your body like the temple she/he is. 4. Listen to this weeks Self Love Studio interview with Dr. Deanna Minich on Fueling Your Body Temple. You'll learn lots about your energy system, about cravings and about what you put in is what comes out. My favorite line from her book is this...
THE BOTTOM LINE IS THIS... EAT THE ENERGY THAT YOU WANT TO BECOME!
Only a week into the My Body is My Temple self-love practice I've come upon the most disturbing realization.... I've been scheduling my body out of my life for years. No wonder I don't ever feel like I have 'time' to do the things I need to take care of my body... it's only when she acts up or doesn't perform that I pay any attention to her at all.
WOW! Sitting here with this realization of my self-created self-love sabotage, how I wish that I could blame the fact that I never have time for my body on some all-powerful Calendar God who has taken control of my calendar, making it impossible for me to find me time... and making it inconvenient at best to find time to take care of this thing called a body. But the fact is that it is I, me, Christine, who over and over again seems to schedule myself right out of my own life.
That became crystal clear to me last weekend when I found myself at my acupuncturist office on a Saturday morning. I really needed to be in that office four days prior, on Wednesday when the immense pressure and tight stress that had been sitting in my shoulders for days, suddenly moved its way into the entire right side of my body, from my finger to my toe, causing my arm and leg to feel like dead weights vs. healthy active limbs. But when I looked at my schedule and compared it to the open office hours, there was no space for me. My calendar was full of commitments to other people... all great stuff, and all things I love, but all things that meant there would be no time for my body until Saturday.
So my temple and I did the best we could, asking my generous guy Noah to give us spontaneous massages before bedtime, just to do something with the stuck energy sitting in our body. And on Saturday, I made it to see Dr. Feng, After many needles, he said what he often says to me, wise man that he is, "Christine, you must take care of yourself too. When you give and give to everyone else you will have nothing left for yourself.' "Yes, Dr. Feng," I thought, "I have heard that before." But this time I went on to think, "Well, why is it that those words never make it past the Taoist zen of his office?"
And then the Calendar God spoke... or maybe it was my Inner Wisdom that responded, "Uh, because you never schedule yourself into your life. You schedule yourself out of your life, by scheduling everyone and everything else in first." Ahhh! Ancient Chinese Secret! Yes, I get it.
Seeing my life through this new self love lens of "My Body As My Temple" suddenly I got something that I had been missing about this sage advice from Dr Feng. While I was vastly improved on taking me time to do something I enjoyed, I hardly ever took time explicitly for my temple.
My Epiphany... taking time for ME wasn't enough, i have to take ME Temple Time too!
The 40-day self love practice of "Taking Care of ME" that I did from January through Feb 13th had made an impact: I improved at taking ME TIME when it came to 'doing' something I want to do. I could read a book, or start work a little later without guilt.
it didn't address taking care of my BODY, she was still an after thought.
Scheduling time to take care of my body, to do the things SHE wants and needs, hmmm, that hardly ever makes the list. In fact it only seems to make the list when my body and her needs have reached the place of dire straights. Like, my toenail polish is currently half missing... my dentist appointment rescheduled twice.... my refrigerator on it's way to barren... and don't get me started on the underwear again...
And wait, the self-sabotage becomes even more clear... when I walked out of the treatment room at Dr. Fengs on Saturday... I approached the receptionist and said with pride, "I would like to schedule my next appointment with Dr. Feng" (thinking to myself, okay Calendar God, we are going to schedule this temple first!)...
"In fact," I went on to say with pride, "I would like to schedule my WEEKLY appointments for the next month to support My Body as My Temple self love practice."
Her face smiled, my face smiled, both full of happy at the thought of my body receiving such love. And then... my Iphone emerged with news that announced, "You can't do Tuesday, you can't do Thursday, you can't even do next Saturday... you have no body time availability to see Dr. Feng for a week and a half!"
How can that be I thought as I looked again and again at the days and times, asking that poor receptionist at least 10 times, so when again are your office hours? Again and again I searched, and there was nothing. And that is when it struck me...
Christine, you have scheduled yourself right out of your life!
And you know, as much as I hate to admit it, that statement is true. If I am honest, then I have to admit that I have never made my body a priority. It has always been a "thing" I needed to take care of.... And usually only after it acted up in some way. You think I would have gotten to see Dr. Feng if she hadn't started acting up this week. Honestly, no.
And that makes me sad. 1. That I would think of my body as a thing vs a temple. 2. That I would call her an 'it'. And 3. That I haven't made her ME TIME a priority.
Well thank goodness for this 40-day self-love practice, My Body is My Temple!!! Because now I am actually aware of a pattern I didn't really understand. Yes, I am much better at taking ME TIME, but wow, I still have some shifts to make in ME TEMPLE TIME.
So you know what my first action was after I sat their frantically trying to find 'time' on my Iphone calendar while the very very kind receptionist watched me, "I surrendered. I said, okay, next week is what it is. And, the week after I start my ME TEMPLE TIME with Dr. Feng weekly. And I scheduled my body right into my calendar for the entire month of April! And then, wait, I went one step further, I came home and instead of picking up my computer and going right to work, I laid in bed and let the magic of Dr. Feng Temple Time soak in. I am shifting... more self-love on the scene!
I have always been a big believer that how you feel on the inside is how you feel on the outside. And when it when it comes to my spirit and soul - I get an A+. 9 years of personal exploration, a daily practice and a lifetime commitment to being connected to and serving a source much bigger than I. The core of my being, my spirit and soul feel pretty good.
However, when I go from the spirit/soul level to the inside of my physical and very human body, my grade slips because I do really love red wine and cheese. But I still give myself a solid B... and getting better every day as my body becomes my temple over these next 40 days.
But now let's go two layers out -past the epidermal layer to the layer that sits on top of it... my underwear, and Houston we currently have a problem!
I have always believed that feeling good from the inside out included how the clothes under my clothes felt. Old and comfy grandma-like underwear... feel old, comfy and tired. Mismatched or uncomfortable bras and panties... not operating or looking my best on the outside. And we won't even mention the ones who've become faded, holey, or a relic from history.
Think about it... when you put on your best underwear or your super fun panties don't you feel fabulous?
And when you put those, let's just call them 'other' underwear, do you feel any kind of good at all?
Yesterday, I found myself looking through my underwear drawer noticing that my supply had dwindled to two pairs of 'feel good and sexy,' three pairs of 'fun and free' and many pairs of 'other.' Which I might not have noticed, had I not been getting dressed to go to an appointment with my personal stylist at Nordstrom's. I thought that I had chose a cross between feel good and fun undergarment, up until I found myself in the Nordstrom's dressing room removing my jeans and shirt to slip on a designer dress, and to my complete horror... I discover I have a hole in my panties! Ahh!!!
Not big, not even that noticeable, but a hole in my panties. The panties on my temple! And my temple says to me, in the most loving voice (quietly so no one else could hear thank goodness), "Really Christine, this is an unacceptable adornment for a temple... and for you. Where is the self-love? I am calling for an Underwear Revolution!
The Underwear Revolution...
on search for fun, super-powered panties.
After successfully finding and buying the cutest black and white spring dress, I beelined myself to the lingerie department. What I quickly realized is that I had just walked into a huge jungle of underwear! Trees and tress of panties, bushes of bras, and the occasional tiger striped slip lurking in the distance. I was overwhelmed!
Nylon. Cotton. Rayon blend. G-string. Boy short. Full panty. Lace. Bows. Seamless. White. Bright Pink. Multi-colored. And I won't even get into the bushels of bras! All I wanted was some fun, super-powered panties and now I found myself feeling like I used to feel when I would go to buy wine... staring at the rows and rows of bottles, feeling rather uneducated, not wanting to make a mistake, and ultimately just closing my eyes, trusting my intuition and hoping for the best!
Something in my intuition said not to approach buying my fun super-powered panties this way... that it would pay to take some time to make choices that would make MY temple happy, which may or may not be the same for another woman.
I didn't buy a single pair of panties that day... but I did come up with some rules about what my temple wants from the fabric that sits between her skin and the clothing the world sees. I am going to sit with these proclamations... do a little more research... and then when I am ready, wave the flag to start the Underwear Revolution.
Proclamations for the Underwear Revolution
My temple wants to breathe - she doesn't want to be suffocated.
My temple wants to feel super-powerful - not like she is wearing a diaper.
My temple wants to be fun and free - not dowdy and constricted
My temple doesn't like things crawling into crevices they don't belong - she likes things in their right place, that feel good.
My temple wants to have choices about how she wants to feel on any given day - sassy, super powered, fun, sensitive, sexy, sporty, free.
My temple wants to be adorned with beauty, always, and appreciates the care and self-love I put into every piece of fabric I put on her, as much as she appreciates every morsel of food I put in her.
I am SO enjoying the conversation I am having with my temple about our Underwear Revolution. And it feels so much better than the way I would have approached this before: Picked a few underwear from the rack, not paid attention to the $$, hoped for the best when I got home, and probably been half happy and half disappointed... ultimately creating guilt for spending too much money, stress from not knowing the right decision to make, and judgment about how I should know better to repeat this not self-loving pattern.
It's only Day 4 of the My Body is My Temple Self-Love practice, and all ready I have more self love! Who would have thought you could get that from a pair of underwear!!
Trading 40-Days of Sacrifice for 40-Days of Self-Love!
I had a revelation today on Lent that has nothing to do with religion, but has everything to do with using the power of the universe, or as I am referring to it this year... SOURCE. Remembering that this is the year I use the energy of the season vs. trying to be my own generator system, I saw a great synchronicity between three things - Madly in Love with ME Day, Lent and self love.
First Lent -- Growing up Catholic, I was taught that Lent -- the 40 days of time before Easter -- was all about giving up something you loved for 40-days, a personal symbol of sacrifice. Now I am not sure if I translated that correctly or not, but when I look back at the things I usually gave up - sugar, alcohol, smoking, lying -- what I see now is that what I always gave up was something that wasn't good for me anyway. And although at the time (because I had these not so good habits) it really did feel like some kind of sacrifice. But, what is SO apparent now is that what I was giving up wasn't a sacrifice, I was releasing a bad habit, and that was really good for my soul! The truth was that these substances or behaviors I lived with the other 320+ days of the year, kept me separate from the universe, source, god, whatever you want to call it, and without them I was better off.
Second Madly in Love with ME Day -- What I didn't know growing up - but that I know and use now in my self-love teachings - is that the number 40 is SUPER powerful and it has nothing to do with religious background. The yogis, metaphysicians and brain scientists all agree that if you can do anything for 40 days, you can change patterns, break habits and free yourself. On February 13th - the international day of self-love - I asked every woman in the room with me at the Claremont Resort and Spa to take the challenge of doing a 40-day self-love practice called "Taking Care of ME" which is a practice that makes it easier for us women to take care of ME as well as make a difference and take care of what and who we love -- without exhausting ourselves or feeling guilty.
The practice is this: Every morning before you get out of bed, ask yourself the question... "What do I need to do to take care of ME today?" And whatever it says... you have to do it! No matter what. Especially if feels like 'no way I don't have time. It's the only way to break the crazy patterns in your head.
I myself finished this Taking Care of ME 40-day self-love practice on February 13th (I'd never ask you to do anything I hadn't tried first) and it has changed my life!! Doing this practice broke some pretty deeply ingrained patterns in me. Of course I knew I wanted to take care of myself - we all know that. But my brain couldn't seem to find the 'time.' The problem I learned was not 'time' ... the problem was deep conditioning in me that stemmed from a basic lack of trust that if I wasn't 'DOING' it, it wasn't happening. After 40 days of challenging myself to do life differently, my brain now understands that when I take care of me, stop doing, create space and relax, I get more done because the universe chimes in and helps (along with lots of other people!).
Self-Love, Lent & 40 Days -- So now back to this energy that is SO available for each of us right now - no matter what your beliefs or background are.,I say, lets use Lent as a 40-day period that can be about letting go of patterns that are not self-loving. Let's make it about letting more love into our lives vs. all that hard work, toil and sacrifice business. Many spiritual leaders say that LOVE is the most powerful thing in the universe... not misery or suffering. That LOVE has the potential to change the world, and therefore each one of our lives.
So when you look forward at the next 40-days, what pattern do you want to let go of ... or what energy do you want to invite in to your life... that will bring MORE SELF LOVE to you?
How about the Take Care of ME self-love practice?? or I'm doing a 40-day practice of RECEIVING, where I am repatterning myself to be a better receiver, by using the lens of "Am I receiving?" for every request, offer or situation I find myself in. or A 40-day practice of the Comparison Diet, where you give up comparing yourself to everyone else, including yourself. No judgments or comparisons, just self-love.
Whichever practice you choose, I invite you do so from the energy of self love vs. sacrifice. The energy in which you do anything has the biggest impact on the outcome... just think about it... how much happier and successful are you when you do something out of love vs. when you have to give something up?
Give yourself the gift of the self-love, starting today... and we'll all check in with each other along the way, celebrating in 40-days with the rebirth of a greater SELF than when we started.
